News – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #133

The birthmonth has began! And it’s not the best time, but at the same time, maybe having a rest from essays will do me good. I’m having nightmares that my essay grades are so bad they don’t let me complete the course ever, and when I got my placement report, I had a completely irrational panic that it was a message about me doing something majorly wrong! The report was glowing, thank you very much brain.

My gran recommended the exhibition ‘The Time is Always Now’ at the National Portrait Gallery, and took a train all the way from Hastings to see me and the exhibition , give me a gift, and treated me to tapas! The next day I went to The Avocado Show with my mum and saw ‘For Black Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When The Hue Gets Too Heavy’. It was absolutely incredible, a must-see, blending humour with serious topics, great music and beautiful song and dance. A choreopoem, it was inspired by “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf” by Ntozake Shange. I had missed the boat previously, and my mum had introduced me to the Shange text, so it was meaningful to go together.

I spent a solid two days feeling like I was treading water as I tackled my essays over Sunday and Monday. That feels like an age away now after uni and placement days, plus last night’s She Grrrowls. Although the audience was strangely small, and there was some stress beforehand, I thoroughly enjoyed the night. I was quite affronted by people posting online to sell on tickets and pulling out of attending in favour of doing an open mic. Very bad form, to be honest. The people who did attend were an incredible audience and gave the features the love and enthusiasm they deserve. Eleanor May Blackburn’s ‘Does my Fanny Look Big in This?’ was incredibly relatable in so many ways, and was so well told, again dealing with some serious subjects, surrounded by a lot of humour. Phoebe Wagner then showcased her film ‘(Pub)lic House’, which was so interesting and important and can be watched for free by all online!

Today after a full work day, I then celebrated my mum’s birthday with a meal. Tomorrow I celebrate my own with friends after Race for Life in the morning! You can donate here.

Watching: One Day, The Simpsons

Reading: Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez

Podcasts: The Process Podcast by Tyrone Lewis

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #132

News

Last weekend I went out to a gig at The Black Heart in Camden. It reminded me how fun it is to discover more underground bands, which I feel like I say every time I actually do this on the rare occasion.

I had the Forest Hill Stanza open mic on the Sunday, which is usually small, but always seems to be different people, also coming beyond the local area. The rest of the week was the usual: work, uni, and studying.

Last night was meant to be the second Spanish-language night, but it ended up being a drink with the friend who didn’t make it last month and the only Spanish we spoke was “salud” and “hasty luego”.

I’m really excited about the weekend as it’s the start of my birth-month! So, I’m going to an exhibition with my gran tonight, the theatre with my mum tomorrow and spending as much time as possible reading and writing my essays! Thankfully I have a RASA as I am so not ready to submit!

The next She Grrrowls is a special one featuring Eleanor May Blackburn’s one-woman show, and a short film by Phoebe Wagner. Show some love and buy your ticket here!

Watching: Life & Beth, The Simpsons, lots of stand-up: Neal Brennan, Jimmy Carr (sorry), Fern Brady.

Reading: The Rose that Grew from Concrete by Tupac Shakur, An Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez

Podcasts: Trevor Noah’s What Now?, The Process Podcast by Tyrone Lewis

Music: Kate Nash, Emo Forever, Sunday Morning Mix, Turkish Pop Music

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #131

News

I recently applied for the Poet in Residence for the City Bridge Foundation and didn’t get it. It’s a huge disappointment as the £10,000 fee would have meant I would actually be able to afford my uni fees next year and could fully focus on my training along with the project.

I’m still waiting for the outcome for my ACE project grant, which would be the next best thing, though would make next March particularly intense. I have £3,500 to save for next year’s university fees, so ideally I would be able to save this before the start of the next term so I can focus on just working to live rather than having to save on top of that. I’ve got lots of TEFL work planned that I’ll be doing alongside a few private students, so it could happen!

strolling through flowers to meet my dad

I tried to rest more last weekend, but went to support my dad running the marathon – his last hurrah! I also did some reflective art, only with the impending deadline of having been asked to include some work for my placement for a newsletter about the work being done in our team.

I started with two new students on alternative education placement this week and they are both really lovely and seem keen to work, which feels great. Time is going so fast, as placement days whizzed by with ups and downs, and it’s nearly the weekend, though that means more work tomorrow!

It’s the Forest Hill Stanza open mic this Sunday 2-4pm at Forest Hill Library, and next week aside from the unusual, May brings the start of birthday activities, including a trip to the theatre, which is exciting!

Watching: Baby Reindeer, Life & Beth, The Simpsons, some stand up comedy

Reading: Playing & Reality (finished!), An Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez, The Rose that Grew from Concrete by Tupac Shakur

Podcasts: What Now? by Trevor Noah, Therapists Uncensored

Music: Kate Nash, 100 gecs, Transcend playlist

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #130

News

Last weekend I made the most of the free time before everything got busy again, celebrating Eid, seeing course mates, friends, and family. Things are gradually getting back into a routine now, but this week started with two weeks of the experiential group at uni. This consists of being in a room of twelve, art-making and reflecting on the experience together.

