funding – Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.

Freelance Reflections #138

Well, I have managed to have one and a bit days of rest before things get super busy again with long working days across six days a week… and still going through time without enough funds.

I caught up with ibizo lami and we ended up coincidentally meeting Mr Poetivist, who travelled from Ghana to perform in the UK and is in Brighton tomorrow night at The Rose Hill. This was in the Inspired by Africa shop, which is great and I will be going back for birthday cards because it would be nice to actually feature black people as mainstream shops are not good in this respect.

I saw whatever the new Planet of the Apes film is with my dad… whilst I was into this stuff as a teen, it just made me sleepy and I had to eat my snacks to stay awake (sorry, action makes me sleepy…)

We have officially said goodbye to the third years and half my year group on my Art Psychotherapy training. It was my pleasure to pick up the picnic spread with some first years, though it meant missing a lot of sun! I caught up on that yesterday when I did about six hours of reading textbooks in the Horniman Gardens!

Aside from work, I’ve been editing my ACE application and have submitted it for the third time! I was also meant to have a meeting about future She Grrrowls events, which got cancelled last minute… very disruptive! It’s very difficult when people who are employed don’t seem to appreciate how difficult it is to balance everything and scheduling is very important, especially considering I’m the person not getting paid for these meetings, and it just leaves you feeling very devalued and disrespected.

I also got my birthday surprise from my partner – a spa experience! Although there were a lot of negatives about the choice of spa (never book a gym spa… hotel spa only!) we were able to focus on the positives and think we both needed a bit of relaxation!

Today I was back to work and it’s been full on, so a little taste of how it will be next week essentially working three jobs… tutor, EFL teacher and POET! I’ll be performing at Big Trouble with Annaliese Broughton, which I’m so excited about! Also, check out some of my notes of what I’ve been watching etc. below – All of Us are Strangers was so beautiful, but heartbreaking. Prom Dates was fun and also a good Pride watch!

Watching: Abbot Elementary, The Simpsons, A Job Lot, Arrested Development, Free Solo, Ashley Madison documentary, Prom Dates, All of Us Are Strangers

Reading: Whale Fall by Elizabeth O’Connor, Islamic Mystical Poetry, The Rose That Grew from Concrete by Tupac Shakur, Art Therapy for Psychosis by Katherine Killick, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, Polysecure by Eve Rickert

Podcasts: Islamist vs Zionist (Yasmine Mohammed Podcast), Dilemma Podcast (The Palestine Collection)

Music: Latitude 2024

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #137

News

Aside from the usual, this last week has been consumed with the end of year exhibition at Goldsmiths. I finished my film piece on the Saturday and completed my accompanying painting between Sunday and Monday, with the exhibition build and installation on the Tuesday. The painting is a process piece, so I made it using different coloured paints for each four parts of the Sevillianas, adding a pair of shoes with butterflies, which has been a significant symbol for me throughout my training so far.

What’s most challenging on this course at the moment is balancing everything else, and having enough time for art making. I was mostly happy with the outcome, but it was a bit more rushed that I would have liked, so I feel like I should have tweaked the film a bit more.

So, I carved some time out to spend with my partner, and although we ended up doing things like going welly shopping, I relaxed more than usual. I’m hoping I can fit in half a duvet day at least before I go through a really intense work period for four weeks, working some nine hour days, and doing a six-day week.

For now, I’ve been a social butterfly, pub quizzing with pals (including fellow poets Lateisha Davine Lovelace-Hanson and Kes Gill-Martin), hosting She Grrrowls, and then ending the exhibition private view dancing at Peckham’s Carpet Shop. After invigilating the exhibition today, I’m meeting another poet – ibizo lami – for some kind of milkshake or smoothie or juice, depending on what tickles the tastebuds.

I’m back down to literally £0 in my tuition fees savings, and have lost a couple of clients recently, so I’m hoping I can make this up over the summer AND get enough work for September. I’ve made a start working through my ACE appraisal to also apply for funding for a new project for the third time. Wish me luck!

Watching: A Job Lot, Abbot Elementary, The Simpsons, Dancing for The Devil

Reading: Whale Fall by Elizabeth O’Connor and Art Therapy for Psychosis, edited by Katherine Killick

Podcasts: The Systemic Way and What Now? with Trevor Noah

Music: Bring Me to the Horizon, Sevillianas

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #136

News

With assignments done, I’ve now also finished my placement! In the pipeline I’ve got an interview for a potential next placement, and ACE application, but before that I have my end of year exhibition! I’m still working on it, aiming to complete it this weekend! The private view will be this coming Friday 14th June, after She Grrrowls the day before.

