For my friends and loved ones, the Year 11 girl whose grandma passed away this weekend, and for anyone else this may comfort.
Here, have these blessed things,
carry them with you as you journey home.
This knowledge will make you feel safe,
though you don’t really have that kind of faith.
It is spring now, and though you are alone,
soon you’ll be a pair of birds spreading wings.
Sometimes life leaves you standing in the wings,
and you can’t think of your lines, amongst the many things
going on around you – so many people, yet so alone,
and you’re sure what to call “home”
and all these months you’ve had faith,
but they were the one who made you feel safe
and you’re old as slang saying good is “safe”,
ending nights out with chips, fried chicken wings,
garlic bread, the echo of dance tracks from Faith-
less, swimming through the airwaves, thinking things
would always be this way, that home
would always be there, with family, not alone.
Never has the word held more weight: alone
like scissors to the nets that kept you safe
and in the truest sense of the word, you’re not home-
less, but it’s like being forced to fly with clipped wings.
Trying to remember how you dreamt of so many things
and you know you have to embrace fear, have faith
that this life is possible with enough self-belief and faith,
that you will have to build walls of arms, so you’re not alone
and force yourself to remember all the things
that seem so painful now, that you will be safe
because there are angels spreading wings
to guide you, and where you land will be your home.
Follow your heart home, and you won’t be alone.
Papier-mâché your faith, and you will be safe
as you spread your wings, you’ll see so many things.
It’s been a long time since I wrote my poem Paradise, and nearly a year since I won first place in the Poetry Rivals competition. The poem was inspired by the No More Page 3campaign, placing judgement on society, the newspaper, and not on the models.
Thanks to all those involved with Poetry Rivals, including host and mentor Mark Grist, judges Hollie McNish, Mixy and Tim Clare. A massive thanks to those at Poetry Rivals HQ who have had to put up with my emails, drawing out the filming with ideas of parks, fish and chips shops and newsagents. There was a moment where my local newsagents from my childhood may have been involved, but to my relief, they stopped responding (more on that when I write my one woman show!) Thanks also then go to the Roundhouse for being able to film the poem there. Lastly, a big thanks to Guy Larsen for his fantastic filming.
If you liked this poem, please buy a copy of my poetry pamphlet from Nasty Little Press. There are other poems too, and you might like them. It’s signed, limited edition and just £2. Themes touch on topics such as multiculturalism, education, love, the pursuit of happiness and having a digitally native childhood. Or else come to a gig; my next performance is at the Festival of Ideas as part of Open Generation on Saturday 11th April. I’ll bring some books along so you don’t have to pay P&P.
Time is short and I have wasted a lot of the day after celebrating a friend’s birthday until the early hours. I’m going swimming soon but I’m already ready for bed. It’s been eventful so without further ado, I’ll let you know what’s been going on.
Firtsly, I went to see Frightened Rabbit back in September. Aside from annoying crowd members and post-work tiredness, it was a great gig. They didn’t play all the songs I would have liked but ‘Poke’ was amazing to see live and the highlight of the gig.
The week after I took a surreal trip to Norwich after work to perform at the launch of internet poetry – Bad Robot, an event organised by Catherine Woodward. Ross Sutherland was performing but sadly I didn’t get to speak to him. I spoke to Russell J Turner who was the surprise guest of the evening and had me itching to do his Googleseed poems. James Sykes was also reading and having not seen him before, I was really impressed, with his deadpan humour, he reminded me a bit of Tao Lin’s poetry. Thom James was seen, rather appropriately, in digital form. Unfortunately, not quite a hologram, but a really cool video flickering poetry across a screen.
I stayed in a hotel, *cough* B&B *cough*, nearby the station as I had to get up at like 5.30am or something ridiculous. They didn’t even have any tea:
Skip ahead to the following week and I finally went to Bang Said the Gun. It was all very exciting, entering the room to the likes of Billy Bragg pumping out of the speakers, monochrome scribbles of the event name all over the walls, and an animation reel for the stage backdrop. Not to mention the cool shakers used for applause. Although, after a day at work, shaking it to more than one song as a build up to the start was a bit like giving a never-ending hand-job. Some white stuff came out and got on my bag. But it has to be said, these guys know what they’re doing and put on a cracking poetry (or anti-poetry) night.
