Reality has hit me so hard since returning from holiday in the early hours of Thursday morning. I want to try to practice gratitude for having had the time away, but I can’t deny that I struggled with certain elements regarding expectations and so didn’t return as rested as I would have liked in preparation for the new academic year. I felt like I needed just a few more days of escape, where I could truly rest.
– beautiful but exhausting
I also lost out on securing work as I made the choice to not check emails, which now just seems counterproductive. I’ve been burying my head in the sand, buying gig tickets I can’t afford to allow myself a release when I know the year ahead is going to require more isolation as – all being well – I complete my training to become an Art Psychotherapist.
Speaking of which, my confidence has just been knocked massively having been given my assignment feedback. I wish I had been given it before my holiday, to have time to digest it. I managed to scrape a pass, but my written feedback was worse than I could ever imagine. My mind fixated on words such as “unsafe” and “dangerous” and I collapsed into the comfort of my partner’s tissue shoulders. I am going to take time to process properly when I am less sleep deprived, looking at the assignments and the feedback with fresh eyes, and doing some art making to process my feelings, having woken up the following day still so raw and sad.
The third ACE application has been rejected, so I’m going to try again, but with a June 2025 start date, so I can focus on my studies, aside from the necessary work. I might see if I have any luck on my own creative endeavours, as I would love to be able to spend more time creating and less time tutoring. That said, right now I need to get tutoring clients urgently having only four, pretty much losing two unexpectedly, and meanwhile I want to make the most of the extra time I do have – getting through emails, reading course books, art making and working on creative projects.
Tavares Strachan – There is Light Somewhere
Before leaving for my holiday, aside from work, I had a day off, where I decided to take myself off for some exhibitions at Somerset House, the Hayward, and Tate Modern – I’ll be posting more about this on my Instagram when I get around to it. I also went to All Points East Festival for a heavily discounted price, which was fun. I caught up with a friend who lives abroad and met her baby, and had a full week of teaching before jetting off!
I’m slowly getting back into the swing of things, going to Decolonise Festival tomorrow with a friend. Having arrived in the UK thinking I was teaching just nine hours later, the lessons ended up being cancelled. It is tempting to run full speed ahead, but maybe I need to be kinder to myself and also prioritise things like sitting with and processing my feelings, and creating. I did manage to do a couple of watercolours whilst away, and want to try to use art making more regularly, especially as a way of processing.
Watching: Love is Blind UK, Emily in Paris, Aşk 101.
Reading: On Connection by Kae Tempest, I’m a Fan by Sheena Patel, We All Want Impossible Things by Catherine Newman, The Crying Book by Heather Christle, Suffering Insanity by R.D. Hinshelwood.
Podcasts: What Now? by Trevor Noah
Music: AURORA, Chappell Roan, Empress Of, SOFTPLAY
Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 