It’s been another busy week, with more to come tomorrow, but having some low-key Sunday plans with family and friends has been nice. I also saw Dune 2, which I didn’t enjoy as much as I remembered the first. I’d hoped to see a friend after a student tonight, but I’m homeward bound instead. After a couple of busy Fridays, it will be good to relax once I’m home and fed!
Bowls glazed!
I also had She Grrrowls last night and despite a few curveballs, there was a decent turn out, and a few lovely people even bought books! I’m looking forward to some time away from my usual schedule, just to catch up on things and get a bit of breathing space, but also as I probably said before, to also catch up with friends and see some exhibitions. I need to be earning more money as well, so I’m a bit apprehensive about the time off in this respect.
Gift from Barcelona 💕
Watching: Atlanta, The Simpsons, Travel Man
Reading: Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Sexy But Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor
Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, Things Fell Apart
I worked out that I have spent at least 25 hours on my latest ACE application, re-writing it completely as the structure changed since the last one was rejected. I submitted it last night and felt sick with dread, and didn’t feel the relief I had hoped I would feel. I have to wait at least twelve weeks for the outcome and at this point I’ve put so much work into it that I feel I would have to try again, despite how gruelling the process is and how much I might feel compelled to give up.
Monica Sjöö
My feelings were also impacted by a realisation that perhaps there are past performers I shouldn’t get in contact with, that sadly had bad experiences when they featured, which I have to come to terms with as not being able to rectify. How do I validate their experiences and learn from them? How do I also not slip into a negative spiral and see things as they are, without also discounting the positives? I have managed to re-engage and reconnect with some past performers, but this won’t be the case for everyone.
Spring has sprung!
I submitted my 8000-word essay draft this week, and as things are quite consistently intense in terms of balancing everything, I’m looking forward to a break in the routine, getting on top of things that have slipped by the wayside, and doing more reading and essay writing. I’ve managed to see a couple of friends, and been enjoying the CPIFF events; joining a friend yesterday for a quick last-minute drink was a reminder for us both that we are close by and there for each other.
I actually managed to run into central London to check out the Monica Sjöö exhibition before work on Friday, and went to have a look at numerous other exhibitions on Cork Street – it was lovely weather and I wished I could stay out all afternoon, but had to trundle along from house to house for an afternoon of tutoring. It did feel like such a privilege to start the day with yoga and exhibition though!
I also can’t believe that next week is the next She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! Only eight tickets have sold so far, so please come along and spread the word if possible. Last month we had an audience of forty and I’m really hoping to build on this!
Watching: Atlanta, Life & Beth, The Simpsons
Reading: Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp
Podcasts: Things Fell Apart, Therapists Uncensored, What Now? with Trevor Noah
So, aside from work work, essay and funding application writing and the usual university and placement days, I’ve had my mid-placement report and three-way meeting, so all seems to be going well! I’ve had a few lessons cancelled, which has enabled me to keep floating above water. At university we had a day that was focussed on “queering” art psychotherapy, but it was also the day we had a walk out for Palestine, so many of us joined the rally and made art on the side, personally reflecting on how I’ve noticed queer/LGBT+ identities have been weaponised in arguments on this topic.
Poppy
I’ve also broken my resolutions on socialising as I didn’t have a great awareness of my existing commitments before making new ones! I saw Poppy with WARGASM on Tuesday night, which I was gifted, which was so much fun! It ended earlier than I would have liked, but I had a great time. I caught up with a friend who came along over Mexican food at Frida, and then I had further indulgence the next evening over East Street Pan-Asian food meeting up with an old UEA friend.
WARGASM
I’ve decided to continue going to the dance workshops for NHS workers, which is a little nerve-wracking but really rewarding. Today due to work cancellations, I managed to go back in the studio to paint my clay piece. I was there just under an hour and a half, preparing for a new gig booked for my birthday: Kate Nash… who, I found out at some point followed me on Twitter/X… which I officially do not use anymore. Anyway, being dyspraxic, I guess… I managed to start the session with cracking the piece whilst taking it out, so the little shelter broke. I just realised that it then made more sense that I did an overflowing well. I also ended the session dipping my hair in blue paint… so, I’m off to work now with paint still there, thinking that I really should wash my hair tonight!
This Sunday I’m running the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic, now at Forest Hill Library every last Sunday 2-4pm. There’s about ten people on the open mic so far, so it should be good!
Watching: Life and Beth, The Simpsons, Da Vinci’s Demons
Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Sexy but Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor
I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and behind as I’m still slogging through my ACE application re-write, which it’s basically a whole different set of questions, so it’s taking me even longer. I need to get it in as soon as possible in order to give the full amount of time necessary, whilst also not rushing it!
