It’s been another busy week, with more to come tomorrow, but having some low-key Sunday plans with family and friends has been nice. I also saw Dune 2, which I didn’t enjoy as much as I remembered the first. I’d hoped to see a friend after a student tonight, but I’m homeward bound instead. After a couple of busy Fridays, it will be good to relax once I’m home and fed!
Bowls glazed!
I also had She Grrrowls last night and despite a few curveballs, there was a decent turn out, and a few lovely people even bought books! I’m looking forward to some time away from my usual schedule, just to catch up on things and get a bit of breathing space, but also as I probably said before, to also catch up with friends and see some exhibitions. I need to be earning more money as well, so I’m a bit apprehensive about the time off in this respect.
Gift from Barcelona 💕
Watching: Atlanta, The Simpsons, Travel Man
Reading: Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Sexy But Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor
Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, Things Fell Apart
I worked out that I have spent at least 25 hours on my latest ACE application, re-writing it completely as the structure changed since the last one was rejected. I submitted it last night and felt sick with dread, and didn’t feel the relief I had hoped I would feel. I have to wait at least twelve weeks for the outcome and at this point I’ve put so much work into it that I feel I would have to try again, despite how gruelling the process is and how much I might feel compelled to give up.
Monica Sjöö
My feelings were also impacted by a realisation that perhaps there are past performers I shouldn’t get in contact with, that sadly had bad experiences when they featured, which I have to come to terms with as not being able to rectify. How do I validate their experiences and learn from them? How do I also not slip into a negative spiral and see things as they are, without also discounting the positives? I have managed to re-engage and reconnect with some past performers, but this won’t be the case for everyone.
Spring has sprung!
I submitted my 8000-word essay draft this week, and as things are quite consistently intense in terms of balancing everything, I’m looking forward to a break in the routine, getting on top of things that have slipped by the wayside, and doing more reading and essay writing. I’ve managed to see a couple of friends, and been enjoying the CPIFF events; joining a friend yesterday for a quick last-minute drink was a reminder for us both that we are close by and there for each other.
I actually managed to run into central London to check out the Monica Sjöö exhibition before work on Friday, and went to have a look at numerous other exhibitions on Cork Street – it was lovely weather and I wished I could stay out all afternoon, but had to trundle along from house to house for an afternoon of tutoring. It did feel like such a privilege to start the day with yoga and exhibition though!
I also can’t believe that next week is the next She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! Only eight tickets have sold so far, so please come along and spread the word if possible. Last month we had an audience of forty and I’m really hoping to build on this!
Watching: Atlanta, Life & Beth, The Simpsons
Reading: Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp
Podcasts: Things Fell Apart, Therapists Uncensored, What Now? with Trevor Noah
I’m in a local coffee shop, Galão, and just bumped into a parent with an ex-student! I didn’t recognise them at first, but when I did I waved and just did a hi-how-are-you, but I always feel a bit awkward! I was actually planning to pop to an exhibition today, but then double-checked and realised it’s actually closed today! So, back to my essay I go.
Galão
This week, I’ve mostly just worked – whether on my essay, placement or work-work. However, I also had the first Forest Hill Stanza group at the local library, which was nice. It had the usual people as well as a couple of others.
Mix and match take away with home cooked food
The worst part of the week – still an ongoing source of stress – was when I found out I had missed the notification that my payment had failed for the DBS update service. After wasting an hour crying down the phone to robots, I had to accept there was nothing I could do but reapply for another one for £38. I’m now waiting for a response about checking my documents. When I get it and put it on the update service again, then I will make sure to put an annual note in my calendar to check the payment! So, now I need to wait to see what is going on with my application as I emailed a bunch of people from uni to arrange verification, but haven’t had a reply yet.
Toilet protest art
I really wasn’t in the mood to tutor after that, but thankfully I started with a boy I hadn’t seen for a while and it was really rewarding working with him. Aside from the usual, I also went to CPIFF (Crystal Palace International Film Festival). It was a night of International Shorts and I though they were great. I was also taken by surprise by one called Corruption on Earth that felt really uncomfortable and surreal that showed Iran winning an award for its regime, and had me in tears by the end. I also was uncomfortable with a more experimental film called King, that was mostly dance to music, but the choreographer came from Denmark to speak and her and the audience articulated so well that it enhanced my enjoyment of it.