Also, Peter Hayhoe kind of remembered my surname, and having not officially met, this made me happy. He also performed a set himself, of which I particularly enjoyed a collaboration with a female guitarist about pulling girls in 1998, dressing up in the actual shirt of his heyday. Dan Cockrill was a great host, and I particularly like the way he step-touched to the music in between acts. Martin Galton also read some funny poems from a book of hate, along with a heart-warming poem of love about his son.
I didn’t get on the open mic as this event is so popular, the next space wasn’t until 25th October, so I’ll be back then. To be honest, I enjoyed the event so much, I would happily be there every week if I could. One of the main reasons for this was the performance from resident poet, Maria Ferguson (and she references Sarah Kane in this video!). She delivered a narrative poem, that really got me gripped and so I’d probably have to say she was my favourite of the evening.Though it’s hard picking favourites with such an array of talent, and diverse talent at that.
The Roundhouse Slam Champions performed and although I can’t remember their names, I wish I could because they were amazing. In turn, I felt wholly inadequate and old. One guy, who described himself as looking a bit like Sideshow Bob, gave a performance that mixed the comedic and the tragic, with some very poignant lines. Another guy gave a highly performative piece that incorporated subtle physical movements and voice control, giving the effect of cut-up text.
The female of the group had me welling up with her poetry about mental illness, along with her sweet, soft voice, she came across as an emblem of strength and fragility. I hope I didn’t miss anyone from the group as I didn’t make any notes on the night!
The Ruby Kid was the last before the open mic (where I had to dash off). Back in the day he had complimented my poetry over MySpace, and I even performed alongside him at Speech Motion. I knew I would enjoy his set, but he was even better than I remembered. My favourite was ‘205 Panorama’ which had some really clicky lines – you know what I mean – lines that give you goosebumps and make your ears prick up. Sadly, I can’t find this one online so you’re going to have to see him live. It looks like he’s going to be running a night called ‘Howl’ in Shoreditch so I’ll have to check that out in the future.
The event also had some rather desultory activities such as throwing a balloon across the room to win a drink, and having a massive ‘bang’ hat. I wish I lived in Zone 2 and was like a full-time poet and writer, then I would be able to go to Bang every time.
In other news, my poem The Movement of Hands will be published in Issue 9 of Artemis Poetry Magazine. I’ve been sending out lots of submissions and I said to myself that I would be happy if even just one was accepted so I am very pleased! I’ve also got an exciting project in the pipeline for Novemeber 21st, with Apples & Snakes. Keep the date in your diary!
On Wednesday 22nd August I organised my first solo poetry event called ‘Carmina’s Poetry Tease’. Featuring alongside me were Catherine Woodward (the emerging artist) and Rosy Carrick (the inspirational professional). It all managed to run rather smoothly and I was very pleased with how it turned out.
I had been building up my nerves all day, waiting in Craft Central with just a couple of people wanting to look in (to be fair the chairs were all laid out expectantly). I was there from about 10am, so by the time people started arriving, just before 7pm, it was all a bit surreal. The room ended up being packed out, with around 30 people, the 26 chairs ran out and people were forced to stand.
This was great but I felt incredibly overwhelmed by it all, and probably said ‘thank you’ a tad too much. Other than inevitably talking too fast when on stage (a small white ‘soapbox’) everything when just as I had imagined. It looked just how I had visualised (the power of the mind, eh?) So, all in all, it was a great evening. I am currently uploading the video recording onto YouTube and will post that in a separate update.
As you can see from the pictures, there was a strong visual element to the event as well. I managed to sell a few things and get a bit of money from that and possibly by some donations as well. I obviously made a loss but I wanted to do this event as a kind of celebration for completing my poetry collection (the print of which has come in the post and I love it, need a publisher!)
Like I said at the event, I was once told by a history teacher at secondary school that I would never be the ‘life and soul’ of the party. Well, this was my party, and I hoped the audience could find both life and soul during their time there.
I wanted to showcase my work, but also present a poet who inspires me, as well as someone to represent the future of poetry as an example of those who are just starting out, like myself.
Another important aspect of the event was my desire to pay the artists, in order to show that I value their work. I’ve now launched a project called ‘Poetry & Paint’ where I hope to do more of the same on a much larger scale. I will need quite a bit of funding in order to do this, and most of the money would be going directly to artists that get involved; again these would be a mix of both new-comers and established artists. I have started up a funding page at We Fund to raise money.