Goldsmiths University, Friday 14th June 6-10pm

I’m losing student and gaining new ones, and the mental exhaustion is hitting me, but I still have so much on my mind, and there’s lots of changes to come. That being said, I also got to go to Thirty Seconds to Mars on Tuesday and went to see a screening of Free Party: A Folk History the next day, which was really interesting documentary.

Catford Mews, Thursday 13th June 8:30-10:30pm

The film challenged me in some ways in terms of my current situation feeling quite confronting as there are a group of people who appear to have drug problems squatting next door to me, and much of the film was about squatting as a lifestyle choice, and drugs were very much a part of the scene, and those I went with were also ex-squatters. Likewise, it makes me think of the fact that whe the it’s a choice or not, our freedom of choice should still be protected (people often argh about sexuality not being a choice, for example, but for me this is irrelevant as we should have that freedom regardless of whether it’s a choice or not).

I’ve also visited squats and performed poetry there, and as long as people are respectful neighbours, I wouldn’t necessarily be against it if someone wants to live in those conditions (which not always but often appears to be a political choice) rather than pay the extortionate rents we have in London.

I obviously have no judgment to those with substance abuse issues and may even be placed to working with people in rehabilitation. However, I also can’t help but feel vulnerable and anxious about people who are actively using, not wanting my safety to be compromised in any way. I wondered what the movement documented in the film would be like if drugs weren’t involved. I don’t like to dismiss any genre or music as a whole, but techno and deep house are probably my least favourite genres of music. My view is that you actually have to be on drugs to enjoy it! In the Q&A some squatters in the audience were complaining that similar parties now cost money, but also played drum and bass… which I actually much prefer.

A question from the audience seemed to pit squatters who liked to party against those who supported the right to roam was skilfully argued. It’s important to find the commonalities in the causes and resist the government’s desire to divide us.

Watching: Abbott Elementary, The Job Lot, Arrested Development

Reading: Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez, Whale Fall by Elizabeth O’Connor

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Systemic Way

Music: Thirty Seconds to Mars

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #135

News

Last Saturday I actually had a day off! It wasn’t such a relaxing start as I had to leave the flat without my keys, and it turned out my partner had taken them! So I was somewhat anxious during my Zumba class and wax appointment. We managed to get to Brockwell Park for Wide Awake festival just after 3pm.

I enjoyed Malaysian and Venezuelan food, south London craft beer and discovering new bands, most of which I hadn’t heard of before. I saw Dry Cleaning, Mock Media, The Dare, Fat Dog, Young Fathers, HTRK, Alice Glass (only one I knew), Lynks, Sweeping Promises, and King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard. The weather was glorious as well. After submitting my assignments, it was a joy to celebrate.

The next day, I had a small open mic at Forest Hill library, with regular members and one new attendee. I then met a local friend and gave myself a rest before starting on both a personal project and my exhibition piece (basically involving a lot of time looking through the past 4-5 years of photo and video archives).

Aside from this, it’s been a tiring week, considering it was half term and I had less work on. I had university on Tuesday, and met my mum, who helped me to collect my artwork and took me out for a lovely Indian at Sparsh in Forest Hill. The next couple of days I had my final therapy sessions with clients on placement, and at at Satay in Brixton with my dad before seeing English Teacher, supported by mary in the junkyard. My dad had told me about English Teacher and said he’d get the tickets for my birthday, and they were really great live. The singer had incredible energy and even crowd-surfed.

Today, after my morning yoga, I’ve worked and prepared a presentation for a group of 30-40 16-18 year olds as part of my placement next week. Tonight and basically every moment I get where I’m not working, I’m planning to go through the archives.

Watching: The Fall, A Job Lot, Abbott Elementary, The Simpsons, What Jennifer Did

Reading: Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gómez, Whale Fall by Elizabeth O’Connor

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Fucking Cancelled, The Systemic Way, Distraction Pieces with Scroobius Pip

Music: Billie Eilish, Nas, English Teacher, PUP

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #134

News

I haven’t written in a couple of weeks as I had assignments to do, which I also planned too many birthday activities around.

I did Race for Life with fellow poets Tyrone Lewis and Kat Francois, befit basically staying in the sun all day, walking from Regent’s Park to Hyde Park. On my actual birthday, I was anxious all day at uni, but people showed up and I got so much cake after pizza at Salt Deptford, then went to Catford Mews cinema to see Love Lies Better. It was a comedy-thriller and I have to say I really enjoyed it; there was bisexual visibility, and the relationship between the women wasn’t the focus of the narrative, and it was so very dramatic.

