live literature – Page 7 – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #117

Things have picked up again and I thought I’d start by reflecting on my resolutions so far. I’m not doing perfectly, but the one I am really pleased with is the social media one as I thought it would be really difficult, but I’m really enjoying not going on it and keeping it to just a specific time. The ones I’m finding more difficult are putting things back where they belong (currently a bunch of jewellery beside my bed) and managing portion sizes (because I’m used to eating a certain amount and not in the habit of having regular snacks, so tend to be extra hungry come dinner time)! Sleep is still an issue and I’ve found allowing for spontaneity difficult too.

Last Friday I wasn’t working, so I went to three exhibitions! I’ll write in more detail about each of them on my Instagram at some point (it will take a while with my designated day), but it included the Titanosaurus exhibition at the Natural History Museum, where I learnt a lot of interesting things, but didn’t get to go on the games as kids were hogging them! I saw Sarah Lucas: Happy Gas at Tate Britain, whose work I had studied at college. After a hot chocolate break, I went to Re/Sisters, at The Barbican, which was so extensive it took me two hours to get through!

I spent most of the weekend getting on top of things for the week ahead, but also went for a spa day with my mum, which was lovely! I’ve been to the Montcalm a few times, and this time we had Sunday roast at the rooftop restaurant The Aviary, which was delicious.

This week it’s all be back on: admin for She Grrrowls events (with a major hiccup to sort out), tutoring clients, university, clinical placement, essay and debate research and writing, and writing a new ACE application. Then on top of that, trying to keep on top of household chores. I’m pretty zonked and looking forward to a relaxing bath tonight!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons, The Traitors, The Simpsons

Reading: The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverian, Approaches to Art Therapy by Judith Aron Rubin, and Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Creative Codex, On Being

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #116

News

It’s now 2024! I enjoy the freshness of a new year, and so tend to reflect and come up with resolutions. Some of these are things I’ve implemented already and want to reinforce, and I actually started some a bit before the end of the year. Some resolutions are harder to quantify and I feel some additional work will be needed with my therapist.

New Year Resolutions 2023-24

1. Limit social events to once a week. Max twice. If twice, must include art.

2. Put things back where they belong after use.

3. Limit social media use to once a week (Saturdays or Sundays). Not after dinner.

4. Manage portions in the evenings by using smaller bowl/plate.

5. Exercise every day, even if tired after the end of the day:

Monday: walking

Tuesday: resistance bands

Wednesday: dancing

Thursday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Friday: yoga and walking

Saturday: weights/swim/gym cardio

Sunday: dancing

6. Recognise the need for rest and implement a duvet-day once a month (asking partner for support with this).

7. Ask for help more when overwhelmed.

8. Meditate for at least 5 minutes when arriving home.

9. Bring up difficult topics rather than bring up issues in response to someone else.

10. Allow for flexibility and spontaneity when it comes to routines in order to make time for relationships and rest.

So, how is the year going so far? I notice sometimes I feel resentful for having to get up at a particular time, even when I have very little to complain about, and I’m very fortunate that I enjoy most of what I do. Sure, I would rather relax, read to my heart’s content, make poetry and art, and watch my new Girlfriends box set. But I also want to practice more gratitude. Hmmm…

11. Write 3 things I’ve grateful for every morning?

I ended the year with the Marina Abromavic exhibition and hosted a party, then started the year off having a long morning with some friends who’d stayed over, taking myself off for a rainy walk after brunch. With a leftover roast for dinner, I took my partner to see The Boy and the Heron at Everyman Crystal Palace. The next day was the anniversary of my grandad’s death, so this week has been a little clouded with this. That day I also found out about Tyrone Lewis’s mum Kaz dying. She was such a massive support and well-known and loved within the poetry community. After having watched Leo and I am Groot shorts in bed, I spent the evening watching Guardians of the Galaxy. If you haven’t listened to Tyrone’s poetry before, I highly recommend his poem, I Am Groot.

I stressed myself a little that evening as I misplaced a book someone wanted to by, much to my surprise, on Vinted. I sadly haven’t found it and had to lose out and cancel the order… if I ever find it, I doubt I’ll sell it now. The next couple of days have been mostly work (tutoring and a Lego Party). The Lego party was interesting as it was at a poetry venue and the pub owners knew Alain English, who had come to the last Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. I’ve also managed to secure a spot every last Sunday now at Forest Hill library, which I’m excited to tell the group about!

Today I’ve still got the day off, so fresh from my morning yoga class, I’m about to get ready for a day of exhibitions, taking a uni course book with me… then it’s back to only having Sundays “off”!

Watching: Traitors!

Reading: Imagining Animals, Personality isn’t Permanent

Podcasts: Creative Codex

Music: Pinhanı, Poppy

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #115

News

I’ve had a busy break, travelling from SE to SW London, staying two nights, then to Hastings and back in one day via a present swap keeping distance with Covid cousins in Tonbridge, followed by two nights in Yorkshire and home via a final family visit in Nottingham, before back to SW then home in SE London! I had to be organised and unpack for my partner’s return, managing to squeeze in a couple of episodes of Yoh! Christmas! and bath before their return.

Now it’s back to work and I’ve had three students back to back and I’m now going to have some celebrations with my partner, going to Winter Wonderland and hosting a small NYE party tomorrow! Then I’ve actually scheduled in an actual duvet day of pure rest… let’s see how well I’ll do at that! It can be really hard to relax when you feel like there’s always something to do, which, for all its advantages, is a big issue with freelance life. Wish me luck!

Watching: Leave the World Behind, Yoh! Christmas!, Candy Cane Lane

Reading: Cat Person and You Know You Want This by Kristen Roupenian

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah and On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Music: all the Christmas music…!

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #113

News

Last week I was unwell, and then after thinking I had recovered, I then got a whole lot worse over the weekend and had to cut my second day at uni short (we had four hours of experiential groups on two days, and I had to work after the Monday).

I managed to have a day off placement, but it was really difficult as I had to cancel a client. The next day I was determined to go in for the client I’ve been seeing and had my first official art therapy session. I felt a lot more comfortable and feel like I’m getting to grips with the role.

I’ve been trying to help my partner with their essay too, as it really helps to have a body double with ADHD and they haven’t got access to medication, plus English isn’t their first language and they have dyslexia, so I can help with proofreading. However, this has also taken time away from my own studies and come the new year, I am readying myself to focus on work and study at a new level.

The only exercise I’ve done this week is yoga, plus a fair bit of walking for commutes. I’m hoping to pick it up again this week, easing myself into a little home dance now before an online lesson. Speaking of picking things up again, I’ve also picked up the ukulele again and want to at least spend some time playing once a week. I think it’s been over a year, which is really shocking as I have it in my diary to do and just delete it every Sunday!

I also had the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic on Thursday. It was a quiet one, but Alain English made an appearance, which was nice, and we reflected on all the people we met back when we started out in poetry: Cat Brogan, Hollie McNish, Ray Antrobus, Dean Atta etc. It was admirable that he was plugging away and mentioned going to so many open mics. I wonder whether I will have the energy to do this after my course, or if I will be able to make more time for creativity.

Watching: Travel Man, Wonka

Reading: Imagine Animals by Caroline Case, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Endgame by Malorie Blackman, Inheritance by Jasmine Cooray

Podcasts: Griefcast, Diary of a CEO

Music: Christmas playlist

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #112

News

I’m currently unwell with a cold, but I’m hoping to nip it at the bud, resting where I can between work. By resting, I mean reading about trauma and art therapy assessment… I haven’t had a full day off since 26th November, and my next day off is 17th December, both days being family days, rather than days of doing nothing (if ever there is such a day… other than Christmas Day!) With everyone getting unwell, I was feeling healthy, then that superstitious feeling came where I have that thought and suddenly I’m ill. However, I’ve been having my healing herbal remedy, and I’m hopeful it’ll pass without too much disturbance. I’m also thankful that my cervical tests are going to be monitored in a year, so nothing too scary.

I had my university supervision in a freezing cold room with no heating, and I had already got estates to switch the heating on previously, so I feel worried about that for next term. I also feel like I’m taking on too much responsibility and the fact I’m ill is a message to stop doing that and let others pick up the slack. In some cases, it’s the same old story about my needing to prioritise. I’m going to start being really strict with how much I do outside or studying and my course and try to limit any kind of social activity to once a week. I would also rather most of that to be spontaneous rather than planned to ensure I have enough time for rest too.

I had my first one-to-one with a client and it takes a lot of processing. Next week, I start with a second young person, and I’ll hopefully have two more booked in for the new year. Everything feels fast at the moment. I’m also starting to feel anxious because I spent my rent money on Christmas presents without realising I have a gap without anything coming in, plus I’m waiting to hear back about paying council tax and am due to pay over £1000 on my own by April if I’m not able to get an exemption. It’s also the time of year for enforced holiday and paid work gets thin. I know that some way somehow it’ll be okay, but I can’t seem to not get a bit stressed about it.

I feel like this update has been a bit miserable and stressy, but I am really grateful to be on this path and I’m so lucky to be doing so much that I enjoy. I’m still figuring things out and that’s okay.

Next Thursday 14th December, I’m hosting the Forest Hill Stanza Open Mic. There will be some space, but it’s a very small venue, so do book and come early to avoid disappointment! See all the details here!

Watching: Killers of the Flower Moon, Top Boy, Upload

Reading: Endgame, Waking the Tiger, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Griefcast

Music: Poppy, Pinhani

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #108

News

Things feel like they’re slowly coming into place. Although I’m only just staying afloat when some work gets cancelled, I also know that’s because I have had other things on my plate and there will come a time where I will have to shift priorities. At the moment, I am still able to make some time for friends’ birthdays and things, but I also have to work on accepting that I may even disappoint people or let people down, and trust that true friends will be there. I often feel heavy with responsibility, to the extent that others even expect me to be responsible for that which isn’t even mine, especially when that responsibility is joint.

Last weekend was challenging for health reasons as well as transport issues, but I managed to get away to Hastings, where I saw family and friends, and actually felt like I had some rest. I then spent the week in the routine of work, studies and placement – weirdly, I was online for most of it, with just a morning at the building. I needed that on Thursday when I had She Grrrowls in the evening! It was the most well-attended event at Catford Mews, so I’m hoping things can keep going in the new year.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #106

News

She Grrrowls is hopefully slowly growing at Catford Mews. It’s such a lovely venue, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the acts I’ve put on and it’s such a joy to see people come back on the open mic too! I usually don’t really feel like it on my way, but when I get there, I always feel better, and at the end, it feels like we’ve achieved something, however small.

Last weekend was very eventful. I thought I would celebrate my three-year anniversary more and stay local, but instead I went solo along to the protest for Palestine. Like many, I’ve had so many sleepless nights at the extremity of the situation at the moment. I’ve been conscious of this since secondary school, yet still confused of its complexities. But like many others, I couldn’t stay home that day. I felt I had to stand up and be counted in order to show solidarity for Palestine and all civilians, to urge Israel to end the ceasefire.

I worked both mornings that weekend. Saturday ended on eating homemade sushi in front of the film Elemental. Sunday, I saw some sun whilst with some fellow art psychotherapy trainees. In central again, I enjoyed passing by a sign in a park saying ‘Welcome to Lambeth’, which is the Borough I’m doing my placement in. We played board games and strolled along the southbank.

I returned to the Horniman, where I spotted a dinosaur – something that seems to have become important in our cohort’s collective experience. I made a lovely roast, which lasted for two dinners.

Aside from the usual, I had my first week on placement, which is a strange hybrid of in-person and online. With a friend working as a social worker on the NHS, I should have gathered this, but it all is so new to me – both the kind of work, and the office environment. I reflected on this a lot through images.

I’m planning to do some artmaking now, but I feel quite overwhelmed at the moment, especially with my flat situation still being all over the place with the bedbug saga. I don’t know whether I should pressure myself or just work on getting things ready and set up for me to feel better about the space. Stating placement, I’ve had to say goodbye to one student, whose funding finished as it was. I also lost another suddenly, and I’m struggling to hear back from another.

I’ve worked out the need to save around £136 per month to save for my remaining uni frees this year. That’s a lot less than I expected, thanks to some generous donations and getting a tax refund! However, it’s still a significant stress on top of rent and bills when on placement twice a week, without much time for paid work. Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #104

News

I’m back at university on Tuesdays and awaiting my placement to start on Wednesdays and Thursdays, wondering how I’m able to fill the time with so much and yet still lack time to read. It’s hopefully the last bedbug treatment today. I never want to go through this again, so I hope that TfL and other services are being rigorous about inspecting and treating transport etc. seeing as London Mayor Sadiq Khan has stated it is a cause for concern.