Cakes, cookies & plantain crisps on placement
I’m still ploughing my way through the ACE application, and really hoping I can get that and my current essay draft done this week, then I can focus on reading more texts to put into said essay, and get started on writing my next one! Rather than watch a film or anything, I managed to do a bit of a ukulele practice after the gym – how’s that for a wild Saturday night!
Watching: Atlanta, Life & Beth, The Simpsons, Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons
Reading: Trauma and The Avoidant Client by Robert T Muller, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp
So, aside from work work, essay and funding application writing and the usual university and placement days, I’ve had my mid-placement report and three-way meeting, so all seems to be going well! I’ve had a few lessons cancelled, which has enabled me to keep floating above water. At university we had a day that was focussed on “queering” art psychotherapy, but it was also the day we had a walk out for Palestine, so many of us joined the rally and made art on the side, personally reflecting on how I’ve noticed queer/LGBT+ identities have been weaponised in arguments on this topic.
Poppy
I’ve also broken my resolutions on socialising as I didn’t have a great awareness of my existing commitments before making new ones! I saw Poppy with WARGASM on Tuesday night, which I was gifted, which was so much fun! It ended earlier than I would have liked, but I had a great time. I caught up with a friend who came along over Mexican food at Frida, and then I had further indulgence the next evening over East Street Pan-Asian food meeting up with an old UEA friend.
WARGASM
I’ve decided to continue going to the dance workshops for NHS workers, which is a little nerve-wracking but really rewarding. Today due to work cancellations, I managed to go back in the studio to paint my clay piece. I was there just under an hour and a half, preparing for a new gig booked for my birthday: Kate Nash… who, I found out at some point followed me on Twitter/X… which I officially do not use anymore. Anyway, being dyspraxic, I guess… I managed to start the session with cracking the piece whilst taking it out, so the little shelter broke. I just realised that it then made more sense that I did an overflowing well. I also ended the session dipping my hair in blue paint… so, I’m off to work now with paint still there, thinking that I really should wash my hair tonight!
This Sunday I’m running the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic, now at Forest Hill Library every last Sunday 2-4pm. There’s about ten people on the open mic so far, so it should be good!
Watching: Life and Beth, The Simpsons, Da Vinci’s Demons
Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Sexy but Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor
Well, another week is whisking past, and I’m feeling a bit run down and looking forward to a day off on Sunday. By that, I mean staying home, doing chores and essay writing. These are sometimes the days I look forward to the most. It can be hard to fully enjoy going out when overwhelmed with so much to do. On top of the usual, I’m trying to write funding applications and trying not to rush the process, but when it comes to priorities, it’s fighting for position against my essays. That said, I love writing, so getting the words out won’t be so hard… finding the right words and editing is where I struggle.
On a more positive note, She Grrrowls was last night and it was a pretty full crowd! There was so much positive feedback, and with the venue now gaining another new manager, I’m hoping they’ll be more supportive of the night. Things are coming together on my placement, I can’t complain about work, and I’m getting back into exercise now the flu has past.
I met my parents last Sunday for a lovely hot chocolate and brownie after doing two Lego parties, and realised I haven’t really seen any friends. Whilst many are enjoying a quieter, slower life as Cecilia Knapp had mentioned in a new poem last night, some are so snowed under in work, it’s ridiculous. I’m talking 5am to 10pm days with one, who also needs to study for their accountancy course, and another who is working in an organisation in crisis and training to be a yoga instructor in her spare time. Both incredibly successful women, but in and out of jobs for various reasons, with pressure to just keep going. I can obviously relate, but I feel like I’m lucky in that the work I do is often a privilege (though it comes with certain stresses of late), I absolutely love the training I’m doing, and I’m managing to also eat well, exercise, and socialise (or at least socialise with myself by going to galleries).
Skylark Cafe
Watching: Abbot Elementary, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Travel Man
Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Assessment in Art Therapy
The last time I wrote, I was feeling so good – I saw Pinhanı and went to see the Capturing the Moment exhibition at Tate Modern. When I’m feeling good and healthy, but perhaps have a lot on, it seems like that’s when illness hit. I’ve now just about got over the flu, which knocked me out for days, then lasted as a lingering cough.
Pinhanı
As I tried my best to rest, I got to watch a couple of films and used the ‘speak’ function to get research papers read to me by a robotic voice. I had three and a half full days off, and was gutted to miss my placement, for my clients and also this really interesting somatic training. I worked from Saturday evening and also managed to muster up some energy for a pottery taster course I’d bought for my partner.
Cernamic Deptford pottery throwing taster
By the Sunday, I had to get on top of things for the week ahead, launching myself as gently as possible into a busy period, with work on between 27th January to 10th February, with no day off work/studies until Sunday 11th. Normally my day off, after a week of my usual routines, I’m now delivering two Lego parties in one day. I left at 9:30am and won’t be finished until around 4pm. I’ve also asked my parents to meet in a cafe for a hot drink afterwards as it’s not too far from them (compared to where I live at least) and it’s near where I grew up.
I also performed at the Bi+ Lines book launch, which was incredible! I really loved it so much. Reading poetry is so creatively invigorating and the audience was so lovely and I met lots of people and even met someone called Rose who said their first open mic event was She Grrrowls!
Bi+ Lines
I’ve managed to do some preparation for the week ahead in terms of food as I’ve got a routine I normally do on Sunday for meal prep. I still have a bit to do tonight, but not quite so much pressure.
Next week is She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! There are still plenty of tickets and I would love for it to beat our max audience at the venue of 28, so we can fight to keep it in the cinema space. Get tickets here!
Watching: The Hate U Give, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Saltburn, Forky animations, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, The Patient, Wednesday, Traitors!
Reading: lots of research papers, Art Therapy with Young Survivors of Sexual Abuse by Jenny Murphy, Sexy but Psycho by Dr Jessica Taylor, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Islamic Mystical Poetry
Podcasts: Psychiatry & Psychotherapy Podcast, What Now? with Trevor Noah, Sleepy
Last week, on top of my usual work and studies, I also had news disrupting my current venue for She Grrrowls. Whilst the next event is still set for the same space and should hopefully go smoothly, the next few might be disrupted. I’ve viewed the studio space and it needs work for it to work as an event venue, but I need to trust that the venue can pull it together should it have to take place in this space. Buy tickets for the next event directly from the Catford Mews website.
Next She Grrrowls: Thursday 8th February
I’ve just been keeping afloat with work and studies and trying to keep panic at bay for the lack of time I have, trying to keep as routined as possible, now including a set menu for most days in the week, with food prep done in advance. The week has flown by and I’m building up my work next Saturday, so things are getting even busier. There’s a week in February where I’m working on a Sunday doing two Lego parties.
Sunrise mornings
I’m so stressed and overwhelmed at times, I actually don’t want to do anything else social, but I have a couple of things already scheduled in this weekend! What’s interesting is that I’ve recently seen a major increase in my REM sleep, which could be stress-related, with last night’s being 35%. It could also be my brain processing everything that I’m learning as this week has been my first week with all four clients on placement!
Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons and Traitors (hating Paul!!!)
Reading: Approaches to Art Therapy (finished the whole thing!), The Revealing Image by Joy Shaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Last Song (poetry), Spare (audiobook)
Podcasts: Secular Buddhism, Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Podcast
Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.
Titanosaurus
Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!
Happy Gas
I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.
Mathis Richet
This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!
Josèfa Ntjam at Re/Sisters
Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons
Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp
It’s now 2024! I enjoy the freshness of a new year, and so tend to reflect and come up with resolutions. Some of these are things I’ve implemented already and want to reinforce, and I actually started some a bit before the end of the year. Some resolutions are harder to quantify and I feel some additional work will be needed with my therapist.
