poet – Page 2 – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #120

Well, another week is whisking past, and I’m feeling a bit run down and looking forward to a day off on Sunday. By that, I mean staying home, doing chores and essay writing. These are sometimes the days I look forward to the most. It can be hard to fully enjoy going out when overwhelmed with so much to do. On top of the usual, I’m trying to write funding applications and trying not to rush the process, but when it comes to priorities, it’s fighting for position against my essays. That said, I love writing, so getting the words out won’t be so hard… finding the right words and editing is where I struggle.

On a more positive note, She Grrrowls was last night and it was a pretty full crowd! There was so much positive feedback, and with the venue now gaining another new manager, I’m hoping they’ll be more supportive of the night. Things are coming together on my placement, I can’t complain about work, and I’m getting back into exercise now the flu has past.

I met my parents last Sunday for a lovely hot chocolate and brownie after doing two Lego parties, and realised I haven’t really seen any friends. Whilst many are enjoying a quieter, slower life as Cecilia Knapp had mentioned in a new poem last night, some are so snowed under in work, it’s ridiculous. I’m talking 5am to 10pm days with one, who also needs to study for their accountancy course, and another who is working in an organisation in crisis and training to be a yoga instructor in her spare time. Both incredibly successful women, but in and out of jobs for various reasons, with pressure to just keep going. I can obviously relate, but I feel like I’m lucky in that the work I do is often a privilege (though it comes with certain stresses of late), I absolutely love the training I’m doing, and I’m managing to also eat well, exercise, and socialise (or at least socialise with myself by going to galleries).

Watching: Abbot Elementary, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Travel Man

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Instant Genius, Trevor Noah’s What Now?

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #119

News

The last time I wrote, I was feeling so good – I saw Pinhanı and went to see the Capturing the Moment exhibition at Tate Modern. When I’m feeling good and healthy, but perhaps have a lot on, it seems like that’s when illness hit. I’ve now just about got over the flu, which knocked me out for days, then lasted as a lingering cough.

As I tried my best to rest, I got to watch a couple of films and used the ‘speak’ function to get research papers read to me by a robotic voice. I had three and a half full days off, and was gutted to miss my placement, for my clients and also this really interesting somatic training. I worked from Saturday evening and also managed to muster up some energy for a pottery taster course I’d bought for my partner.

Cernamic Deptford pottery throwing taster

By the Sunday, I had to get on top of things for the week ahead, launching myself as gently as possible into a busy period, with work on between 27th January to 10th February, with no day off work/studies until Sunday 11th. Normally my day off, after a week of my usual routines, I’m now delivering two Lego parties in one day. I left at 9:30am and won’t be finished until around 4pm. I’ve also asked my parents to meet in a cafe for a hot drink afterwards as it’s not too far from them (compared to where I live at least) and it’s near where I grew up.

I also performed at the Bi+ Lines book launch, which was incredible! I really loved it so much. Reading poetry is so creatively invigorating and the audience was so lovely and I met lots of people and even met someone called Rose who said their first open mic event was She Grrrowls!

I’ve managed to do some preparation for the week ahead in terms of food as I’ve got a routine I normally do on Sunday for meal prep. I still have a bit to do tonight, but not quite so much pressure.

Next week is She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! There are still plenty of tickets and I would love for it to beat our max audience at the venue of 28, so we can fight to keep it in the cinema space. Get tickets here!

Watching: The Hate U Give, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Saltburn, Forky animations, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, The Patient, Wednesday, Traitors!

Reading: lots of research papers, Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Jenny Murphy, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Islamic Mystical Poetry

Podcasts: Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast, What Now? with Trevor Noah, Sleepy

Music: Poppy, Slayyyter, July Jones, Aurora

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #118

News

Last week, on top of my usual work and studies, I also had news disrupting my current venue for She Grrrowls. Whilst the next event is still set for the same space and should hopefully go smoothly, the next few might be disrupted. I’ve viewed the studio space and it needs work for it to work as an event venue, but I need to trust that the venue can pull it together should it have to take place in this space. Buy tickets for the next event directly from the Catford Mews website.

