This last month has gone by so quickly! I’m just getting over all the partying and back into productivity and poetry. I have now finished uni and moved back home, ready for graduation. I’m applying for Jobseekers Allowance and also registering for self-employed in order to prepare for the day that poetry pays haha. My last performance was at an open mic as part of the Norwich Fringe Festival at The Bicycle Shop. My housemates had just finished their exam and as we’d been drinking all day it was hard to keep them quiet so I just read a few poems and went upstairs… which I normally wouldn’t do, but there you go. There wasn’t really a high enough level of talent for me to insist on staying.
Ahhh… also, I’ve been published in an anthology called Workshop which is full of UEA students and available in Norwich from The Book Hive, The Workshop, and Waterstones. I did a quick reading at the Council Chamber at uni, for the launch. That night I DJed again with my friend Kristy. I ended up meeting this guy called Matt Dickerson who does amazing illustrations, check them out. We’ve been on a few dates and stuff since but I’m back in London and he lives in Norwich so it sucks a bit. And you may think that’s not poetry related, but I actually hadn’t written a poem in ages and started a new one the other day inspired by my new muse, haha.
I’ve been reading stuff that I want to read. I started writing notes on music and emotions… I studied a module on words and music and got bad marks so it’s some weird thing that I’ve got into my head that I have to write more on it. I’ve read Submarine by Joe Dunthorne (I looked at his website during my internship where I met him at an event, it’s a fun website). Anyway, the book is on the favourite’s list – I absolutely loved it. It was perfect… just the humour, the emotion, the plot, characters and inventive similes (he’s also a poet, don’t ya know).
I finished that and read Clare Pollard’s Look! Clare Look! whilst visiting my Gran in France. My favourite poems were Thailand II, Mission Beach, To Depression, The Chain, and the last three in the collection. Check them out! I love the personification of mental illness in To Depression, and I related to the bar job depicted in The Chain. The last poem, which includes the line from the collection’s title, made me sad and reminded me of my friend who has lost her dad.
Tomorrow I’m doing an HOUR LONG set for the Art Shop Collective. I’m a bit scared about filling that much time… I was a bit short when I went through it but hopefully I’ll span it out somehow, and maybe finish this new poem I’m writing as a sneak-preview. It’s in the day time from 11am-7pm and I’m on at 2.30pm! My lovely friend Tom is coming to support me, and as thanks, I’m hoping people read this and click here. I’ve got a couple more gigs in the pipeline as well but I need to knuckle down and sort stuff out!
Some sketches from the artiste 🙂 … with more coming soon, I hope!
Since Tuesday I’ve been out every night. For the first time I was able to go to Norwich Poetry Club at The Bicycle Shop. I was wearing small heels but inside was so dimly lit I had to be careful down the stairs and it took Hannah Walker a while to recognise me. She was the only person I spoke to as I was feeling shy for some reason. I also spoke to a woman briefly who I’d asked to sit next too. I noticed she left before the last act and Luke Wright sat next to me. He was hosting the show and although hosting is not a job that goes hand-in-hand with performance poetry (I am not so good at it!) he does it well. He read a lot of new poems and they reminded me of old poems I’d read as a kid, a kind of naughty children’s poetry, and I mean this as a good thing (I’ve studied Children’s Literature after all).
Hattie Grunewald was the first feature for the evening, and although I already know and like her poetry I learnt about her successes so far – she has been taught by Caroline Bird after winning awarded withe the prestige of being a Foyle Young Poet, and had her poetry on the Underground, and as you can see on the link I’ve placed on her name, she has published books out there! Slightly jealous if I’m honest. I get annoyed at myself for not remembering details so I made a note of a couple of expressions I liked – the idea of someone tasting like a newsagents and eyes that rust.
John Osborne was next, promoting his new book. Now, I’m far too promiscuous to state as Luke did, that he is my favourite poet, but he is up there. He told a poem about a surprise party his girlfriend had organised and nobody turned up, which I related too… until he said it wasn’t true and “I don’t have a girlfriend, so the joke’s on you”. This blend of fact and fiction inspired a poem I wrote that night, called Circumstances, which was also influenced by a poet called Tao Lin who I’ve been reading and I hoped for a kind of dry humour combined with a bleakness. Anyway, back to John, and other favourites from the night include a poem about a guy that didn’t pay his pound into a syndicate at work the week they won, called ‘that money would have turned you into a bastard anyway’, and a heart-warming poem about a break-up.