I also had work on the Monday, and helped to collect a second-hand desk for my partner and did chores the next day. I had placement again on Wednesday and Thursday, and went out for a meal with old uni pals in between, having a

lovely Jambalaya, complete with dry ice.

Today I’ve been tutoring and arranged a new student, so things are getting super busy with back to back lessons on Fridays. I had a cancellation and tried to do a reflective artwork for placement that might go in a newsletter, but I ended up frustrated and dissatisfied, so I’m torn between trying again, or focussing on my essays!

Watching: Baby Reindeer, The Simpsons

Reading: What Do You See? by Mala Gitlin Betensky, Playing & Reality by W.D. Winnicott, and Bi-lines anthology

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored

Music: Kate Nash, Hard Rock Metal Mix

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #129

News

I’m a little unsure whether last week’s post went through, but I will continue where I left off. I’ve been trying to focus on reading for my university assignments now I have the bones of the writing down. I honestly feel like I have a year’s worth of writing that I need to do in the next month. I’ve tried to use Trello to manage it, but I’ve slipped behind some deadlines already and some of the timelines I’ve set are too ambitious. I did manage to finish a book recently, but I need to read papers focussed on sexual abuse and trauma, plus read books to get my head around object relationship theory, amongst others.

I worked on Monday and Tuesday on group tuition, applying for an incredible writing residency opportunity on Monday, then seeing the Cute exhibition at Somerset House – and yes, I did also queue up for an hour and a half to go to the cafe… it was weirdly empty when we sat down, so I have no idea why they weren’t letting people in at that point, but maybe it was a staffing issue. I was actually let in for free by a fellow Art Psychotherapist Trainee in the year below, so that was so fortunate!

Horniman reading (before it got too cold)

I was back on placement on Wednesday, which has coincided with the start of the Eid festivities, so I spent some quality time with my partner, but also caught up with some Red Sky Sessions, so we are celebrating tonight. Yesterday was She Grrrowls. The last couple of months, I’ve seen content I’ve not been comfortable with, which doesn’t reflect the ethos of the event, so I am working to think how I can approach the open mic to stop this from happening.

Today, I’m hoping the weather will stay nice, so I can do some reading outside aside from doing some work on my laptop. I’m going back to Catford tonight, and also made plans in Catford tomorrow night. It’s the place to be! If you’re based in and around London, check out She Grrrowls next month at Catford Mews – it’s going to be extra special with a full length show and film screening!

Watching: Loudermilk, The Simpsons, Life & Beth, Aşk 101.

Reading: Introduction to Object Relations, Playing & Reality, The Revealing Image (finished!)

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored

Music: Kate Nash, Beyoncé

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #128

News, Uncategorized

Last weekend, I had my gran visit. I noticed I found it hard to relax at times, but I managed to enjoy some downtime. We watched played Ticket to Ride Saturday evening, then went to the Horniman gardens and aquarium, local cafe Galão, and did some Lino cutting – I didn’t have the proper ink and roller, so the prints aren’t great. My gran tried to replicate a picture from the aquarium, and I did a uni homework task I had forgotten about, thinking about the Art Therapy Large Group.

On Monday, I was meant to go with my partner to get his koi fish tattoo, but we ended up being able to do the whole tattoo on Thursday (when I popped to the Goldsmiths library to exchange some books, making my pile even higher). I did lots of essay writing and reading. Tuesday I did admin and was really extra, going to the butcher for a special cut of meat for making the Cuban dish ropa vieja for my first Spanish speaking night for friends.

On Wednesday I saw a friend and one of her babies, who I hadn’t seen since the pandemic! I walked to and from Beckenham Place Park and the rain held off, and otherwise did essay writing. I also bumped into a TEFL colleague, the school I work at being nearby. It was also the first Red Sky Session that evening, and I’ve been starting to catch up with the ones I missed in November (doing two in one day on Friday!)

I managed to finish work early yesterday, so I was able to have food with friends and then we went to Hijingo, which was fun. Next week I’ll be working more and back on placement! Ever since the clocks changed I’ve had trouble sleep in early, so that’s my goal for this week as I’ll need the energy!

Next Thursday is the next She Grrrowls! Catford Mews, 8:30pm! Only seven tickets have been sold so far, so having got some physical flyers delivered to the venue, hopefully more will be purchased! Buy tickets here!

Watching: The French Dispatch, Loudermilk, The Simpsons, Aşk 101

Reading: Playing and Reality by D.W. Winnicott, An Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gómez, On Not Being Able to Paint by Marion Milner, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, Art Therapy for Psychosis, Bi-lines anthology and Islamic Mystical Poetry.

