music – Page 7 – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #126

It’s Friday! I am going to another CPIFF event, but I also forgot to send a timesheet, so I’m delaying renewing my gym membership yet again, and I’m increasing my work on Saturdays so I’ll be working consistently 9am-5pm with only travel breaks to snack on. It feels really tough to be working so hard and be left struggling to pay for things as well as trying to save tuition fees, feeling like the money just evaporates as soon as it hits the account. I know I’m very privileged to be able to even scrape through paying this course and live in a nice flat in London, but it’s also very tiring and stressful at times. It was my course mate’s birthday, and a few of us went to their house and friends made Chinese and Korean food. She also has a cat! However, I had stress with my food delivery being cancelled, so I spent most of Sunday trying to get some food in from the shops, and even forgot to do a task set from uni!

Some work came up that would mean scarifying up to three days of holiday. I feel so exhausted it’s hard to think about filling up this time with yet more work, but I also need the money. However, it was also well below what I would normally expect per hour, so I’ve left that up to fate and put myself forward, also explaining it’s below what I’d usually expect. Most likely, someone happier to work for less will be accepted for the job. If I can spend less time busying myself and spending the money I earn, then it means more time reading and essay writing. I feel so discombobulated, I feel like it’s reflected in this post!

It’s been the last day of uni before a break, and my last week on placement before a break. I’ll also have some work cancelled on Mondays and Fridays due to school holidays. I celebrated the end of term with Salt Pizza, which was great, and tried a Bollywood dancing workshop last night with the NHS Breathe programme. I think I’ll probably go to the last one next week! I’m also seeing a couple of friends the next two days, so it feels a bit like things are winding down… but I’m really looking forward to sorting my messy flat out on my first day off on Tuesday!

This Sunday is the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic at Forest Hill Library 2-4pm. Free for all to attend!

Watching: Atlanta, The Simpsons

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Personality Isn’t Permanent by Benjamin P. Harvey, Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, Where Should We Begin by Esther Perel, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: Pinhanı, Bright Eyes

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #123

News

I’m in a local coffee shop, Galão, and just bumped into a parent with an ex-student! I didn’t recognise them at first, but when I did I waved and just did a hi-how-are-you, but I always feel a bit awkward! I was actually planning to pop to an exhibition today, but then double-checked and realised it’s actually closed today! So, back to my essay I go.

This week, I’ve mostly just worked – whether on my essay, placement or work-work. However, I also had the first Forest Hill Stanza group at the local library, which was nice. It had the usual people as well as a couple of others.

Mix and match take away with home cooked food

The worst part of the week – still an ongoing source of stress – was when I found out I had missed the notification that my payment had failed for the DBS update service. After wasting an hour crying down the phone to robots, I had to accept there was nothing I could do but reapply for another one for £38. I’m now waiting for a response about checking my documents. When I get it and put it on the update service again, then I will make sure to put an annual note in my calendar to check the payment! So, now I need to wait to see what is going on with my application as I emailed a bunch of people from uni to arrange verification, but haven’t had a reply yet.

I really wasn’t in the mood to tutor after that, but thankfully I started with a boy I hadn’t seen for a while and it was really rewarding working with him. Aside from the usual, I also went to CPIFF (Crystal Palace International Film Festival). It was a night of International Shorts and I though they were great. I was also taken by surprise by one called Corruption on Earth that felt really uncomfortable and surreal that showed Iran winning an award for its regime, and had me in tears by the end. I also was uncomfortable with a more experimental film called King, that was mostly dance to music, but the choreographer came from Denmark to speak and her and the audience articulated so well that it enhanced my enjoyment of it.

Cakes, cookies & plantain crisps on placement

I’m still ploughing my way through the ACE application, and really hoping I can get that and my current essay draft done this week, then I can focus on reading more texts to put into said essay, and get started on writing my next one! Rather than watch a film or anything, I managed to do a bit of a ukulele practice after the gym – how’s that for a wild Saturday night!

Watching: Atlanta, Life & Beth, The Simpsons, Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons

Reading: Trauma and The Avoidant Client by Robert T Muller, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Things Fell Apart, WTF with Marc Maron

Music: Kate Nash, Taking Back Sunday

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #122

News

So, aside from work work, essay and funding application writing and the usual university and placement days, I’ve had my mid-placement report and three-way meeting, so all seems to be going well! I’ve had a few lessons cancelled, which has enabled me to keep floating above water. At university we had a day that was focussed on “queering” art psychotherapy, but it was also the day we had a walk out for Palestine, so many of us joined the rally and made art on the side, personally reflecting on how I’ve noticed queer/LGBT+ identities have been weaponised in arguments on this topic.

