Burning Eye – Page 7 – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #122

So, aside from work work, essay and funding application writing and the usual university and placement days, I’ve had my mid-placement report and three-way meeting, so all seems to be going well! I’ve had a few lessons cancelled, which has enabled me to keep floating above water. At university we had a day that was focussed on “queering” art psychotherapy, but it was also the day we had a walk out for Palestine, so many of us joined the rally and made art on the side, personally reflecting on how I’ve noticed queer/LGBT+ identities have been weaponised in arguments on this topic.

I’ve also broken my resolutions on socialising as I didn’t have a great awareness of my existing commitments before making new ones! I saw Poppy with WARGASM on Tuesday night, which I was gifted, which was so much fun! It ended earlier than I would have liked, but I had a great time. I caught up with a friend who came along over Mexican food at Frida, and then I had further indulgence the next evening over East Street Pan-Asian food meeting up with an old UEA friend.

I’ve decided to continue going to the dance workshops for NHS workers, which is a little nerve-wracking but really rewarding. Today due to work cancellations, I managed to go back in the studio to paint my clay piece. I was there just under an hour and a half, preparing for a new gig booked for my birthday: Kate Nash… who, I found out at some point followed me on Twitter/X… which I officially do not use anymore. Anyway, being dyspraxic, I guess… I managed to start the session with cracking the piece whilst taking it out, so the little shelter broke. I just realised that it then made more sense that I did an overflowing well. I also ended the session dipping my hair in blue paint… so, I’m off to work now with paint still there, thinking that I really should wash my hair tonight!

This Sunday I’m running the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic, now at Forest Hill Library every last Sunday 2-4pm. There’s about ten people on the open mic so far, so it should be good!

Watching: Life and Beth, The Simpsons, Da Vinci’s Demons

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Sexy but Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor

Music: Poppy, WARGASM, Kate Nash

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #121

News

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and behind as I’m still slogging through my ACE application re-write, which it’s basically a whole different set of questions, so it’s taking me even longer. I need to get it in as soon as possible in order to give the full amount of time necessary, whilst also not rushing it!

It also happens to be a crucial time for essay writing. I feel like I need to read so much more, but I will have time after the draft submission to add more to it (and inevitably take away through the editing process). The biggest essay of 8000 words is the one that gets a draft, which is due in March, along with a shorter reflective piece on the debates, which is a painfully short 500 words. Then the big one is due with a 2000 word essay at the start of May. Realistically, it’s just a couple of months away! Then I’ll have around a month to prepare for the exhibition.

As it was half term, I had a few less lessons, and even managed to spend a little over an hour in the uni art studio! The first time in one and a half years! I’ve still had my course and placement days, which honestly is one thing after another. Just when I think I can finally focus on the client work, I’m met with more obstacles regarding the system I’m working within. However, I was able to attend a dance class as part of an NHS well-being programme, which I’m going to try to stick too. It was relatively easy, but also worked my brain as my dyspraxic brain finds it difficult to remember steps, providing a much-needed distraction from other anxieties.

I also went to a gig on Saturday night. I would say I dragged my partner along, but he enjoyed it. One of the things I love about our relationship is our shared love for live music, and he’s so enthusiastic even when he doesn’t know the band, and just makes it so much fun. We last went to Kentish Town to see 100 Gecs, and this was Slayyyter. Funnily enough Slayyyter previously toured with Tove Lo, who my boyfriend introduced me to. It was so packed, but great fun and she played my fave: Daddy AF.

I’ve not managed to update until today, which has been manic as even with cancelled lessons I’m go go go, always filling my time with the mass of things to do. Sometimes those things are Sunday-shaped and it felt really fulfilling yesterday to have a slower morning (I tried!) brunchy breakfast, followed by swimming with my partner and my friend who’s training to be a yoga instructor testing her yin-style class on us. I agreed to a hot drink at the Horniman, where I also started doing some more essay writing.

I have another gig tomorrow, so after having a busy evening of chores, I’m hoping to wind down soon!

