Author: carminamasoliver

Carmina Masoliver is a poet from south London, and founder of She Grrrowls feminist arts nights. She has been sharing her poetry on both the page and the stage for over a decade, and her small chapbook was published by Nasty Little Press in 2014. Her latest book ‘Circles’ is published by Burning Eye Books (2019) and is an illustrated epic poem, andshe recently self-published ‘Selected Poems: 2007 – 2012’, a mixed media pamphlet of poems.. Carmina was long-listed for the Young Poet Laureate for London award in 2013, and the inaugural Jerwood Compton Poetry Fellowships in 2017, the Out-Spoken Prize in Performance Poetry in 2018 and the Grindstone International Poetry Prize in 2020. Alumni of the Roundhouse Poetry Collective, she has featured at nights such as Bang Said the Gun, and festivals including Latitude, Bestival and Lovebox both as a collective and individually. She performed internationally whilst living abroad, in Singapore, and in Spain.

Freelance Reflections #82

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So, I’ve had four/five days off for Christmas. I developed a sore throat on Christmas Day, which was the best time to get it in terms of work, as aside from travelling to Kent and back, then around Nottingham and Barnsley before heading back to London yesterday afternoon, it meant I could rest and also binge The Traitors. I didn’t think a reality show would captivate me so much, but it was really psychologically interesting, especially in terms of group influence. I was back to official paid-for work today as I’ve had a student.

Sleigh the Patriarchy Christmas jumper, new Yaks gifted from family & Xmas tree

Aside from this, I’m looking forward to a New Year as I enjoy intention-setting and the freshness of the occasion gives permission to indulge in a celebratory Chinese takeaway before a future of experimenting with various spices on lentil, chickpea, pulses, and vegetable dishes for the foreseeable future. I have an abundance of washing products, a few experiences to entertain me, and a bit of cash to get some groceries to help me with my cabbage budget now I need to save over £500 a month.

Car drive in last year’s cosy scarf

Things aren’t desperate yet as I’m just hoping the work will show up this month to make this all doable for May and onwards. Meanwhile, please donate to and share my crowdfunding campaign and buy my books etc!

Freelance Reflections #81

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Things are winding down, which means I’ve been catching up with the pile of emails that had built up, and applying for more work for the new year. I’m happy that I’ve pretty much managed to save my first two instalments of tuition fees, but I will have to save £515 a month to be able to pay May’s… and then I have no idea how I will do the same for the next two years after that. I’m trying to trust the process, but the uncertainty is not ideal! I’m applying for everything I can, from poetry jobs to perfume shops… I would have liked to have things already lined up for next year, but these ups and downs are typical. The main difficulty is not having savings I can use as a safety net now and not being eligible for a loan, and so having tuition fees to pay on top of living costs.

Last Sunday one of my fellow Art Therapist trainees offered me to join them and do a stall. It was indoors, thankfully, as it was chucking it down outside. It was only a little chilly from the doors, with lots of people coming and going, but Emily helped keep us keep warm with some delicious chai. I had recently finished my butterfly, and added text: ‘nature is not perfect’ to it. I didn’t make any sales, which is always disappointing, but the organisers only charged £10 a table and Emily let me join her for free, so I’ve made bigger losses in the past!

If you’ve read this, thank you for your time, and please do donate to and/or share my crowdfund, or buy a book or two from my shop. I hope you’re able to have a restful time over the festive period!

Freelance Reflections #80

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After an intense few weeks, things are slowly starting to wind down. The bad news is that I could really do with more work next week! Still, it will give me time to address certain things that have piled up, apply for new opportunities for next year, and even perhaps start a video tutorial series I’ve been putting off until I have the time.

The butterfly is still not quite complete.

On my MA in Creative Entrepreneurship we learn about having a champagne budget and a cabbage budget, so it seems like the next few years will be on a cabbage budget. It’s not so bad, I like cabbage. I make a mean bokkeumbap.

As long as I can keep a roof over my head, keep warm, and feed myself, then I’m quite happy to focus on training to be an Art Psychotherapist, and keep socialising to minimum, visiting friends and family in their homes and vice versa.