I’ve also broken my resolutions on socialising as I didn’t have a great awareness of my existing commitments before making new ones! I saw Poppy with WARGASM on Tuesday night, which I was gifted, which was so much fun! It ended earlier than I would have liked, but I had a great time. I caught up with a friend who came along over Mexican food at Frida, and then I had further indulgence the next evening over East Street Pan-Asian food meeting up with an old UEA friend.

I’ve decided to continue going to the dance workshops for NHS workers, which is a little nerve-wracking but really rewarding. Today due to work cancellations, I managed to go back in the studio to paint my clay piece. I was there just under an hour and a half, preparing for a new gig booked for my birthday: Kate Nash… who, I found out at some point followed me on Twitter/X… which I officially do not use anymore. Anyway, being dyspraxic, I guess… I managed to start the session with cracking the piece whilst taking it out, so the little shelter broke. I just realised that it then made more sense that I did an overflowing well. I also ended the session dipping my hair in blue paint… so, I’m off to work now with paint still there, thinking that I really should wash my hair tonight!

This Sunday I’m running the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic, now at Forest Hill Library every last Sunday 2-4pm. There’s about ten people on the open mic so far, so it should be good!

Watching: Life and Beth, The Simpsons, Da Vinci’s Demons

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Sexy but Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor

Music: Poppy, WARGASM, Kate Nash

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #121

News

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and behind as I’m still slogging through my ACE application re-write, which it’s basically a whole different set of questions, so it’s taking me even longer. I need to get it in as soon as possible in order to give the full amount of time necessary, whilst also not rushing it!

It also happens to be a crucial time for essay writing. I feel like I need to read so much more, but I will have time after the draft submission to add more to it (and inevitably take away through the editing process). The biggest essay of 8000 words is the one that gets a draft, which is due in March, along with a shorter reflective piece on the debates, which is a painfully short 500 words. Then the big one is due with a 2000 word essay at the start of May. Realistically, it’s just a couple of months away! Then I’ll have around a month to prepare for the exhibition.

As it was half term, I had a few less lessons, and even managed to spend a little over an hour in the uni art studio! The first time in one and a half years! I’ve still had my course and placement days, which honestly is one thing after another. Just when I think I can finally focus on the client work, I’m met with more obstacles regarding the system I’m working within. However, I was able to attend a dance class as part of an NHS well-being programme, which I’m going to try to stick too. It was relatively easy, but also worked my brain as my dyspraxic brain finds it difficult to remember steps, providing a much-needed distraction from other anxieties.

I also went to a gig on Saturday night. I would say I dragged my partner along, but he enjoyed it. One of the things I love about our relationship is our shared love for live music, and he’s so enthusiastic even when he doesn’t know the band, and just makes it so much fun. We last went to Kentish Town to see 100 Gecs, and this was Slayyyter. Funnily enough Slayyyter previously toured with Tove Lo, who my boyfriend introduced me to. It was so packed, but great fun and she played my fave: Daddy AF.

I’ve not managed to update until today, which has been manic as even with cancelled lessons I’m go go go, always filling my time with the mass of things to do. Sometimes those things are Sunday-shaped and it felt really fulfilling yesterday to have a slower morning (I tried!) brunchy breakfast, followed by swimming with my partner and my friend who’s training to be a yoga instructor testing her yin-style class on us. I agreed to a hot drink at the Horniman, where I also started doing some more essay writing.

I have another gig tomorrow, so after having a busy evening of chores, I’m hoping to wind down soon!

Watching: Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Life & Beth

Reading: Little Boxes, Sexy but Psycho, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Thirsty for Art

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones, Poppy, WARGASM

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #119

News

The last time I wrote, I was feeling so good – I saw Pinhanı and went to see the Capturing the Moment exhibition at Tate Modern. When I’m feeling good and healthy, but perhaps have a lot on, it seems like that’s when illness hit. I’ve now just about got over the flu, which knocked me out for days, then lasted as a lingering cough.

