Tag: freelancer

Freelance Reflections #100

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As the end of my first year training to be an Art Psychotherapist comes to an end, I don’t feel like I have fully accepted it. I can’t imagine how I would feel at the end of the three years, and I feel more anxious than I’ve ever felt about qualifying. Still, I have a summer where I can read and see some of my fellow course-mates.

Invigilating last weekend’s exhibition

As a tutor, I have a lot of experience with endings. However, I imagine it is all the more intense when dealing with endings in psychotherapy, likely in situations where you are powerless to extend therapy where there is still a need for it. This week, I’ve had a sudden ending, without a final session, which I feel undermines the relationship between tutor and student, and undervalues the work we do together. Yet, thinking about the neoliberal structure, my focus is initially on how I can make up the six hours of work now lost. However, I felt a need to make space to feel the sadness of the loss of this professional relationship.

Anticipating the release of Barbie

The student that I will likely now seen comes with a family tragedy, so in the learning environment there is an inevitable holding of pain, despite not being therapeutic. It is a strange time to be starting with new students, and coming towards the endings of the summer term.

‘5 a Day’ prints available for £40

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #99

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Last week was less intense due to work cancellations. I had She Grrrowls on the Thursday and the private view for the Goldsmiths exhibition on the Friday. Where I could, I came in to held more with the exhibition, with Monday being sanding and painting boards, Tuesday finishing and placing the artwork, Thursday putting up some finishing touches, and Friday the same again, with the addition of making labels.

She Grrrowls was small, but mighty. I will try to keep going with the Catford Mews venue if I can. I just really loved having Phoebe Wagner feature, connecting to her Spanish heritage, and appreciated the Sims reference. I am also hoping to cook up another bigger project. I’m not on top of my emails, but when I have free time, I want to balance it between books in the sun, and creative projects in the rain. Time just seems to ebb away so quickly.

All the performers from June’s She Grrrowls

Although I had to correct a spelling mistake on my artwork (and had already paid to get a print) when I invigilated yesterday, I was really pleased to see people engage with my work. I invited people to think about their defence mechanisms and sculpt fruit to represent it. At the private view, I suddenly felt quite vulnerable and exposed, even though the work wasn’t personal, I wanted people to like the concept and so I took the engagement as positive feedback.

Baby All-Clay-Gone!

I also went to the Dance and Movement Psychotherapy show, which I loved and also included a lot of visuals and provided a lot of insight into the practice. I wished there was more of a chance to make connections with the course as I’m more interested in an integrated approach to other expressive arts therapies whether dance, music, performance art or visual art.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #98

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I can’t believe next week is She Grrrowls! I’ve just discovered this video of Phoebe Wagner’s poem ‘Raul’ from Muddy Feet Poetry. I love it especially as I can relate to the struggle of having Spanish heritage, but not being able to speak the language (though my poem, published in The Rialto, my name in an english accent, looks at this from the perspective of having a Spanish name, whilst this poem is kind of about the opposite). If you’re reading this, you must be a dedicated fan haha, so please do buy a ticket and/or spread the word about the event on Thursday 15th June!

I went to the Apples & Snakes takeover at The Roundhouse. It was such a great day, and so lovely to go with one of my course-mates who also writes poetry! I said hello to a few people and didn’t feel too anxious, at least when approached. I went to the hub events mainly, which were such interesting workshops – yoga and writing, a glorious vocal sound bath, and life writing (writing to movement). The final event was really special, with many of the acts performing bespoke sets.

I’m coming to the end of my first year training to be an Art Psychotherapist, with groups closing, feedback gradually coming in, and our exhibition next week – the private view being the day after She Grrrowls! I don’t feel ready, but I’ve managed to spend some cancelled lessons in the sun reading, so hope to have more time to read up on material, particularly that related to my placement.

I’ve been feeling really fatigued the last few day, suffering with stomach cramps, and trouble sleeping. Waiting for Gabor Mate’s latest book to come out on paperback, I felt drawn to read ‘When The Body Says No’. I’m also currently listening to ‘Period Power’ by Maisie Hill, and at the moment, despite some social plans, I’m leaning into solitude and looking forward to doing more reading over the weekend. I never have cramps with my periods, so I’m hoping this isn’t going to happen every month. It has felt so debilitating.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #97

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I have kept putting off writing due to a period of intensity. This week I had less paid work due to the half term break, but somehow it still feels overwhelming at times, trying to balance everything and make time for some relaxing moments without it feeling like a checklist. Still, I’m writing this as I wait for the 122 to a student with heavy traffic delays.