The headline was Thick Richard, but if I’m honest, he wasn’t my favourite part of the evening. He had a bit of a death theme, and I do like a theme, but still, I wasn’t impressed. The crowd seemed to like it though, laughing where I couldn’t muster a chuckle. The poem I most liked was something like ‘why don’t girls who like men like that like me?’ about seemingly nice girls going for bad guys. He’s a chef though so maybe he could win my heart through my stomach.
It ended a bit past 9pm so I got to pop to The Birdcage for Lucy Day and The Knights’ EP release! Inlay flaked out of supporting but the other acts, Blanche Ellis and Drew McDonnell were really great. Before Lucy came on, I noticed the girl next to me put out some burning paper, and I was like fuck! I smelt it and wondered what it was but didn’t even realise it was right next to me. I think she only put it out because I turned my head and saw it, weird!
The gig was amazing and I’m so glad I went along! I’ve listened to the collection of songs from Lucy a few times and had a few running around in my head. I loved Forsaken and the lyrics have made me think about my own pursuits. Sometimes I feel like I agree with the song, something does have to be forsaken. For me, I’m so sucky at relationships, at times I think it’s just not meant for me – the happily, or not-so-happily married with kids life. I could deal with the current patterns of my love life if only it meant I could be a success in other areas, namely my career. We get told we can have it all, but maybe we can’t always. I have this need and desire for love and for faithfulness and matrimony but I know the reality of this is near impossible, and that even if I did get married, it just may be a more serious example of how things end in tears. It can be frustrating to have this desire but I guess it’s as much a part of living, to go through those kinds of ups and downs, as all the other elements of life, and should be embraced as such. I think that since finishing my university work I feel a bit weird, like there’s so much I want to do that I don’t know where to start or if I have enough time.
Anyway, Wednesday I had a gig at The Birdcage myself. I wore this dress with birdcages on it from Topshop, and an hourglass necklace from Urban Outfitters. Oh! And these cute bird earrings from UO as well. I teamed it with green tights and my vintage Charles shoes.
My friends Helen and Laura came to watch and we went for a half-pint at spoons afterwards. I knew all of the performers so I didn’t much feel nervous or anything, though I was a little unprepared as I kept switching my mind about which poems to read, and I did the new one, ‘Circumstances’ though it probably needs a lot of work, and I don’t know if people got the humour, or if I delivered it right. The rest was okay, and I did a few by heart.
So, the list of performers… Bethan Williams, Jennifer Grey, Imogen Steinberg, Andy Bennet, Catherine Woodward, me and, headlining, John Osborne. Jenny said she was nervous… in fact, so did Catherine and Andy! Jenny always gives a confident reading though and was fine once she was up there. Andy’s was really interesting and amazing considering he’d written them in the past 48 hours! I knew why Catherine was nervous once she was up there, she gave a very different performance – all by heart and even including a cheeky lip-licking and winking! After that, I was scared to follow her but think it went okay.
Last night I was a volunteer at Hannah Rose Jone’s Independently Fashioned. I was on the door so met everyone and sorted out tickets (which turned out to be inking people’s hands) and all the stuff like that. It was stressful at times, but I got used to it and it was actually really refreshing how lovely everyone was. The only embarrassing thing was when one of the designers gave me £40 and I counted on my fingers to work out 40-25 to get her change. I get so stressed when doing the simplest mental maths that my mind just goes blank. I was to say ‘I’m not stupid, I got a B for GCSE maths, it’s just the pressure or something’ but I just end up looking a bit silly, oh well. I should have done my research about the designers because it was a bit embarrassing not knowing know they were.
I didn’t get to see much but it did look like a great show, plus there were musicians Jordan Jackson and Cielo – most people at the end were asking about the band! It was funny because one of the members asked to put some flyers on the table and said Jordan was good but that Cielo were a bit pretentious haha. I had a good night, and Hannah even gave me a free headband for it, which I put on straight away and shall be wearing properly tonight!
I’m watching Glory Daze atm and am still recovering from a day bein hungover, hence the title of this post. A note to Adele’s Someone Like You as well. Also, it’s a bit of a random post!
I’ve just read an article about the Slutwalk happening in June by Ray Filar. She’s a very interesting lady and it’s a great read, will try to keep up with her stuff. I should probably write more about this myself but I would probably go on forever and I’m tired. Yes, I screwed up again and drank too much last night.
