Carmina – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #200

I left off with the open mic at Forest Hill Library, which continues to bring old and new faces and voices. I had a few lido evenings/afternoons and have also been trying to get the word out about my Spanish conversation group in Sydenham, which I started again after a hiatus.

Last weekend I finally finished the Tracey Emin exhibition and I was inspired to get a new sewing kit as my little one was very threadbare! I’m excited to do some art making maybe while watching Spider-Man in preparation for the new one.

I also watched The Odyssey last weekend, which wasn’t my choice but I did once read it when I had ran out of reading material in Indonesia, having found it on a small island. I do have an interest in mythology, so it was better than I expected considering action scenes make me fall asleep.

Edit: I came here to add another post, but then I thought it would be a nice round number to finish at 200. I don’t think many people are reading this and so it might be best for me to continue with Instagram as my main place to update, and I can also add posts about what I’ve been watching, reading and listening to maybe on a monthly basis! So, yep, this is the last one!

Watching: Love on the Spectrum, The Four Seasons, Girlfriends

Reading: Comfortable with Uncertainty by Pema Chödrön, The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk, and the Expressive Therapies Continuum by Lisa D. Hinz, Terminal Boredom by Izumi Suzuki, My Private Property by Mary Ruefle

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Telepathy Tapes, Teal Swan, On Attachment, Jillian on Love, Morning Affirmations

Music: Tove Lo, Pinhani, The Plot in You, thrown, Emmy the Great, Bad Bunny, 65daysofstatic, Ariana Grande, Linkin Park, The Frights

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #199

News

The last couple of weeks, I’ve bookended with a visit to the Frida Kahlo exhibition, Making of an Icon. I managed three rooms with one friend, and yesterday evening I finished the exhibition, with another friend waiting about half an hour for me to finish! In between, a trip to Hastings also meant I was able to view a documentary about Frida Kahlo. She has been a big inspiration since school days, when I also watched the biopic ‘Frida’ starring Salma Hayek, when I was just 13 years old. It was interesting that the exhibition featured as much work as inspired by the artist than her own work.

Looking at this painting aged 37 in July

I was treated to afternoon tea the day of my first visit, and in between visits I swam in the lido and the sea, saw System of a Down with a friend who now lives in Germany, saw a film preview that had me laughing and crying (the best kind of film), celebrated my gran’s 84th birthday, worked my day job, where I’ve been nominated for a Patients’ Choice Award, and fantasised about living on the coast.

This Sunday is the Forest Hill Stanza open mic 2-4pm at Forest Hill Library. I’ve also been trying out a new schedule to inject more creativity into my evenings after work, so I finished a poem, so should have a few to read myself tomorrow!

Watching: Survival of the Thickest, Big Mistake, Love on the Spectrum, The Art of a True Story – Exhibition On Screen: Frida Kahlo

Reading: Comfortable with Uncertainty by Pema Chödrön, The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk, and the Expressive Therapies Continuum by Lisa D. Hinz.l, The Lost Girls of Autism by Gina Rippon (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Girls Gotta Eat

Music: Tove Lo, 65daysofstatic, System of a Down, The Plot in You, Slayyyter, Tommy, Pinhani

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #198

News

Aside from my day job, I’m a bit behind schedule with my latest funding application, but I’ve had a meeting with my access worker and chased up with some emails. It’s really hard to manage this mentally at the moment, but if the funding comes through, it would be exciting to make time for the project and actually see it to fruition!

That being said, the summer is here, my skin is starting to clear and a horrible itchy rash, and I’ve been socialising and also spending time by myself swimming and reading, and even been inspired to write the occasional poem or two. I’m writing this on a sunny evening, coming home on the bus, thinking about cancelled plans being an opportunity to get creative. I’ve been to part of the Frida Kahlo exhibition and part of the Tracey Emin exhibition, so I need to go back and actually see the whole exhibition as I prefer to take my time.