Kunst(Zeug)Haus exhibit

I don’t think I’ve written for the whole of May. It wasn’t all work and no play though. I went to Switzerland for the first time, to meet my partner’s parents. I really managed to switch off, saw some great artwork, and caught up with some reading for uni. In order to do that, I had to cancel some work, or where possible move it from one bank holiday to another.

Just before my birthday, I had an interview for my placement at Coram. I found out the next day that I got it! Plus I’ll be working with another Goldsmiths student from my year. I’m really looking forward to it and hope to make lots of time for reading over the summer.

Interview ready

I had a few days off for my own and family birthdays. I went to a comedy night, had family over for food and cake, went to an Everyman Cinema Eurovision screening with a friend, and spent the actual day of my birthday chilling – I went swimming, had a pub roast and watched Rye Lane. There were shitty points, and my roasts are better than the overpriced pub one, but I had a lot of fun too.

Mi Familia

Despite having written my coursework assignment in one sitting at the start of the month, this was just the reflective part. I then had to read and integrate the theory into the coursework and often worked until 11pm/12/1am leading up to the deadline, trying to perfect it. Eventually I had to accept that I couldn’t read more and submitted it.

Mi amiga

The assignment and paid work took over until I submitted on 25th May. I then had a weekend of celebrations, including seeing The Beths with my dad, Wide Awake Festival on the Saturday with my partner, and catching up with a picnic with a friend on Sunday after work.

Mi novio

Monday ended up pretty much being a write-off, and since then I’ve been focussing on my artwork for the MA Art Psychotherapy exhibition, which is done a rough plan for that day. Aside from this and work, I also had a picnic with my partner and parents. As much as I would have loved to stay in the sun, I had to get back to my canvas. It feels so good to paint and I’m really happy with how it’s turning out. The private view will be at Goldsmiths University on 16th June, with the exhibition continuing until Monday 19th June.

I also did my first paid cat-sitting job and got to look after one of my favourite breeds! This is Harriet – hopefully I’ll get to see her again!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #96

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Like it always seems, I’ve been thinking about balance and protecting time. Specially, protecting time for rest and creativity. When I create, I feel energised in a way that also comes from resting. I am reminding myself of the sacrifices I’m choosing to make, and the reason why I’m working so much is to pay for my studies. They have to be priorities. I want to maintain my relationships, but I also need to trust that my friends, family and partner will understand and support me in this time and know that I’m not going anywhere, and neither are they.

New reading group room has fancy chairs and everyone’s first reaction is to sit in on.

Working on Sundays, albeit for two hours, is not working for me. That time is going to be all the more necessary when I’m on my work placement, training on the job, as it were. This is time that from June I want to protect: to lay in with my partner, to move my body, to create, to read, and to connect with others even if that just means a phone call or local quick cuppa, because I’ll be getting ready for the week ahead, making lunches and having a relaxing bath. There may be exceptions, but they should be exceptions to this rule.

Morning sun.

Whenever I talk about how busy I am, I am annoyed, feeling complicit and perpetuating this capitalistic culture of busyness. I don’t want to compare between friends how busy we are. The people I admire are those who are resting more. #goals

I’ll be posting more about this on Instagram at some point.

So, what am I already doing to protect my time from work that I can emulate in other ways, on other days? I’m not working Tuesday afternoons, I’m debriefing with colleges and when I have to work, it’s an exception to the rule (for example, I’m actually going away over the bank holiday, but this means moving some work to the bank holiday this Monday and to the Tuesday evening). I’m protecting my Friday yoga class as the teacher is the best I’ve ever had, and despite being in a gym, it feels like a deep and somatic, spiritual experience. Even if I have to wear my gym clothes for the rest of the day.

Letting my friends know my social life will be sacrificed somewhat.

I’m also protecting Pilates on Thursdays, and Zoca dance on Saturday as much as possible. Plus boxing when I have the energy. Generally speaking, moving my body helps me in all other areas of my life, whether that’s walking more, going to the gym, or doing some other activity. Keeping to routines also helps me with increasing my sleep, which is also a major goal for me, the impact of which on other areas of life is underestimated.

From The Pattern App

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #95

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Last Saturday, I hosted a Lego party, and the next day the mum complained about me, with the goal it seemed to get me to lose my job. She claimed that I wasn’t qualified or suitable for the job.

Given that I have done the same for the past four parties and was even given a tip by the last parent, it seemed it was more about the disappointment at the children losing interest in the activity that was more suitable for her older son, plus a dislike for my personal style of facilitation.