Watching: Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Life & Beth

Reading: Little Boxes, Sexy but Psycho, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Thirsty for Art

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones, Poppy, WARGASM

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #120

News

Well, another week is whisking past, and I’m feeling a bit run down and looking forward to a day off on Sunday. By that, I mean staying home, doing chores and essay writing. These are sometimes the days I look forward to the most. It can be hard to fully enjoy going out when overwhelmed with so much to do. On top of the usual, I’m trying to write funding applications and trying not to rush the process, but when it comes to priorities, it’s fighting for position against my essays. That said, I love writing, so getting the words out won’t be so hard… finding the right words and editing is where I struggle.

On a more positive note, She Grrrowls was last night and it was a pretty full crowd! There was so much positive feedback, and with the venue now gaining another new manager, I’m hoping they’ll be more supportive of the night. Things are coming together on my placement, I can’t complain about work, and I’m getting back into exercise now the flu has past.

I met my parents last Sunday for a lovely hot chocolate and brownie after doing two Lego parties, and realised I haven’t really seen any friends. Whilst many are enjoying a quieter, slower life as Cecilia Knapp had mentioned in a new poem last night, some are so snowed under in work, it’s ridiculous. I’m talking 5am to 10pm days with one, who also needs to study for their accountancy course, and another who is working in an organisation in crisis and training to be a yoga instructor in her spare time. Both incredibly successful women, but in and out of jobs for various reasons, with pressure to just keep going. I can obviously relate, but I feel like I’m lucky in that the work I do is often a privilege (though it comes with certain stresses of late), I absolutely love the training I’m doing, and I’m managing to also eat well, exercise, and socialise (or at least socialise with myself by going to galleries).

Watching: Abbot Elementary, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Travel Man

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Instant Genius, Trevor Noah’s What Now?

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #118

News

Last week, on top of my usual work and studies, I also had news disrupting my current venue for She Grrrowls. Whilst the next event is still set for the same space and should hopefully go smoothly, the next few might be disrupted. I’ve viewed the studio space and it needs work for it to work as an event venue, but I need to trust that the venue can pull it together should it have to take place in this space. Buy tickets for the next event directly from the Catford Mews website.

Next She Grrrowls: Thursday 8th February

I’ve just been keeping afloat with work and studies and trying to keep panic at bay for the lack of time I have, trying to keep as routined as possible, now including a set menu for most days in the week, with food prep done in advance. The week has flown by and I’m building up my work next Saturday, so things are getting even busier. There’s a week in February where I’m working on a Sunday doing two Lego parties.

I’m so stressed and overwhelmed at times, I actually don’t want to do anything else social, but I have a couple of things already scheduled in this weekend! What’s interesting is that I’ve recently seen a major increase in my REM sleep, which could be stress-related, with last night’s being 35%. It could also be my brain processing everything that I’m learning as this week has been my first week with all four clients on placement!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons and Traitors (hating Paul!!!)

Reading: Approaches to Art Therapy (finished the whole thing!), The Revealing Image by Joy Shaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Last Song (poetry), Spare (audiobook)

Podcasts: Secular Buddhism, Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Podcast

Music: Pınhanı, Emmy the Great, Frightened Rabbit

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #117

News

Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.

Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!

I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.

This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons

Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Creative Codex, On Being

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #116

News

It’s now 2024! I enjoy the freshness of a new year, and so tend to reflect and come up with resolutions. Some of these are things I’ve implemented already and want to reinforce, and I actually started some a bit before the end of the year. Some resolutions are harder to quantify and I feel some additional work will be needed with my therapist.

