funding – Page 2 – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #128

Last weekend, I had my gran visit. I noticed I found it hard to relax at times, but I managed to enjoy some downtime. We watched played Ticket to Ride Saturday evening, then went to the Horniman gardens and aquarium, local cafe Galão, and did some Lino cutting – I didn’t have the proper ink and roller, so the prints aren’t great. My gran tried to replicate a picture from the aquarium, and I did a uni homework task I had forgotten about, thinking about the Art Therapy Large Group.

On Monday, I was meant to go with my partner to get his koi fish tattoo, but we ended up being able to do the whole tattoo on Thursday (when I popped to the Goldsmiths library to exchange some books, making my pile even higher). I did lots of essay writing and reading. Tuesday I did admin and was really extra, going to the butcher for a special cut of meat for making the Cuban dish ropa vieja for my first Spanish speaking night for friends.

On Wednesday I saw a friend and one of her babies, who I hadn’t seen since the pandemic! I walked to and from Beckenham Place Park and the rain held off, and otherwise did essay writing. I also bumped into a TEFL colleague, the school I work at being nearby. It was also the first Red Sky Session that evening, and I’ve been starting to catch up with the ones I missed in November (doing two in one day on Friday!)

I managed to finish work early yesterday, so I was able to have food with friends and then we went to Hijingo, which was fun. Next week I’ll be working more and back on placement! Ever since the clocks changed I’ve had trouble sleep in early, so that’s my goal for this week as I’ll need the energy!

Next Thursday is the next She Grrrowls! Catford Mews, 8:30pm! Only seven tickets have been sold so far, so having got some physical flyers delivered to the venue, hopefully more will be purchased! Buy tickets here!

Watching: The French Dispatch, Loudermilk, The Simpsons, Aşk 101

Reading: Playing and Reality by D.W. Winnicott, An Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gómez, On Not Being Able to Paint by Marion Milner, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, Art Therapy for Psychosis, Bi-lines anthology and Islamic Mystical Poetry.

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Therapists Uncensored, Sleepy

Music: Beyoncé, Kate Nash, Cuban and Mexican playlists, Los Tigres Del Norte, Los Ángeles Azules

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #127

News

Well, although the last week has been less demanding than others, and I’ve seen a few friends (film night, a couple of dinners, and a local drink), it has also felt very full. Last weekend, I worked Saturday as usual and then had the Forest Hill Stanza at the library on Sunday. Aside from my co-rep, different people came, which was interesting. I was meant to tutor on Monday, but ended up with loads of cancellations, getting a head start on sorting the flat out (which had built up a mess over months) after lesson planning.

Forest Hill Poetry Society Stanza Open Mic:
every last Sunday

Tuesday, I ended up doing an Apples and Snakes online workshop with Dominic Berry, and doing essay writing in the local library. The next day, I went to the Women in Revolt exhibition before seeing a friend. I had seen familiar archival material (e.g. about Greenham Common), of which there was an overwhelming amount, but there was some new to me, and particularly a protest about a vaccine mostly used on Black and Asian women made me think about the Covid vaccine and conflicting feelings I had about the reluctancy towards this. Although women in general are often distrustful of GPs and medical professionals, our pain often dismissed, this is magnified particularly with Black women.

Thursday, I submitted some poetry, and had a student in the afternoon, followed by the last Breathe dance workshop I’m attending. I had tutoring work from 8:15am on Friday, then finished sorting the flat out with my partner, also squeezing in and stressing about my essays. Yesterday I saw family and we had the Christmas meal we didn’t get at Christmas due to Covid, and went for a walk. All the grown-up “children” like myself got chocolate eggs given still. My gran is visiting and we’re going to have a creative day today!

Watching: Atlanta (finished!), The Simpsons, Loudermilk

Reading: Playing and Reality by D.W. Winnicot. Islamic Mystical Poetry, Bi-Lines anthology, and Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller (finished!)

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: WILLOW, Suntou Susso, Kara Jackson, Hard Rock Metal mix, Mexico Chill Vibe

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #126

News

It’s Friday! I am going to another CPIFF event, but I also forgot to send a timesheet, so I’m delaying renewing my gym membership yet again, and I’m increasing my work on Saturdays so I’ll be working consistently 9am-5pm with only travel breaks to snack on. It feels really tough to be working so hard and be left struggling to pay for things as well as trying to save tuition fees, feeling like the money just evaporates as soon as it hits the account. I know I’m very privileged to be able to even scrape through paying this course and live in a nice flat in London, but it’s also very tiring and stressful at times. It was my course mate’s birthday, and a few of us went to their house and friends made Chinese and Korean food. She also has a cat! However, I had stress with my food delivery being cancelled, so I spent most of Sunday trying to get some food in from the shops, and even forgot to do a task set from uni!