As I tried my best to rest, I got to watch a couple of films and used the ‘speak’ function to get research papers read to me by a robotic voice. I had three and a half full days off, and was gutted to miss my placement, for my clients and also this really interesting somatic training. I worked from Saturday evening and also managed to muster up some energy for a pottery taster course I’d bought for my partner.

Cernamic Deptford pottery throwing taster

By the Sunday, I had to get on top of things for the week ahead, launching myself as gently as possible into a busy period, with work on between 27th January to 10th February, with no day off work/studies until Sunday 11th. Normally my day off, after a week of my usual routines, I’m now delivering two Lego parties in one day. I left at 9:30am and won’t be finished until around 4pm. I’ve also asked my parents to meet in a cafe for a hot drink afterwards as it’s not too far from them (compared to where I live at least) and it’s near where I grew up.

I also performed at the Bi+ Lines book launch, which was incredible! I really loved it so much. Reading poetry is so creatively invigorating and the audience was so lovely and I met lots of people and even met someone called Rose who said their first open mic event was She Grrrowls!

I’ve managed to do some preparation for the week ahead in terms of food as I’ve got a routine I normally do on Sunday for meal prep. I still have a bit to do tonight, but not quite so much pressure.

Next week is She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! There are still plenty of tickets and I would love for it to beat our max audience at the venue of 28, so we can fight to keep it in the cinema space. Get tickets here!

Watching: The Hate U Give, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Saltburn, Forky animations, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, The Patient, Wednesday, Traitors!

Reading: lots of research papers, Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Jenny Murphy, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Islamic Mystical Poetry

Podcasts: Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast, What Now? with Trevor Noah, Sleepy

Music: Poppy, Slayyyter, July Jones, Aurora

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #112

News

I’m currently unwell with a cold, but I’m hoping to nip it at the bud, resting where I can between work. By resting, I mean reading about trauma and art therapy assessment… I haven’t had a full day off since 26th November, and my next day off is 17th December, both days being family days, rather than days of doing nothing (if ever there is such a day… other than Christmas Day!) With everyone getting unwell, I was feeling healthy, then that superstitious feeling came where I have that thought and suddenly I’m ill. However, I’ve been having my healing herbal remedy, and I’m hopeful it’ll pass without too much disturbance. I’m also thankful that my cervical tests are going to be monitored in a year, so nothing too scary.

I had my university supervision in a freezing cold room with no heating, and I had already got estates to switch the heating on previously, so I feel worried about that for next term. I also feel like I’m taking on too much responsibility and the fact I’m ill is a message to stop doing that and let others pick up the slack. In some cases, it’s the same old story about my needing to prioritise. I’m going to start being really strict with how much I do outside or studying and my course and try to limit any kind of social activity to once a week. I would also rather most of that to be spontaneous rather than planned to ensure I have enough time for rest too.

I had my first one-to-one with a client and it takes a lot of processing. Next week, I start with a second young person, and I’ll hopefully have two more booked in for the new year. Everything feels fast at the moment. I’m also starting to feel anxious because I spent my rent money on Christmas presents without realising I have a gap without anything coming in, plus I’m waiting to hear back about paying council tax and am due to pay over £1000 on my own by April if I’m not able to get an exemption. It’s also the time of year for enforced holiday and paid work gets thin. I know that some way somehow it’ll be okay, but I can’t seem to not get a bit stressed about it.

I feel like this update has been a bit miserable and stressy, but I am really grateful to be on this path and I’m so lucky to be doing so much that I enjoy. I’m still figuring things out and that’s okay.

Next Thursday 14th December, I’m hosting the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. There will be some space, but it’s a very small venue, so do book and come early to avoid disappointment! See all the details here!

Watching: Killers of the Flower Moon, Top Boy, Upload

Reading: Endgame, Waking the Tiger, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Griefcast

Music: Poppy, Pinhani

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #109

News

Last weekend, I worked Saturday, as I’m meeting new families and working with new students. I also went to Pitchfork Festival, where I bumped into fellow UEA alumni, Chris Ogden and Ella Jane Chappell (Ella’s book Moonrise is available here). I only really knew Porridge Radio, but I enjoyed all the bands I saw, especially Wednesday, who my friend Phil described as something like Nashville country meets Seattle grunge.