Watching: Love on the Spectrum, Everything I Know About Love, Big Mistakes

Reading: Magdalene by Marie Howe, Handwriting by Michael Ondaatje, Stung with Love by Sappho, The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk, and the Expressive Therapies Continuum by Lisa D. Hinz.l, The Lost Girls of Autism by Gina Rippon (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Come Curious, Duolingo Spanish Podcast

Music: System of a Down, Tove Lo, Queens of the Stoneage, Biig Piig, The Last Dinner Party, The Plot in You, 65daysofstatic

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #195

News

I haven’t updated yet as I had been working in my day job, and focussing on other things unrelated to any other work-related activities, which I include as anything art-related, or related to any aspect of my working life, whether paid or unpaid. So, I’ve been enjoying some sun where we’ve had it, salsa dancing, meeting new people and so on.

On a night of cancelled plans, I spontaneously took myself to the park to do some artmaking. I had just come out of a day in clinical work where a lot of emotional material had been stirred up. I noticed a strong counter transference response and found myself reflecting on themes that felt personally resonant. As someone who is late-diagnosed and also newly out of a relationship, I felt a strong connection to broader experiences of autism. Something that stayed with me was the sense of being “too much.” In response to this, I wrote the words: “Am I too much or are you not enough?”

Through thinking about emotional regulation with my client, I suggested the idea of artmaking or writing and then destroying the creation. So, although unplanned, I decided to do the same myself. As sun dried the watercolour, I impatiently tore the paper into pieces. It became an embodied way of working with intensity, release, and transformation. As a response piece to The Weight of Being, this work also became a way of processing the emotional residue of clinical work that day, as well as my own experiences.

I went to see Kes with people from the soca dance group I go to and it felt like sunshine filled the room. Staying connected to Trinidad, I then went to the Hurvin Anderson exhibition. I felt a quiet contemplation moving through this exhibition. Rich and vibrant artwork with stories behind each piece, it was interesting to see what can emerge from photographic references through painting. It intrigued me to think about the exploration of time and memory in these pieces. As well as the Tate Britain, I also went to the Tate Modern on my birthday, but I’ll save that for another time as I only managed two rooms before heading off to see Hamilton! I also saw Tender at Soho Theatre, and had the unique opportunity to get on stage! I’ll update more about this on my Instagram, but I loved the show so much that I got the play text. This month I also took myself to the cinema to see The Drama.

I have been busy… it being my birth-month! I hosted a board game night, visited my friend in Germany, and made a gift as well as occupying my hands to make some clay polymer jewellery during some work training, which is for sale!

Watching: Youngers, Envidiosa, The Drama

Reading: Time Regained by Marcel Proust, Supervision of Art Psychotherapy by Joy Schaverien and Caroline Case, The Problem with Men by Richard Herring, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed.

Podcasts: Jillian on Love, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: System of a Down, Scarlxrd, WARGASM, Funeral for a Friend, MUDRAT, HUMBE, Poppy, Kes, Foo Fighters, The Plot in You, Tommy Genesis, Akon and Ne-yo, Patrice Roberts

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #192

News

Last Saturday was the Deptford Lounge event, and although I didn’t sell any books, it was a joy to be part of the event and Dee Majek was on fire, selling lots of his book, ‘3000 Miles from Home’.

I met with ibizo lami after and then art therapy people. On Sunday I turned my attention to some creative admin… I submitted my art film to a film festival and emailed the new Catford Castle cinema, but ran out of time before I could do any meaningful work on the ACE funding application action points. I have a few days of annual leave, so that one of the things I’ll be focussed on with the aim to re-submit by May.

Work has been very intense this week and I’ve also had to navigate some difficulties in my personal life. However, we did have a team-building afternoon where we did canvas painting! I did some little boats to represent the team. I then went to Lateisha Davine Lovelace-Hanson’s book launch at The Common Press bookshop, for ‘the heart is a holding’. It involved a lot of communal crying as well as laughter and I was so glad I was able to make it, even if I had to run off at the end to have a late dinner at 10pm!

Watching: Too Hot to Handle Spain, Shrinking, Girlfriends

Reading: The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: HUMBE, Gorillaz, The Plot in You, Kes, Self Esteem

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #191

News

So, aside from worky work, I’ve had a meeting with my access support worker to start helping with my new ACE application, and this weekend I plan to get stuck in on Sunday with some actions.

I’ve had a lot of socialising and it’s been so life-affirming and energising to spend time with friends and family, as well as connecting to things I love like salsa dancing.

I went to The Netherlands to visit my cousin for the first time. It’s definitely something I’d love to do more of… time and money permitting!