Some work came up that would mean scarifying up to three days of holiday. I feel so exhausted it’s hard to think about filling up this time with yet more work, but I also need the money. However, it was also well below what I would normally expect per hour, so I’ve left that up to fate and put myself forward, also explaining it’s below what I’d usually expect. Most likely, someone happier to work for less will be accepted for the job. If I can spend less time busying myself and spending the money I earn, then it means more time reading and essay writing. I feel so discombobulated, I feel like it’s reflected in this post!

It’s been the last day of uni before a break, and my last week on placement before a break. I’ll also have some work cancelled on Mondays and Fridays due to school holidays. I celebrated the end of term with Salt Pizza, which was great, and tried a Bollywood dancing workshop last night with the NHS Breathe programme. I think I’ll probably go to the last one next week! I’m also seeing a couple of friends the next two days, so it feels a bit like things are winding down… but I’m really looking forward to sorting my messy flat out on my first day off on Tuesday!

This Sunday is the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic at Forest Hill Library 2-4pm. Free for all to attend!

Watching: Atlanta, The Simpsons

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Personality Isn’t Permanent by Benjamin P. Harvey, Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, Where Should We Begin by Esther Perel, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: Pinhanı, Bright Eyes

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #125

News

It’s been another busy week, with more to come tomorrow, but having some low-key Sunday plans with family and friends has been nice. I also saw Dune 2, which I didn’t enjoy as much as I remembered the first. I’d hoped to see a friend after a student tonight, but I’m homeward bound instead. After a couple of busy Fridays, it will be good to relax once I’m home and fed!

I also had She Grrrowls last night and despite a few curveballs, there was a decent turn out, and a few lovely people even bought books! I’m looking forward to some time away from my usual schedule, just to catch up on things and get a bit of breathing space, but also as I probably said before, to also catch up with friends and see some exhibitions. I need to be earning more money as well, so I’m a bit apprehensive about the time off in this respect.

Watching: Atlanta, The Simpsons, Travel Man

Reading: Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Sexy But Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored, Things Fell Apart

Music: Foo Fighters

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #124

News

I worked out that I have spent at least 25 hours on my latest ACE application, re-writing it completely as the structure changed since the last one was rejected. I submitted it last night and felt sick with dread, and didn’t feel the relief I had hoped I would feel. I have to wait at least twelve weeks for the outcome and at this point I’ve put so much work into it that I feel I would have to try again, despite how gruelling the process is and how much I might feel compelled to give up.

My feelings were also impacted by a realisation that perhaps there are past performers I shouldn’t get in contact with, that sadly had bad experiences when they featured, which I have to come to terms with as not being able to rectify. How do I validate their experiences and learn from them? How do I also not slip into a negative spiral and see things as they are, without also discounting the positives? I have managed to re-engage and reconnect with some past performers, but this won’t be the case for everyone.

I submitted my 8000-word essay draft this week, and as things are quite consistently intense in terms of balancing everything, I’m looking forward to a break in the routine, getting on top of things that have slipped by the wayside, and doing more reading and essay writing. I’ve managed to see a couple of friends, and been enjoying the CPIFF events; joining a friend yesterday for a quick last-minute drink was a reminder for us both that we are close by and there for each other.

I actually managed to run into central London to check out the Monica Sjöö exhibition before work on Friday, and went to have a look at numerous other exhibitions on Cork Street – it was lovely weather and I wished I could stay out all afternoon, but had to trundle along from house to house for an afternoon of tutoring. It did feel like such a privilege to start the day with yoga and exhibition though!

I also can’t believe that next week is the next She Grrrowls at Catford Mews! Only eight tickets have sold so far, so please come along and spread the word if possible. Last month we had an audience of forty and I’m really hoping to build on this!

Watching: Atlanta, Life & Beth, The Simpsons

Reading: Trauma and the Avoidant Client by Robert T. Muller, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Things Fell Apart, Therapists Uncensored, What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: Kate Nash, Hole, Stray Kids, Foo Fighters

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #123

News

I’m in a local coffee shop, Galão, and just bumped into a parent with an ex-student! I didn’t recognise them at first, but when I did I waved and just did a hi-how-are-you, but I always feel a bit awkward! I was actually planning to pop to an exhibition today, but then double-checked and realised it’s actually closed today! So, back to my essay I go.

This week, I’ve mostly just worked – whether on my essay, placement or work-work. However, I also had the first Forest Hill Stanza group at the local library, which was nice. It had the usual people as well as a couple of others.