I also got a couple of uni friends to join me at a few exhibitions – the Koestler Arts one ‘In Case of Emergency’, excellently curated by poet Joelle Taylor, Sonya Dyer’s ‘Three Parent Child’ at Somerset House, and in between, an unexpected delight at the Hayward Gallery: Amol K Patil’s ‘The Politics of Skin and Movement’. This week, I’ve also got stuck into my own art-making, which I’ll share more of next week. I went to the Koestler Arts exhibition last year, and it’s always interesting, but I especially enjoyed the space given to the work this year, as well as the inclusion of spoken word poetry on telephones and poem text on clothing and canteen trays. The Hayward exhibition was like stepping into another person’s world, and I loved the video in a glass, the music from the radio, and the drawers of sand. Somerset House was interesting as I didn’t know what to expect, and it was almost like stepping onto another planet!

I’ve had a fairly active week, as I also went out on Monday to see the film ‘How to Have Sex’. I wish this kind of film had been made when I was younger, as I reflected my own experiences of sex throughout my early twenties and even my late twenties and early thirties! I don’t know if it would have changed anything, but I could only think of the film ‘thirteen’ from my time as a teenager (I was 14 when this came out), though I personally couldn’t relate to those experiences. This film felt so relatable, that I was thankful that my trip to Magaluf was when I was in a relationship (still a fairly chaotic, but overall fun trip!), and when I went away with a group of girls abroad when younger, I organised it in a more family-friendly area! Although taking place abroad, the story could easily narrate our sexual experiences at Reading Festival and UK nightclubs.

There have been ups and downs, but I also got to catch up with a couple of friends with an amazing Chinese restaurant called YeYe’s, which had particularly nice chunky dumplings and a beef noodle dish. Something else I’ve been wanting to do for a while is share what I’m watching, listening to, reading etc.

Watching: Top Boy, (Girlfriends – now taken off Netflix!), The Simpsons

Reading: Noughts & Crosses (about to go from book 4 to 5), Approaches to Art Therapy

Podcasts: Apples & Snakes, On Purpose, The Diary of a CEO, Multiamory

Music: Porridge Radio, Wednesday, Ashnikko, Slayyyter, Otoboke Beaver

Freelance Reflections #76

News

The last week has whizzed by, and yet my work schedule is still up in the air. It looks like I may be securing some work for next year, which is positive and I’m looking to do more alternative education in the daytime. However, balancing these placements with other work and university work… it’s looking like my relaxing Sundays will be when I catch up on course reading and art making (also a requirement for the course as well as the profession of being an Art Therapist).

Yesterday, I went to see the Soheila Sokhanvari ‘Rebel Rebel’ exhibition at The Barbican. An Iranian artist, it feels like a really important exhibition, especially poignant in these times with the femicides and protests in Iran. The exhibition is on until 26th February 2023. Featuring female actors and singers from Iran, each portrait is accompanied by a snapshot of their life story, which you can read about on the gallery website, often filled with details of exile, imprisonment, violence and mistreatment.

Carmina’s Cantata #19

Carmina's Cantata

The final episodes of Carmina’s Cantata have now been published, marking the end of this project, though hopefully not the end of my journey with music, although the end of the funding. I still would love to work more on my poem-songs, collaborate with musicians and producers, and keep up with the ukulele. Meanwhile, please share this time capsule of poetry and music in 2021-2022 far and wide.

The penultimate episode features an interview with my maternal nan and grandad (I actually remember my grandad actually taught me the meaning of the word ‘penultimate’. The one with my nan came about naturally at first, then I asked if we could try to recapture what she had been talking about, with her dad having been a theatre musician. The part with my grandad was actually in response to my mum, who studied theatre at university.

The bonus episode is just me talking about music and emotions – another aspect of what drove me to pick this topic. So, if you fancy listening to me chatting about music and emotions, butchering names and technical terms from the research I’ve done, and summarising my findings and best bits, then set aside 50 minutes and enjoy!

Carmina’s Cantata #18

Carmina's Cantata

The final poet interview is out in the world, and it ends on a bang with Brigitte Aphrodite! As a lover of a good chinwag, this is also the longest episode in the series. Still to come in a special episode where we hear from my maternal nan and grandad, as well as one of me discussing the research I’m doing over the next month or so!

I’m picking up the uke when I can, and have been having a go at Taylor Swift’s ‘Love Story’. I quite like it, though I’m still struggling with getting my fingers to and from the G-chord! I’m going to have a busy summer, and hope for more days where I can spend any rest time between the busyness in parks researching with my little pile of books.

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