On Friday, I saw Kate Nash. It was at Earth Hackney, and a usual space, but it meant we got to be seated right with the front, and could even stand right next to the stage! On the Sunday, I also had a family picnic in Holland Park. I used to go there a lot as a child, and it made me want to go back again soon!

I submitted the big essay under 15 minutes before the deadline, and the other one the day before, plus my therapy attendance form yesterday. So, aside from celebrating my birthday, I have been reading and editing as much as possible! I am also coming towards the end of my placement, so have had two ending sessions – very sad! I’m currently also carrying around a bunch of flower from the end of a tutoring job.

This Sunday 2-4pm is the Forest Hill Library open mic again! Come along if you’re free as there’s plenty of room for more!

Watching: Abbott Elementary, Arrested Development, A Job Lot, The Simpsons, Rebelde, Aşk 101

Reading: The Rose That Grew From Concrete by Tupac Shakur, Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez

Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, Distraction Pieces with Scoobius Pip

Music: For Black Boys… playlist, Kate Nash, English Teacher, PUP, Jimmy Eat World, Nas, Wide Awake 2024

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #133

News

The birthmonth has began! And it’s not the best time, but at the same time, maybe having a rest from essays will do me good. I’m having nightmares that my essay grades are so bad they don’t let me complete the course ever, and when I got my placement report, I had a completely irrational panic that it was a message about me doing something majorly wrong! The report was glowing, thank you very much brain.

My gran recommended the exhibition ‘The Time is Always Now’ at the National Portrait Gallery, and took a train all the way from Hastings to see me and the exhibition , give me a gift, and treated me to tapas! The next day I went to The Avocado Show with my mum and saw ‘For Black Boys Who Have Considered Suicide When The Hue Gets Too Heavy’. It was absolutely incredible, a must-see, blending humour with serious topics, great music and beautiful song and dance. A choreopoem, it was inspired by “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow Is Enuf” by Ntozake Shange. I had missed the boat previously, and my mum had introduced me to the Shange text, so it was meaningful to go together.

I spent a solid two days feeling like I was treading water as I tackled my essays over Sunday and Monday. That feels like an age away now after uni and placement days, plus last night’s She Grrrowls. Although the audience was strangely small, and there was some stress beforehand, I thoroughly enjoyed the night. I was quite affronted by people posting online to sell on tickets and pulling out of attending in favour of doing an open mic. Very bad form, to be honest. The people who did attend were an incredible audience and gave the features the love and enthusiasm they deserve. Eleanor May Blackburn’s ‘Does my Fanny Look Big in This?’ was incredibly relatable in so many ways, and was so well told, again dealing with some serious subjects, surrounded by a lot of humour. Phoebe Wagner then showcased her film ‘(Pub)lic House’, which was so interesting and important and can be watched for free by all online!

Today after a full work day, I then celebrated my mum’s birthday with a meal. Tomorrow I celebrate my own with friends after Race for Life in the morning! You can donate here.

Watching: One Day, The Simpsons

Reading: Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez

Podcasts: The Process Podcast by Tyrone Lewis

Music: Pinhanı

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #132

News

Last weekend I went out to a gig at The Black Heart in Camden. It reminded me how fun it is to discover more underground bands, which I feel like I say every time I actually do this on the rare occasion.

I had the Forest Hill Stanza open mic on the Sunday, which is usually small, but always seems to be different people, also coming beyond the local area. The rest of the week was the usual: work, uni, and studying.

Last night was meant to be the second Spanish-language night, but it ended up being a drink with the friend who didn’t make it last month and the only Spanish we spoke was “salud” and “hasty luego”.

I’m really excited about the weekend as it’s the start of my birth-month! So, I’m going to an exhibition with my gran tonight, the theatre with my mum tomorrow and spending as much time as possible reading and writing my essays! Thankfully I have a RASA as I am so not ready to submit!

The next She Grrrowls is a special one featuring Eleanor May Blackburn’s one-woman show, and a short film by Phoebe Wagner. Show some love and buy your ticket here!

Watching: Life & Beth, The Simpsons, lots of stand-up: Neal Brennan, Jimmy Carr (sorry), Fern Brady.