Next She Grrrowls: Thursday 8th February

I’ve just been keeping afloat with work and studies and trying to keep panic at bay for the lack of time I have, trying to keep as routined as possible, now including a set menu for most days in the week, with food prep done in advance. The week has flown by and I’m building up my work next Saturday, so things are getting even busier. There’s a week in February where I’m working on a Sunday doing two Lego parties.

I’m so stressed and overwhelmed at times, I actually don’t want to do anything else social, but I have a couple of things already scheduled in this weekend! What’s interesting is that I’ve recently seen a major increase in my REM sleep, which could be stress-related, with last night’s being 35%. It could also be my brain processing everything that I’m learning as this week has been my first week with all four clients on placement!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons and Traitors (hating Paul!!!)

Reading: Approaches to Art Therapy (finished the whole thing!), The Revealing Image by Joy Shaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Last Song (poetry), Spare (audiobook)

Podcasts: Secular Buddhism, Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Podcast

Music: Pınhanı, Emmy the Great, Frightened Rabbit

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #117

News

Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.

Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!

I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.

This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons

Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Creative Codex, On Being

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #116

News

It’s now 2024! I enjoy the freshness of a new year, and so tend to reflect and come up with resolutions. Some of these are things I’ve implemented already and want to reinforce, and I actually started some a bit before the end of the year. Some resolutions are harder to quantify and I feel some additional work will be needed with my therapist.

New Year Resolutions 2023-24

1. Limit social events to once a week. Max twice. If twice, must include art.

2. Put things back where they belong after use.

3. Limit social media use to once a week (Saturdays or Sundays). Not after dinner.

4. Manage portions in the evenings by using smaller bowl/plate.

5. Exercise every day, even if tired after the end of the day:

Monday: walking

Tuesday: resistance bands

Wednesday: dancing

Thursday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Friday: yoga and walking

Saturday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Sunday: dancing

6. Recognise the need for rest and implement a duvet-day once a month (asking partner for support with this).

7. Ask for help more when overwhelmed.

8. Meditate for at least 5 minutes when arriving home.

9. Bring up difficult topics rather than bring up issues in response to someone else.

10. Allow for flexibility and spontaneity when it comes to routines in order to make time for relationships and rest.

So, how is the year going so far? I notice sometimes I feel resentful for having to get up at a particular time, even when I have very little to complain about, and I’m very fortunate that I enjoy most of what I do. Sure, I would rather relax, read to my heart’s content, make poetry and art, and watch my new Girlfriends box set. But I also want to practice more gratitude. Hmmm…

11. Write 3 things I’ve grateful for every morning?

I ended the year with the Marina Abromavic exhibition and hosted a party, then started the year off having a long morning with some friends who’d stayed over, taking myself off for a rainy walk after brunch. With a leftover roast for dinner, I took my partner to see The Boy and the Heron at Everyman Crystal Palace. The next day was the anniversary of my grandad’s death, so this week has been a little clouded with this. That day I also found out about Tyrone Lewis’s mum Kaz dying. She was such a massive support and well-known and loved within the poetry community. After having watched Leo and I am Groot shorts in bed, I spent the evening watching Guardians of the Galaxy. If you haven’t listened to Tyrone’s poetry before, I highly recommend his poem, I Am Groot.

I stressed myself a little that evening as I misplaced a book someone wanted to by, much to my surprise, on Vinted. I sadly haven’t found it and had to lose out and cancel the order… if I ever find it, I doubt I’ll sell it now. The next couple of days have been mostly work (tutoring and a Lego Party). The Lego party was interesting as it was at a poetry venue and the pub owners knew Alain English, who had come to the last Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. I’ve also managed to secure a spot every last Sunday now at Forest Hill library, which I’m excited to tell the group about!

Today I’ve still got the day off, so fresh from my morning yoga class, I’m about to get ready for a day of exhibitions, taking a uni course book with me… then it’s back to only having Sundays “off”!

Watching: Traitors!