I did a gig at The Birdcage. I tried to do my set off by heart. I’d practiced intermittently the last couple of weeks. I stumbled a few times but I did not reach for my paper (not concealed in my boots this time, I admitted that it was the poems that were peaking out of my cardigan pocket). Host, Andy Bennett, compared me to Dockers MC which was cool. It’s actually the second time that’s happened, so I’m thinking of starting to market myself as “a posh Laura Dockrill” or “a shy Laura Dockrill”.
Ben Smith eased us into the night with laughs that played on prediction and expectations, leaving me to be the filling in a comedy sandwich. It was a fine evening of entertainment, including comedian Alex Holland who I could really relate to with his tales of walking through groups of teenagers in fear. I was excited to see Lewis Buxton who I’d heard was similar to Luke Wright and I could see why people would say that; with his confident manner, his way of delivery and use of narrative and skillful use of rhythm and rhyme.
Adam Warne wove between poetry and comedy and appeared very naturally, taking away the microphone and telling us of Facebook anecdotes in between sonnets. John Osborne read us some lovely new poems about seaside towns and afterwards I got a nice message of compliments about my set which made me very happy. To round off night night, Cielo performed with a female violinist to add to the mix. It was a great set and my boyfriend loved it to so I’m glad he saw them, especially as they have some motivational songs, which he’s always on the look out for!
Friday saw the East Regional Finals for Shake the Dust. I was working with the Netherhall School in Cambridge as a Poet Shadow with Ross Sutherland. I had never done anything like this before so was quite nervous but very excited too! For my first workshop, it was going well as I was over an hour early. However, I got the bus from the wrong stop and ended up being 10 or 15 minutes late. Typical.
As soon as I entered the classroom I had to introduce myself and perform a poem. I hadn’t brought any material, but thankfully my memory didn’t fail me and I did Cinderella (which you can preview here from my book/eBook). It feels like a long time ago now but at the same time it went so quickly. It was great hearing the poetry the students generated and as the first workshop was based around autobiography it was nice to feel like I was getting to know what they were like already.
Although it doesn’t feel like that long ago that I was their age, I am nearly 10 years older than them! At the same time, I did feel a lot older than them, especially when I encountered some rudeness from a couple of girls from the non-competing team. All a learning experience anyway! I also didn’t expect how easily distracted they were, especially as the two hour sessions went so fast. That said, they produced their final poems with great timing.
After celebrating turning 23 I was back at the school and the students had mostly memorised their poems, and by the final session were all performing their pieces really well. Ross and I had swapped the groups we’d been working with and so it was amazing to see the transformation of them both from the mish-mashed bits of texts they had started out with when they were forming the poems. I learnt so much from shadowing Ross, and was also given lots of opportunities to share my ideas and work independently with some of the group. One girl had to join the group for the last session and she picked up the poems fantastically, and ended up being given the “Most Changed” award.
The day of the final was a long one, but an amazing experience. the excitement started at 10.30am when we picked up our t-shirts. The schools started to arrive and it wasn’t long before we headed into a studio for the first workshop with half of the students. The workshop I was in was lead by Tim Clare and consisted of different drama games. It was quite nerve wracking due to the fact that being in a position of authority it was vital I showed that I was experienced and confident through the games. It was really fun and useful in terms of my own pre-performance preparations.
At lunch time I lost Ross and didn’t realise I was to stick with the school, who had already headed off to Chapelfield Gardens with their lunch. I managed to find them but Ross wasn’t with them. Still, I sat down and began to eat. However, mid-meal, there was a big ‘SPLAT!’ sound and we all wondered what it was. I looked down at my leg and I had been POOED ON BY A PIGEON! They all freaked out and one girl was sent into a panic that it had landed on her. No. It had landed on me. Yuck. I sat there in shock for a while, then scraped it off with a twig. Still in shock, I stood there whilst the others moved themselves further from the tree. Luckily, it didn’t land in my hair or anywhere else so I just went back to The Garage to take off my tights and wash my hands. Then it was onwards and upwards as I tried to tell myself that it was good luck…
We did the same workshop again but with different people and it was good feeling more prepared about what was to come and hearing what different people came up with on the spot. I spent our dinner time mostly with Catherine Woodward, who I knew from university, who had taken my place as Peer Mentor and was doing a great job. I’d met quite a few great people that day, including Lara who was from the Writers Centre Norwich, and sounded like she had a most enviable job! We had a quick warm-up with Drew Taylor and then took our seats.