Reading: The Rose that Grew from Concrete by Tupac Shakur, An Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez

Podcasts: Trevor Noah’s What Now?, The Process Podcast by Tyrone Lewis

Music: Kate Nash, Emo Forever, Sunday Morning Mix, Turkish Pop Music

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #131

News

I recently applied for the Poet in Residence for the City Bridge Foundation and didn’t get it. It’s a huge disappointment as the £10,000 fee would have meant I would actually be able to afford my uni fees next year and could fully focus on my training along with the project.

I’m still waiting for the outcome for my ACE project grant, which would be the next best thing, though would make next March particularly intense. I have £3,500 to save for next year’s university fees, so ideally I would be able to save this before the start of the next term so I can focus on just working to live rather than having to save on top of that. I’ve got lots of TEFL work planned that I’ll be doing alongside a few private students, so it could happen!

strolling through flowers to meet my dad

I tried to rest more last weekend, but went to support my dad running the marathon – his last hurrah! I also did some reflective art, only with the impending deadline of having been asked to include some work for my placement for a newsletter about the work being done in our team.

I started with two new students on alternative education placement this week and they are both really lovely and seem keen to work, which feels great. Time is going so fast, as placement days whizzed by with ups and downs, and it’s nearly the weekend, though that means more work tomorrow!

It’s the Forest Hill Stanza open mic this Sunday 2-4pm at Forest Hill Library, and next week aside from the unusual, May brings the start of birthday activities, including a trip to the theatre, which is exciting!

Watching: Baby Reindeer, Life & Beth, The Simpsons, some stand up comedy

Reading: Playing & Reality (finished!), An Introduction to Object Relations by Lavinia Gomez, The Rose that Grew from Concrete by Tupac Shakur

Podcasts: What Now? by Trevor Noah, Therapists Uncensored

Music: Kate Nash, 100 gecs, Transcend playlist

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #130

News

Last weekend I made the most of the free time before everything got busy again, celebrating Eid, seeing course mates, friends, and family. Things are gradually getting back into a routine now, but this week started with two weeks of the experiential group at uni. This consists of being in a room of twelve, art-making and reflecting on the experience together.

I also had work on the Monday, and helped to collect a second-hand desk for my partner and did chores the next day. I had placement again on Wednesday and Thursday, and went out for a meal with old uni pals in between, having a

lovely Jambalaya, complete with dry ice.

Today I’ve been tutoring and arranged a new student, so things are getting super busy with back to back lessons on Fridays. I had a cancellation and tried to do a reflective artwork for placement that might go in a newsletter, but I ended up frustrated and dissatisfied, so I’m torn between trying again, or focussing on my essays!

Watching: Baby Reindeer, The Simpsons

Reading: What Do You See? by Mala Gitlin Betensky, Playing & Reality by W.D. Winnicott, and Bi-lines anthology

Podcasts: Therapists Uncensored

Music: Kate Nash, Hard Rock Metal Mix

Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!

Freelance Reflections #129

News

I’m a little unsure whether last week’s post went through, but I will continue where I left off. I’ve been trying to focus on reading for my university assignments now I have the bones of the writing down. I honestly feel like I have a year’s worth of writing that I need to do in the next month. I’ve tried to use Trello to manage it, but I’ve slipped behind some deadlines already and some of the timelines I’ve set are too ambitious. I did manage to finish a book recently, but I need to read papers focussed on sexual abuse and trauma, plus read books to get my head around object relationship theory, amongst others.

I worked on Monday and Tuesday on group tuition, applying for an incredible writing residency opportunity on Monday, then seeing the Cute exhibition at Somerset House – and yes, I did also queue up for an hour and a half to go to the cafe… it was weirdly empty when we sat down, so I have no idea why they weren’t letting people in at that point, but maybe it was a staffing issue. I was actually let in for free by a fellow Art Psychotherapist Trainee in the year below, so that was so fortunate!

Horniman reading (before it got too cold)

I was back on placement on Wednesday, which has coincided with the start of the Eid festivities, so I spent some quality time with my partner, but also caught up with some Red Sky Sessions, so we are celebrating tonight. Yesterday was She Grrrowls. The last couple of months, I’ve seen content I’ve not been comfortable with, which doesn’t reflect the ethos of the event, so I am working to think how I can approach the open mic to stop this from happening.

Today, I’m hoping the weather will stay nice, so I can do some reading outside aside from doing some work on my laptop. I’m going back to Catford tonight, and also made plans in Catford tomorrow night. It’s the place to be! If you’re based in and around London, check out She Grrrowls next month at Catford Mews – it’s going to be extra special with a full length show and film screening!