She Grrrowls – Page 7 – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #121

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and behind as I’m still slogging through my ACE application re-write, which it’s basically a whole different set of questions, so it’s taking me even longer. I need to get it in as soon as possible in order to give the full amount of time necessary, whilst also not rushing it!

It also happens to be a crucial time for essay writing. I feel like I need to read so much more, but I will have time after the draft submission to add more to it (and inevitably take away through the editing process). The biggest essay of 8000 words is the one that gets a draft, which is due in March, along with a shorter reflective piece on the debates, which is a painfully short 500 words. Then the big one is due with a 2000 word essay at the start of May. Realistically, it’s just a couple of months away! Then I’ll have around a month to prepare for the exhibition.

As it was half term, I had a few less lessons, and even managed to spend a little over an hour in the uni art studio! The first time in one and a half years! I’ve still had my course and placement days, which honestly is one thing after another. Just when I think I can finally focus on the client work, I’m met with more obstacles regarding the system I’m working within. However, I was able to attend a dance class as part of an NHS well-being programme, which I’m going to try to stick too. It was relatively easy, but also worked my brain as my dyspraxic brain finds it difficult to remember steps, providing a much-needed distraction from other anxieties.

I also went to a gig on Saturday night. I would say I dragged my partner along, but he enjoyed it. One of the things I love about our relationship is our shared love for live music, and he’s so enthusiastic even when he doesn’t know the band, and just makes it so much fun. We last went to Kentish Town to see 100 Gecs, and this was Slayyyter. Funnily enough Slayyyter previously toured with Tove Lo, who my boyfriend introduced me to. It was so packed, but great fun and she played my fave: Daddy AF.

I’ve not managed to update until today, which has been manic as even with cancelled lessons I’m go go go, always filling my time with the mass of things to do. Sometimes those things are Sunday-shaped and it felt really fulfilling yesterday to have a slower morning (I tried!) brunchy breakfast, followed by swimming with my partner and my friend who’s training to be a yoga instructor testing her yin-style class on us. I agreed to a hot drink at the Horniman, where I also started doing some more essay writing.

I have another gig tomorrow, so after having a busy evening of chores, I’m hoping to wind down soon!

Watching: Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Life & Beth

Reading: Little Boxes, Sexy but Psycho, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Thirsty for Art

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones, Poppy, WARGASM

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #120

News

Well, another week is whisking past, and I’m feeling a bit run down and looking forward to a day off on Sunday. By that, I mean staying home, doing chores and essay writing. These are sometimes the days I look forward to the most. It can be hard to fully enjoy going out when overwhelmed with so much to do. On top of the usual, I’m trying to write funding applications and trying not to rush the process, but when it comes to priorities, it’s fighting for position against my essays. That said, I love writing, so getting the words out won’t be so hard… finding the right words and editing is where I struggle.

On a more positive note, She Grrrowls was last night and it was a pretty full crowd! There was so much positive feedback, and with the venue now gaining another new manager, I’m hoping they’ll be more supportive of the night. Things are coming together on my placement, I can’t complain about work, and I’m getting back into exercise now the flu has past.

I met my parents last Sunday for a lovely hot chocolate and brownie after doing two Lego parties, and realised I haven’t really seen any friends. Whilst many are enjoying a quieter, slower life as Cecilia Knapp had mentioned in a new poem last night, some are so snowed under in work, it’s ridiculous. I’m talking 5am to 10pm days with one, who also needs to study for their accountancy course, and another who is working in an organisation in crisis and training to be a yoga instructor in her spare time. Both incredibly successful women, but in and out of jobs for various reasons, with pressure to just keep going. I can obviously relate, but I feel like I’m lucky in that the work I do is often a privilege (though it comes with certain stresses of late), I absolutely love the training I’m doing, and I’m managing to also eat well, exercise, and socialise (or at least socialise with myself by going to galleries).

Watching: Abbot Elementary, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Travel Man

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Instant Genius, Trevor Noah’s What Now?

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #119

News

The last time I wrote, I was feeling so good – I saw Pinhanı and went to see the Capturing the Moment exhibition at Tate Modern. When I’m feeling good and healthy, but perhaps have a lot on, it seems like that’s when illness hit. I’ve now just about got over the flu, which knocked me out for days, then lasted as a lingering cough.

As I tried my best to rest, I got to watch a couple of films and used the ‘speak’ function to get research papers read to me by a robotic voice. I had three and a half full days off, and was gutted to miss my placement, for my clients and also this really interesting somatic training. I worked from Saturday evening and also managed to muster up some energy for a pottery taster course I’d bought for my partner.

