Last week I saw my friend Siobhan Belingy for her birthday and she gave me this cool pink ring – it’s eyes move! I also saw Grayson Perry’s exhibition at The British Museum and loved it! My Gran and Siobhan had both said it was unmissable so I’m really glad I got to see it. I loved the mix of old and new, Perry’s unique style (with the use of some of my favourite colours) and the use of text and poetry. It also dealt with really interesting subject matters, and I’d really recommend it. There’s a picture of the bike outside with my boyfriend Matt. We also went to the East London Design Show (good but we had to pay to get in?!) and Winter Wonderland which was lovely but neither me or my boyfriend could afford even a bag of candy floss!
Lastly, on Tuesday I went to my last open mic night for some time at Herne Hill’s Half Moon pub for Needle & Thread. I did some new material but stumbled quite a lot so wasn’t the best gig.
I’m now going into hiatus for a bit to concentrate on my MA work as the essays have been stressing me out. I’ve got a few things in the pipe-line (I met up with another poet this night to discuss future event plans) but I’m not going to hit the open mic nights regularly until at least around May. Also, Angel from Big Brother was performing at this open mic! I don’t know if anyone else knew who she was but I’ve watched every year of Big Brother so I found it rather exciting! Me and Matt have been flyering and getting organised with that but him mum reckons we should be charging for them. We’ve actually learnt a lot from doing it but it would be great if anyone knew how to get different shops selling them! We could have made about £90-390 from them!
I’ll keep an update on what I’m up to other than not going to open mic events 🙂
I have just updated my status on TweetDeck that I am “craving drink and fancy dress. instead i’m attending talks and blogging. oh, how grown up i have become since time/money have been eaten up”. I am actually too tired to write this blog now so I’m going to start/finish it on Thursday, if I remember…
I’ve got a spare half an hour at the moment, so am updating in chunks. On Halloween, I went to a discussion about Laura Oldfield Ford’s Savage Massiah; a book where her work from 2005, in the ‘zine of the same title, has been collected and formed into a linear format. I travelled straight from work and so had to eat dinner out. I went to a Thai restaurant called Mae Ping which was a welcome change from my frequent Nando’s trips (much as I love them, I had eaten there the three days prior to this). I ordered pretty much straight away, from the ‘express’ menu, and it took a mere five minutes before a steaming plate of Prawn Pad Thai was in front of me. It was quite spicy and had nice big prawns, and absolutely delicious, and cost just £7.15 (including a 65p service charge). I was able to pay quickly, and had a lovely little after dinner mint. I was disappointed that Laura didn’t give a reading from the book, but it was an interesting, thought-provoking discussion. I had wanted to see her since in my undergraduate Creative Writing modules, I had been compared to her in terms of writing. The book is set out like a graphic novel; with Biro drawings alongside poetic musings. It is definitely on my Christmas list.
…Another chunk. I liked the ideas of Laura showing her work on different levels. Something I had been thinking about starting, and will experiment with soon, is hand-made poetry booklets. I was inspired at the talk to try out fly-posting, and one idea I have had is to go on walks around residential areas with photocopied poetry sheets, and post them to different houses, as it’s always nice (and rare) when you get something actually interesting through the post-box. I agree it is important for art to be communicated with all kinds of people. Laura also stated that her views tend to polarize people. This is where I felt conflicted.
I have been irritated by one of my friends who always comments on me being ‘middle class’. It is not so much me having a problem with the label, but just the assumptions that my friend makes of people with this label, that just make it appear that she has a chip on her shoulder… herself and her partner are educated to a high degree, and she has lived in a nice country house, and is in a financial position to live out of her family home. Middle-class-me is very fortunate to be able to live in the suburbs with my parents, but I cannot afford to move out and am working in a lower-ranking job. Here, the boundaries of class are mixed up. This is why I think that Laura was talking about this subject without acknowledging these elements of confusion – the students that are all in debt (and the future who will face more debts) and the classes where “Daddy” doesn’t pay for everything . I’m not complaining about my deal, as I said, I think myself very lucky. I’m just saying that the reality is that if I or my friends (including the one I mentioned) wanted to live in London, we would not be able to. She seems to consider herself ‘working class’ and I ‘middle class’.
Laura referred to ‘yuppies’ but, essentially, there is nothing wrong with working hard and doing so in finance, or what was called the ‘creative industries’. She later rephrased this term by stating she meant ‘the rich’ which makes more sense to me. She spoke very eloquently throughout, yet this term ‘yuppy’ took her backwards because it is, basically, a derogatory term, poking fun at those better off. In fact, very few people are rich, and she would be faced with a lot more understanding if she used the simple term ‘rich’ because it includes the majority. Otherwise, like my friend, she appears to have a chip on her shoulder. What she was really talking about, it seemed to me, was opportunities for artists to work in the system we have. That is why she is criticizing Capitalism. I agree with her opinions on Capitalism, but, we need to work with what we have got as well. She is aware of it, as shown by the fact that her work does operate in galleries as well as the street, and that the audience had to pay £10 to attend the discussion (£5 for me, being a student). This point was brought up in the questions section and although I thought it was quite clever, Laura seemed defensive… then again, you would be a bit because it does kind of undermine your opinion in this case.