I’ve been really feeling song ‘Kill’ by Jimmy Eat World. It totally describes how I’m feeling about this guy I like. I attempted singing it but I don’t recommend you watch that.
In other news, the birthday celebrations have begun! I had a picnic last weekend with the family as it’s also the month of my mum’s, aunt’s and Gran’s boyfriend’s birthdays. Tuesday, it was my mum’s and we had an Indian takeaway and watched The Apprentice – loving it!
Yesterday I prematurely spent my birthday money. I got this dress. I also got a headband, there’s loads in Topshop that are amaze. I’d seen some things shopping for presents from my parents (two Topshop dresses) so I had my eye on them. I splashed out on an hourglass necklace and a locket-clock necklace, oh, and some bird stud earrings (Urban Outfitters). There was also cool whiskey flasks and sunglasses but it’s expensive.
I then came home and bought Rihanna tickets, eek!
I went off out again to get my haircut – I just looked up my hairdresser on Facebook, one mutual poet friend! Also, he looks like a model. He annoyed me at one point as he was a bit of a chatter and I quite like relaxing in the silence, watching the music videos and zoning out, and he said to me “are you ok? you seem quiet” which is weird because I just assumed we were past the small-talk and he was just gonna get on with cutting haha. But he was a really nice friendly guy.
I then saw Insidious with my friend Natalie. I didn’t much like the “demon” in it as I’m a bit funny with such overly unbelievable portrayals. But, I did really enjoy it, there was an interesting storyline and made me think again about looking into different dimensions (previously, I thought about it after seeing Rabbit Hole). It was scary and also seemed a bit old-fashioned in a good way, with great melodramatic music!
I went straight to Kingston to supposedly celebrate my birthday with some London people (I’m travelling back to Norwich on the actual day). I sat on my own for over an hour in The Mill, pacing my Fosters, watching 90s videos on the screen above. It was really embarrassing, especially when people asked if the seats were free, then a girl’s 18th was going on behind me, and one of these guys that came along said hi to me then asked if I was with the others… more embarrassment.
However, Kev turned up, and shortly after Emily did too. So, it was nice to see them, and me and Emily ended up in Oceana and I had way too much to drink. I had a good time though!
I’m obviously very upset about certain friends, especially those who I count as my closest friends. It’s a real let down, and just rude… I was calling them and obviously being ignored. I’m not going to let it get me down though, and I’m really looking forward to the weekend. Apart from the ‘heavy rain’… I really hope that changes because my mood is influenced by the weather! I’m also eating at Thai Tho in Wimbledon Village tomorrow with my parents, never been there before so hopefully it’s good, I already know what I’m having! Chicken satay and prawn pad thai, standard ha! May go elsewhere for dessert of have it at home!
Fingers crossed that Nando’s let me book a table for 15 people tomorrow! I’m going to ask to speak to the manager because they said they couldn’t do it when I rang before. And fingers crossed for sunshine, or at least no rain! Rain, rain, go away, come again when it’s not my birthday!
Last night I met up with my friend Tom Francis to go to Spoonful of Poison at The Drop in Stoke Newington. We’d started drinking from about 3.30 in the park with the sun shining. It did get a bit cold though as I was wearing proper summer gear. Anyway, it took as like 2 hours to get there! I didn’t realise how far away it was but luckily it hadn’t started yet so we weren’t really late afterall.
I think I was on after the first break or something, and I was pleased with how it went because I did quite a few off by heart – yay!
This guy I’d seen years ago was there which was weird. I’d rated him really low, like a four or something, at a Farrago show… the same one I’d rated Scroobius Pip a 9! He’d got a backing track and stuff, and I’m not being overly rude, I’m just being honest… he was not good. It was all a bit cringe really. I think if he lost his Tim Westwood-esque “rapper” persona he might be able to develop as a writer/poet but as it stands he works better as a comedy act.
This guy, Mike, I think his name was, did comedy… and I thought it was better than the time before when he let a guy talking at the back basically take over his set by commenting on it. BUT! Tom told me he was taking the piss out of us. Basically, Tom had just come back from the toilet when he was on and he said something directed at me… at the time I didn’t think it was personal, but Tom said he referred to him as my boyfriend and that it was all because he’d gone to the toilet… pisses me off quite a bit actually.