The show itself ended up being fantastic. All the pre-show nerves were turned into adrenaline and everyone gave amazing performances. Although The Garage team were not included in the competition, their pieces throughout were inspiring and moving. As were Drew and Tom’s joint piece about the friendship they formed through the project. My team ‘Can Everyone Get Up And Leave?’ did a great job. Though one of the guys berated himself for forgetting a line, he pulled it off so smoothly that nobody else in the audience would have noticed. They went away with the ‘Best Line in Poem’ though the judges (Luke Wright, Charlotte Higgins and Francesca Beard) asserted there were so many great lines they couldn’t really pick just one! We also got inside info from Luke that he was rooting for us to win the competition overall, but didn’t quite make it to first place.
The past few days can be explained by something that happened to me yesterday morning. I had bought two travel-cards for that day and today. As I stepped off the train at Waterloo and my ticket for the day somehow flew out of my hand. Everything turned to slow motion as it slipped between the train and the platform’s edge and on to the tracks. In a panic, I rushed to someone who worked there at the barrier’s and explained what had happened. He said I would have to buy another ticket if I couldn’t find it, and so he followed me as I sped along the tracks trying to find where I dropped it. Thankfully, I found it and I stopped my shaky panic as another worker lent down with a litter picker and fished it out.
It was a microcosm of the emotions I had been through the past few days. For personal reasons, I had been on an emotional roller-coaster (excuse the cliché) and felt a switch between unlucky and lucky. I’d cried myself to sleep for the first time ever, and learnt that the only way you can combat that is to take some sleeping pills to send you off. The next day I tried to keep my tears at bay whilst doing yoga, being told I was ‘strong’ and to remember my ‘inner core’ (actually something my mum always says, but at this point coming from the dulcet tones of Leah Bracknell). I made my way through the work day at Sainsbury’s and was nearly about to break when during my review session, my manager said ‘you always come in with a smile on your face,’ due to the irony of how utterly rubbish I felt at the time. The review was great and made me feel a lot better about myself and I even managed to get my Saturdays back by asking to change my shift pattern in April.
So, on to more positive and self-affirming things. On 12th January, my eBook was officially released on iTunes. It appears one person has bought a copy from California, so whoever you are, please let me know what you think! I think it’s important to get excited about these little things and to remember the words of Leah Bracknell in day-to-day life. Sometimes I read over my school reports and even things like my Facebook page, just to remind myself of who I am and that I like who I am. My dad has always taught me it’s very important to like yourself. And despite being labeled “shy” by others, my mum has always said I have an inner confidence about myself.
Some other things I wanted to share are related to the poetry of others. At my Aunt and Uncle’s house, which is a lot more like mine will be than the spotless house I live in with my parents, they have a poem on the fridge by Rosie Milligan:
Dust if you must.
But wouldn’t it be better, To paint a picture, or write a letter, Bake a cake, or plant a seed? Ponder the difference between want and need.
Dust if you must. But there is not much time With rivers to swim and mountains to climb! Music to hear, and books to read, Friends to cherish and life to lead.
Dust if you must. But the world’s out there With the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair, A flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come round again.
Dust if you must. But bear in mind, Old age will come and it’s not kind. And when you go, and go you must, You, yourself, will make more dust.
There’s a band that I saw at Bestival, that I really want to see again, called Los Campesinos. I just wanted to share a spoken word section of their song This is how you spell ‘HAHAHA, We Destroyed the Hopes and Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics.’ I find the combination of music, song and spoken word inspiring but, not only that, I find the words very poetic and yet witty and contemporary. Have a read:
You walk in from your mother’s balcony Panda-eyed and freezing cold You bury yourself in my chest to warm I notice the goosebumps on your arms, millions And whether it’s because of the numbers of hours spent laid facedown on my bed listening to white noise, or, well, obviously it’s not, I somehow manage to translate them from braille
The trails on your skin spoke more to me than the reams and reams of half finished novels you’d leave lying all over the place And every quotation that’d dribble from your mouth like a final, fatal livejournal entry I know I am wrong I am sorry
With that, I am going to wrap up. One last thought; if you picked up a copy of The Times today, there was an article by Francis Beckett titled ‘Take the penury out of the penmanship’ which is about my MA course in Creative Entrepreneurship. I’m feeling quite organised and excited, though still a little scared in a Metric-Help-I’m-Alive kind of way.’