Well, I’m just going to wrap this up quickly because I have actual important stuff to write, like one of three 3000 word essays in for January that I’ve only written under 400 words for after over 3 hours of work. With just two days free, and those mostly taken up by seeing my boyfriend, I don’t really have that much time on my hands. Not that I’m complaining, I love my boyfriend. It just means I need to work out how to stop writing so much in my blog entries whilst still saying everything I want to! I went to a talk on the relationship between poetry and visual art on Wednesday. I didn’t know of the artists (should probably look these things up) but it was interesting and I made some notes on it. The picture above is by the artist in the discussion, Simon Lewty, and the poet was Peter Larkin.
I’ve bumped into a couple of people recently on my way to my MA. One was a guy from college, and the other was my friend Tom. It was great to bump into Tom, and we ended up having dinner at Woodin’ Shades which was nice. It’s my dad’s birthday today so, happy 44th birthday to him! Now, off to do a bit more essay, call the boyfriend, and have a take away, hopefully watch some TOWIE!
So, this week I went to Jawdance. I had to go after Chris Syrus, and his poetry band. He was delivering a great message for some school children, and it sounded great combined with the musician, and the female singer had an amazing voice! I thought I bet I’m next. And I was. Still, it went okay and there were a couple of people who said they enjoyed my poem. I had been to Nando’s (again) with Hannah, but she had gone. I had got a sore throat after talking to my friend Natalie on Skype the day before (I’m not sure how big a part the conversation played) and I was starting to feel even worse. Although I couldn’t find any online material on her, Subi Shah was another highlight.
On Thursday, my boyfriend Matt (who isn’t picking up his phone grrr… hence I’m making use of the time by writing this and watching Stephen Fry on BBC Iplayer.) … where was I? Okay, so we went to Wetherspoons for some dinner and made it just in time to the Donald Hope Library, which I had never been to before. I’m not going to lie… I could have really done with the £25 prize, but the winner gave a great speech. Gutted that I didn’t even make the top 5, but there were some kind comments, and I’m happy to try again next time!
Kathryn Corrick was guest speaker for my MA course this week and we were set a task to create a story from one of two photos from her Feet on the Overground project. I attempted at a Twitter/Facebook story but it didn’t work, so as a back-up, I did a YouTube video. As I’m so busy, genius that I am, I dried my hair whilst filming the still photograph and created a kind of train movement/sound image, which I annotated on the website itself, with speech bubbles.
I got offered background work in a film, but being realistic about money, time, MA work, and wanting to see my boyfriend this week… I had to pull out. But it seems like MSFT is a great place to look out for opportunities like that. With this cold not getting any better, I am in deep need of a rest… and going up to Norwich for a few days is the closest I’ll get to a rest these days! Funnily enough, the next event I’m going to is a Speech Motion one! I’m hoping to feel better by then, but at the moment I’m powering through my last shift of the week at Sainsbury’s. I just hope UEA London have sorted the bloody heating system out, because if that room gets any colder I’m going to shrink away into a giant wooly scarf.
Also! Russell, who puts together Apples & Snakes London events, says I’m overdue for a guest spot at Jawdance! Watch this space!
Had a busy week! Tuesday I went out with my friend Laura and my ex-housemate Kirstie (who is travelling around India as of today!) Me and Laura had Nando’s (standard) before meeting Kirstie to go to the Camden Barfly for a gig. For only a fiver we got to see Supercute and the inspiring Miss Kate Nash in her side project The Receeders. It was definitely worth seeing and an interesting path for Kate Nash. Also spotted her boyf Ryan Jarman at the bar.
Last night, after a really stressful day trying to work out PDFs, trying to deal with too many DM boot bids on Ebay and a shift at Sainsbury’s (oh, and after walking in the wrong direction to the venue – typical) I found myself a haven at The Gallery Cafe for The Word House poetry event. I saw a friendly face in Captain of the Rant, (check out his event, there’s one this Friday I plan to go along to!) and after a quick chat and a rather unimportant embarrassing incident I found myself in, Christian Watson took to the stage. He was incredible! I don’t really know what else to say. It started on a high and that high just did not stop.