There was another comedian that I think had like a couple of funny bits, but mostly it was a bit awkward. Ant Smith was on too, and I have mixed views on him. It was going well but he said something about rape… and I find rape jokes offensive. To be honest I’m a bit sick of people using humour to be offensive. People say “have a sense of humour” but if people need to make jokes about really offensive stuff, then they are the ones that need to find a sense of humour, most of the time it’s just not funny, end of. I’m partial to a bit of Jimmy Carr, but I have my limits.
Sadly, I missed the rest of the night because we needed to get the last train and I’d checked them before we got the train to Stoke Newington. However, they decided to stop the trains and we ended up having to take the night bus. Thankfully Tom was there with me because I really would not have liked to have gone on my own!
We took the bus all the way to Kingston instead of getting off at New Malden because we wanted food. I’d had a big lunch and an apple but was really hungry by then, it was like nearly 2am. I got chicken nuggets and chips. I’m a bit of a food snob about fast food, and normally I won’t accept less than Subway, but I like to use my drunkeness as an excuse haha!
Yesterday I also tried to get a Nando’s black card, or High Five card. I heard it’s something celebrities can get to get free Nando’s. Everyone loves a bit of Nandos! I’m hoping someone will be clever enough to buy me the new peri-peri shaker. Anyway, all I got was a generic response. I don’t think I bigged myself up enough. Okay, I’m no celebrity, but I am a Nando’s lover and I could even write a poem about it if they were so kind as to give me free food 😀
It’s only valid for a year but this would be the perfect time for me to have one! I may have to try again.
Another thing I’ve been thinking about, whilst reading posts from the UEA Feminist Society, is porn. If anyone knows of any porn that is for a female POV then please let me know! I usually use RedTube and have just come across PornHub (which has a “female friendly” section) but it’s really hard to find stuff that doesn’t refer to women as ‘sluts’ etc. and doesn’t degrade the women in power plays such as shoving the woman’s head whilst she’s giving oral sex. Anyway, I came across these pictures from a website that was linked. I posted these ones because there’s the ones I lean towards most.
The other day I went to an event held by the poetry collective Dirty Hands, in Tooting of all places! I grew up in Tooting… well, slap bang in the middle of Tooting and Earlsfield. I walked down my old street (Garratt Lane) for a trip down memory lane. There was a new place called Mel’s Cafe Bar which said something about “vintage beats” and looked quite cool!
Although it was a bit strange to see Amy Acre and Keith Jarrett performing in the middle of Tooting market, it was lovely, and is a really positive thing. Much as I love East London, as I don’t live there (who actually does?!) it can be annoying having to trek there for anything creative and unique. Tooting is moving up in the world. And I want this badge really bad, because it says “Tooting is the Epicentre of the Universe’ and it reminds me of my childhood home. It’s nice to have that because my parents moved the year before I went to uni, and then I went to living in two places (i.e. my Norwich house) and I can’t complain, but it’s just not the same as your childhood home.
I was with my friend Chi-Chi, and we then went to Wimbledon because Tooting isn’t posh enough to have Waterstones or The Body Shop and I needed to buy my mum’s birthday present. I got her the cocoa butter she loves, and they gave a discount so even got an extra thing free and the whole lot was cheaper. I also got her some clear nail varnish and a book token.
I got the NME for the first time in aaaaaaaaages! I haven’t bought magazines in years. I’ve been quite excited that it came out so recently and on Tuesday there’s a playlist of a few new songs… I am so out of touch! I flicked through and saw a bad review for Sound of Rum, which I found really upsetting.
I haven’t heard it but it’s pretty ignorant of Noel Gardner to comment about her lyrics and ‘poetry slams’ when I’m pretty sure he hasn’t got a clue. Calling her accent ‘mockney’ is taking the piss, because that’s just her fucking accent!
Some people don’t seem to understand that there is no such thing as just one “Londonaccent” – the beauty of the city is the different sounds you hear, the diversity of accents that creates such a range of accents that stand for the city. It brings me back to Charlie Dupree’s poem from a couple of weeks ago that was just so fucking spot on! It’s something that pisses me off, because I don’t fit into a rigid category of what non-London people think of as a typical London accent, I don’t know, people can’t work it out? In Peterborough I spoke to a perfectly nice man, but it annoyed me that he said ‘you’ve lost your accent then!’ as though I had developed a Norwich accent in three years of living there! It’s quite insulting as I have grown up in London all my life (with a brief stint in Reading, perhaps before I could talk), I’ve loved living here and am proud of where I come from.