“Well, well, well” – dad joke
It also happens to be a crucial time for essay writing. I feel like I need to read so much more, but I will have time after the draft submission to add more to it (and inevitably take away through the editing process). The biggest essay of 8000 words is the one that gets a draft, which is due in March, along with a shorter reflective piece on the debates, which is a painfully short 500 words. Then the big one is due with a 2000 word essay at the start of May. Realistically, it’s just a couple of months away! Then I’ll have around a month to prepare for the exhibition.
Valentine’s Dine In ❤️
As it was half term, I had a few less lessons, and even managed to spend a little over an hour in the uni art studio! The first time in one and a half years! I’ve still had my course and placement days, which honestly is one thing after another. Just when I think I can finally focus on the client work, I’m met with more obstacles regarding the system I’m working within. However, I was able to attend a dance class as part of an NHS well-being programme, which I’m going to try to stick too. It was relatively easy, but also worked my brain as my dyspraxic brain finds it difficult to remember steps, providing a much-needed distraction from other anxieties.
Slayyyter!
I also went to a gig on Saturday night. I would say I dragged my partner along, but he enjoyed it. One of the things I love about our relationship is our shared love for live music, and he’s so enthusiastic even when he doesn’t know the band, and just makes it so much fun. We last went to Kentish Town to see 100 Gecs, and this was Slayyyter. Funnily enough Slayyyter previously toured with Tove Lo, who my boyfriend introduced me to. It was so packed, but great fun and she played my fave: Daddy AF.
It’s been a while
I’ve not managed to update until today, which has been manic as even with cancelled lessons I’m go go go, always filling my time with the mass of things to do. Sometimes those things are Sunday-shaped and it felt really fulfilling yesterday to have a slower morning (I tried!) brunchy breakfast, followed by swimming with my partner and my friend who’s training to be a yoga instructor testing her yin-style class on us. I agreed to a hot drink at the Horniman, where I also started doing some more essay writing.
I have another gig tomorrow, so after having a busy evening of chores, I’m hoping to wind down soon!
Watching: Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Life & Beth
Reading: Little Boxes, Sexy but Psycho, Assessment in Art Therapy
Well, another week is whisking past, and I’m feeling a bit run down and looking forward to a day off on Sunday. By that, I mean staying home, doing chores and essay writing. These are sometimes the days I look forward to the most. It can be hard to fully enjoy going out when overwhelmed with so much to do. On top of the usual, I’m trying to write funding applications and trying not to rush the process, but when it comes to priorities, it’s fighting for position against my essays. That said, I love writing, so getting the words out won’t be so hard… finding the right words and editing is where I struggle.
On a more positive note, She Grrrowls was last night and it was a pretty full crowd! There was so much positive feedback, and with the venue now gaining another new manager, I’m hoping they’ll be more supportive of the night. Things are coming together on my placement, I can’t complain about work, and I’m getting back into exercise now the flu has past.
I met my parents last Sunday for a lovely hot chocolate and brownie after doing two Lego parties, and realised I haven’t really seen any friends. Whilst many are enjoying a quieter, slower life as Cecilia Knapp had mentioned in a new poem last night, some are so snowed under in work, it’s ridiculous. I’m talking 5am to 10pm days with one, who also needs to study for their accountancy course, and another who is working in an organisation in crisis and training to be a yoga instructor in her spare time. Both incredibly successful women, but in and out of jobs for various reasons, with pressure to just keep going. I can obviously relate, but I feel like I’m lucky in that the work I do is often a privilege (though it comes with certain stresses of late), I absolutely love the training I’m doing, and I’m managing to also eat well, exercise, and socialise (or at least socialise with myself by going to galleries).
Skylark Cafe
Watching: Abbot Elementary, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Travel Man
Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Assessment in Art Therapy
The last time I wrote, I was feeling so good – I saw Pinhanı and went to see the Capturing the Moment exhibition at Tate Modern. When I’m feeling good and healthy, but perhaps have a lot on, it seems like that’s when illness hit. I’ve now just about got over the flu, which knocked me out for days, then lasted as a lingering cough.
Pinhanı
As I tried my best to rest, I got to watch a couple of films and used the ‘speak’ function to get research papers read to me by a robotic voice. I had three and a half full days off, and was gutted to miss my placement, for my clients and also this really interesting somatic training. I worked from Saturday evening and also managed to muster up some energy for a pottery taster course I’d bought for my partner.
Cernamic Deptford pottery throwing taster
By the Sunday, I had to get on top of things for the week ahead, launching myself as gently as possible into a busy period, with work on between 27th January to 10th February, with no day off work/studies until Sunday 11th. Normally my day off, after a week of my usual routines, I’m now delivering two Lego parties in one day. I left at 9:30am and won’t be finished until around 4pm. I’ve also asked my parents to meet in a cafe for a hot drink afterwards as it’s not too far from them (compared to where I live at least) and it’s near where I grew up.