The open mic included the likes of Emma Jones who performed her winning set from this year’s Glam Slam (and myself, performing my winning poem from the ‘Loss’ category). John Berkavitch continued the features and was also amazing, and played with the audiences emotions with a poem that began with a cliché, went forward with comedy and ended with words to send shivers across your skin. He then told us to read The Empty Space, which is so cheap on Amazon I may have to add it to my huge pile of books to read. I’m currently reading Doris Lessing’s The Golden Notebook. It’s massive.
Last up before a dash for the tube (both him and me) was Inua Ellams. I have said before how lovely he comes across and he is so genuine. Not only that, but he has an amazing way with words, and also an amazing Graphic Artist. Jealous much. All in all, a wonderful evening, raising money for Oxfam, yay! And I even made it home for a late-night viewing of X-factor.
I’ve been working as usual, doing lots of useful and interesting MA stuff (including a gruelling day about accounting) and spent a couple of days with my boyfriend in Norwich, forcing him to come with me to a Feminist Society discussion group, and coming back to his only to watch a rom-com. Sorry love. Oh yeah! And we did Yoga. About 2 hours of it! It was really hardcore, seriously, my legs hurt a couple of days later and everything. Oh yeah, he’s starting up this Sketch Club – if you’re creative in any way, get involved! I also saw my Gran for dinner with my parents which was a welcome return from the coach journey from Norwich.
Matt made me these cool timetables that you can draw and wipe off. It’s really good because it gets your mind focused and you feel good ticking things off. I’ve missed a few things off but I think I’m doing pretty well! I wonder if I can count my Sainsbury’s work as exercise since it’s manual? Hmmm!
So, I’ve been really busy at the moment. I’ve been craving some free time because I’ve been so inspired by a lot of art I’ve seen recently, amongst other things. I went to the Joan Miró exhibition at the Tate Modern with my parents. My only knowledge of the artist was from postcards from my dad’s dad, Juan Antonio Masoliver Ródenas, a well-known poet, writer and translator in Spain, whom, sadly I haven’t got to know very well as a grandfather.
I had been out the night before at my friend Gordon’s house, where we ate a Chinese takeaway and drank until about 5am. I went home at 7am to avoid snoring and discomforted sleep, woke up still tired around midday, had brunch and went to meet my parents at the gallery. Despite my tiredness, the exhibition exceeded my expectations and as it showing until September 11th, I recommend going along. It made me proud of my Spanish heritage.
I loved the way he used poetry and the flowing imagination present throughout the years of his career. There was an amazing variety, with pieces of intricate details, simple serials of lines and shapes, and burnt canvases. The work is both personal and political, surreal and yet thoughtful, and experimental, evolving through time.
I recently watched the programme Graffiti Wars, which was incredibly interesting. I’ve had an interest in Street Art for a long time, my Gran often buying me little books and sending me articles about it. The documentary centred on the feud between Banksy and Robbo. Prior to watching it, I have been a fan of Banksy, and watched a docu-film directed by him, called Exit Through The Gift Shop.
A lot of people have taken sides, with graffiti writers tagging ‘Team Robbo’ alongside their work. Robbo claimed in a book that he was introduced to Banksy and said ‘oh yeah, I’ve heard of you’ to which Banksy replied ‘oh, well, I haven’t heard of you.’ Robbo responded by slapping him and saying ‘well, you won’t forget me now, will you?’ Since both artists keep their identity secret to protect themselves from the law, and this exchange could easily not be correct (Banksy denied ever meeting Robbo) it seems ridiculous to take sides and stupid that the whole thing escalated the way it is.
My opinion is that, Robbo was aware that retelling this story about Banksy, whether it happened or not, would raise his profile. Maybe Banksy was wrong in defacing Robbo’s 1985 piece, but it was clearly already defaced by smaller tags and I thought it was a witty piece, which ultimately helped Robbo establish himself as a Street Artist, and not just a graff writer – of which I do believe there is a difference. A Street Artist is intelligent and thought-provoking, creating aesthetically pleasing works. A graffiti writer is less about the talent and ideas, and more about vandalism and ego, with the kudos of getting to hear-to-reach spots. That’s why the police leave Street Art and clean up ugly, meaningless markings.
Throughout the documentary Robbo came across bitter and jealous. Okay, Banksy may be a ‘sell out’ but I believe it does come down to a resentment for the success and money that Banksy has made for himself. I want to make a career out of what I love doing, and there are many jokes about the poor poet, but by me doing an MA in Creative Entrepreneurship and wanting to make a living out of what I love doing, does that make me a ‘sell out’? Making money is just one element of the Capitalist society we live in. We can’t beat them, so we have to join them. Banksy himself stated he believed his work was ‘overrated’ but if you’re offered over £100,000 for your work, are you going to turn it down?