I saw My Neighbour Totoro beforehand and as it was with my ex, I made a healing plan and it actually worked? I had a massage and haircut booked, a drink with a friend and then off I went the next day on the Eurostar!

I got to see the Escher museum and ticked off all the foods I wanted to try: bitterballen, patatje oorlog, rijsttafel and a pancake house. I also did a 10km run on a beautiful sunny day! I’d never actually done a city run before that wasn’t in a park, so it was a great experience!

On Saturday, I’m bringing some poets from the Forest Hill Stanza to the Deptford Literature Festival at Deptford Lounge 2:30-4:30pm.

Watching: Too Hot to Handle, Shrinking

Reading: The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Late Bloomers, Gillian on Love, Live Well Be Well with Sarah Ann Macklin

Music: Florence + The Machine, HUMBE, The Plot in You, Drowning Pool

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #189

News

Last weekend, I went to the Viennese Whirl exhibition featuring AUSJIÄNDER, Siobhan Binaghi, SMAIBLUE, Paul Doherty and Epona. With non-alcoholic cocktails, a tour of the exhibition, and live sounds, there was a sense of vitality that reignited this feeling of potential. The sun being out all helped. I’m planning to do a full write-up for The Norwich Radical.

The connection to theatre was appropriately matched to the Tate Modern’s Theatre Picasso exhibition. I enjoyed seeing pieces such as Weeping Woman alongside lesser known works, and felt inspired by a film of Picasso painting. I painted my own self-portrait in the style of his Weeping Woman, reclaiming ownership of the harm some men inflict on women, acknowledging this darker part of Picasso’s legacy.

I had a terrible journey home, so I didn’t take much in of an online CPD I wanted to attend on the power of art and connection for late-diagnosed autistic women. Unfortunately someone on my bus seemed to be experiencing a psychotic episode that meant they lashed out at various people, and I inadvertently made myself a target, so was quite shaken up, but felt very disconnected from my emotions. I need to remember the risks within a work context are different from those in public.

I’ve been unwell since then and so had some days where I tried to work from home and a couple of days sick leave, skipping the cold plunge at the sauna this week. I watched a lot of films on a BFI free trial, and there’s many more I’d like to watch, with my favourite one being Layla, which also stars Bilal Hasna, who is such a hottie! Thankfully, I managed to feel well enough to attend the CPIFF launch and met poet, actor, and now film-maker Ben Norris for his debut ‘Toad in the Hole’, which was fantastically funny, and his Q&A also was hilarious. He reminded me it must have been back when we had our Nasty Little Press pamphlets published and performed at Latitude together when we actually met. That was in 2014, so it has literally been over a decade. Though I feel like I knew him before that, so it’s possible I knew of him before we met?

This weekend is very theatre-heavy, so stay-tuned next week for more details on that!

Watching: Girlfriends, Love is Blind, Shrinking, Audrey, Layla, Sister Midnight, All My Friends Hate Me

Reading: A Poem for Every Winter Day, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Fearless 3 by Francine Pascal, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: System of a Down, Bad Bunny

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #187

News

Last weekend I went to the Lee Miller exhibition at the Tate Britain. From fashion to romance to the erotic, where I wondered how we might feel if our naked selfies were on display in an art gallery with loads of people scratching their chins at them. As well as travel photography and portraits of famous friends like Pablo Picasso, her work throughout the war was expansive. She celebrated women in work, captured the distruction of war, and explored the aftermath.

Especially poignant was a room where photography was not allowed, her images necessary to disparage Holocaust-deniers, but in this context, it evoked something I can’t quite put into words, but I welled up and wondered how the conveyor belt of people felt in that room. Then there was the iconic image of Lee Miller and another of David E. Scherman, a Jewish-American photographer, bathing in Hitler’s bathtub after the liberation of Dachau concentration camp.

The next day, I submitted a poem for a prize, entered the Latitude Trailer Park competition (though in hindsight I should have put more effort into the visuals…) and I just hope the concept is strong enough to be in with a chance! I really wanted to do something at Latitude for its 20th anniversary, but all I can do is try and I don’t want to volunteer there this year.