New Year Resolutions 2023-24
1. Limit social events to once a week. Max twice. If twice, must include art.
2. Put things back where they belong after use.
3. Limit social media use to once a week (Saturdays or Sundays). Not after dinner.
4. Manage portions in the evenings by using smaller bowl/plate.
5. Exercise every day, even if tired after the end of the day:
Monday: walking
Tuesday: resistance bands
Wednesday: dancing
Thursday: weights/swim/gym cardio
Friday: yoga and walking
Saturday: weights/swim/gym cardio
Sunday: dancing
6. Recognise the need for rest and implement a duvet-day once a month (asking partner for support with this).
7. Ask for help more when overwhelmed.
8. Meditate for at least 5 minutes when arriving home.
9. Bring up difficult topics rather than bring up issues in response to someone else.
10. Allow for flexibility and spontaneity when it comes to routines in order to make time for relationships and rest.
So, how is the year going so far? I notice sometimes I feel resentful for having to get up at a particular time, even when I have very little to complain about, and I’m very fortunate that I enjoy most of what I do. Sure, I would rather relax, read to my heart’s content, make poetry and art, and watch my new Girlfriends box set. But I also want to practice more gratitude. Hmmm…
11. Write 3 things I’ve grateful for every morning?
I ended the year with the Marina Abromavic exhibition and hosted a party, then started the year off having a long morning with some friends who’d stayed over, taking myself off for a rainy walk after brunch. With a leftover roast for dinner, I took my partner to see The Boy and the Heron at Everyman Crystal Palace. The next day was the anniversary of my grandad’s death, so this week has been a little clouded with this. That day I also found out about Tyrone Lewis’s mum Kaz dying. She was such a massive support and well-known and loved within the poetry community. After having watched Leo and I am Groot shorts in bed, I spent the evening watching Guardians of the Galaxy. If you haven’t listened to Tyrone’s poetry before, I highly recommend his poem, I Am Groot.
I stressed myself a little that evening as I misplaced a book someone wanted to by, much to my surprise, on Vinted. I sadly haven’t found it and had to lose out and cancel the order… if I ever find it, I doubt I’ll sell it now. The next couple of days have been mostly work (tutoring and a Lego Party). The Lego party was interesting as it was at a poetry venue and the pub owners knew Alain English, who had come to the last Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. I’ve also managed to secure a spot every last Sunday now at Forest Hill library, which I’m excited to tell the group about!
Today I’ve still got the day off, so fresh from my morning yoga class, I’m about to get ready for a day of exhibitions, taking a uni course book with me… then it’s back to only having Sundays “off”!
Last week I was unwell, and then after thinking I had recovered, I then got a whole lot worse over the weekend and had to cut my second day at uni short (we had four hours of experiential groups on two days, and I had to work after the Monday).
I managed to have a day off placement, but it was really difficult as I had to cancel a client. The next day I was determined to go in for the client I’ve been seeing and had my first official art therapy session. I felt a lot more comfortable and feel like I’m getting to grips with the role.
Secretly an Ashnikko Santa Hat 😂
I’ve been trying to help my partner with their essay too, as it really helps to have a body double with ADHD and they haven’t got access to medication, plus English isn’t their first language and they have dyslexia, so I can help with proofreading. However, this has also taken time away from my own studies and come the new year, I am readying myself to focus on work and study at a new level.
The only exercise I’ve done this week is yoga, plus a fair bit of walking for commutes. I’m hoping to pick it up again this week, easing myself into a little home dance now before an online lesson. Speaking of picking things up again, I’ve also picked up the ukulele again and want to at least spend some time playing once a week. I think it’s been over a year, which is really shocking as I have it in my diary to do and just delete it every Sunday!
I also had the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic on Thursday. It was a quiet one, but Alain English made an appearance, which was nice, and we reflected on all the people we met back when we started out in poetry: Cat Brogan, Hollie McNish, Ray Antrobus, Dean Atta etc. It was admirable that he was plugging away and mentioned going to so many open mics. I wonder whether I will have the energy to do this after my course, or if I will be able to make more time for creativity.
Watching: Travel Man, Wonka
Reading: Imagine Animals by Caroline Case, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Endgame by Malorie Blackman, Inheritance by Jasmine Cooray
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 