My accent is a product of growing up to a Northern working class mum who constantly tells me to put the T’s on the end of my words, and a middle class Londoner dad, who himself makes fun of my Gran’s loud, enthusiastic and “posh” voice. It is a product of having grown up in South London, going to local state schools, making friends with people from a great mix of backgrounds and cultures. It is a product of listening to the Spice Girls, and watching American imported TV (I say ‘like’ waaay too much) and having my dad play bands like Blur, Coldplay and The Beatles. It is a product of being shy and building the confidence to project and accentuate my words. And sometimes, it’s the product of drinking too much and getting a bit lary and slurry. And I hate to bang on about it but it riles me up! As I’ve stated before, a frex off mine from the “cockney” band The Ruskins makes fun of me being a ‘posh git’, yet another guy I know from the amazing band Grenouille has referred to me as ‘cockney’. The point is – I am neither of these things… my accent is just pretty normal and not strong in either direction, so there’s no need to put me in a box!
Matt, from Grenouille also said something about a mix of strength and vulnerability. I really liked that, cause that’s what I’m about really, and that’s why I was saying earlier about my version of feminism. To be a feminist, you shouldn’t feel the pressure to be this perfect emblem of strength and womanhood – it’s about being yourself, whoever that may be, and finding the strength to show the world who you are, and having the support of your sisters (and feminist brothers) to grow in confidence and love for humankind. It’s why I’m inspired by the rawness and honesty and passion of people like Brody Dalle, Courtney Love, Alanis Morissette, Kathleen Hanna… and bringing me on to my next point… Kate Nash.
I already knew most of what the NME interview told me but I thought I’d mention it. Ironically, it was the frex I mentioned earlier that was really into Kate Nash, here’s a pic of us at her gig.
I think I’m actually a bigger fan of her than him! I loved her last album and, whilst the old one reminds me of when I went out with my friend, this second one has more positive associations for me as I can feel like it’s just for me, and I love the way she takes something negative and turns it into a message of hope… epitomized in the lyrics ‘take my life… to a higher plane’. Anyway, I think it’s really positive what she’s doing for young girls and I wish I had someone like that when I was younger. I’m a bit wary of writing too much about her, because I know she knows a lot of poets and if I ever bumped into her it’d be a bit cringe to come across as some major fangirl! But, I do have a lot of respect and admiration for her.
To end this post, a sad note. I’m listening to TV on the Radio atm. The bassist died of cancer last Wednesday. My dad had emailed me their new video whilst I was in Norwich so it was really shocking and I had no idea. RIP.
I looked up Urban Bar online and wished I had someone to come with me, such delish looking food!
It was literally across the road from Whitechapel station and has a cool tiger print, but sadly wasn’t that busy. Spoon, who runs the night, suggested it was because it doesn’t get the flow of Brick Lane but as someone who travels to East London rather than lives there, it doesn’t make much difference for me. It was nice to be on the Overground line, reminded me of last summer’s internship.
Spoon didn’t recognise me at first because of my new haircut so I felt a bit awkward and shy. I spoke to a woman called Jan who did some cool things with a drum machine, keyboard and voice… a bit PJ Harvey meets Bjork. I felt more relaxed after Spoon spoke to me, and he was really nice – you can’t see it on the video I filmed, but he squeezed three round of applause out for me haha.
At some point they made jokes about PRS and I felt pretty smug with myself knowing what they were talking about, having gone to this crash course into the music industry thing. There were some people at the back that talked through it all and one performer pointed it out and it was a bit awkward but it didn’t even stop them!
One guy came up to me to say well done, and he also asked ‘are you really a feminist?’ and he defos represented the predominant negative perception feminist have these days. I told him I believed in equality, but he seemed to think it was a given, but the point is, it’s not! That’s why we still need feminism, and I want to reclaim the word. I feel like I should write a book on being a feminist. I’ve been reading The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir but I also have an urge to read more modern texts to see what other people of my generation are writing about.