At the end of the day, Robbo’s success was down to Banksy, and on the documentary, he admits that himself. And Robbo does have talent, and really, the feud should just be forgotten, so other graffiti writers can be inspired to turn to Street Art and do what they love for a living. Sadly, Robbo was said to have ended up in a coma, which was a shocking statement to end the documentary on.
I have also been to see the ‘Love is What You Want’ exhibition by Tracey Emin at the Hayward Gallery. As you can see from the website, it compromised of her trademark blankets, along with neon signs, films, collections of memorabilia, drawings, paintings, sculptures and her writing. As I said to my friend, Siobhan Belingy, I could have lived in it, it was so good.
I feel really inspired by all this work I’ve seen to get into my poetry and get more into art and illustration alongside my writing. I’ve been meaning to do a painting for ages and hope to get round to it soon. I’ve got a big sketchbook that my boyfriend Matt drew in whilst drunk and I’m going to get back into a good creative practice. I want to create text-based stuff, but with visuals, like these artists, and those such as Jenny Holzer. I gave a painting I did during my art foundation at Central Saint Martins to my Gran, and she told me her friend had really liked it and often asked if I’ve done any more artwork and that I must carry on doing it. Sometimes I think of that and think maybe I should keep doing it. I must have some morsel of talent to have been at CSM. I think it’s just that I lack confidence with it, and I know my technical skills are not the best, and the reason I didn’t pursue it was because I didn’t see it as a practical way of making money. But maybe, combined with my writing, working with my hands again could be something positive.
Here’s a bit of my work from my foundation year, starting with the one my Gran has.
I can’t believe a month has gone arrghhhh! I’ve been really busy with these things:
– Graduating
– Celebrating
– Going to New York
– The Boyfriend
Whilst in New York, I went to the Nuyorican Poets Cafe. I wanted to perform in the open mic but my parents wanted to leave before midnight and the slam didn’t start until after then and the whole thing ended at 2am!! Another thing that was different to a lot of the UK events is its popularity – I have never seen a poetry event so packed. It’s a lot louder as well, with people clicking and making noises like ‘umm hmm!’ at certain lines as the audience show their appreciation. The host killed time as one of the feature acts was late by asking where people were from, my mum shouting ‘England’ with a hilarious amount of pride in her voice, and also made everyone dance 80’s style to flashing lights and music, which was so bizarre you couldn’t help but laugh along, attempting to move slightly in the crush of the crowd.
The performers were enjoyable, typically American, humourous, intelligent and passionate. Although we left early, I got a feel for the night, along with books and a t-shirt.
me in my NPC t-shirt... just washed my hair
While away, I did a lot of reading and finished Bright Shiny Morning by James Frey, Bossypants by Tina Fey, and How To Be A Woman by Caitlin Moran (long post response to follow). I recommend them all. I’m now reading Laura Dockrill’s Echoes. It’s like Roald Dahl for adults… or kids who swear.
Last night I went to The Tea Box and did the open mic, apologising for anyone who may have wanted to see me the last time (when I had to pull out ON THE DAY because of my stupid eye ulcer). Sadly, the owners weren’t there for me to apologise to in person. I went on quite early and was glad to be able to relax and enjoy the likes of Anna Le, Amy Acre, and Harriet Cramer (and also Peter Hayhoe earlier on) plus many other acts I didn’t know the name of. Donall Dempsey and Janice Windle did a great job hosting as well. Harrie got very drunk which amused most people. She said stuff such as wanting tits, but the link says she has the same size as me but skinnier, but then I sometimes say the same thing about myself, especially when drink, and especially when my friend Helen is there. I’m shocked to see my waist is the same… I guess that’s the difference being 6 inches taller affords. Anyway, she is a beautiful, talented, lovely lady with hilarious and we should both get published. Ideally by Harper Collins. I missed being like that, as in, drunk… which reminds me, I read a poem inspired by a programme I watched on Amy Winehouse, written about 3 years ago, and, as I didn’t record the gig, here it is:
Blanket
I want to build
myself up to the highest height,
Just to look down
at the fall and be filled with fright.
I want to be, the
best I can be,
Prove them wrong
about my poetry.
Yeah, I want that
pretty face, with the tear stains on show,
Mascara up my eyes,
just so that they all know.
I want to be
perfect, to be a success,
I want to be one of
the best.
I want them all to
read my lips, read my mind,
Then drink myself
to destruction at the end of the night.
I want to fall in
love again with a good boy,
Just so he can
break my heart.
Because if I’m in a
mess, feel my life is destroyed
Then it at least
provides more material for my art.
And I can just pick
up my needle and thread,
Scrub with soap,
the sheets on my bed.
Try stitching my
life up to resemble what was,
Continue the search
for the Wizard of Oz,
Pray for a change
to a non-existent God,
Click my heels
together.
