Tag: work

This week has been very up and down. Last weekend, my whole morning was taken over by work with one student, whose parents then wanted to terminate tuition. I found this really upsetting, especially as I had thought our relationship had got to a place of mutual trust and respect, which was diminished by not working as a team at this point, not allowing opportunity for an ending session. Through my training to become a therapist, I’ve learnt even more about how important ending experiences are, especially for people who have negative associations of endings from childhood. I shed a tear for this student, and for myself. Sometimes parents don’t understand the significance of the relationship between tutor and tutee.

I celebrated my friend’s birthday, having helped to organise people for it, and on Sunday I met up with friends who I’d not seen in nearly a year! We went to the tea exhibition at the Horniman Museum, and I brewed some Asian-inspired chai, having had a recipe given at a barbecue the weekend prior. I am really craving a more relaxing weekend this weekend, which should be the case for at least one day as I cancelled volunteering that day.

At the language school, I was told I wasn’t working afternoons part of this week, but then ended up doing some, including a one-to-one lesson and a speaking and listening class. I’ve just found out that I’ve not got any afternoons next week, which was disappointing as it may even be my last week if they can’t offer me more in the summer holidays. I’ll need to think about taking on some kind of shift work to gain some extra income.

Wednesday was particularly stressful. I had an anxious morning worrying about an observation that never ended up happening (which I now have to look forward to the following week). I knew from WhatsApp that there were errors happening with marks for full time students. As there is a marking boycott in response to Goldsmiths’ “Transformation Programme”, I wasn’t expecting any marks as part time. However, was the only part timer that got an email to check marks. I had passed everything EXCEPT MY TWO ASSIGNMENTS! It was absolutely terrifying. I tried to use logic in that I would have had to be told in June if I had to resit, but looking at the marks in black and white: 35 and 45 – I couldn’t keep my cool!

It’s Friday night and having cancelled all plans this weekend, I’m looking forward to resting more… after my 9am lesson in the morning and Zumba class!

Watching: Abbot Elementary, Dead to Me

Reading: The Year of the Butterfly by Abbi Mitchell, Boy Friends by Michael Pedersen, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust (previously read most books but listening on audio).

Podcasts: Sleepy

Music: Kate Nash, Thirty Seconds to Mars

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

This week has felt particularly draining and difficult, and I’ve made mistakes, but also felt the brunt of blame for some things unfairly. I think I need to be mindful that social activities can also deplete energy and so I need to avoid making plans… which feels hard to do when everyone else is so busy all the time! What should I do, just not make plans and tell friends to contact me last minute if they happen to be free?! I don’t deal well with spontaneity either… unless it’s my own spontaneity!

So, this week I saw Inside Out 2 with some local poetry pals who are more spontaneous than me! I absolutely loved it. I was tearing up right from the start, and related to it not only in the sense of the teenage years, but also the idea of suppressing emotions… I’ve been talking in therapy about connecting with my emotions more and wanting to incorporate mark-making / art-making more, but I still haven’t been able to do this. When feelings bubble up, it feels impossible to pause to sit with them, but you just have to suck it up. I think that’s also why I’m craving my own space at the moment, because with so much going on, I’m just overstimulated.

I also saw my mum’s final ever school production. I had recently gone into a children’s home for work, so the fact it was Annie really hit home, and I was overcome with emotions. It was incredible to see all the effort that had gone into this, and to see the young girls doing something so brave was so lovely to see. I also clicked that artist Ben Connors, who had helped to do the stage design, had illustrated a Dean Atta poem that I had published in Poetry&Paint years ago!

Today I organised people from my friend Natalie’s birthday (illustrator of the She Grrrowls book) and aside from the football, which I felt physically uncomfortable with once it started, it was a success. Now I’m planning to get my flat into better shape, not only because some friends are coming tomorrow, but I really need it for my state of mind.

Watching: Abbott Elementary, Not Dead Yet, Rebelde

Reading: The Year of the Butterfly by Abbi Mitchell, Boy Friends by Michael Pedersen, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust (previously read most books but listening on audio).

Podcasts: Sleepy, Mooji

Music: Annie soundtrack

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Last weekend, I went to Muslim Pride in London. As my partner is Muslim and I’m bi, it was an important event for us, and we both gained a lot from attending. We also got to see a panel chaired by poet Dr. Sanah Ahsan, though sadly missed their poetry. It was really interesting to hear from others such as Dr. Amina Wadud, who gave a Q&A workshop on feminism and Islam. I’m super interested in reading her book.

I worked on Sunday, but somehow forgot to plan my afternoon EFL lessons, so had a bit of a panic during my morning lessons when I suddenly remembered I had no idea what I was doing later on. I managed to sort it, but then I also missed an email about having a pop-in observation and so I was really thrown when it happened, and didn’t do as well as I would have liked. However, overall, despite it being tiring to do on top of 6/7 hours of tuition work, I had two great classes throughout the week that I will really miss next week!

On Thursday, I also had a feature set with the wonderful Annaliese Broughton at Big Trouble. Everyone was really lovely, and I sold lots of books too! It was really nice to have familiar faces there, as Annaliese, and Jake Nathan, had both come to She Grrrowls before. Unfortunately when I came home, I got chatted up with 3% battery when alighting the train at Crofton Park. I was friendly and polite, but then became uncomfortable. Like, don’t ask women where they live and what bus they’re getting when it’s dark, thanks.

I had a busy weekend, celebrating the end of term with some uni pals , making spirit animals out of clay. I had a day out to Southend-on-Sea and then had a BBQ with my partner’s uni course mates (he’s studying to be a physiotherapist). It’s now back to an even busier week!

Watching: Secretary Diary of a Call Girl, Arrested Development, A Job Lot, Abbott Elementary

Reading: This House by Rehema Njambi, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casememt, Boy Friends by Michael Pedersen

Podcasts: Dilemma

Music: Stray Kids, Death Cab for Cutie, Tommy Genesis

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Well, I have managed to have one and a bit days of rest before things get super busy again with long working days across six days a week… and still going through time without enough funds.

I caught up with ibizo lami and we ended up coincidentally meeting Mr Poetivist, who travelled from Ghana to perform in the UK and is in Brighton tomorrow night at The Rose Hill. This was in the Inspired by Africa shop, which is great and I will be going back for birthday cards because it would be nice to actually feature black people as mainstream shops are not good in this respect.

I saw whatever the new Planet of the Apes film is with my dad… whilst I was into this stuff as a teen, it just made me sleepy and I had to eat my snacks to stay awake (sorry, action makes me sleepy…)

We have officially said goodbye to the third years and half my year group on my Art Psychotherapy training. It was my pleasure to pick up the picnic spread with some first years, though it meant missing a lot of sun! I caught up on that yesterday when I did about six hours of reading textbooks in the Horniman Gardens!

Aside from work, I’ve been editing my ACE application and have submitted it for the third time! I was also meant to have a meeting about future She Grrrowls events, which got cancelled last minute… very disruptive! It’s very difficult when people who are employed don’t seem to appreciate how difficult it is to balance everything and scheduling is very important, especially considering I’m the person not getting paid for these meetings, and it just leaves you feeling very devalued and disrespected.

I also got my birthday surprise from my partner – a spa experience! Although there were a lot of negatives about the choice of spa (never book a gym spa… hotel spa only!) we were able to focus on the positives and think we both needed a bit of relaxation!

Today I was back to work and it’s been full on, so a little taste of how it will be next week essentially working three jobs… tutor, EFL teacher and POET! I’ll be performing at Big Trouble with Annaliese Broughton, which I’m so excited about! Also, check out some of my notes of what I’ve been watching etc. below – All of Us are Strangers was so beautiful, but heartbreaking. Prom Dates was fun and also a good Pride watch!

Watching: Abbot Elementary, The Simpsons, A Job Lot, Arrested Development, Free Solo, Ashley Madison documentary, Prom Dates, All of Us Are Strangers

Reading: Whale Fall by Elizabeth O’Connor, Islamic Mystical Poetry, The Rose That Grew from Concrete by Tupac Shakur, Art Therapy for Psychosis by Katherine Killick, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, Polysecure by Eve Rickert

Podcasts: Islamist vs Zionist (Yasmine Mohammed Podcast), Dilemma Podcast (The Palestine Collection)

Music: Latitude 2024

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

The birthmonth has began! And it’s not the best time, but at the same time, maybe having a rest from essays will do me good. I’m having nightmares that my essay grades are so bad they don’t let me complete the course ever, and when I got my placement report, I had a completely irrational panic that it was a message about me doing something majorly wrong! The report was glowing, thank you very much brain.

My gran recommended the exhibition ‘The Time is Always Now’ at the National Portrait Gallery, and took a train all the way from Hastings to see me and the exhibition , give me a gift, and treated me to tapas! The next day I went to The Avocado Show with my mum and saw ‘For Black Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When The Hue Gets Too Heavy’. It was absolutely incredible, a must-see, blending humour with serious topics, great music and beautiful song and dance. A choreopoem, it was inspired by “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf” by Ntozake Shange. I had missed the boat previously, and my mum had introduced me to the Shange text, so it was meaningful to go together.

I spent a solid two days feeling like I was treading water as I tackled my essays over Sunday and Monday. That feels like an age away now after uni and placement days, plus last night’s She Grrrowls. Although the audience was strangely small, and there was some stress beforehand, I thoroughly enjoyed the night. I was quite affronted by people posting online to sell on tickets and pulling out of attending in favour of doing an open mic. Very bad form, to be honest. The people who did attend were an incredible audience and gave the features the love and enthusiasm they deserve. Eleanor May Blackburn’s ‘Does my Fanny Look Big in This?’ was incredibly relatable in so many ways, and was so well told, again dealing with some serious subjects, surrounded by a lot of humour. Phoebe Wagner then showcased her film ‘(Pub)lic House’, which was so interesting and important and can be watched for free by all online!

Today after a full work day, I then celebrated my mum’s birthday with a meal. Tomorrow I celebrate my own with friends after Race for Life in the morning! You can donate here.

Watching: One Day, The Simpsons

Reading: Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez

Podcasts: The Process Podcast by Tyrone Lewis

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!