Another thing I’ve been wanting to reclaim is patriotism. I want to reclaim it from the racists because being proud of your country shouldn’t be about racism and that’s generally the association one gets… as seen from the reaction of when I drunkenly told my friend ‘I’m fiercely patriotic’. I’m not sure where I stand on the whole Royal Wedding thing… as someone who fundamentally believes in equality, the notion of a monarchy doesn’t sit right with me, but I did watch a lot of it on TV and I thought it was lovely, and the speech by the priest was particularly touching, as the couple seem like nice people… so it was nice to celebrate the occasion, and seeing them laugh after the crowd cheered at their kiss on the balcony, the cute little girl covering her ears at the noise, the choir boy who was REALLY into it, the EMOTION in his eyes haha!, and that moment driving in the car saying ‘JU5T WED’ – classic with modern twists! I wish I had gone to Battersea’s street party in a way, because it seemed like it would have a real sense of pride on being British, from a diverse range of cultures and backgrounds… because our democracy, our embracing of the different and the quirky, our freedom… it’s all something to be celebrated.
In going back to the poetry event. I was tempted to wear jeans, but I always feel too dressed down. I ended up going for one of my favourite dresses… it’s so versitle in terms of day/night. It’s from Motel, one of my favourite brands. It has a rose print at the bottom which is a a-line shaped, and plain black at the top, so it’s a really flattering shape. I can offer a discount code for Motel dresses online, so drop me a line and I’ll let your know the code 😉
I dedicated my poem ‘To Be Loved’ to Ellie Glouding because I read that she thinks feminists would be turning in their graves to hear her songs and seems to suggest that you can’t be a feminist and express love or vulnerability. But why can’t I be a feminist who is also patriotic, likes clothes, dislikes having body hair, and falls in love with the wrong people sometimes?
A bit of a dampener on the other day, a discussion about drugs and alcohol escalated and I got upset about it, but I don’t want to go into those details, as it is personal. The thing I have learnt about going to the feminist discussion group, is that we don’t have all the answers, things are not black and white. That goes for drugs as well. I don’t feel I can judge people to take illegal drugs whilst drinking alcohol… as there has been a lot of evidence to show that alcohol is equally, and, in some cases, more harmful, than some drugs. I don’t advocate either as the best examples of what you should do with your life but I believe in freedom of choice. I believe that it would help to decriminalize the use of drugs, because people who get addictions need help. It can been seen in other countries that legalisation actually produces a decline in drug abuse, and whilst I don’t think that would initially help in the UK, I think it shows a positive example of what can be achieved. I think it’s a complicated issue, and it needs addressing on so many different levels. The drinking culture in the UK is problematic, as the focus is often on getting drunk and leads to bingeing. In the past I have wanted to deny this is a problem, but I feel I have been the poster-girl for the problem more often than not, and I want to develop a more healthy relationship with drinking, because it is something I enjoy doing when I do it in the right way. It’s about information and education from a young age, and in the right way, with honesty, not scare-mongering and moral panic in the media. Anyway, before I start going on about my views on sex education and so on, I’m going to stop.
Right, because I’m at my London home and using the laptop I spilt water on that doesn’t have the letter ‘g’ (and it’s nearly 1am) I’m going to try to keep it short and sweet. I’m writing it slightly annoyed because I wanted to say something and can’t remember and have been trying for ages to remember grrr!
Last night I SANG with my frex Will Gardiner who played the guitar for me. It was for the Late Shift at UEA’s Sainsbury’s Centre. After years of wanting to do this and being to scared to do it, it was actually not any scarier than reading poetry. There were some other amazing performers and was really happy to be included in such a fantastic line-up. Check all these people out: Jamnesty, Rachael Durrant, Vince Laws and David Osbiston. And if you want to look at how it went for me, you can watch the video on YouTube… though listening to it myself is a bit cringe and it seemed way better at the time haha. Also, I was aware I messed up some of the words as I was doing it so that’s never nice to hear.
I continued the night with my friends Helen and Laura, and so it was a proper last night in Norwich. I came home for the Farrago gig by train and it was long and I had a heavy suitcase, so pretty tiring. My mum picked my up from Worcester Park station, and of course, when I walked past the traffic, a load of guys were being “ultimate lads” aka “ultimate tools” and shouted out at me ‘alright schweetheart, need a hand?’ I didn’t respond at all, even if I came up with a witty come-back, it would just be giving them what they wanted. I was in a weird mood, maybe a delayed reaction from talking to a friend earlier about something that’s been frustrating me for a while, combined with nerves and disappointment that I didn’t think anyone was coming to watch me.
However, I was mostly in a positive frame of mind, just had a mini-stress-out. I’m looking forward to tucking into the best Easter chocolate as well – dark chocolate egg and lots of creme eggs!