I also performed at the Bi+ Lines book launch, which was incredible! I really loved it so much. Reading poetry is so creatively invigorating and the audience was so lovely and I met lots of people and even met someone called Rose who said their first open mic event was She Grrrowls!
Bi+ Lines
I’ve managed to do some preparation for the week ahead in terms of food as I’ve got a routine I normally do on Sunday for meal prep. I still have a bit to do tonight, but not quite so much pressure.
Next week is She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! There are still plenty of tickets and I would love for it to beat our max audience at the venue of 28, so we can fight to keep it in the cinema space. Get tickets here!
Watching: The Hate U Give, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Saltburn, Forky animations, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, The Patient, Wednesday, Traitors!
Reading: lots of research papers, Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Jenny Murphy, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Islamic Mystical Poetry
Podcasts: Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast, What Now? with Trevor Noah, Sleepy
Last week, on top of my usual work and studies, I also had news disrupting my current venue for She Grrrowls. Whilst the next event is still set for the same space and should hopefully go smoothly, the next few might be disrupted. I’ve viewed the studio space and it needs work for it to work as an event venue, but I need to trust that the venue can pull it together should it have to take place in this space. Buy tickets for the next event directly from the Catford Mews website.
Next She Grrrowls: Thursday 8th February
I’ve just been keeping afloat with work and studies and trying to keep panic at bay for the lack of time I have, trying to keep as routined as possible, now including a set menu for most days in the week, with food prep done in advance. The week has flown by and I’m building up my work next Saturday, so things are getting even busier. There’s a week in February where I’m working on a Sunday doing two Lego parties.
Sunrise mornings
I’m so stressed and overwhelmed at times, I actually don’t want to do anything else social, but I have a couple of things already scheduled in this weekend! What’s interesting is that I’ve recently seen a major increase in my REM sleep, which could be stress-related, with last night’s being 35%. It could also be my brain processing everything that I’m learning as this week has been my first week with all four clients on placement!
Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons and Traitors (hating Paul!!!)
Reading: Approaches to Art Therapy (finished the whole thing!), The Revealing Image by Joy Shaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Last Song (poetry), Spare (audiobook)
Podcasts: Secular Buddhism, Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Podcast
Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.
Titanosaurus
Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!
Happy Gas
I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.
Mathis Richet
This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!
Josèfa Ntjam at Re/Sisters
Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons
Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp
I’ve had a busy break, travelling from SE to SW London, staying two nights, then to Hastings and back in one day via a present swap keeping distance with Covid cousins in Tonbridge, followed by two nights in Yorkshire and home via a final family visit in Nottingham, before back to SW then home in SE London! I had to be organised and unpack for my partner’s return, managing to squeeze in a couple of episodes of Yoh! Christmas! and bath before their return.
Now it’s back to work and I’ve had three students back to back and I’m now going to have some celebrations with my partner, going to Winter Wonderland and hosting a small NYE party tomorrow! Then I’ve actually scheduled in an actual duvet day of pure rest… let’s see how well I’ll do at that! It can be really hard to relax when you feel like there’s always something to do, which, for all its advantages, is a big issue with freelance life. Wish me luck!
Watching: Leave the World Behind, Yoh! Christmas!, Candy Cane Lane
Reading: Cat Person and You Know You Want This by Kristen Roupenian
Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah and On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m writing on the bus to the third of four students of today. Things have been so busy I’ve barely had time to plan my lessons, even with some cancellations. Rather, at times I’ve been so focussed on my current course that I’ve kind of got swept up in everything and the lessons have crept up on me.
Artwork by my dad after dream machine ✨
I met my first client on my clinical placement, which I was pretty nervous about. I’ve reflected on the balance between being prepared practically and the nervous feelings of never feeling ready enough. I felt a huge relief of having this “first” and feel very affirmed at my choice of pathway. It’s already so interesting and I am hopeful about helping people in this way.
Enjoying these leaf patterns
I also went to Dream Machine again with my dad for his birthday. I was feeling tired after seeing family again on the Sunday over egg mayo, avocado and challah (a Jewish bread typically eaten on Fridays).
Spotify Wrapped revealed my top artist as Ashnikko, being in the top 0.1% of listeners worldwide! I saw her at Ally Pally on Thursday and it was incredible! I’d seen her in a basement club before a few years ago and it was such a joy to see her in this place, and I had a lot of fun! I loved seeing how crazy and colourful the crowd was and was also glad for the chance to change out of my work clothes into something a bit more glittery!
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 