Come home.
That copied kinda weird. Anyway, I read a poems from actual book things that are published and shit! To look all profesh. One was called Flowers and was in issue 13 of The Delinquent. The next was I Am No Better from the Workshop UEA Undergraduate Anthology which you can buy from places like The Hive, The Workshop and WATERSTONES in Norwich. Hell yeah! I have a poem in a book in the biggest book shop in the UK; the one that is still alive! Although, I couldn’t see it there, but I saw it in The Hive, and The Hive is one of the best book shops ever, Stephen Fry agrees. I also did Cinderella by heart, just to, you know, show that I can sometimes memorize stuff.
I think I shall end there. Oh, also, i’m working at Bestival and need to know ideas for what I can go as on different days, the fancy dress theme is ‘Rockstars, Popstars and Divas’. I just wanna my own clothes but have things like a black messy wig with white streaks… think I may use it for Amy Winehouse, if that’s not in bad taste… which it shouldn’t because it’s like a tribute to her, because I like her music and she will be a legend, a legend ending in tragedy, but a ledge nevertheless.
The production of this show/book was kicking off whilst I was on my internship at Penned in the Margins and I’d be there if I could, so if you’re at the Fringe fest, go see it!
In other news, I had to pull out of my gig at The Tea Box the other week because I got an ulcer on the cornea of my left eye. It was horrible and swollen, and painful and depressing. I also lost my new job at B&Q because I had to miss my first day and couldn’t say when I was next available. Get more on the dole anyway. I’m hoping to get a really good job that’s actually related to my interests as well. Hopefully Royal Academy of the Arts! Fingers crossed! Or at least at a theatre or cinema.
I took these drops that made my pupil eat my iris. Scary.
My eye feels fine now but I’ve been told I can’t wear contact for a WHOLE month. I’ve got some BOGOF prescription sunglasses but I may opt for the one-contact look during my graduation next week. In New York I’ll be happy to wear my glasses… I’m actually getting more used to it. I also entered into the Specsaver’s ‘Spectacle Wearer’ competition to win a holiday and a modelling contract (ha!) so wish me luck!
Here’s the picture (very hard to get the whole outfit in, MySpace style):
I also got a 2:1 for my English Literature degree at UEA and so am officially on my Creative Entrepreneurship MA at UEA London – woop! I really need to get on with stuff so I have something to show for the summer. I’m so gutted about missing my last gig as I was looking forward to doing my whole 20-30min set by heart 😦
I have no idea when my next gig will be, so if anyone wants me, please let me know! Preferably paid 🙂
Before I get onto my first experience of Hammer & Tongue, I have some exciting neeeewss!! Me and Matty D are offishhh, like Facebook official, you get meee?!! We had an amazing weekend, and after posting this picture, I’ll try to remain focused and professional and just write about poetry and shizzle like that.
Pouting Competition at Pride, London
I’ve been applying for loads of jobs and funding and stuff today, so am going to try to be as quick as possible about this and see if I can finish in under half an hour! Friday, me and Matt when to Future Vintage, with a jazz band and poet, Tiffany Anne Tondut. Matt had a bit of trouble working his way from Victoria to Waterloo, so we missed a bit, but it was good. Bumped into Tim Wells, who told me about this event, it’s gonna be snazzy. My Gran’s visiting from France for her birthday, so I can’t make it.
We went to the Tate Modern for a bit and chilled on the grass near Udderbelly, before going to Poejazzi’s Festival Tonic. Joshua Idehen was hosting and four amazing acts took the stage. First, Harry Baker, who I am hoping will be hosting my gig at The Tea Box this Friday (8th July). Next was Fiona Bevan, a singer who was probably my favourite performer of the day – a bit like Regina Spektor meets Shingai Shoniwa (The Noisettes) with a pinch of Ellie Golding. Next was Ray Antrobus, who I’ve now probably mentioned a few times – Matt could particularly relate to the sober-guy-at-the-party poem after his sober months. Lastly, another musical act Belle Moore-Benham with an incredibly powerful voice.
Oh yeah, and we saw this fox. Urban Fox. Pretty cool… if slightly scary.
Saturday, we went to see Sexing The Cherry, again, around Southbank. It sounded cool, as it combined spoken word, animation and music. At first I felt pretty tired and unimpressed, but towards the middle it picked up and there were some really good lines and ideas expressed, a great musical section, and beautiful acrobatics.
We went to Soho to check out Pride festivities… I was a terrible Londoner and couldn’t find Trafalgar Square so we missed some reality TV stars, but it was fun just walking around and I’m cracked open a couple of cans and we had a little dance and listened to some live music where we could find it. We didn’t see the parade so I defos wanna check it out next year. I saw Romy from The XX passing by in the opposite direction but it was pretty packed and we’re both pretty shy people, I guess, so we just moved with the crowd. I think it was the first time I’ve seen her since the band got all big as well, so it’s pretty weird after seeing loads of pictures everywhere and music everywhere.