I’m now working Mondays, Fridays and Saturdays, which leaves the Sabbath as my only day of rest. Realistically, it won’t exactly be rest. It will be occasionally facilitating Lego parties. It will be making response art and studying. It will be ironing and food prep and other household chores . I’m likely to put aside my desire to always shop locally at the grocers and so on, and will probably start ordering online more for convenience. I’m still socialising here and there, but I will probably have to streamline this and hope my friends will still be there at the end, maybe revert back to phone calls to stay connected. Thankfully, I do have some local friends too.

I spent most of last weekend reading my course books in my spare time actually, and have now finished one book from the whole course. I also had training at a new agency I’ve signed up with for tutoring, which could prove to be more lucrative that my current array of agencies. Lastly, She Grrrowls returned to the Catford Mews, which is going to be every second Thursday in November, February, March and April. It was great! Leilah King was an excellent headliner and I felt so happy afterwards! Until I got off the bus and a bunch of drunk men seemed to saying “oi” to me, then encroached towards me, but thankfully I got through my door and they went onwards to the only pub in the area that has security outside…

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #101

News

Last week was a quieter period, where I failed to get on top of things as much as I would have liked. I found my marks for my written assignment and was disappointed to get 53, just scraping a pass. I was able to share work with my peers and through this and the verbal feedback, I was able to see where I could have improved. I realised that certain learning processes aren’t working for me and my overwhelm at what to include goes back to the fact that I need to reassess the way I read in order to actually absorb it and keep track of the content to apply in written assignments. It is strange to identify as a writer and yet understand how dyspraxia is impacting my comprehension.

I had booked a half-price hot stone massage, knowing that it would be exactly what I needed. I had sprained my ankle seeing Muse in Milton Keynes (great gig, horrible journey, getting back at 2:45am) – another example of dyspraxia in action. I was about to cancel it, but in the end went through with it, and it was just the kind of somatic therapy I needed.

The rest of the week was also filled with activity, so thankfully my sprain hasn’t been too bad, and it just a bit bruised now. On Tuesday, I met with a couple of course-mates, on Wednesday I met a couple who were visiting my partner from Türkiye, on Thursday I hosted Forest Hill Stanza at Mozart London, and Friday I went bouldering for the first time (I injured my thumb slightly on a little fall when my leg slipped).

This weekend I have been to a house party; despite accepting the fact that I don’t like parties, everyone was really lovely and I had a great time. With the last remaining bit of energy, I went to Margate (thankfully by car). It felt right; I played games on the beach, swam in the sea, and ended the day on an ice-cream, followed by a cloudy lemonade sour beer at Xylo.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #99

News

Last week was less intense due to work cancellations. I had She Grrrowls on the Thursday and the private view for the Goldsmiths exhibition on the Friday. Where I could, I came in to held more with the exhibition, with Monday being sanding and painting boards, Tuesday finishing and placing the artwork, Thursday putting up some finishing touches, and Friday the same again, with the addition of making labels.

She Grrrowls was small, but mighty. I will try to keep going with the Catford Mews venue if I can. I just really loved having Phoebe Wagner feature, connecting to her Spanish heritage, and appreciated the Sims reference. I am also hoping to cook up another bigger project. I’m not on top of my emails, but when I have free time, I want to balance it between books in the sun, and creative projects in the rain. Time just seems to ebb away so quickly.

All the performers from June’s She Grrrowls

Although I had to correct a spelling mistake on my artwork (and had already paid to get a print) when I invigilated yesterday, I was really pleased to see people engage with my work. I invited people to think about their defence mechanisms and sculpt fruit to represent it. At the private view, I suddenly felt quite vulnerable and exposed, even though the work wasn’t personal, I wanted people to like the concept and so I took the engagement as positive feedback.

I also went to the Dance and Movement Psychotherapy show, which I loved and also included a lot of visuals and provided a lot of insight into the practice. I wished there was more of a chance to make connections with the course as I’m more interested in an integrated approach to other expressive arts therapies whether dance, music, performance art or visual art.

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

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