Mix and match take away with home cooked food

The worst part of the week – still an ongoing source of stress – was when I found out I had missed the notification that my payment had failed for the DBS update service. After wasting an hour crying down the phone to robots, I had to accept there was nothing I could do but reapply for another one for £38. I’m now waiting for a response about checking my documents. When I get it and put it on the update service again, then I will make sure to put an annual note in my calendar to check the payment! So, now I need to wait to see what is going on with my application as I emailed a bunch of people from uni to arrange verification, but haven’t had a reply yet.

I really wasn’t in the mood to tutor after that, but thankfully I started with a boy I hadn’t seen for a while and it was really rewarding working with him. Aside from the usual, I also went to CPIFF (Crystal Palace International Film Festival). It was a night of International Shorts and I though they were great. I was also taken by surprise by one called Corruption on Earth that felt really uncomfortable and surreal that showed Iran winning an award for its regime, and had me in tears by the end. I also was uncomfortable with a more experimental film called King, that was mostly dance to music, but the choreographer came from Denmark to speak and her and the audience articulated so well that it enhanced my enjoyment of it.

Cakes, cookies & plantain crisps on placement

I’m still ploughing my way through the ACE application, and really hoping I can get that and my current essay draft done this week, then I can focus on reading more texts to put into said essay, and get started on writing my next one! Rather than watch a film or anything, I managed to do a bit of a ukulele practice after the gym – how’s that for a wild Saturday night!

Watching: Atlanta, Life & Beth, The Simpsons, Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons

Reading: Trauma and The Avoidant Client by Robert T Muller, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp

Podcasts: Things Fell Apart, WTF with Marc Maron

Music: Kate Nash, Taking Back Sunday

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #122

News

So, aside from work work, essay and funding application writing and the usual university and placement days, I’ve had my mid-placement report and three-way meeting, so all seems to be going well! I’ve had a few lessons cancelled, which has enabled me to keep floating above water. At university we had a day that was focussed on “queering” art psychotherapy, but it was also the day we had a walk out for Palestine, so many of us joined the rally and made art on the side, personally reflecting on how I’ve noticed queer/LGBT+ identities have been weaponised in arguments on this topic.

I’ve also broken my resolutions on socialising as I didn’t have a great awareness of my existing commitments before making new ones! I saw Poppy with WARGASM on Tuesday night, which I was gifted, which was so much fun! It ended earlier than I would have liked, but I had a great time. I caught up with a friend who came along over Mexican food at Frida, and then I had further indulgence the next evening over East Street Pan-Asian food meeting up with an old UEA friend.

I’ve decided to continue going to the dance workshops for NHS workers, which is a little nerve-wracking but really rewarding. Today due to work cancellations, I managed to go back in the studio to paint my clay piece. I was there just under an hour and a half, preparing for a new gig booked for my birthday: Kate Nash… who, I found out at some point followed me on Twitter/X… which I officially do not use anymore. Anyway, being dyspraxic, I guess… I managed to start the session with cracking the piece whilst taking it out, so the little shelter broke. I just realised that it then made more sense that I did an overflowing well. I also ended the session dipping my hair in blue paint… so, I’m off to work now with paint still there, thinking that I really should wash my hair tonight!

This Sunday I’m running the Forest Hill Poetry Stanza Open Mic, now at Forest Hill Library every last Sunday 2-4pm. There’s about ten people on the open mic so far, so it should be good!

Watching: Life and Beth, The Simpsons, Da Vinci’s Demons

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Revealing Image by Joy Schaverien, Sexy but Psycho by Dr. Jessica Taylor

Music: Poppy, WARGASM, Kate Nash

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #121

News

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and behind as I’m still slogging through my ACE application re-write, which it’s basically a whole different set of questions, so it’s taking me even longer. I need to get it in as soon as possible in order to give the full amount of time necessary, whilst also not rushing it!

It also happens to be a crucial time for essay writing. I feel like I need to read so much more, but I will have time after the draft submission to add more to it (and inevitably take away through the editing process). The biggest essay of 8000 words is the one that gets a draft, which is due in March, along with a shorter reflective piece on the debates, which is a painfully short 500 words. Then the big one is due with a 2000 word essay at the start of May. Realistically, it’s just a couple of months away! Then I’ll have around a month to prepare for the exhibition.

As it was half term, I had a few less lessons, and even managed to spend a little over an hour in the uni art studio! The first time in one and a half years! I’ve still had my course and placement days, which honestly is one thing after another. Just when I think I can finally focus on the client work, I’m met with more obstacles regarding the system I’m working within. However, I was able to attend a dance class as part of an NHS well-being programme, which I’m going to try to stick too. It was relatively easy, but also worked my brain as my dyspraxic brain finds it difficult to remember steps, providing a much-needed distraction from other anxieties.