Reading: Imagining Animals, Personality isn’t Permanent

Podcasts: Creative Codex

Music: Pinhanı, Poppy

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #115

News

I’ve had a busy break, travelling from SE to SW London, staying two nights, then to Hastings and back in one day via a present swap keeping distance with Covid cousins in Tonbridge, followed by two nights in Yorkshire and home via a final family visit in Nottingham, before back to SW then home in SE London! I had to be organised and unpack for my partner’s return, managing to squeeze in a couple of episodes of Yoh! Christmas! and bath before their return.

Now it’s back to work and I’ve had three students back to back and I’m now going to have some celebrations with my partner, going to Winter Wonderland and hosting a small NYE party tomorrow! Then I’ve actually scheduled in an actual duvet day of pure rest… let’s see how well I’ll do at that! It can be really hard to relax when you feel like there’s always something to do, which, for all its advantages, is a big issue with freelance life. Wish me luck!

Watching: Leave the World Behind, Yoh! Christmas!, Candy Cane Lane

Reading: Cat Person and You Know You Want This by Kristen Roupenian

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah and On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Music: all the Christmas music…!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #114

News

There always feels like this rush to tie up loose ends before Christmas, which I’m trying to accept isn’t going to happen. I think I’ve done most of the essentials (aside from some lesson planning and invoicing after writing this). I’d applied for ACE funding, which I didn’t get, but they now have appraisal notes whereby I can look back and try to improve it. I wanted to try to confirm more details ahead of me re-writing the application, but it looks like I can’t do that until next year. So, I’m going to try to take things at a more relaxed paced today.

Uni finished the previous week, and in that time, I helped my partner with his essay. I am hoping we can body double more as he does his revision whilst I do reading and prepare for my own essays! I had my last week of placement and I went to the Christmas meal, so that’s been nice, especially as I’m having to both navigate the negatives of the system – not currently having a device to work on at the new clinic as I’m a trainee – and also be the face of the system when speaking with parents. I felt quite proud of myself for managing to schedule all my new clients, so as soon as I go back, I’ll be in a new clinic starting with a 9:30am assessment with a parent and child!

Thieving Santa bath bomb (sadly no lottery win!)

I’ve got enough work across Monday, Friday and Saturday to earn around £400 a week through tutoring (usually term time only though!). If I can maintain and build on that, I might be able to save for my tuition fees for next year too. However, I’ve also applied for a really exciting role for 2.5 days a week as a poetry editor! This would enable me to have more stability. However, it may be less flexible as I currently have around 12 hours of contact time, and then obviously have travel time, planning and marking on top of that. Anyway, I’ve rolled the dice and will leave it to fate now.

Supporting Kirkdale Bookshop as they got burgled!

I’ve been slowly winding down since Friday, and I’m looking forward to switching off for a few days between now and 29th December. I’ve been upset as I won’t be able to see half my family again as a cousin has caught Covid. To protect my gran, she’ll have to spend Christmas Day alone, and my parents and I will visit her on Boxing Day. It’s a lot of travelling, but with enough rest in between it should be okay. It’s confusing, as without isolating, both my cousin and gran will be in contact with others, but I do struggle with things that aren’t clear and with change. Plus, I just really miss spending that time all together.

Watching: The Patient, The Simpsons, Yoh! Christmas!

Reading: Endgame, Imagining Animals

Podcasts: Trevor Noah’s What Now?

Music: Now That’s What I Call Christmas, 8 Days of Christmas by Destiny’s Child, Janelle Monáe, Rihanna, Taking Back Sunday (new album!)

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #113

News

Last week I was unwell, and then after thinking I had recovered, I then got a whole lot worse over the weekend and had to cut my second day at uni short (we had four hours of experiential groups on two days, and I had to work after the Monday).

I managed to have a day off placement, but it was really difficult as I had to cancel a client. The next day I was determined to go in for the client I’ve been seeing and had my first official art therapy session. I felt a lot more comfortable and feel like I’m getting to grips with the role.

I’ve been trying to help my partner with their essay too, as it really helps to have a body double with ADHD and they haven’t got access to medication, plus English isn’t their first language and they have dyslexia, so I can help with proofreading. However, this has also taken time away from my own studies and come the new year, I am readying myself to focus on work and study at a new level.

