Tag: poem

I write this on my way to a student on a bus where someone just checked the driver was going to the shown destination, which I’d just asked when getting on. It’s a journey that takes me 45 minutes each way, so for a one-hour lesson, I’m looking forward to ending. Usually I also then have to walk half an hour to another student, but it’s half-way home, so I hope I can continue in the new year with this student so it’ll be a short walk away.

Last weekend I saw Jimmy Eat World and PUP, which was so much fun! The next day I saw my friend off, who is leaving the country with her partner tomorrow! I then spent the whole of Sunday working and studying. Even if I hadn’t had such a social Saturday, it’s what I imagined I would do anyway, though I hope to fit in a duvet day before the end of the year!

Otherwise, it has been a typically routined week, with my clinical placement on Mondays and Wednesdays, university of Tuesdays (where I’m enjoying the ceramics sheds, including my first time glazing), and a full day of back-to-back lessons on Thursdays. Friday is my least hectic day, and I want to keep it that way. I still have lessons, but it also means I can start the day with yoga, get some chores done, and I’m also due to have some study support sessions in future. The tutor becomes the tutee. However, today time was filled by a Zoom call with a potential event partner for the She Grrrowls project I’m working on, pending funding, from June next year.

Watching: The Simpsons, Big Boys, TOWIE, Interior Chinatown

Reading: Community as Doctor by Robert Rapoport, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust (audiobook), The Woman in Me by Britney Spears (audiobook), Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker (audiobook), A Matter of Security: The Application of Attachment Theory to Forensic Psychotherapy by Friedemann Pfäfflin

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, This Jungian Life

Music: Jimmy Eat World, PUP, Weezer, AURORA, Britney Spears, Regina Spektor

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Last weekend, I had nothing scheduled beyond my 9am Saturday lesson and the gym. I intended to study as much as possible, putting in a total of about five hours, which doesn’t feel good enough. I did also finish writing my latest piece for The Norwich Radical and have been scheduling in some time for admin so I can gradually work through my to-list yet still prioritise reading for my course.

Aside from this, I ended up doing some local cat-sitting, but was horrified to find out on my way to the evening feed that at the exact time I was doing the first visit, a man died in a shooting just five minutes’ walk away. I’d come back from a Turkish shop in Catford when a friend sent me a report that said the bus I was on wasn’t calling at the stop, so walked past the police tape.

I attended my placement solo on the Monday. I was warned I could feel shitty and for several reasons, that day had come. So, I saw my parents for dinner and went to see Paddington in Peru, which was exactly what I needed. It had me laughing out loud, but also moved me to tears, relating to elements of its story of belonging to the UK and elsewhere, more so I imagine chiming with my dad, who if gig tickets for as his birthday present.

On Tuesday, I had therapy and a visit to the ceramics shed, and it was my turn to present during supervision. Aside from some reading, I did some edits to the article and went to the gym. I had also been able to access the National Theatre ‘Death to England’ series, so finished with the televised version. I didn’t have my placement the next day, but after reading in a cafe with a friend, I had remote clinical supervision. I did some reflective art-making and notes. I had moved some of my tuition work, so I had a student then began my swimming routine.

Thursdays are now intense work-wise, but I still have time for a morning gym session, before back-to back tutoring from 11am until around 6pm. After yoga this morning, I’ve done a mixture of lesson planning, admin (grant application!), and studying. I finished a whole book and an academic paper, so I’m feeling primed to see Jimmy Eat World with PUP supporting solo tonight!

Watching: The Simpsons, TOWIE, Exploding Kittens, National Theatre Live (Death to England)

Reading: Community as Doctor by Robert Rapoport, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust (audiobook), The Woman in Me by Britney Spears (audiobook), Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Courageous Arts: A Deeper Dive

Music: Jimmy Eat World, PUP, AURORA, Jacob Alon

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Last weekend, I spent a lot of time doing emails and admin, as well as seeing a few friends. I went for a meal at Silk Road for my friend’s 30th, which had hand-stretched noodles and a mix of flavours from the Xinjiang region of China, which was really interesting.

I went to Leo’s in Sydenham for the first time as poet friend Lateisha Davine Lovelace-Hanson was performing there. Including vegan food, with poetry and music, and the flow of intense through the room, it was a really special night. I got to see Viola’s Room again the next morning without interruption and was back in Forest Hill for the Stanza open mic that afternoon.

This week was the first of two days of placement and my first group. It was very eventful and seems to be a turbulent time at the moment. It’s clear that a lot of processing is needed and I’m maintaining a fairly regular response art-making practice, which I’m pleased about. I’ve also managed to spend more time in the ceramics shed at university, so I’m glad to be making up for lost time after two years of not being able to fit it in my schedule.

Yesterday I had some safeguarding training online, then gave blood. After a bit of a poor choice cafe-wise, I got cosy with some university books in Upper Norwood Library, a lovely library, where I’ve also previously performed poetry. I then met a friend after who is sadly leaving the country, so possibly the last time we share a meal together for a long time.

Today, I’ve had one student and returned home to deal with the news that Catford Mews, the venue for She Grrrowls, has closed. I had known there were financial issues, but it is such as shame that Lewisham Council had to close it, and so suddenly. As I don’t have the capacity right now to find a new venue, I’ve decided to cancel all events for the foreseeable. I will work on another ACE application for when I finish my studies next June and try to secure a new venue for September 2025, where I hope to be able to do regular events that then lead up to a launch event. Meanwhile, I’ll be focussing on my course, and trying to save around £3000 towards my tuition fees.

Watching: The Simpsons, Made in Chelsea, TOWIE

Reading: Art Therapy for Psychosis by Katherine Killick, Community as Doctor by R. Rapoport, Art Therapy, Race and Culture by Jean Campbell, and Introduction to Psychotherapy by Anthony Bateman

Podcasts: Let’s Talk About Forensic Psychology, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: GRLwood, AURORA, Ashnikko

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Last weekend, I was due to go to Seven Sisters for a hike, but ended up with a much needed restful Sunday at home due to the windy weather conditions. I’m hoping we will eventually do the walk, but I’d rather go in sunnier weather, so happy to postpone until next year even. I did see The Last Dinner Party with a friend from university who introduced me to them, so we got to catch up too, which was lovely.

On placement, I had my first experience of a ward round, which is actually around a table rather than around the ward, as I had taken that too literally. Things are going slowly as I had a reading day at home on my next usual placement day. I issued a complaint about my experience on the training the previous week, though I’m unsure it’s being handled in the best way. Perhaps I needed to be more mindful of the person seeing what I’ve written, which is not what I expected and not how I would have necessarily framed it. Again, I need to think about how these experiences might mirror the experiences of their service users. I tried to look at assignments but this felt somewhat unproductive as I’m unable to access the disability study support services at the moment, grades are still not confirmed and the assignments aren’t fully updated on the VLE platform.

Some students have started their half-term break already, which means I’ve been able to be more flexible with timings, but also that I’ve home cancellations. I’m starting up again with a student I had previously that has been on hold due to health issues. I’m looking forward to some time this afternoon to study and get a few things on my to-do list ticked off. I’m looking forward to seeing some friends over the weekend and also attending a local poetry event at Leo’s in Sydenham for the first time.

Watching: The Simpsons, Brassic, Exploding Kittens, TOWIE, Made in Chelsea

Reading: The Complete Short Stories by Saki, Art Therapy for Psychosis by Katherine Killick

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Let’s Talk Forensic Psychology, Sleepy

Music: The Last Dinner Party, GRLwood, PUP, Jimmy Eat World, AURORA, chloe moriondo

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

I’ve been spending every spare moment this week either applying for funding grants, attempting getting on top of emails, and going through my new to-do lists on Trello. It’s kind of like going back to my spreadsheet method but you can automate actions, for example, when you tick something off, you can automatically add it to a different list or archive it.

After just getting in surf things on Saturday, I had a lovely Sunday visiting a pop-up sauna in Beckenham and having a bite to eat after. My placement on Monday was cancelled, which was good in a way because I didn’t sleep well at all, having been woken up by noise and then had an argument. The next night, my sleep was also disturbed as I had been brewing Chaga on a low heat, forgotten to turn it off and thankfully was woken up by the smoke detectors, which had just been tested. Moments later, it could have caught alight, so the alarms are literally life-savers!

Part of my training to be an Art Psychotherapist is to think about how this disturbance then relates to my clients, or potential clients. It’s been an emotionally intense week, as I recently shared on Instagram how I was called shy in front of a group of strangers during Emergency Life Support Training by a man who then said, “I bet she talks more to people she knows”. It meant a lot to me that so many people responded with kind words, many of whom the experience resonated with.

As well as the few students I currently have, I also cried for the second time in public this week as I was very confused to hear that I’m not “gainfully” self-employed, thinking this meant that I wouldn’t be getting any Universal Credit. After sharing seven years of documentation of being self-employed, along with bank statements, it could have been better explained to me beforehand what the potential outcomes could be. Alas, my coach was able to reassure me and I managed to calm. I then had an interview for another tuition agency, and was successful again.

I’ve been reading more for my course and even managed a trip to Senate House to pick up a book that wasn’t otherwise accessible. Now in my final year, I’m finding it hard to know which books particularly to read. I know there’s going to be more than a lifetime of reading I’ll want to do. I have also been able to do more artmaking this week, so I hope to keep it up.

I did go to an event called Non-Monopoly this week and met some cool people, as well as bumping into someone I knew through poetry who is also in their final year training to be a therapist – wild! I’ve described myself as a “solo poly” in the past, but actually do lean more towards monogamy. I have since described myself as a “polysexual monoromantic bi woman”. I think it’s okay to not want to involve anymore cismen (one is handful enough), seeing as my friend ended up in a relationship with a woman eventually that way (slightly kidding as I think it’s okay regardless, but sometimes gets frowned upon). Even when I was identifying as a solo poly, I have to admit when I caught feelings, it was hard to keep up with my polycule. However, I think non-monogamy has a lot of useful reading and values that chime with me, that perhaps make me more “monogamish”. My view is that non-monogamous relationships shouldn’t be stigmatised, but they also shouldn’t be held up to be morally superior or more enlightened. Anyway, it was essentially a board game night where you could meet like-minded people. I’ve also just realised the name includes both the words “mono” or “poly”, so if “non” neither label is needed.

Watching: The Simpsons, Nobody Wants This, Girls 5ever, La Maquina

Reading: Suffering Insanity by R.D. Hinshelwood, The Complete Short Stories by Saki, Art Therapy for Psychosis by Katherine Killick

Music: The Last Dinner Party, Etta Marcus, Damsel Elysium, Lucia & The Best Boys

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Last weekend I saw friend and artist Natalie Cooper at the open studios at The Paxton Centre after treating myself to lunch at the Chatsworth Bakehouse, and mooched about afterwards seeing more art, before walking back via Sydenham Wells Park to see the sunset.

Sunday was the Forest Hill Stanza, which had both familiar and new faces and managed to put me in a good mood. Aside from this, I submitted work to different places and spent my last free Monday picking up my new NHS smart card from central London, working through emails and applying for various things. I’ve started to use Trello to organise things I need to do, which has been helping a little bit with overwhelm when it feels like there’s too much to do, though I can still become frustrated when it feels like something is taking a long time.

I started back at uni on Tuesday, which felt very strange without half the year group. It was quite intense, especially after it appeared that our protest piece (protesting the Transformation Project) had been tampered with over the summer. The ‘Safeguard MA Art Psychotherapy’ part had been taken down, so the words we used had been effectively co-opted by the SLT. So, a few of us took to dismantling this.

I had started to feel unwell this week, which always seems to happen just as I’m getting into a good new exercise routine. I rested as much as possible on Wednesday, before having an interview for a tutoring agency (successful) and work on Thursday. I also felt my energy was restored enough to see Gaffa Tape Sandy, supported by About Bunny and really big really clever, who were both great too. Everything was busy again on Friday, with lesson planning and work.

I’m concerned whether I’ll get much support from Universal Credit, seeing as I’m a part-time student (albeit ineligible for student loans) and I am getting just enough income to almost cover my rent (but I need so much more in order to save for my tuition fees!) So, I will have to use savings meant for a buying a house (hilarious) to pay for my rent this month, and of course I’ve just found out about all these grant application I could have done but have likely missed the boat now. Someone donated £100 to my crowd funder, which is extremely generous! Now, if I could get 30 people to do that or 300 people to donate £10, then I’d be okay!

Watching: Girls 5ever, The Simpsons, This Time Next Year (film), Joker (film)

Reading: Suffering Insanity by R.D. Hinshelwood, The Complete Short Stories by Saki, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust (audiobook)

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Louis Theroux Podcast

Music: Gaffa Tape Sandy, About Bunny, really big really clever, The Last Dinner Party, SNAYX

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

This week has been personally challenging, but it has also involved connections with friends and family, the setting of intentions and gradually building a routine. And as someone who has just sent off long Autism assessment forms, completed in a probably more ADHD-way, I do find some comfort in routines.

A lack of work has seen me sign on for Universal Credit, though last time there was less paperwork, and I think I remember getting £30 before I closed the claim, with work picking up again. So, I went in for an initial meeting this week to check ID and then I will meet a “self-employment coach”, who I hope will have some sort of understanding of being self-employed.

When on journeys from seeing family in the midlands and up north, I spent some time writing an autobiographical piece for a submission. Towards the end of it, I wondered what the benefit was and noticed there was a £20 payment if accepted. Every little helps. Though I’m so used to rejections, especially for prose, that I’m not expecting anything. I think it’s been healing in a way, exploring my relationship with stress, through the writing process.

Aside from this I’ve had to do a mock lesson, which led to an interview, and a phone call which has led to booking in another interview with a mock lesson. All to potentially be on the books of different agencies as the current ones aren’t providing me with enough work. I had a spot of temporary work giving interview practice, and have a new student now, taking me to a total of five students. I need at least six more hours of work.

Meanwhile, I’ve been applying for more work, going through emails, doing submissions, and preparing for the upcoming interviews. Whilst ironing one day, I watched the first part of a documentary series called “Defiance: Fight the Far Right”, which was horrific, but important viewing. I finally got round to watching the film Chevalier, and aside from it being in English, I thought it was also an excellent and important film.

So, it has been a somewhat social week with the family visits, but also with the Sylvan Post pub quiz, where we had two teams together – one getting the losing prize of beer cans, which we shared, and one person winning the jackpot of nearly £200, which was not shared! Man, I could have used that money right now!

Watching: Breeders, Girls 5ever, Secret Diary of a call Girl, The Simpsons, Defiance: Fight the Far Right (documentary), Chevalier (film)

Reading: Suffering Insanity by R.D. Hinshelwood, The Complete Short Stories by Saki, Time is Mother by Ocean Vuong (audiobook), Many Different Kinds of Love by Michael Rosen (audiobook)

Podcasts: Creative Codex, What Now? with Trevor Noah, ZOE Science & Nutrition, Who TF Did I Marry?

Music: The Last Dinner Party

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Things are very up and down at the moment. I’ve noticed the contradictory need to be creatively fulfilled and the pull away from this in attempt to find financial stability. How can I create balance? Knowing and doing are two different things.

After angry achy art-making listening to GRLwood to process my assignment marks and feedback last Saturday, and a lack of sleep caused by anxiety, I managed to let off some steam at Decolonise Fest at Signature Brewery in Haggerston. We saw Restless Taxis, Shoefig, Lip Stain, and Dead Air, taking a break for some fantastic Venezuelan food nearby.

One of the week’s highlights was a short burst of writing time with Lateisha Davine-Lovelace Hanson at a local cafe. However, after signing on for Universal Credit, I felt compelled to prove my worth and began an excessive email excavation alongside applying for new agencies and funding opportunities.

I don’t want to spend this time jumping through hoops to simply be signed up to another agency. I want to agencies to come through with the work, whilst I can actually use the time to create, to build other ways of making an income, to allow myself some time to breathe before the time comes that I don’t have this breathing space.

But I can’t seem to stop. There is always seems to be something more pressing to do, yet I know I need to create in order to survive this year. It’s not merely a fear, but a reality. Many of the intentions I set at the start of the year have fallen through, and so the start of the academic year comes with a sense of renewal.

My partner and I have started listening to music at dinner rather than automatically turn to the screen as a substitute kind of bonding. This is going well so far, and we hope to build on this once our days become more structured, with time for creativity – whether playing the ukulele together or doing some art-making. I’m hoping that by switching off emails after 8pm, I’ll have the headspace to do this and then read for university – I’ll also have two days of 3 hour commutes I hope I can read during too. Looking at my prospective timetable, I am wondering when exactly I’ll be able to schedule emails, perhaps why I’m determined to get on top of them – but I have so many account and struggling with the switch from hotmail to gmail, just meaning I have an extra inbox!

Aside from the overwhelm, there have been ups too. I’ve managed to get back to the gym, starting to implement a good routine of running, separate upper and lower body workouts, yoga, dance and swimming. I also got to see Ruby Wax’s latest show for free, which was very moving and funny. We also treated ourselves to very decadent desserts on the way home.

Watching: KAOS, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, The Simpsons, Unstable, Emily in Paris

Reading: Suffering Insanity by R.D. Hinshelwood, The Complete Short Stories by Saki

Podcasts: Creative Codex

Music: Say Anything, Regina Spektor, GRLwood

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!