Anyway, Monday, Matt went back to Norwich (long distance gaaah) and I went to Hammer & Tongue with my mate Elliot Snook… he’s putting on a clubnight, which I hope to go to, so YOU should defos go as well.
Angry Sam was hosting but he didn’t seem to remember me from Glam Slam – I guess he’s a busy man. Chester P and Mungo were the feature and they were on for about an hour. It was really interesting and very different form when I saw CP support Jamie T in Norwich. Some of it went a bit over my head, and then some of it made me unsure if it was bullshit or genius… there were probably a few too many drug references but ah well, do what you know and all that. The Slam was afterwards and I was on penultimatly which had my nerves going a bit, but I was pleased with how it went and I came third place, which I didn’t expect and it’s pretty cool to get a position even without winning. I can always try again. What was amazing was that, amongst a couple of compliments, one guy said I was his favourite of the night, and said the rhythm and delivery were particularly good. In hindsight, I should have given him my business card, but I feel a bit cringe doing it without actually being asked… a bit too pushy? Or am I being silly?
Peter Hayhoe won, who I saw at Tooting Market, and he was cool. Ahhh. Gonna have to wrap up, I’ve gone way overboard.
So, last night was the third Glam Slam in a row I’ve been too. It’s only on once a year but it is always so fun and I’m always partial to a theme, plus the host, Ernesto Sarezale is super-organised like myself. So, a good excuse to post pictures like the one below. My theme was ‘loss’ and I had to wear blue. I had a ‘San Francisco Loves You’ t-shirt that I got on holiday but I got make-up on it so had to change – gutted.
Shoes (seen in end picture): Vintage ‘Charles’ from Beyond Retro
Lipstick + Foundation: Estée Lauder
Mascara: Maybelline
Eyeliner: Collection 2000
Eye stars (can’t really see here): unknown
Nail Varnish: ‘Carrie’ SATC
Anyway, I met my friend Hannah after she finished work and went to Nando’s. The loyalty card was confusing me (mainly, because the staff seem to be confused) so I ended up with two chicken breasts. So much for loosing this weight I’ve put on). It was delicious as ever though and I enjoyed my extra big portion, though felt a bit of a pig). We went to The Book Club and I got a drink, before getting a seat downstairs early. Cat Brogan was on first and fabulous as ever. Marcus Reeves, on the timer, who was ‘challenging Annie Lennox’, remembered me from last time which was nice. He has a collection out called ‘Sighs Ten’ haha. When he said he remembered me I said ‘thank you’, afterwards realising that’s probably a strange thing to say.
Chris Young, last year’s winner also performed, who I couldn’t remember before he started taking off his clothes and doing last year’s poem, but he was good, check him out here. It just goes to show, it doesn’t matter about who you’re having sex with… anyone can understand the bliss of when someone likes your company and not just your cock/pussy. Emanuel Xavier was down from New York and he was amazing. At the time I was stressing about missing my train back and he was so good I forgot about it – and believe me, that says something! I would have liked to talk to him, especially as between acts he congratulated me. PLUS, I’m going to New York at the end of July so it would have been cool to know where to go.
Angry Sam was first to compete in the ‘Loss’ category and after he finished I thought there was no way I was going to get through. I think I performed with him at Limehouse Church and thought he was good, and tonight I was sure he was going to win it. He did a poem about an ex from the point of view of her, and got the audience to join in with ‘you’re just a bastard’. I did ‘Space Station’ off by heart and did an intro that lead on from Sam’s. I felt it was the best I’d ever done (gutted my cam ran out of batt) it so it was really hurtful when the scores came… two 8s, one 7, and a 5. It wasn’t so much the scores, but the group of girls that picked the ‘5’ seemed to be laughing about it, and I wanted to cry. But I didn’t. I ended up winning the category with 28 points. Marcus said Sam’s name though (he got 27) and had to correct it, so when Sam came over with flyers it was a bit awkward. I was texting at the time, and stressing out about my train, so was in a bit of a fluster and stupidly said ‘oh, well done, by the way’ when I realised it was him. All he said was ‘so, you won it then?’ so I felt like I’d said the wrong thing. I looked at the flyer and said I was meaning to go anyway; it was for seeing Chester P, who I saw support Jamie T when I had this weird illness that was like Glandular Fever but they never found out what it was exactly. I thought it was a great gig so am hoping to go along with a friend I want to catch up with.