New Year Resolutions 2023-24

1. Limit social events to once a week. Max twice. If twice, must include art.

2. Put things back where they belong after use.

3. Limit social media use to once a week (Saturdays or Sundays). Not after dinner.

4. Manage portions in the evenings by using smaller bowl/plate.

5. Exercise every day, even if tired after the end of the day:

Monday: walking

Tuesday: resistance bands

Wednesday: dancing

Thursday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Friday: yoga and walking

Saturday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Sunday: dancing

6. Recognise the need for rest and implement a duvet-day once a month (asking partner for support with this).

7. Ask for help more when overwhelmed.

8. Meditate for at least 5 minutes when arriving home.

9. Bring up difficult topics rather than bring up issues in response to someone else.

10. Allow for flexibility and spontaneity when it comes to routines in order to make time for relationships and rest.

So, how is the year going so far? I notice sometimes I feel resentful for having to get up at a particular time, even when I have very little to complain about, and I’m very fortunate that I enjoy most of what I do. Sure, I would rather relax, read to my heart’s content, make poetry and art, and watch my new Girlfriends box set. But I also want to practice more gratitude. Hmmm…

11. Write 3 things I’ve grateful for every morning?

I ended the year with the Marina Abromavic exhibition and hosted a party, then started the year off having a long morning with some friends who’d stayed over, taking myself off for a rainy walk after brunch. With a leftover roast for dinner, I took my partner to see The Boy and the Heron at Everyman Crystal Palace. The next day was the anniversary of my grandad’s death, so this week has been a little clouded with this. That day I also found out about Tyrone Lewis’s mum Kaz dying. She was such a massive support and well-known and loved within the poetry community. After having watched Leo and I am Groot shorts in bed, I spent the evening watching Guardians of the Galaxy. If you haven’t listened to Tyrone’s poetry before, I highly recommend his poem, I Am Groot.

I stressed myself a little that evening as I misplaced a book someone wanted to by, much to my surprise, on Vinted. I sadly haven’t found it and had to lose out and cancel the order… if I ever find it, I doubt I’ll sell it now. The next couple of days have been mostly work (tutoring and a Lego Party). The Lego party was interesting as it was at a poetry venue and the pub owners knew Alain English, who had come to the last Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. I’ve also managed to secure a spot every last Sunday now at Forest Hill library, which I’m excited to tell the group about!

Today I’ve still got the day off, so fresh from my morning yoga class, I’m about to get ready for a day of exhibitions, taking a uni course book with me… then it’s back to only having Sundays “off”!

Watching: Traitors!

Reading: Imagining Animals, Personality isn’t Permanent

Podcasts: Creative Codex

Music: Pinhanı, Poppy

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #115

News

I’ve had a busy break, travelling from SE to SW London, staying two nights, then to Hastings and back in one day via a present swap keeping distance with Covid cousins in Tonbridge, followed by two nights in Yorkshire and home via a final family visit in Nottingham, before back to SW then home in SE London! I had to be organised and unpack for my partner’s return, managing to squeeze in a couple of episodes of Yoh! Christmas! and bath before their return.

Now it’s back to work and I’ve had three students back to back and I’m now going to have some celebrations with my partner, going to Winter Wonderland and hosting a small NYE party tomorrow! Then I’ve actually scheduled in an actual duvet day of pure rest… let’s see how well I’ll do at that! It can be really hard to relax when you feel like there’s always something to do, which, for all its advantages, is a big issue with freelance life. Wish me luck!

Watching: Leave the World Behind, Yoh! Christmas!, Candy Cane Lane

Reading: Cat Person and You Know You Want This by Kristen Roupenian

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah and On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Music: all the Christmas music…!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #110

News

I had an art presentation at university last week, so I spent a lot of the last weekend art making. It also helped put me in touch with my emotions, as I had to contend with the fact that the idealised version in my head didn’t match the reality, and was able to notice the waves of sadness and anxiety as I let go of my desire to control. I also finally got round to combatting my fear of lino printing!

I was pleased with the presentation and wanted to use this as an opportunity to show everything that I’ve been processing, what’s been going on in my head. I also showed the poetry side, which I put down to me revealing so much of myself. It’s not because I feel safe to do so. It felt extremely vulnerable, especially when faced with the silence as questions and thoughts bubbled from my peers. I appreciated those who spoke, but I also know the times where it was difficult to process my thoughts and frame a question in the time given.