Cernamic Deptford pottery throwing taster

By the Sunday, I had to get on top of things for the week ahead, launching myself as gently as possible into a busy period, with work on between 27th January to 10th February, with no day off work/studies until Sunday 11th. Normally my day off, after a week of my usual routines, I’m now delivering two Lego parties in one day. I left at 9:30am and won’t be finished until around 4pm. I’ve also asked my parents to meet in a cafe for a hot drink afterwards as it’s not too far from them (compared to where I live at least) and it’s near where I grew up.

I also performed at the Bi+ Lines book launch, which was incredible! I really loved it so much. Reading poetry is so creatively invigorating and the audience was so lovely and I met lots of people and even met someone called Rose who said their first open mic event was She Grrrowls!

I’ve managed to do some preparation for the week ahead in terms of food as I’ve got a routine I normally do on Sunday for meal prep. I still have a bit to do tonight, but not quite so much pressure.

Next week is She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! There are still plenty of tickets and I would love for it to beat our max audience at the venue of 28, so we can fight to keep it in the cinema space. Get tickets here!

Watching: The Hate U Give, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Saltburn, Forky animations, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, The Patient, Wednesday, Traitors!

Reading: lots of research papers, Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Jenny Murphy, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Islamic Mystical Poetry

Podcasts: Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast, What Now? with Trevor Noah, Sleepy

Music: Poppy, Slayyyter, July Jones, Aurora

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #118

News

Last week, on top of my usual work and studies, I also had news disrupting my current venue for She Grrrowls. Whilst the next event is still set for the same space and should hopefully go smoothly, the next few might be disrupted. I’ve viewed the studio space and it needs work for it to work as an event venue, but I need to trust that the venue can pull it together should it have to take place in this space. Buy tickets for the next event directly from the Catford Mews website.

Next She Grrrowls: Thursday 8th February

I’ve just been keeping afloat with work and studies and trying to keep panic at bay for the lack of time I have, trying to keep as routined as possible, now including a set menu for most days in the week, with food prep done in advance. The week has flown by and I’m building up my work next Saturday, so things are getting even busier. There’s a week in February where I’m working on a Sunday doing two Lego parties.

I’m so stressed and overwhelmed at times, I actually don’t want to do anything else social, but I have a couple of things already scheduled in this weekend! What’s interesting is that I’ve recently seen a major increase in my REM sleep, which could be stress-related, with last night’s being 35%. It could also be my brain processing everything that I’m learning as this week has been my first week with all four clients on placement!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons and Traitors (hating Paul!!!)

Reading: Approaches to Art Therapy (finished the whole thing!), The Revealing Image by Joy Shaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Last Song (poetry), Spare (audiobook)

Podcasts: Secular Buddhism, Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Podcast

Music: Pınhanı, Emmy the Great, Frightened Rabbit

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #117

News

Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.

Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!

I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.

This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons

Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Creative Codex, On Being

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #115

News

I’ve had a busy break, travelling from SE to SW London, staying two nights, then to Hastings and back in one day via a present swap keeping distance with Covid cousins in Tonbridge, followed by two nights in Yorkshire and home via a final family visit in Nottingham, before back to SW then home in SE London! I had to be organised and unpack for my partner’s return, managing to squeeze in a couple of episodes of Yoh! Christmas! and bath before their return.

Now it’s back to work and I’ve had three students back to back and I’m now going to have some celebrations with my partner, going to Winter Wonderland and hosting a small NYE party tomorrow! Then I’ve actually scheduled in an actual duvet day of pure rest… let’s see how well I’ll do at that! It can be really hard to relax when you feel like there’s always something to do, which, for all its advantages, is a big issue with freelance life. Wish me luck!

Watching: Leave the World Behind, Yoh! Christmas!, Candy Cane Lane

Reading: Cat Person and You Know You Want This by Kristen Roupenian

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah and On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Music: all the Christmas music…!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #111

News

I’m writing on the bus to the third of four students of today. Things have been so busy I’ve barely had time to plan my lessons, even with some cancellations. Rather, at times I’ve been so focussed on my current course that I’ve kind of got swept up in everything and the lessons have crept up on me.

I met my first client on my clinical placement, which I was pretty nervous about. I’ve reflected on the balance between being prepared practically and the nervous feelings of never feeling ready enough. I felt a huge relief of having this “first” and feel very affirmed at my choice of pathway. It’s already so interesting and I am hopeful about helping people in this way.