People came up to me in the break and both congratulated me and said how the girls that voted ‘5’ were dickheads and stuff. I couldn’t really stay down after that… though I guess I went from happy to stressed because my dad said I needed to get the train before 11 and I knew I wouldn’t make it out that early. I wish I’d checked the times myself now! So, at the end of the first couple of rounds, me and Emma Jones went to collect our trophies. I knew after seeing her that she would win the whole thing – she did an amazing costume change ‘Work’ poem which was literally 3mins on the dot: perfection. Her second poem was done in the accent of a lot of the girls I went to school with, as she is a drama teacher in South London (brap brap… do the kids still say that?) where she came up with many witty things in place of GCSE including much of the typical activities for these kinds of girls, such as going to the chicken shops after school (yes, there is a previous photo of me posing with a chicken box… you can take the girl out of…etc). She did a final poem on winning comically stating that if you see anyone from Clapham, the best thing to do it to ‘slap ’em’ haha! I did ‘Drama’ for my second poem and thought I did okay, but wished I’d put more thought into which poem I did).
Nothing better than a man between the legs: me and my trophy for Best Loss Poem
Alison Brumfitt won the ‘Lust’ category with her amazing poem about how, despite popular opinion, sex is better than chocolate. And she did it whilst throwing chocolate bars at the audience, and then dripping melted chocolate down her body. Oh yes, for this category, you had to wear lingerie/underwear or less! I was surprised to see Alain English bare all (both literally and metaphorically) in a poem about masturbation, and Keith Jarrett in nothing but a hat and Superman pants. By the by, he has an Action Man body to match those gorgeous brown eyes. And I mean that in a totally objective way. There was also a guy that did a poem in some old Mickey Mouse PJs, and he mentioned something about mental illness, and I think he was referring to anti-psychiatry, which I’ve been interested in since my dissertation (which I will post after I’ve graduated). However, his poem was about having sex with patients, which reminded me of David Cooper’s idea of ‘bed therapy’ which I believe to be possibly unethical due to the idea of consensus… though he claimed the person who the poem was based on would gain consent, this may not always be reliable in mental health patients. That said, if I was locked up in an institution and could never have sex, it is likely I’d be driven further into insanity.
Ray Antrobus won the ‘Wig’ category (and taking third place in the final round, beat me by a couple of points) and he told a poem about being the sober guy at a party, as he doesn’t drink. It made me of Matt and how I encourage him to drink, tsk tsk, bad Carmina. In the second round he did one about how your voice changes depending on who you’re talking to, which, loyal readers will know, is a subject I have a love/hate relationship with… in the vein of ‘yeah, I am from South London, and yeah, this is a South London accent, I’m just middle class, bitch.’ Carmina: South London, but a bit posh too innit.
It ended a bit before midnight. After congratulating Emma for winning I legged it to Liverpool Street, got the tube to Oxford Circus (shat myself cos I forgot I couldn’t change at bank as Waterloo & City line wouldn’t be running that late) and then got the tube to Vauxhall, where THANKFULLY I saw the train was coming. Some guys ahead of me started running, so I joined in and followed them up the wrong platform. Not only that, but I FELL FLAT ON MY FACE! I was around the corner so the guys didn’t see, and I managed to stand up by the time they turned around (I overheard it was platform 3) but I had grazed near my elbow and wrist, bruised/cut my finger and chipped a bit of my trophy. The train was delayed for 2 minutes, so I sat down for a bit and got my breath back. I had needed some water (and the toilet) for ages and so my throat was as if I’d just done a proper 30min run! I got the train safe and sound and was back home by 1am.
Things I hate:
Living in Worcester Park and not East London.
Saying I’ve been doing this poetry bizz for 5 years… can I lie and say a year?
Since Tuesday I’ve been out every night. For the first time I was able to go to Norwich Poetry Club at The Bicycle Shop. I was wearing small heels but inside was so dimly lit I had to be careful down the stairs and it took Hannah Walker a while to recognise me. She was the only person I spoke to as I was feeling shy for some reason. I also spoke to a woman briefly who I’d asked to sit next too. I noticed she left before the last act and Luke Wright sat next to me. He was hosting the show and although hosting is not a job that goes hand-in-hand with performance poetry (I am not so good at it!) he does it well. He read a lot of new poems and they reminded me of old poems I’d read as a kid, a kind of naughty children’s poetry, and I mean this as a good thing (I’ve studied Children’s Literature after all).
Hattie Grunewald was the first feature for the evening, and although I already know and like her poetry I learnt about her successes so far – she has been taught by Caroline Bird after winning awarded withe the prestige of being a Foyle Young Poet, and had her poetry on the Underground, and as you can see on the link I’ve placed on her name, she has published books out there! Slightly jealous if I’m honest. I get annoyed at myself for not remembering details so I made a note of a couple of expressions I liked – the idea of someone tasting like a newsagents and eyes that rust.