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Therapists Uncensored, Sleepy

Music: Beyoncé, Kate Nash, Cuban and Mexican playlists, Los Tigres Del Norte, Los Ángeles Azules

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

01.02.24

Events

Bi-Lines Anthology Launch at Gay’s The Word

Freelance Reflections #127

News

Well, although the last week has been less demanding than others, and I’ve seen a few friends (film night, a couple of dinners, and a local drink), it has also felt very full. Last weekend, I worked Saturday as usual and then had the Forest Hill Stanza at the library on Sunday. Aside from my co-rep, different people came, which was interesting. I was meant to tutor on Monday, but ended up with loads of cancellations, getting a head start on sorting the flat out (which had built up a mess over months) after lesson planning.

Forest Hill Poetry Society Stanza Open Mic:
every last Sunday

Tuesday, I ended up doing an Apples and Snakes online workshop with Dominic Berry, and doing essay writing in the local library. The next day, I went to the Women in Revolt exhibition before seeing a friend. I had seen familiar archival material (e.g. about Greenham Common), of which there was an overwhelming amount, but there was some new to me, and particularly a protest about a vaccine mostly used on Black and Asian women made me think about the Covid vaccine and conflicting feelings I had about the reluctancy towards this. Although women in general are often distrustful of GPs and medical professionals, our pain often dismissed, this is magnified particularly with Black women.

Thursday, I submitted some poetry, and had a student in the afternoon, followed by the last Breathe dance workshop I’m attending. I had tutoring work from 8:15am on Friday, then finished sorting the flat out with my partner, also squeezing in and stressing about my essays. Yesterday I saw family and we had the Christmas meal we didn’t get at Christmas due to Covid, and went for a walk. All the grown-up “children” like myself got chocolate eggs given still. My gran is visiting and we’re going to have a creative day today!

Watching: Atlanta (finished!), The Simpsons, Loudermilk

Reading: Playing and Reality by D.W. Winnicot. Islamic Mystical Poetry, Bi-Lines anthology, and Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller (finished!)

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: WILLOW, Suntou Susso, Kara Jackson, Hard Rock Metal mix, Mexico Chill Vibe

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #126

News

It’s Friday! I am going to another CPIFF event, but I also forgot to send a timesheet, so I’m delaying renewing my gym membership yet again, and I’m increasing my work on Saturdays so I’ll be working consistently 9am-5pm with only travel breaks to snack on. It feels really tough to be working so hard and be left struggling to pay for things as well as trying to save tuition fees, feeling like the money just evaporates as soon as it hits the account. I know I’m very privileged to be able to even scrape through paying this course and live in a nice flat in London, but it’s also very tiring and stressful at times. It was my course mate’s birthday, and a few of us went to their house and friends made Chinese and Korean food. She also has a cat! However, I had stress with my food delivery being cancelled, so I spent most of Sunday trying to get some food in from the shops, and even forgot to do a task set from uni!

Some work came up that would mean scarifying up to three days of holiday. I feel so exhausted it’s hard to think about filling up this time with yet more work, but I also need the money. However, it was also well below what I would normally expect per hour, so I’ve left that up to fate and put myself forward, also explaining it’s below what I’d usually expect. Most likely, someone happier to work for less will be accepted for the job. If I can spend less time busying myself and spending the money I earn, then it means more time reading and essay writing. I feel so discombobulated, I feel like it’s reflected in this post!

It’s been the last day of uni before a break, and my last week on placement before a break. I’ll also have some work cancelled on Mondays and Fridays due to school holidays. I celebrated the end of term with Salt Pizza, which was great, and tried a Bollywood dancing workshop last night with the NHS Breathe programme. I think I’ll probably go to the last one next week! I’m also seeing a couple of friends the next two days, so it feels a bit like things are winding down… but I’m really looking forward to sorting my messy flat out on my first day off on Tuesday!

This Sunday is the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic at Forest Hill Library 2-4pm. Free for all to attend!

Watching: Atlanta, The Simpsons

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Personality Isn’t Permanent by Benjamin P. Harvey, Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, Where Should We Begin by Esther Perel, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: Pinhanı, Bright Eyes

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #125

News

It’s been another busy week, with more to come tomorrow, but having some low-key Sunday plans with family and friends has been nice. I also saw Dune 2, which I didn’t enjoy as much as I remembered the first. I’d hoped to see a friend after a student tonight, but I’m homeward bound instead. After a couple of busy Fridays, it will be good to relax once I’m home and fed!

I also had She Grrrowls last night and despite a few curveballs, there was a decent turn out, and a few lovely people even bought books! I’m looking forward to some time away from my usual schedule, just to catch up on things and get a bit of breathing space, but also as I probably said before, to also catch up with friends and see some exhibitions. I need to be earning more money as well, so I’m a bit apprehensive about the time off in this respect.