I’m due to pay my first set of fees, but need to raise double the amount by the end of January in order to catch up with the payments. I’ll need around £2000 more, then I’ll have 3-4 months to save for the final payment of this academic years Please donate to and share my crowdfunder to help me meet the next invoice date.

Freelance Reflections #79

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The previous post didn’t publish last week, so I’m now writing in advance as I’m on the train and having just written my diary, and having scheduled this, I’m feeling reflective, so going to go with it.

I’m reflecting on my use of social media, and drawing a comparison between Twitter and Diaryland. I don’t think either platform encourages the healthiest behaviour from me. It’s too exposing in some ways. I post spontaneously, rather than the more thoughtful posts on Instagram and TikTok. Facebook seems to be going the way of MySpace and I struggle with the temporality of it all, but I also can’t keep up.

I’m wondering whether it would be possible to change my name when doing Art Therapy, but it looks like I can’t officially. Whilst I can use a “nickname”, and perhaps use a different name on referrals when working with the NHS or different organisations, I need to register with my official name, which then will make it more difficult for me to be found on the register, as that will need to state my official name.

Anyway, aside from this, I’ve had some devastating news. I didn’t get the scholarship for my training, and as I’m ineligible for a student loan, I’m going to try to appeal in some way for an exemption. I’m going to have to work as much as possible, taking away time from the course where I need to study as much as possible, and anything else in my life will have to be kept to the minimum and as cheap as possible. I had dreams of buying books to share with my course-mates, and volunteering at the local hospice… the latter will be difficult now as I need to prioritise paid work.

Things are on the edge of becoming desperate, so please please donate to and share my crowdfund.

Freelance Reflections #78

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Due to my work, I haven’t been able to connect with my fellow Trainee Art Therapist colleagues outside the university times. However, last Friday a group of 10-20 of us went to see the Koestler Arts exhibition at the Southbank Centre. I couldn’t believe that it’s been running there for fifteen years and I had never been!

Curated by Ai Weiwei, the Koestler Awards is an annual programme encouraging people from the UK’s criminal justice system to change their lives through the arts. I’ve posted just a selection of the artwork here, as there were nearly 2000 pieces exhibited. You can find out more about Koestler Arts here.

The guides were also people who had been in prison or another kind of secure facility. You could also write to the artists, who would receive you comments. I picked the one with the Deliveroo takeaway. I went to Topolski for the first time, and they had enough space for twelve of us on a Friday night, which was great!

Otherwise, I’m in a period of intensity now, after having time socialising, I have been staying up reading until 1/2am some nights, working 10-12 hour days some days, doing additional EFL lessons at a school during the day and still doing evening tuition. In two weeks’ time, things will be less intense and I can gradually wind down for some holiday at the end of next month!

Freelance Reflections #77

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One of the catchphrases from my Art Therapy course is to “trust the process”. Whilst I often say such things tongue-in-check, there’s always some truth there too. I’ve accepted some EFL work which looks like it’ll be fun – apparently one of my students has pink hair and likes to wear pink (there I am in the meeting today, head-to-toe in pink!) So, now I’ve gone from being scared about not having enough work, to having too much work. I’m hopeful for another alternative education placement after the next three weeks, but I’ve also been offered an interview for EFL work for Lewisham Council.

I dedicated some time to art making the other day (see above) and I’ve still got some more works-in-progress, but it felt so good to do. It’s all very responsive to the present moment and things that have come up through the course, rather than the ideas I have for specific pieces connected to my poetry, but I trust that will come with time.

To help support me as an Art Therapist Trainee, please donate here.

Freelance Reflections #76

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The last week has whizzed by, and yet my work schedule is still up in the air. It looks like I may be securing some work for next year, which is positive and I’m looking to do more alternative education in the daytime. However, balancing these placements with other work and university work… it’s looking like my relaxing Sundays will be when I catch up on course reading and art making (also a requirement for the course as well as the profession of being an Art Therapist).

Yesterday, I went to see the Soheila Sokhanvari ‘Rebel Rebel’ exhibition at The Barbican. An Iranian artist, it feels like a really important exhibition, especially poignant in these times with the femicides and protests in Iran. The exhibition is on until 26th February 2023. Featuring female actors and singers from Iran, each portrait is accompanied by a snapshot of their life story, which you can read about on the gallery website, often filled with details of exile, imprisonment, violence and mistreatment.