I also went to a gig on Saturday night. I would say I dragged my partner along, but he enjoyed it. One of the things I love about our relationship is our shared love for live music, and he’s so enthusiastic even when he doesn’t know the band, and just makes it so much fun. We last went to Kentish Town to see 100 Gecs, and this was Slayyyter. Funnily enough Slayyyter previously toured with Tove Lo, who my boyfriend introduced me to. It was so packed, but great fun and she played my fave: Daddy AF.

I’ve not managed to update until today, which has been manic as even with cancelled lessons I’m go go go, always filling my time with the mass of things to do. Sometimes those things are Sunday-shaped and it felt really fulfilling yesterday to have a slower morning (I tried!) brunchy breakfast, followed by swimming with my partner and my friend who’s training to be a yoga instructor testing her yin-style class on us. I agreed to a hot drink at the Horniman, where I also started doing some more essay writing.

I have another gig tomorrow, so after having a busy evening of chores, I’m hoping to wind down soon!

Watching: Travel Man, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Life & Beth

Reading: Little Boxes, Sexy but Psycho, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Thirsty for Art

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones, Poppy, WARGASM

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #120

News

Well, another week is whisking past, and I’m feeling a bit run down and looking forward to a day off on Sunday. By that, I mean staying home, doing chores and essay writing. These are sometimes the days I look forward to the most. It can be hard to fully enjoy going out when overwhelmed with so much to do. On top of the usual, I’m trying to write funding applications and trying not to rush the process, but when it comes to priorities, it’s fighting for position against my essays. That said, I love writing, so getting the words out won’t be so hard… finding the right words and editing is where I struggle.

On a more positive note, She Grrrowls was last night and it was a pretty full crowd! There was so much positive feedback, and with the venue now gaining another new manager, I’m hoping they’ll be more supportive of the night. Things are coming together on my placement, I can’t complain about work, and I’m getting back into exercise now the flu has past.

I met my parents last Sunday for a lovely hot chocolate and brownie after doing two Lego parties, and realised I haven’t really seen any friends. Whilst many are enjoying a quieter, slower life as Cecilia Knapp had mentioned in a new poem last night, some are so snowed under in work, it’s ridiculous. I’m talking 5am to 10pm days with one, who also needs to study for their accountancy course, and another who is working in an organisation in crisis and training to be a yoga instructor in her spare time. Both incredibly successful women, but in and out of jobs for various reasons, with pressure to just keep going. I can obviously relate, but I feel like I’m lucky in that the work I do is often a privilege (though it comes with certain stresses of late), I absolutely love the training I’m doing, and I’m managing to also eat well, exercise, and socialise (or at least socialise with myself by going to galleries).

Watching: Abbot Elementary, Da Vinci’s Demons, The Simpsons, Travel Man

Reading: Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, Assessment in Art Therapy

Podcasts: Instant Genius, Trevor Noah’s What Now?

Music: Slayyyter, July Jones

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #118

News

Last week, on top of my usual work and studies, I also had news disrupting my current venue for She Grrrowls. Whilst the next event is still set for the same space and should hopefully go smoothly, the next few might be disrupted. I’ve viewed the studio space and it needs work for it to work as an event venue, but I need to trust that the venue can pull it together should it have to take place in this space. Buy tickets for the next event directly from the Catford Mews website.

Next She Grrrowls: Thursday 8th February

I’ve just been keeping afloat with work and studies and trying to keep panic at bay for the lack of time I have, trying to keep as routined as possible, now including a set menu for most days in the week, with food prep done in advance. The week has flown by and I’m building up my work next Saturday, so things are getting even busier. There’s a week in February where I’m working on a Sunday doing two Lego parties.

I’m so stressed and overwhelmed at times, I actually don’t want to do anything else social, but I have a couple of things already scheduled in this weekend! What’s interesting is that I’ve recently seen a major increase in my REM sleep, which could be stress-related, with last night’s being 35%. It could also be my brain processing everything that I’m learning as this week has been my first week with all four clients on placement!

Watching: Da Vinci’s Demons and Traitors (hating Paul!!!)

Reading: Approaches to Art Therapy (finished the whole thing!), The Revealing Image by Joy Shaverien, Little Boxes by Cecilia Knapp, The Last Song (poetry), Spare (audiobook)

Podcasts: Secular Buddhism, Psychiatry and Psychotherapy Podcast

Music: Pınhanı, Emmy the Great, Frightened Rabbit

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!