So, tonight I had a huge surprise coming out of Goodge Street tube station. An old college friend, Janet Etuk, who was not only there… but there to see me! And, even better, Anya Destiney came along too – the girl who you could say is responsible for everyone having to endure me read poetry! Both girls are mighty-fine actresses as well so keep your eyes peeled!
The other features of the night were Charlie Dupre, Fran Landesman, Clair Whitefield, Sharnika Power, The Wizard of Skill, and AF Harrold. Charlie, Clair, and Sharnika were all unfamiliar to me and they were incredible! Espesh, Sharnika, at only 16, she was unbelievably good, so confident and intelligent.
I forgot my camera, which was a shame, since I actually had people to record it for me, and I think it went quite well… though it was cut really short. Anyway, I thought I’d start posting more photos and stuff to make this more interesting and personal. Part of that will be pictures of me haha, basically, I’m quite into style (I’m inclined to say style rather than fashion for obvious reasons) and any attempt to go to poetry readings in just a jeans and t-shirt combo never really happens… I like dressing up, and maybe coming from a “dance background” it makes me see it more as a performance with costume haha… that’s why the up-coming Glam Slam is exciting!
I’m wearing a yellow Passenger t-shirt (it was quite cheap at some shop, and I got my friend Natalie Cooper a similar design) with a standard red h&m cardi, and not shown in the picture, a high-waisted black skirt. Note the badge from Russel J Turner, reading “all you pretty fuckers”.
Okay, that took just under an hour. I have lots to occupy myself with tomorrow and will hopefully be swimming again, with my mum. I went the other day in Norwich and it was really nice. I kinda wanted to go to Tooting Bec Lido but my mum keeps changing her mind. That reminds me, there’s poetry stuff going down in Tooting, which is where I spent most of my childhood. If anyone is near 833 Garratt Lane, please ask for my Barbie dolls, I miss them.
Last night I read a whole collection of new poems from my creative writing coursework. One I named after a Henry Holland patishe t-shirt I have called ‘Blow Bubbles Not Bombs’ and the whole set was based around love but that poem was probably the most personal and it wasn’t about relationships, and less moaning about guys is defos a good thing! I was really pleased with the collection so I hope I get a good mark. My housemate Kirstie, and my friend Laura came to support me, which was cool as the crowd wasn’t as packed as usual! Laura said even though I did a lot of ‘page’ poems I did them well and I seemed really professional, so yay!
I ended the set with a sneak preview of what me and my frex Will are gonna be doing at the Late Shift next Wednesday (20th April) at the Sainsbury’s Centre in Norwich. It’s basically him on guitar as an “assisstant” as Hasina, the event organiser, called him haha! I will be singing and doing poetry and luckily Laura said she’d come so that’ll be cool. Anyway, we did ‘Drama’ and people thought it was cool!
Omg! It’s suprising how much “poetry beef” (as The Ruby Kid has referred to it!) there is on the scene. One of the poets who I know from uni did a poem about another one of my friend’s and even though it was funny and spot on and a brilliant poem, I feel a bit bad because I imagine he won’t take it so well. She’s going to email it to him but I think if he was there when she read it, it may have provoked debate so may have a more negative consequence now.
Gossip gossip! I was excited a while back to find out that Time Clare is going out with a girl from Bearsuit. Most amazing couple or what?!
I entered the UEA MedSoc Charity Talent Show. It was the first talent show I’ve entered since I started reading my poetry, which was at college, and I’m pretty sure the judges laughed at me. Anyway, this time was much better, I knew the poem (Space Station) by heart and I didn’t forget any words, wahey! I also did my pole dancing routine with Charlotte again. I had been rushing about all day, on my period, and due a wax so was feeling a bit apprehensive about the massive crowd that was gathered. Although I didn’t walk away with any prizes, it all seemed to go okay and the judges and audience were very complimentary. All the other acts were musicians, and were really great, and it was a nice evening. The winner sang Adele’s Someone Like You, which is such a meaningful song to me at the moment.
I’m not sure what else to say. I’ve got to be up in 8 hours so should probably go to bed but I’m waiting for these YouTube videos to upload to put on this. Ummm… I’ve finished with my alcohol counselling and I’m glad I’ve finished with a couple of good weeks and I’ve got from sometimes drinking 40-50 units a week to 10-20, so I’m quite pleased that although I’ve had some slip-ups I’m getting better at avoiding the binge and drinking in moderation. It’s made me think that, as not all my problems have gone away, that it’s not really drinking that’s the problem, but that there’s a few issues I would like to discuss with someone other than friends and family. I’m sure everyone could do with some sort of therapy personally, but a lot of the time it’s about doing the right things to make me feel good, rather than the things I know won’t help. Ironically, being online (when it’s not productive) is one of the things that’s bad for me, but things like listening to music, reading, socializing… are obviously good.