I also did some art-making inspired by the Lee Miller’e exhibition. Yes, I’m regressing to using condoms in my artwork like I did at college, but also so did Lee Miller and it’s hanging in the Tate Britain (c.1930). The text says ‘fuck the red light’ and ‘Do you really think it’s that easy to get rid of a wound?’ – a quote from Lee Miller’s short film ‘The blood of a poet’.

This week, other than my day job, I found out that the big project I’ve been applying for funding for countless times wasn’t successful, despite having had access support this time and reducing the budget to under £50,000. It is a lot of money but that’s because there are a lot of artists involved (over 100!) After a rush of emotions, I took immediate action and asked my access worker how soon we could re-apply.

Then I was about to do the washing up and it hit me, and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t go on, I couldn’t take one more thing. I’m processing the ending of a very complex relationship, I’m struggling with certain aspects of my day job, I’ve got low iron levels and a horribly itchy rash that I’m hoping is a reaction to a new hair mask and not another bedbugs infestation, I spotted some old mice droppings that I can’t even bare to think is evidence of a problem at my new place after five years dealing with it at my previous place.

Then a couple of days later I cried at work in front of colleagues for the first time, and my team were so lovely, offering emotional and practical support. I also found NHS tickets for Ashnikko and so now I’m feeling much better! I also went to Emo Night Brooklyn with some art therapy friends last night so that was a great release!

Watching: Girlfriends, Shrinking, Too Much, Ripple

Reading: A Poem for Every Winter Day, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Fearless 3 by Francine Pascal, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Telepathy Tapes, On Attachment

Music: Ashnikko, Brooklyn Emo Nights

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #186

News

Last weekend I went to Mystic Burek for the first time, which was a nice indulgence. It was a busy weekend after a Friday birthday party, but relaxing to have a friend round and go to a local short film screening (ahead of the brilliant CPIFF, which is coming up!)

We popped into a queer pub after and this really made me want to go out dancing, but I had an early morning and an escape room booked with some colleagues. We also had a very reasonable hot pot from Hotto Potto. I tend to go for the BBQ so this was new for me, and good for the wintry weather!

I’m still doing online CPD on Sunday evenings while I prep for the week ahead, and this week I stepped up my running regime to 7km, and continued my usual routine of swimming, dancing, and sauna. I’m also aiming to go to Pilates tonight and weight training in the morning (for the first time this year…)

I also got to walk along the canal between jobs at work, so I was very grateful for the break in this rainy spell! Aside from this blog, I also wrote a new poem on my commute home, and I hope to carve more time for creativity this weekend.

Watching: Girlfriends, Envious, Emily in Paris, Ripple

Reading: A Poem for Every Winter Day, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Fearless 3 by Francine Pascal, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: Jillian on Love, What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Telepathy Tapes, On Attachment

Music: Poppy, Kneecap, Fat Dog, The Last Dinner Party, System of a Down, Honey Dijon, Billy Talent, The Plot in You, No Doubt

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Freelance Reflections #185

News

We had a decent turn out last Sunday for the Forest Hill Stanza open mic. I also met someone who is a first year on the Art Psychotherapy MA, so it’s nice to have these connections. Otherwise, work is very much picking up, with a lot of outreach work as well as on the hospital wards!

I had a stressful start to the week due to being overtaxed and the cost of living as a single person being so much, with difficulties to do with technically being self-employed whilst my income is 99% PAYE now… so a lot of time spent calling up to cancel my TV licence now The Traitors is finished, Thames Water to get financial support, and HMRC (which I never got through to in time!). I also have been basically charged twice for my monthly season ticket due to an error, and it’s taking way too long to get my “automatic” refund.

I’m excited to have some paid work accepted for publication, though I’m not sure if it’s public news yet so I’ll hold onto it until it’s released! This weekend is due to be quite a busy one socially, so I’m unsure if I’ll be able to make time for much creativity, or even much rest! I’m looking forward to some fun plans, but also looking forward to a bit of a calmer weekend next week!

Watching: The Traitors, Emily in Paris, Envious, Girlfriends

Reading: A Poem for Every Winter Day, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Fearless 3 by Francine Pascal, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Telepathy Tapes

Music: System of a Down, Queens of the Stoneage, Architects, Trivium, Scene Queen, South Arcade, Silent Planet, Bad Omens, Bloodywood, The Plot in You, Opeth, WARGASM, Poppy, The Blood Brothers

If you’d like to buy some books, please do!

Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: