Freelance Reflections #117

Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.

Titanosaurus

Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!

Happy Gas

I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.

Mathis Richet

This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!

Josèfa Ntjam at Re/Sisters

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons

Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Creative Codex, On Being

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #116

It’s now 2024! I enjoy the freshness of a new year, and so tend to reflect and come up with resolutions. Some of these are things I’ve implemented already and want to reinforce, and I actually started some a bit before the end of the year. Some resolutions are harder to quantify and I feel some additional work will be needed with my therapist.

New Year Resolutions 2023-24

1. Limit social events to once a week. Max twice. If twice, must include art.

2. Put things back where they belong after use.

3. Limit social media use to once a week (Saturdays or Sundays). Not after dinner.

4. Manage portions in the evenings by using smaller bowl/plate.

5. Exercise every day, even if tired after the end of the day:

Monday: walking

Tuesday: resistance bands

Wednesday: dancing

Thursday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Friday: yoga and walking

Saturday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Sunday: dancing

6. Recognise the need for rest and implement a duvet-day once a month (asking partner for support with this).

7. Ask for help more when overwhelmed.

8. Meditate for at least 5 minutes when arriving home.

9. Bring up difficult topics rather than bring up issues in response to someone else.

10. Allow for flexibility and spontaneity when it comes to routines in order to make time for relationships and rest.

So, how is the year going so far? I notice sometimes I feel resentful for having to get up at a particular time, even when I have very little to complain about, and I’m very fortunate that I enjoy most of what I do. Sure, I would rather relax, read to my heart’s content, make poetry and art, and watch my new Girlfriends box set. But I also want to practice more gratitude. Hmmm…

11. Write 3 things I’ve grateful for every morning?

I ended the year with the Marina Abromavic exhibition and hosted a party, then started the year off having a long morning with some friends who’d stayed over, taking myself off for a rainy walk after brunch. With a leftover roast for dinner, I took my partner to see The Boy and the Heron at Everyman Crystal Palace. The next day was the anniversary of my grandad’s death, so this week has been a little clouded with this. That day I also found out about Tyrone Lewis’s mum Kaz dying. She was such a massive support and well-known and loved within the poetry community. After having watched Leo and I am Groot shorts in bed, I spent the evening watching Guardians of the Galaxy. If you haven’t listened to Tyrone’s poetry before, I highly recommend his poem, I Am Groot.

I stressed myself a little that evening as I misplaced a book someone wanted to by, much to my surprise, on Vinted. I sadly haven’t found it and had to lose out and cancel the order… if I ever find it, I doubt I’ll sell it now. The next couple of days have been mostly work (tutoring and a Lego Party). The Lego party was interesting as it was at a poetry venue and the pub owners knew Alain English, who had come to the last Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. I’ve also managed to secure a spot every last Sunday now at Forest Hill library, which I’m excited to tell the group about!

Today I’ve still got the day off, so fresh from my morning yoga class, I’m about to get ready for a day of exhibitions, taking a uni course book with me… then it’s back to only having Sundays “off”!

Watching: Traitors!

Reading: Imagining Animals, Personality isn’t Permanent

Podcasts: Creative Codex

Music: Pinhanı, Poppy

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #113

Last week I was unwell, and then after thinking I had recovered, I then got a whole lot worse over the weekend and had to cut my second day at uni short (we had four hours of experiential groups on two days, and I had to work after the Monday).

I managed to have a day off placement, but it was really difficult as I had to cancel a client. The next day I was determined to go in for the client I’ve been seeing and had my first official art therapy session. I felt a lot more comfortable and feel like I’m getting to grips with the role.

Secretly an Ashnikko Santa Hat 😂

I’ve been trying to help my partner with their essay too, as it really helps to have a body double with ADHD and they haven’t got access to medication, plus English isn’t their first language and they have dyslexia, so I can help with proofreading. However, this has also taken time away from my own studies and come the new year, I am readying myself to focus on work and study at a new level.

The only exercise I’ve done this week is yoga, plus a fair bit of walking for commutes. I’m hoping to pick it up again this week, easing myself into a little home dance now before an online lesson. Speaking of picking things up again, I’ve also picked up the ukulele again and want to at least spend some time playing once a week. I think it’s been over a year, which is really shocking as I have it in my diary to do and just delete it every Sunday!

I also had the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic on Thursday. It was a quiet one, but Alain English made an appearance, which was nice, and we reflected on all the people we met back when we started out in poetry: Cat Brogan, Hollie McNish, Ray Antrobus, Dean Atta etc. It was admirable that he was plugging away and mentioned going to so many open mics. I wonder whether I will have the energy to do this after my course, or if I will be able to make more time for creativity.

Watching: Travel Man, Wonka

Reading: Imagine Animals by Caroline Case, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Endgame by Malorie Blackman, Inheritance by Jasmine Cooray

Podcasts: Griefcast, Diary of a CEO

Music: Christmas playlist

Early morning sunrise

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #112

I’m currently unwell with a cold, but I’m hoping to nip it at the bud, resting where I can between work. By resting, I mean reading about trauma and art therapy assessment… I haven’t had a full day off since 26th November, and my next day off is 17th December, both days being family days, rather than days of doing nothing (if ever there is such a day… other than Christmas Day!) With everyone getting unwell, I was feeling healthy, then that superstitious feeling came where I have that thought and suddenly I’m ill. However, I’ve been having my healing herbal remedy, and I’m hopeful it’ll pass without too much disturbance. I’m also thankful that my cervical tests are going to be monitored in a year, so nothing too scary.

Everyman Cinema

I had my university supervision in a freezing cold room with no heating, and I had already got estates to switch the heating on previously, so I feel worried about that for next term. I also feel like I’m taking on too much responsibility and the fact I’m ill is a message to stop doing that and let others pick up the slack. In some cases, it’s the same old story about my needing to prioritise. I’m going to start being really strict with how much I do outside or studying and my course and try to limit any kind of social activity to once a week. I would also rather most of that to be spontaneous rather than planned to ensure I have enough time for rest too.

Double Duolingo Daily

I had my first one-to-one with a client and it takes a lot of processing. Next week, I start with a second young person, and I’ll hopefully have two more booked in for the new year. Everything feels fast at the moment. I’m also starting to feel anxious because I spent my rent money on Christmas presents without realising I have a gap without anything coming in, plus I’m waiting to hear back about paying council tax and am due to pay over £1000 on my own by April if I’m not able to get an exemption. It’s also the time of year for enforced holiday and paid work gets thin. I know that some way somehow it’ll be okay, but I can’t seem to not get a bit stressed about it.

I feel like this update has been a bit miserable and stressy, but I am really grateful to be on this path and I’m so lucky to be doing so much that I enjoy. I’m still figuring things out and that’s okay.

Treated myself

Next Thursday 14th December, I’m hosting the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. There will be some space, but it’s a very small venue, so do book and come early to avoid disappointment! See all the details here!

Watching: Killers of the Flower Moon, Top Boy, Upload

Reading: Endgame, Waking the Tiger, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Griefcast

Music: Poppy, Pinhani

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #108

Hastings

Things feel like they’re slowly coming into place. Although I’m only just staying afloat when some work gets cancelled, I also know that’s because I have had other things on my plate and there will come a time where I will have to shift priorities. At the moment, I am still able to make some time for friends’ birthdays and things, but I also have to work on accepting that I may even disappoint people or let people down, and trust that true friends will be there. I often feel heavy with responsibility, to the extent that others even expect me to be responsible for that which isn’t even mine, especially when that responsibility is joint.

Last weekend was challenging for health reasons as well as transport issues, but I managed to get away to Hastings, where I saw family and friends, and actually felt like I had some rest. I then spent the week in the routine of work, studies and placement – weirdly, I was online for most of it, with just a morning at the building. I needed that on Thursday when I had She Grrrowls in the evening! It was the most well-attended event at Catford Mews, so I’m hoping things can keep going in the new year.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #107

Right now, I feel very overwhelmed. I’m only just keeping afloat due to work being cancelled and my flat is still not sorted, but it’s slowly getting there. I’m due to go away, but it’s hard when I’m not in the right headspace. I want to make time for friends and family, but all I really want to to build my routines.

At least seeing friends for birthdays!

I’m still trying to build my work up, but I’m also still wondering how I’ll manage everything, and having dipped into the money I’m saving for tuition fees, I’m also worried about how I’ll save the rest of the fees for the end of April 2024.

Meet some cool people at a Halloween Party 👻

Aside from the money and the flat issues, I’ve also got a hospital appointment on Saturday. I’ve been so focussed on everything else, I’ve not given it much thought, but I’m trying to hope for the best. I’m feeling quite overwhelmed by starting my placement, but I think a lot of it has to do with the mess in the flat. I feel so much better when everything is clean and tidy! I’m curious what it will be like once I’ve started the actual client work.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #106

October She Grrrowls at Catford Mews

She Grrrowls is hopefully slowly growing at Catford Mews. It’s such a lovely venue, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the acts I’ve put on and it’s such a joy to see people come back on the open mic too! I usually don’t really feel like it on my way, but when I get there, I always feel better, and at the end, it feels like we’ve achieved something, however small.

Three Years Later… Pink Hair Again

Last weekend was very eventful. I thought I would celebrate my three-year anniversary more and stay local, but instead I went solo along to the protest for Palestine. Like many, I’ve had so many sleepless nights at the extremity of the situation at the moment. I’ve been conscious of this since secondary school, yet still confused of its complexities. But like many others, I couldn’t stay home that day. I felt I had to stand up and be counted in order to show solidarity for Palestine and all civilians, to urge Israel to end the ceasefire.

I worked both mornings that weekend. Saturday ended on eating homemade sushi in front of the film Elemental. Sunday, I saw some sun whilst with some fellow art psychotherapy trainees. In central again, I enjoyed passing by a sign in a park saying ‘Welcome to Lambeth’, which is the Borough I’m doing my placement in. We played board games and strolled along the southbank.

I returned to the Horniman, where I spotted a dinosaur – something that seems to have become important in our cohort’s collective experience. I made a lovely roast, which lasted for two dinners.

Aside from the usual, I had my first week on placement, which is a strange hybrid of in-person and online. With a friend working as a social worker on the NHS, I should have gathered this, but it all is so new to me – both the kind of work, and the office environment. I reflected on this a lot through images.

I’m planning to do some artmaking now, but I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment, especially with my flat situation still being all over the place with the bedbug saga. I don’t know whether I should pressure myself or just work on getting things ready and set up for me to feel better about the space. Stating placement, I’ve had to say goodbye to one student, whose funding finished as it was. I also lost another suddenly, and I’m struggling to hear back from another.

Goodbye Gift

I’ve worked out the need to save around £136 per month to save for my remaining uni frees this year. That’s a lot less than I expected, thanks to some generous donations and getting a tax refund! However, it’s still a significant stress on top of rent and bills when on placement twice a week, without much time for paid work. Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #101

Last week was a quieter period, where I failed to get on top of things as much as I would have liked. I found my marks for my written assignment and was disappointed to get 53, just scraping a pass. I was able to share work with my peers and through this and the verbal feedback, I was able to see where I could have improved. I realised that certain learning processes aren’t working for me and my overwhelm at what to include goes back to the fact that I need to reassess the way I read in order to actually absorb it and keep track of the content to apply in written assignments. It is strange to identify as a writer and yet understand how dyspraxia is impacting my comprehension.

I had booked a half-price hot stone massage, knowing that it would be exactly what I needed. I had sprained my ankle seeing Muse in Milton Keynes (great gig, horrible journey, getting back at 2:45am) – another example of dyspraxia in action. I was about to cancel it, but in the end went through with it, and it was just the kind of somatic therapy I needed.

The rest of the week was also filled with activity, so thankfully my sprain hasn’t been too bad, and it just a bit bruised now. On Tuesday, I met with a couple of course-mates, on Wednesday I met a couple who were visiting my partner from Türkiye, on Thursday I hosted Forest Hill Stanza at Mozart London, and Friday I went bouldering for the first time (I injured my thumb slightly on a little fall when my leg slipped).

This weekend I have been to a house party; despite accepting the fact that I don’t like parties, everyone was really lovely and I had a great time. With the last remaining bit of energy, I went to Margate (thankfully by car). It felt right; I played games on the beach, swam in the sea, and ended the day on an ice-cream, followed by a cloudy lemonade sour beer at Xylo.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #99

Last week was less intense due to work cancellations. I had She Grrrowls on the Thursday and the private view for the Goldsmiths exhibition on the Friday. Where I could, I came in to held more with the exhibition, with Monday being sanding and painting boards, Tuesday finishing and placing the artwork, Thursday putting up some finishing touches, and Friday the same again, with the addition of making labels.

She Grrrowls was small, but mighty. I will try to keep going with the Catford Mews venue if I can. I just really loved having Phoebe Wagner feature, connecting to her Spanish heritage, and appreciated the Sims reference. I am also hoping to cook up another bigger project. I’m not on top of my emails, but when I have free time, I want to balance it between books in the sun, and creative projects in the rain. Time just seems to ebb away so quickly.

All the performers from June’s She Grrrowls

Although I had to correct a spelling mistake on my artwork (and had already paid to get a print) when I invigilated yesterday, I was really pleased to see people engage with my work. I invited people to think about their defence mechanisms and sculpt fruit to represent it. At the private view, I suddenly felt quite vulnerable and exposed, even though the work wasn’t personal, I wanted people to like the concept and so I took the engagement as positive feedback.

Baby All-Clay-Gone!

I also went to the Dance and Movement Psychotherapy show, which I loved and also included a lot of visuals and provided a lot of insight into the practice. I wished there was more of a chance to make connections with the course as I’m more interested in an integrated approach to other expressive arts therapies whether dance, music, performance art or visual art.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

One-Liners: Edinburgh Fringe Festival Reviews

I’ve written more detailed reviews for The Norwich Radical on shows by the Kitten Killers, Luke Stephens, Kate Smurthwaite, Pole and Hannah Chutzpah. Here I’ve included some smaller reviews to give you a flavour of some of my other many highlights.

Megan Ford: Feminasty

Satirical, character sketches and comedic speeches on gender, Ford switches between characters to connect comedy to more serious issues. We get a cool, informative zine on the way out, and a badge.

Shazia Mirza: A Word In Progress

There were moments I wasn’t sure about: the mention of ‘political correctness’, jokes about fat people, and Jewish people, and the upset at the mention of the girls who left Bethnal Green Academy. I work at the school down the road, and it’s something that directly impacts on the students I teach, but perhaps the point was to create discomfort. The theory that they went “for dick” seemed sadly poignant once the laughter died down and we were told that “epilator, knickers and body lotion” were on the top of their packing list. This is a slightly longer review, because I’m interested to see where the show will go, because, although funny, the ending – a commentary on Islam and so-called “ISIS” was momentous and powerful.

Bridget Christie: A Book For Her

There were at least three acts who mentioned the tax on sanitary products, but Christie suggested the ingenious idea of sending bloody knickers with “END VAT’ on them to George Osborne. In this show, she gave an ironic definition of what being a Feminist means and turned to politics in the UK and USA, with an intersectional focus on race issues.

Katherine Ferns: Conscious Incompetent

I disagreed with points made about “manspreading”, which is simply indicative of patriarchy, and as much a part of it as anything else, I didn’t like jibes at Beyoncé, and I didn’t like the use of the word “retarded”. However, she also made the obligatory tampon tax joke, and her ability to touch on taboo subjects such as incest, rape and pedophilia was both clever and somehow funny (and not in an offensive way). She spoke frankly of what difficulties in her life, from depression to drugs, and weighed up whether decisions she’d made were brave or stupid. Well, I’d say the brave outweighs the stupid.

Jack Rooke: Good Grief

He probably won’t want his youth commenting on, but I left Rooke’s show in awe of what he is doing. Not only has he created this wonderful show, which has the perfect balance of comedy and more sombre moments, but he is symbolic of how the personal is political. What goes on with the government directly impacts on our lives, and through The Good Grief Project, he is challenging current changes to the Widowed Parent’s Allowance.

Harry Baker: The Sunshine Kid

You couldn’t help but smile throughout this show, as Baker took us through his life prior to university to now through his poetry, which can be found in the book of the same title by Burning Eye Books.

David Lee Morgan: Building God

An intense show about revolution and communism, Morgan’s voice kept audiences captivated through his ways with words and the beat of the music he played as a backdrop.

Stephanie Laing: Nincompoop

A show about shame that started with not letting an old lady sit down, and inevitably went on to talk about drunken behaviour, bad dreams and sexual antics. With songs and a flute, Chesney Hawks, and a serious note about shame and self-harm, what’s not to love?

Bryony Kimmings and Tim Grayburn: Fake It ‘Til You Make It

I gave this show a standing ovation. I’ve never been made to cry from watching dancing before this. I bought the play text, but I wish I could relive the experience as I read. Bryony Kimmings and her real-life partner Tim Grayburn use comedy, dance, and spoken word to speak about mental health more honestly than I’ve ever seen before. It was incredibly touching and I wanted to cry a lot more than I actually did.

Sophia Walker: Can’t Care, Won’t Care

An insight into the care industry through a legal battle between the state and the carer. This shows as in with such jobs, there is minimal pay and agency for those who truly care about the individuals they work for, the service users. It was honest and passionate, and so heartbreaking.

The Kagools

No words and a whole lot of audience participation. I was thankful to do no more than eat a Hula Hoop. The best part was their use of pre-recorded material on the screen, and that whilst it felt like each part was a random act, it tied neatly together by the end.

Elf Lyons: Being Barbarella

I loved the Feminist angle of wanting to be this confident person, and wanting to be empowered sexually and otherwise. Lyon’s mis-matching accents was especially funny, as well as her use of costume.

Ben Norris: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Family

Ben Norris explores his relationship with his father through a hitchhike through all the places his dad had lived, proving an interesting story that explored masculinity as a whole and was sure to connect with many men in the audience.

Aisling Bea: Plan Bea

I loved this and was laughing constantly. She had good accents and I liked the reclaiming of ‘girl’ as a word of complexities, and there were slight political points, but worked in a subtle way. Again, this was about confidence and owning your own “shame” (her being in this heavy metal pirate video)

Mark Watson: Flaws

A show about flaws, obviously, and lacking self-esteem, mental health issues and turning to alcohol. Watson is such a warm character that you can’t help but warm to him (unless you were one of the three women who left after fifteen minutes).

Paula Varjack: How I Became Myself (By Becoming Someone Else)

A really interesting piece, as well as in terms of subject matter – the idea of changing your identity – but also in terms of how this was done visually – mixing front performance, through the camera and on screen. 

So It Goes

Another show with no words spoken aloud, but written on white boards, using props and dance to illustrate the story of Hannah’s dad, dealing with his death, and her friend David helping her to tell this story. There was laughter, and many, many tears.

Sara Hirsch: How Was It For You?

‘I can’t rhyme you,’ Hirsch proclaims, asserting why she can’t write a poem for her then-boyfriend, in the middle of what is almost a long love poem to the ex in question. But it was also a love poem to herself, and for everyone out there searching for love and the meaning of life.

Jemima Foxtrot: Melody

Beautifully intricate language, so poetic and mixed in, as the title would suggest, with a’cappella song. Foxtrot plays with humour and the unexpected in this wonderfully crafted piece.

Kirsten MacGregor: Hello Cruel World

I couldn’t believe this comedian was just 18 years old. It wasn’t only her grumpy persona that made her seem mature, but her confidence and comic timing.

Michael Burdett: Strange Face – Adventures with a Lost Nick Drake Recording

Really interesting true story of… well, it does what it says on the tin. There’s a book with lots of people, including well-known people, photographed whilst listening to the a rare recording of ‘Cello Song’ with their stories.

Mark Stephenson: Amsterdam

A hilarious story about an absent father, a beautiful marriage and selective mutism. Or it is? Very much recommend.

Izzy Tennyson: Brute

I find it difficult to create characters that exist beyond binaries of good and bad, yet Izzy Tennyson managed to do this in the creation of ‘Brute’. In the classic conversational style of Tennyson, she embodies a teenage girl to tell a story that is familiar in the sense of going to a single-sex state school, but looking into why girls can be bullies, exploring the complexities of a psyche so often dismissed.

Dan Simpson: Nerdsmith

Reading poems from his Burning Eye Book, Applied Mathematics, Simpson attempts and admittedly fails to get to the heart of an emotional provocation. But at the end, it’s okay, as the audience enjoy his playing with language, from puns to extended metaphors. I bought his book in hope of some poetic inspiration!

Tim Renkow: Kim Jong-Un, Mohammed, Jesus and Other Power-Hungry Maniacs

Renkow was knowingly provocative in his comedy from the onset, warning the audience that his record number of walk-outs is nine people. However, I was most offended by the implication that, in telling an anecdote to illustrate negative attitudes to disability, his erection was due to the woman’s “fear”. There were certainly other moments where I questioned where he was going, but you didn’t have to wait for long to see that he was mocking injustices he sees in society.

So, it was pretty much all amazing…

There were some I enjoyed more than others, but the only show I was completely disappointed by was Tony Law. I’d seen him before, but a majority of this improvised show I didn’t find funny, and on top of that I was worried about him, especially when he started to drink a pint after telling the audience he’s quit drinking. I hope he’s okay…