Also, I’ve found there’s a Canadian woman who is also an entrepreneurial writer who’s stolen my name! Well, she’s called herself La Carmina, and her real name is Carmen Yuen. I think we’re different enough for it not be annoying or add confusion, but as I like the uniqueness of my name and she’s more well-known than me, it disheartens me a little. But to end, it is important to know yourself and remember your inner core.
A belated happy new year! I have just handed in my coursework today and have lots of news to share. Christmas, by the way, was wonderful – the best ever! Here’s me celebrating family-style with some of my new clothes (Primari aka Primark).
The first news story is a sad one. I write this blog for my website but I also post it in other places, and one of these places, Inked-In, is closing down because some company is taking over and wants all the rights to the content. Totally out of order. Not happy. I’ll probably stop writing on there now because I want to have the rights to my content thanks.
Anyway, onward and upward! I have found an amazing function on Excel that means I don’t have to use this Smartsheet thing I was using that ended up being a free trial and asked me to pay for it. As if. So yeah, genius that I am, I figured out you can sort a to-do list on Excel; my list is sorted by the ‘status’ (i.e. whether it’s been started or is complete) then by the due date, and then by a daily ordering system, should I need to do work on something that has a due date way in the future. It’s not a waste of time either, as I have now completed 44 tasks, and started it maybe a couple of months ago.
For new years eve, Matt and I popped round to my friend Jo’s house for a bit because she now lives about 20 minutes walk away from me! She used to live in Hammersmith so it’s great she’s so close now. It took us a bit longer as I took a wrong turn, but good to know for future reference as last time my mum was my taxi. Jo had fireworks and it was a bit scary but also very pretty and overall, amazing.
Matt and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary on January 2nd at Los Amigos and it was delish. We also saw a ‘Havana Club’ sign which was cool because we met at a club in Norwich called Havana (now called Kartel). It was a bit quiet but we had a lovely time.
On that note, I’ll say a little about new years resolutions. Now, I’m the kind of person that’s always trying to self-improve… a kind of perfectionist, I guess. So, new years resolutions are something I try to do at various points in the year anyway. That said, my main aims for 2012 are as follows:
– Read more poetry. Well, read only poetry, aside from non-fiction books used for study, and the occasional fiction book for if I want a break from just poetry.
– Resume my exercise routine. Try to go to the gym 1 or 2 times a week, and do at least 15 minutes of exercise in the morning before breakfast.
– Keep up a regular beauty regime. Cleanse, tone, (exfoliate), moisturize.
– The last two points means I need to get early nights. And wake up early-ish. If I don’tget enough sleep I get lazy.
And now, for some poetry news. Firstly, I wanted to say how great it is that Dean Atta has shot to fame, so to speak, after posting ‘I Am Nobody’s Nigger’ online. As I stated on Twitter, I guess I’ve been “deeply immersed in the world of spoken word,” (quoting The Guardian) because I remember Atta being a regular name since I started out in around 2006.
Not wanting to draw too many comparisons, but, I had previously read Carol Ann Duffy’sStephen Lawrence tribute poem and been disappointed. I actually began to have a go myself but am yet to finish it. I just found her poem too obvious, and lacking emotionally. And it is a great shame because I have enjoyed Duffy’s work since my GCSEs (though I was disappointed at her reading at the AQA Anthology show).
In terms of my poetry news… I’ve been shortlisted for a £1000 fund on IdeasTap. My idea may be more suited to another IdeasTap fund I’ve applied for since, and I feel unlikely too get the one I’ve been shortlisted for as it’s quite a long shortlist! I’ve also been accepted to be a Peer Mentor for Shake the Dust for the Eastern region. It’ll be really great to give younger poets advice and support, and take part in the regional finals – and I’d love to be a judge! I probably should have mentioned my judging experience with Scroobius Pip! It’ll no doubt be a great experience anyway. I may not have been accepted as a Poet Shadow, but I’ve got the next best thing. I’ve also applied for the Charles Pick Fellowship at UEA, starting in October. Thinking about the prospect of being accepted for that excites me too much! Wish me luck on my endeavours!