John Osborne was next, promoting his new book. Now, I’m far too promiscuous to state as Luke did, that he is my favourite poet, but he is up there. He told a poem about a surprise party his girlfriend had organised and nobody turned up, which I related too… until he said it wasn’t true and “I don’t have a girlfriend, so the joke’s on you”. This blend of fact and fiction inspired a poem I wrote that night, called Circumstances, which was also influenced by a poet called Tao Lin who I’ve been reading and I hoped for a kind of dry humour combined with a bleakness. Anyway, back to John, and other favourites from the night include a poem about a guy that didn’t pay his pound into a syndicate at work the week they won, called ‘that money would have turned you into a bastard anyway’, and a heart-warming poem about a break-up.
The headline was Thick Richard, but if I’m honest, he wasn’t my favourite part of the evening. He had a bit of a death theme, and I do like a theme, but still, I wasn’t impressed. The crowd seemed to like it though, laughing where I couldn’t muster a chuckle. The poem I most liked was something like ‘why don’t girls who like men like that like me?’ about seemingly nice girls going for bad guys. He’s a chef though so maybe he could win my heart through my stomach.
It ended a bit past 9pm so I got to pop to The Birdcage for Lucy Day and The Knights’ EP release! Inlay flaked out of supporting but the other acts, Blanche Ellis and Drew McDonnell were really great. Before Lucy came on, I noticed the girl next to me put out some burning paper, and I was like fuck! I smelt it and wondered what it was but didn’t even realise it was right next to me. I think she only put it out because I turned my head and saw it, weird!
The gig was amazing and I’m so glad I went along! I’ve listened to the collection of songs from Lucy a few times and had a few running around in my head. I loved Forsaken and the lyrics have made me think about my own pursuits. Sometimes I feel like I agree with the song, something does have to be forsaken. For me, I’m so sucky at relationships, at times I think it’s just not meant for me – the happily, or not-so-happily married with kids life. I could deal with the current patterns of my love life if only it meant I could be a success in other areas, namely my career. We get told we can have it all, but maybe we can’t always. I have this need and desire for love and for faithfulness and matrimony but I know the reality of this is near impossible, and that even if I did get married, it just may be a more serious example of how things end in tears. It can be frustrating to have this desire but I guess it’s as much a part of living, to go through those kinds of ups and downs, as all the other elements of life, and should be embraced as such. I think that since finishing my university work I feel a bit weird, like there’s so much I want to do that I don’t know where to start or if I have enough time.
Anyway, Wednesday I had a gig at The Birdcage myself. I wore this dress with birdcages on it from Topshop, and an hourglass necklace from Urban Outfitters. Oh! And these cute bird earrings from UO as well. I teamed it with green tights and my vintage Charles shoes.
My friends Helen and Laura came to watch and we went for a half-pint at spoons afterwards. I knew all of the performers so I didn’t much feel nervous or anything, though I was a little unprepared as I kept switching my mind about which poems to read, and I did the new one, ‘Circumstances’ though it probably needs a lot of work, and I don’t know if people got the humour, or if I delivered it right. The rest was okay, and I did a few by heart.
So, the list of performers… Bethan Williams, Jennifer Grey, Imogen Steinberg, Andy Bennet, Catherine Woodward, me and, headlining, John Osborne. Jenny said she was nervous… in fact, so did Catherine and Andy! Jenny always gives a confident reading though and was fine once she was up there. Andy’s was really interesting and amazing considering he’d written them in the past 48 hours! I knew why Catherine was nervous once she was up there, she gave a very different performance – all by heart and even including a cheeky lip-licking and winking! After that, I was scared to follow her but think it went okay.
Last night I was a volunteer at Hannah Rose Jone’s Independently Fashioned. I was on the door so met everyone and sorted out tickets (which turned out to be inking people’s hands) and all the stuff like that. It was stressful at times, but I got used to it and it was actually really refreshing how lovely everyone was. The only embarrassing thing was when one of the designers gave me £40 and I counted on my fingers to work out 40-25 to get her change. I get so stressed when doing the simplest mental maths that my mind just goes blank. I was to say ‘I’m not stupid, I got a B for GCSE maths, it’s just the pressure or something’ but I just end up looking a bit silly, oh well. I should have done my research about the designers because it was a bit embarrassing not knowing know they were.
I didn’t get to see much but it did look like a great show, plus there were musicians Jordan Jackson and Cielo – most people at the end were asking about the band! It was funny because one of the members asked to put some flyers on the table and said Jordan was good but that Cielo were a bit pretentious haha. I had a good night, and Hannah even gave me a free headband for it, which I put on straight away and shall be wearing properly tonight!
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 