Last weekend I went to the Lee Miller exhibition at the Tate Britain. From fashion to romance to the erotic, where I wondered how we might feel if our naked selfies were on display in an art gallery with loads of people scratching their chins at them. As well as travel photography and portraits of famous friends like Pablo Picasso, her work throughout the war was expansive. She celebrated women in work, captured the distruction of war, and explored the aftermath.
Especially poignant was a room where photography was not allowed, her images necessary to disparage Holocaust-deniers, but in this context, it evoked something I can’t quite put into words, but I welled up and wondered how the conveyor belt of people felt in that room. Then there was the iconic image of Lee Miller and another of David E. Scherman, a Jewish-American photographer, bathing in Hitler’s bathtub after the liberation of Dachau concentration camp.
The next day, I submitted a poem for a prize, entered the Latitude Trailer Park competition (though in hindsight I should have put more effort into the visuals…) and I just hope the concept is strong enough to be in with a chance! I really wanted to do something at Latitude for its 20th anniversary, but all I can do is try and I don’t want to volunteer there this year.
I also did some art-making inspired by the Lee Miller’e exhibition. Yes, I’m regressing to using condoms in my artwork like I did at college, but also so did Lee Miller and it’s hanging in the Tate Britain (c.1930). The text says ‘fuck the red light’ and ‘Do you really think it’s that easy to get rid of a wound?’ – a quote from Lee Miller’s short film ‘The blood of a poet’.
This week, other than my day job, I found out that the big project I’ve been applying for funding for countless times wasn’t successful, despite having had access support this time and reducing the budget to under £50,000. It is a lot of money but that’s because there are a lot of artists involved (over 100!) After a rush of emotions, I took immediate action and asked my access worker how soon we could re-apply.
Then I was about to do the washing up and it hit me, and I suddenly felt like I couldn’t go on, I couldn’t take one more thing. I’m processing the ending of a very complex relationship, I’m struggling with certain aspects of my day job, I’ve got low iron levels and a horribly itchy rash that I’m hoping is a reaction to a new hair mask and not another bedbugs infestation, I spotted some old mice droppings that I can’t even bare to think is evidence of a problem at my new place after five years dealing with it at my previous place.
Then a couple of days later I cried at work in front of colleagues for the first time, and my team were so lovely, offering emotional and practical support. I also found NHS tickets for Ashnikko and so now I’m feeling much better! I also went to Emo Night Brooklyn with some art therapy friends last night so that was a great release!
Watching: Girlfriends, Shrinking, Too Much, Ripple
Reading: A Poem for Every Winter Day, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, The Feminist Killjoy Handbook by Sara Ahmed, Fearless 3 by Francine Pascal, Sodom & Gomorrah by Marcel Proust (audiobook)
Podcasts: What Now? with Trevor Noah, The Telepathy Tapes, On Attachment
Music: Ashnikko, Brooklyn Emo Nights
If you’d like to buy some books, please do!
Follow me on instagram: @carminamasoliver
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 