I recently came back from Peterborough where I had been to the Poetry Rivals Slam. It was a sunny day, which always helps, and overall it was fun, despite my stressing about getting the last train because I’d been given a late slot. I was given a nice pack off stuff, including this certificate, where sadly my name was spelt wrong.
So, the Under 18s section was first, though it seemed I was one of the few people from the adult’s section that was there as the room disappeared afterwards. It ranged from the cute to more impressive stuff. I chatted to one of their grandad’s who seemed nice, and pretty cool, cool being he had an earring and rode motorbikes haha!
I went to eat at Ask where I had booked a table beforehand in case… being Saturday… it was busy. It wasn’t. The staff there were really friendly and I talked to them about what I was doing in Peterborough. I managed to eat a whole garlic pizza bread and mushroom & chicken risotto, despite my paranoia that there may have been some cheese in it.
My favourite poets from Under 18s slam were Eddy Telford (the grandson) and Nicole Edwards. Though I didn’t see them all because I went to eat dinner and wanted to make sure I was back for the adult slam. My favourites in that were Thommie Gillow (who spoke to me and was lovely), Dorothy Beaumont (one of the older contestants who did a beautiful poem to her husband with great dancing imagery), Rochelle Logan-Rogers (who did a great performance of a piece written for Love Music Hate Racism) and Richard Castle (who though rather mumbley and mono-tone, I think I caught some really strong lines and ideas in his poems). The winner was Stephen Watt, and I was surprised as I couldn’t remember his poem but asked my mum to read it from the book in London and it refreshed my memory and I thought was quite a nice idea with the rubix cube image. I’m not sure I would have decided on him myself but it was really hard to judge, as the judges said, and I don’t know who I’d have picked.
It was disappointing not winning but I didn’t exactly expect to, and after my reading (which went okay, with one annoying slip up, and maybe a bit rushed and static) I didn’t feel I was going to at all. I don’t feel ready anyway. One of the things I want to concentrate on, after my dissertation hand-in in about 3 weeks, is poems for possible publication.
I get annoyed at not being accepted into magazines but I really need to do it constantly. It’s just hard keeping track of all the dates of stuff, so I have a document trying to organise it but I’m still getting rejected loads, so how can I progress to a chapbook or proper collection?
I’m currently listening to the Gipsy Kings but there’s a few more things I was going to write before this blog post. They’re not really relevent to poetry, but they are about my life, which some people might find more interesting than repetitive notes on poetry gigs! I also didn’t record this performance so, no video.
Anyway, I’ve been busy dancing and attempting at drinking in moderation (going well since the cart-wheel incident) as well as doing my dissertation and creative writing work. I’m also going to be UEA London Correspondent to the Feminist Society next year! In relation to that, when I went out on Tuesday night someone pinched my bum, and then I later got talking to a guy who said he was gay. These are things we’ve been talking about in the discussion group (it’s soon to be a society)… the idea that some men think it is acceptable to violate a woman in ways such as pinching bums (though we’ve been talking about more “cat-calling” in the street situations) and also things like The Game when it comes to relationships… pretending to be gay being one of these tactics. The guy in question here called me “stunning” and then said “if I wasn’t gay…” and that I had even managed to “attract a gay guy”. I don’t want to be cynical, he was very sweet and seemed to think I genuinely deserved to have a nice boyfriend… but the point I’m making is that because of these “games” it means women have to be wary to trust others, and also… if I am attractive… so what? Why should I be defined on my physical appearance? I can’t complain, because if that was the case, I’m clearly not defined by what I look like. I’m judged far more for being slightly unhinged, intense and too honest for my own good, hence coming across *shock horror* desperate. Which, I’m not. It takes a lot for me to like a guy but I usually end up ruining things when i actually do give a shit because I come across too keen. It’s funny. Anyway, these things are interesting to think about.
Which brings me to my last point. I knew half the judges on the panel tonight. But they thought Mr. Watt’s poetry was better, so he won. We’re always being told “it’s who you know” but this proves… it’s not who you know. Unless those particular people secretly hate me.
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 