Freelance Reflections #75

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The last month has been a tough one, but I am happy with my choices. My training to become an Art Therapist is getting more intense, but it feels very right. I’m currently cat sitting for a friend, which has been nice, and this month’s work will mean I am earning enough by the end of next month! I’m eagerly waiting to hear back this month about the scholarship.

I went to Barcelona for a few days to visit family for an important event to honour my abuelito, Juan Antonio Masoliver. Whilst there, I sprained my foot really badly and he gave me one of his walking sticks, so I could keep walking! I read a poem of mine (which I’ll send out soon on my mailing list) after my uncle made a short speech (his in Spanish, mine in English). Most of the language was Catalan, which I don’t know at all sadly. I started making a butterfly cross-stitch whilst there, but it’s my first one!

Please consider donating to and/or sharing my fundraiser for my Art Therapist training.

Freelance Reflections #74

News

I’ve gone from being worried about having no work to being overwhelmed with how to schedule it and having to turn stuff down. Such is freelance life! I’m worried about some of the schedule as I know how tired I get already (I fell asleep at my laptop this week!) but I also know I will be back in a period of uncertainty come December as I’ll lose a lot of students around that time. I’m methodically working my way through my art therapy work, and I’m really enjoying it all and learning a lot. I liked the first piece I sketched for homework, but I also am wondering whether I would be able to make it into a bigger piece.

Aside from some personal upheaval, work and university is on the up. I visited the London Art Therapy Centre and the Bethlem Museum of the Mind, which has been fascinating. I went to ‘We Move’ at London Literature Festival last night with James Cahill, Gurnaik Johal, Arji Manuelpillai and Sheena Patel. I loved the sound of all their work, especially Sheena Patel’s – very relatable, but also the way she spoke was so natural and I felt I really connected with her. The concept of Arji Manuelpillai’s poetry was very thought-provoking, but the poems he shared were also stunning in their own right. Gurnaik Johal’s short stories were inspiring in terms of how to get into the heads of so many characters, and James Cahill’s novel appealed in the context of the location around SE London, and the coming of age story focussed on finding sexuality later in life.

Please consider donating to and/or sharing my fundraiser for my Art Therapist training.

Freelance Reflections #73

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I’ve been feeling weirdly detached from my anxiety, which has pros and cons, but whilst confusing, it has maybe allowed me to re-direct my energy away from things I feel anxious about. Whilst anxiety propels me into action (when others were impressed by my organisation at work, I said ‘fuelled by anxiety!) sometimes action isn’t what is needed. I did have a few nights kept up by the moon, applying to do everything from the Saturday job at WHSmiths to random writing jobs on Upwork. But mostly, I tried to tell myself that it would work out, that I know there are ups and downs with the work, there’s just the extra pressure of uncertainty with paying my course fees, coupled with uncertainty about my living situation. I have accepted an hour tutoring for £12 below my usual rate with an hour’s travel each way on a Friday, but I figured, I can do some reading on the commute and it’ll only be 6-12 weeks. I also have one new student starting on a Wednesday (thus sacrificing my Red Sky Sessions…) and got a call about 4 new students from elsewhere. I’ve accepted that I’ll be working on a Saturday, and £80 for two hours makes more sense than £80 for 8 hours at WHSmith.

I’m really enjoying my Art Therapy training! I was going to the exhibition in Lewisham Shopping Centre, ‘Where to, Now All the Sequins Have Gone?’ (also home now to The Migration Museum, which is well worth a visit!) I completed half of an assignment to observe and reflect on some artwork, and on Sunday did another observation task at the Horniman Gardens. I’m still finding my feet in terms of organising things, having got a notebook with dividers, but then divided my notes in the wrong areas… but for now, I want to try to have gratitude and be present, letting go of what I can’t control, and trying to improve and grow in the ways I can. One thing that is challenging at the moment is how doing work on yourself, attending therapy, doing this kind of course… can mean that it’s harder to communicate with others around you who seem less willing to reflect in the same way, or who don’t use verbal communication as much… which is actually very apt for the challenges I’ll be coming up against in this course.