I tried not to take it personally, was supported and didn’t lose the work, sent an email in response, and took action where I could. So, I’ve edited my profile on the website, and have crafted an email to send out prior to parties to set expectations. I am not a party entertainer, I’m a party facilitator, and my job is to follow the workshop programme as per my training, interacting with the children, but mostly making sure they know what they are doing and are working and having fun together.

This week, I had my gran visit, and eased back into my regular work schedule. On Tuesday, I also had a couple of fellow Trainee Art Therapists over and we baked cupcakes. It made me think back to the Red Sky Sessions with Apples & Snakes about doing something creative every day, and thinking this doesn’t have to be visual art or poetry, but can also be baking!

Once more, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do.

Freelance Reflections #94

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My energy levels have been really unpredictable recently. Last week, they went up, only to come crashing down. Thankfully I managed to ask a family if I could tutor online for a couple of days, and now I’m am out and about after a morning yoga session. This week I have mainly seen the one student who is coming up to his GCSEs. He and the rest of the family were still sleeping when I arrived!

I’ve seen a lot of family, and met my cousin’s baby (I’m just calling myself an aunt because neither of us have siblings). I’ve also done lots of creative work; I painted last Sunday in response to the Coram conversation panel and poetry night, and I caught up with a Red Sky Session the day after doing a very career-based one, which actually left me feeling quite down on myself. It was doing the creative part that made me feel good. My partner joined me and I loved the synchronicity of our images, with both our arms up in the air!

I have next Tuesday off thankfully, because I’ll need my energy with all the work I’ve got coming up! Tutoring will be back in full swing next week, the Art Psychotherapy training starts up again the following week, and I’ve got a couple of consecutive weekends of Lego parties!

Once more, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #93

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This week I have been even more exhausted than last week. Now, other than a couple of hours on Sunday, I have a few days to relax with family. Although this means travelling, there’s enough down time until next Wednesday when I will be easing back into work before things get super busy again the following week.

I cancelled some activities on Saturday to rest, but it was a struggle. On Monday, I attended a conversation panel at Coram – a potential placement as an Art Psychotherapy trainee. On Wednesday, I was back there for their poetry night, and although unplanned, I ended up sharing a piece (my name in an english accent, previously published in The Rialto). It was so interesting to get an insight into people who are care-experienced, and the intersection with being mixed race or growing up in a transracial family.

Aside from this, I have been teaching EFL in the mornings, with a few long days of also tutoring and doing related activities until the evening. It’s been full on, and the sun right now makes this slight break all the sweeter.

Once more, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #92

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It’s Saturday and I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m in danger of getting ill from work intensity and the changing whether, plus the stresses and demands of of my personal situation right now. However, I’m pleased to be working, and know this time will pass as I strive for balance. I am trying to listen to my body and rest more today, doing less than I planned ahead of another busy week.

I went along to the picket line at Goldsmiths to support the staff at the university. I’m now tutoring over twenty hours a week, although at times due to the needs of some of my students, sessions get cut short. So, after going back on forth on buses, I managed to find a decent hot chocolate at Norris + Knight, Spanish deli and cafe, where I did some reading in preparation for my first placement interview for September.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #91

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Last night was the first She Grrrowls at Catford Mews, and despite a few teething issues, it was a great night. Although it can be hard to be present when running an event, it was such that I was able to really listen and be with the words, with incredible features Lateisha Davine Lovelace-Hanson and Marianella Lopez, such glorious open mic acts and audience members. You can see the joy emanating from the picture below.

My work schedule is changing again, and with this I’m considering that I need to make more rules for myself. These rules are to help me balance and avoid over-working. At the moment, I’m not handling stress well, and I’m currently writing this in the bath, fully aware I need to work on all sorts of boundaries. I only have Tuesday evenings consistently off. It’s not enough. I’m using tomorrow’s extra-long train journeys to read course material and write a book review.

In other news, I’ve been longlisted in the Outspoken Prize for Poetry for the third time – wish me luck!

I have committed to Sundays until mid-June, but I think I need to either just do one weekend day of tutoring, or continue to do the Lego Parties as my only fortnightly weekend work commitment. But to do that, I need a consistent amount of weekday work. I have my first totally solo party tomorrow, so I think that will be a deciding factor going forward, weighing up whether the fun factor and variety is worth the increased risk of germs when I could tutor at a nearby location. I’ve also scattered my language learning goals throughout the week in order to protect my Sunday afternoons for art making. It’s all still trial and error.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!