The only exercise I’ve done this week is yoga, plus a fair bit of walking for commutes. I’m hoping to pick it up again this week, easing myself into a little home dance now before an online lesson. Speaking of picking things up again, I’ve also picked up the ukulele again and want to at least spend some time playing once a week. I think it’s been over a year, which is really shocking as I have it in my diary to do and just delete it every Sunday!

I also had the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic on Thursday. It was a quiet one, but Alain English made an appearance, which was nice, and we reflected on all the people we met back when we started out in poetry: Cat Brogan, Hollie McNish, Ray Antrobus, Dean Atta etc. It was admirable that he was plugging away and mentioned going to so many open mics. I wonder whether I will have the energy to do this after my course, or if I will be able to make more time for creativity.

Watching: Travel Man, Wonka

Reading: Imagine Animals by Caroline Case, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Endgame by Malorie Blackman, Inheritance by Jasmine Cooray

Podcasts: Griefcast, Diary of a CEO

Music: Christmas playlist

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #112

News

I’m currently unwell with a cold, but I’m hoping to nip it at the bud, resting where I can between work. By resting, I mean reading about trauma and art therapy assessment… I haven’t had a full day off since 26th November, and my next day off is 17th December, both days being family days, rather than days of doing nothing (if ever there is such a day… other than Christmas Day!) With everyone getting unwell, I was feeling healthy, then that superstitious feeling came where I have that thought and suddenly I’m ill. However, I’ve been having my healing herbal remedy, and I’m hopeful it’ll pass without too much disturbance. I’m also thankful that my cervical tests are going to be monitored in a year, so nothing too scary.

I had my university supervision in a freezing cold room with no heating, and I had already got estates to switch the heating on previously, so I feel worried about that for next term. I also feel like I’m taking on too much responsibility and the fact I’m ill is a message to stop doing that and let others pick up the slack. In some cases, it’s the same old story about my needing to prioritise. I’m going to start being really strict with how much I do outside or studying and my course and try to limit any kind of social activity to once a week. I would also rather most of that to be spontaneous rather than planned to ensure I have enough time for rest too.

I had my first one-to-one with a client and it takes a lot of processing. Next week, I start with a second young person, and I’ll hopefully have two more booked in for the new year. Everything feels fast at the moment. I’m also starting to feel anxious because I spent my rent money on Christmas presents without realising I have a gap without anything coming in, plus I’m waiting to hear back about paying council tax and am due to pay over £1000 on my own by April if I’m not able to get an exemption. It’s also the time of year for enforced holiday and paid work gets thin. I know that some way somehow it’ll be okay, but I can’t seem to not get a bit stressed about it.

I feel like this update has been a bit miserable and stressy, but I am really grateful to be on this path and I’m so lucky to be doing so much that I enjoy. I’m still figuring things out and that’s okay.

Next Thursday 14th December, I’m hosting the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. There will be some space, but it’s a very small venue, so do book and come early to avoid disappointment! See all the details here!

Watching: Killers of the Flower Moon, Top Boy, Upload

Reading: Endgame, Waking the Tiger, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Griefcast

Music: Poppy, Pinhani

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #111

News

I’m writing on the bus to the third of four students of today. Things have been so busy I’ve barely had time to plan my lessons, even with some cancellations. Rather, at times I’ve been so focussed on my current course that I’ve kind of got swept up in everything and the lessons have crept up on me.

I met my first client on my clinical placement, which I was pretty nervous about. I’ve reflected on the balance between being prepared practically and the nervous feelings of never feeling ready enough. I felt a huge relief of having this “first” and feel very affirmed at my choice of pathway. It’s already so interesting and I am hopeful about helping people in this way.

I also went to Dream Machine again with my dad for his birthday. I was feeling tired after seeing family again on the Sunday over egg mayo, avocado and challah (a Jewish bread typically eaten on Fridays).

Spotify Wrapped revealed my top artist as Ashnikko, being in the top 0.1% of listeners worldwide! I saw her at Ally Pally on Thursday and it was incredible! I’d seen her in a basement club before a few years ago and it was such a joy to see her in this place, and I had a lot of fun! I loved seeing how crazy and colourful the crowd was and was also glad for the chance to change out of my work clothes into something a bit more glittery!