I haven’t updated yet as I had been working in my day job, and focussing on other things unrelated to any other work-related activities, which I include as anything art-related, or related to any aspect of my working life, whether paid or unpaid. So, I’ve been enjoying some sun where we’ve had it, salsa dancing, meeting new people and so on.
On a night of cancelled plans, I spontaneously took myself to the park to do some artmaking. I had just come out of a day in clinical work where a lot of emotional material had been stirred up. I noticed a strong counter transference response and found myself reflecting on themes that felt personally resonant. As someone who is late-diagnosed and also newly out of a relationship, I felt a strong connection to broader experiences of autism. Something that stayed with me was the sense of being “too much.” In response to this, I wrote the words: “Am I too much or are you not enough?”
Through thinking about emotional regulation with my client, I suggested the idea of artmaking or writing and then destroying the creation. So, although unplanned, I decided to do the same myself. As sun dried the watercolour, I impatiently tore the paper into pieces. It became an embodied way of working with intensity, release, and transformation. As a response piece to The Weight of Being, this work also became a way of processing the emotional residue of clinical work that day, as well as my own experiences.
I went to see Kes with people from the soca dance group I go to and it felt like sunshine filled the room. Staying connected to Trinidad, I then went to the Hurvin Anderson exhibition. I felt a quiet contemplation moving through this exhibition. Rich and vibrant artwork with stories behind each piece, it was interesting to see what can emerge from photographic references through painting. It intrigued me to think about the exploration of time and memory in these pieces. As well as the Tate Britain, I also went to the Tate Modern on my birthday, but I’ll save that for another time as I only managed two rooms before heading off to see Hamilton! I also saw Tender at Soho Theatre, and had the unique opportunity to get on stage! I’ll update more about this on my Instagram, but I loved the show so much that I got the play text. This month I also took myself to the cinema to see The Drama.
I have been busy… it being my birth-month! I hosted a board game night, visited my friend in Germany, and made a gift as well as occupying my hands to make some clay polymer jewellery during some work training, which is for sale!
Watching: Youngers, Envidiosa, The Drama
Reading: Time Regained by Marcel Proust, Supervision of Art Psychotherapy by Joy Schaverien and Caroline Case, The Problem with Men by Richard Herring, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed.
Podcasts: Jillian on Love, What Now? with Trevor Noah
Music: System of a Down, Scarlxrd, WARGASM, Funeral for a Friend, MUDRAT, HUMBE, Poppy, Kes, Foo Fighters, The Plot in You, Tommy Genesis, Akon and Ne-yo, Patrice Roberts
If you’d like to buy some books, please do!
Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 