On placement, I felt myself have to contain the excitement of doing the work, as I remember speaking with a colleague and feeling this bubbling inside me, when I was talking about serious matters, to feel that I am realising this calling that has been with me for so long. Yet, I am also aware of the fact that it’s not possible to help everyone and that rather harsh reality was met in the context that I might be in the wrong time or my placement might have ended by the time this young person gets to that point in the point in the waiting list. I have to acknowledge the way I perhaps over-related to the client and put them first in terms of potentially being seen sooner by someone else.

It has felt like a busy week; I had a friend over for dinner on Monday, a late lecture on Tuesday, a film preview on Wednesday, a Zoom Stanza meeting yesterday and with a family-filled weekend and work, I’m looking forward to finishing at 7:30pm tonight and staying in – especially with the colder weather we’re having!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #109

News

Last weekend, I worked Saturday, as I’m meeting new families and working with new students. I also went to Pitchfork Festival, where I bumped into fellow UEA alumni, Chris Ogden and Ella Jane Chappell (Ella’s book Moonrise is available here). I only really knew Porridge Radio, but I enjoyed all the bands I saw, especially Wednesday, who my friend Phil described as something like Nashville country meets Seattle grunge.

I also got a couple of uni friends to join me at a few exhibitions – the Koestler Arts one ‘In Case of Emergency’, excellently curated by poet Joelle Taylor, Sonya Dyer’s ‘Three Parent Child’ at Somerset House, and in between, an unexpected delight at the Hayward Gallery: Amol K Patil’s ‘The Politics of Skin and Movement’. This week, I’ve also got stuck into my own art-making, which I’ll share more of next week. I went to the Koestler Arts exhibition last year, and it’s always interesting, but I especially enjoyed the space given to the work this year, as well as the inclusion of spoken word poetry on telephones and poem text on clothing and canteen trays. The Hayward exhibition was like stepping into another person’s world, and I loved the video in a glass, the music from the radio, and the drawers of sand. Somerset House was interesting as I didn’t know what to expect, and it was almost like stepping onto another planet!

I’ve had a fairly active week, as I also went out on Monday to see the film ‘How to Have Sex’. I wish this kind of film had been made when I was younger, as I reflected my own experiences of sex throughout my early twenties and even my late twenties and early thirties! I don’t know if it would have changed anything, but I could only think of the film ‘thirteen’ from my time as a teenager (I was 14 when this came out), though I personally couldn’t relate to those experiences. This film felt so relatable, that I was thankful that my trip to Magaluf was when I was in a relationship (still a fairly chaotic, but overall fun trip!), and when I went away with a group of girls abroad when younger, I organised it in a more family-friendly area! Although taking place abroad, the story could easily narrate our sexual experiences at Reading Festival and UK nightclubs.

There have been ups and downs, but I also got to catch up with a couple of friends with an amazing Chinese restaurant called YeYe’s, which had particularly nice chunky dumplings and a beef noodle dish. Something else I’ve been wanting to do for a while is share what I’m watching, listening to, reading etc.

Watching: Top Boy, (Girlfriends – now taken off Netflix!), The Simpsons

Reading: Noughts & Crosses (about to go from book 4 to 5), Approaches to Art Therapy

Podcasts: Apples & Snakes, On Purpose, The Diary of a CEO, Multiamory

Music: Porridge Radio, Wednesday, Ashnikko, Slayyyter, Otoboke Beaver

Freelance Reflections #108

News

Things feel like they’re slowly coming into place. Although I’m only just staying afloat when some work gets cancelled, I also know that’s because I have had other things on my plate and there will come a time where I will have to shift priorities. At the moment, I am still able to make some time for friends’ birthdays and things, but I also have to work on accepting that I may even disappoint people or let people down, and trust that true friends will be there. I often feel heavy with responsibility, to the extent that others even expect me to be responsible for that which isn’t even mine, especially when that responsibility is joint.

Last weekend was challenging for health reasons as well as transport issues, but I managed to get away to Hastings, where I saw family and friends, and actually felt like I had some rest. I then spent the week in the routine of work, studies and placement – weirdly, I was online for most of it, with just a morning at the building. I needed that on Thursday when I had She Grrrowls in the evening! It was the most well-attended event at Catford Mews, so I’m hoping things can keep going in the new year.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

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