I also went to Dream Machine again with my dad for his birthday. I was feeling tired after seeing family again on the Sunday over egg mayo, avocado and challah (a Jewish bread typically eaten on Fridays).

Spotify Wrapped revealed my top artist as Ashnikko, being in the top 0.1% of listeners worldwide! I saw her at Ally Pally on Thursday and it was incredible! I’d seen her in a basement club before a few years ago and it was such a joy to see her in this place, and I had a lot of fun! I loved seeing how crazy and colourful the crowd was and was also glad for the chance to change out of my work clothes into something a bit more glittery!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #108

News

Things feel like they’re slowly coming into place. Although I’m only just staying afloat when some work gets cancelled, I also know that’s because I have had other things on my plate and there will come a time where I will have to shift priorities. At the moment, I am still able to make some time for friends’ birthdays and things, but I also have to work on accepting that I may even disappoint people or let people down, and trust that true friends will be there. I often feel heavy with responsibility, to the extent that others even expect me to be responsible for that which isn’t even mine, especially when that responsibility is joint.

Last weekend was challenging for health reasons as well as transport issues, but I managed to get away to Hastings, where I saw family and friends, and actually felt like I had some rest. I then spent the week in the routine of work, studies and placement – weirdly, I was online for most of it, with just a morning at the building. I needed that on Thursday when I had She Grrrowls in the evening! It was the most well-attended event at Catford Mews, so I’m hoping things can keep going in the new year.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #107

News, Uncategorized

Right now, I feel very overwhelmed. I’m only just keeping afloat due to work being cancelled and my flat is still not sorted, but it’s slowly getting there. I’m due to go away, but it’s hard when I’m not in the right headspace. I want to make time for friends and family, but all I really want to to build my routines.

I’m still trying to build my work up, but I’m also still wondering how I’ll manage everything, and having dipped into the money I’m saving for tuition fees, I’m also worried about how I’ll save the rest of the fees for the end of April 2024.

Meet some cool people at a Halloween Party 👻

Aside from the money and the flat issues, I’ve also got a hospital appointment on Saturday. I’ve been so focussed on everything else, I’ve not given it much thought, but I’m trying to hope for the best. I’m feeling quite overwhelmed by starting my placement, but I think a lot of it has to do with the mess in the flat. I feel so much better when everything is clean and tidy! I’m curious what it will be like once I’ve started the actual client work.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #106

News

She Grrrowls is hopefully slowly growing at Catford Mews. It’s such a lovely venue, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the acts I’ve put on and it’s such a joy to see people come back on the open mic too! I usually don’t really feel like it on my way, but when I get there, I always feel better, and at the end, it feels like we’ve achieved something, however small.

Last weekend was very eventful. I thought I would celebrate my three-year anniversary more and stay local, but instead I went solo along to the protest for Palestine. Like many, I’ve had so many sleepless nights at the extremity of the situation at the moment. I’ve been conscious of this since secondary school, yet still confused of its complexities. But like many others, I couldn’t stay home that day. I felt I had to stand up and be counted in order to show solidarity for Palestine and all civilians, to urge Israel to end the ceasefire.

I worked both mornings that weekend. Saturday ended on eating homemade sushi in front of the film Elemental. Sunday, I saw some sun whilst with some fellow art psychotherapy trainees. In central again, I enjoyed passing by a sign in a park saying ‘Welcome to Lambeth’, which is the Borough I’m doing my placement in. We played board games and strolled along the southbank.

I returned to the Horniman, where I spotted a dinosaur – something that seems to have become important in our cohort’s collective experience. I made a lovely roast, which lasted for two dinners.

Aside from the usual, I had my first week on placement, which is a strange hybrid of in-person and online. With a friend working as a social worker on the NHS, I should have gathered this, but it all is so new to me – both the kind of work, and the office environment. I reflected on this a lot through images.

I’m planning to do some artmaking now, but I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment, especially with my flat situation still being all over the place with the bedbug saga. I don’t know whether I should pressure myself or just work on getting things ready and set up for me to feel better about the space. Stating placement, I’ve had to say goodbye to one student, whose funding finished as it was. I also lost another suddenly, and I’m struggling to hear back from another.

I’ve worked out the need to save around £136 per month to save for my remaining uni frees this year. That’s a lot less than I expected, thanks to some generous donations and getting a tax refund! However, it’s still a significant stress on top of rent and bills when on placement twice a week, without much time for paid work. Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

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