I can’t believe a month has gone arrghhhh! I’ve been really busy with these things:
– Going to New York
– The Boyfriend
Whilst in New York, I went to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. I wanted to perform in the open mic but my parents wanted to leave before midnight and the slam didn’t start until after then and the whole thing ended at 2am!! Another thing that was different to a lot of the UK events is its popularity – I have never seen a poetry event so packed. It’s a lot louder as well, with people clicking and making noises like ‘umm hmm!’ at certain lines as the audience show their appreciation. The host killed time as one of the feature acts was late by asking where people were from, my mum shouting ‘England’ with a hilarious amount of pride in her voice, and also made everyone dance 80’s style to flashing lights and music, which was so bizarre you couldn’t help but laugh along, attempting to move slightly in the crush of the crowd.
The performers were enjoyable, typically American, humourous, intelligent and passionate. Although we left early, I got a feel for the night, along with books and a t-shirt.
While away, I did a lot of reading and finished Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey, Bossypants by Tina Fey, and How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran (long post response to follow). I recommend them all. I’m now reading Laura Dockrill’s Echoes. It’s like Roald Dahl for adults… or kids who swear.
Last night I went to The Tea Box and did the open mic, apologising for anyone who may have wanted to see me the last time (when I had to pull out ON THE DAY because of my stupid eye ulcer). Sadly, the owners weren’t there for me to apologise to in person. I went on quite early and was glad to be able to relax and enjoy the likes of Anna Le, Amy Acre, and Harriet Cramer (and also Peter Hayhoe earlier on) plus many other acts I didn’t know the name of. Donall Dempsey and Janice Windle did a great job hosting as well. Harrie got very drunk which amused most people. She said stuff such as wanting tits, but the link says she has the same size as me but skinnier, but then I sometimes say the same thing about myself, especially when drink, and especially when my friend Helen is there. I’m shocked to see my waist is the same… I guess that’s the difference being 6 inches taller affords. Anyway, she is a beautiful, talented, lovely lady with hilarious and we should both get published. Ideally by Harper Collins. I missed being like that, as in, drunk… which reminds me, I read a poem inspired by a programme I watched on Amy Winehouse, written about 3 years ago, and, as I didn’t record the gig, here it is:
I want to build
myself up to the highest height,
Just to look down
at the fall and be filled with fright.
I want to be, the
best I can be,
Prove them wrong
about my poetry.
Yeah, I want that
pretty face, with the tear stains on show,
Mascara up my eyes,
just so that they all know.
I want to be
perfect, to be a success,
I want to be one of
I want them all to
read my lips, read my mind,
Then drink myself
to destruction at the end of the night.
I want to fall in
love again with a good boy,
Just so he can
break my heart.
Because if I’m in a
mess, feel my life is destroyed
Then it at least
provides more material for my art.
And I can just pick
up my needle and thread,
Scrub with soap,
the sheets on my bed.
Try stitching my
life up to resemble what was,
Continue the search
for the Wizard of Oz,
Pray for a change
to a non-existent God,
Click my heels
That copied kinda weird. Anyway, I read a poems from actual book things that are published and shit! To look all profesh. One was called Flowers and was in issue 13 of The Delinquent. The next was I Am No Better from the Workshop UEA Undergraduate Anthology which you can buy from places like The Hive, The Workshop and WATERSTONES in Norwich. Hell yeah! I have a poem in a book in the biggest book shop in the UK; the one that is still alive! Although, I couldn’t see it there, but I saw it in The Hive, and The Hive is one of the best book shops ever, Stephen Fry agrees. I also did Cinderella by heart, just to, you know, show that I can sometimes memorize stuff.
I think I shall end there. Oh, also, i’m working at Bestival and need to know ideas for what I can go as on different days, the fancy dress theme is ‘Rockstars, Popstars and Divas’. I just wanna my own clothes but have things like a black messy wig with white streaks… think I may use it for Amy Winehouse, if that’s not in bad taste… which it shouldn’t because it’s like a tribute to her, because I like her music and she will be a legend, a legend ending in tragedy, but a ledge nevertheless.