This week has felt particularly draining and difficult, and I’ve made mistakes, but also felt the brunt of blame for some things unfairly. I think I need to be mindful that social activities can also deplete energy and so I need to avoid making plans… which feels hard to do when everyone else is so busy all the time! What should I do, just not make plans and tell friends to contact me last minute if they happen to be free?! I don’t deal well with spontaneity either… unless it’s my own spontaneity!
So, this week I saw Inside Out 2 with some local poetry pals who are more spontaneous than me! I absolutely loved it. I was tearing up right from the start, and related to it not only in the sense of the teenage years, but also the idea of suppressing emotions… I’ve been talking in therapy about connecting with my emotions more and wanting to incorporate mark-making / art-making more, but I still haven’t been able to do this. When feelings bubble up, it feels impossible to pause to sit with them, but you just have to suck it up. I think that’s also why I’m craving my own space at the moment, because with so much going on, I’m just overstimulated.
I also saw my mum’s final ever school production. I had recently gone into a children’s home for work, so the fact it was Annie really hit home, and I was overcome with emotions. It was incredible to see all the effort that had gone into this, and to see the young girls doing something so brave was so lovely to see. I also clicked that artist Ben Connors, who had helped to do the stage design, had illustrated a Dean Atta poem that I had published in Poetry&Paint years ago!
Today I organised people from my friend Natalie’s birthday (illustrator of the She Grrrowls book) and aside from the football, which I felt physically uncomfortable with once it started, it was a success. Now I’m planning to get my flat into better shape, not only because some friends are coming tomorrow, but I really need it for my state of mind.
Watching: Abbott Elementary, Not Dead Yet, Rebelde
Reading: The Year of the Butterfly by Abbi Mitchell, Boy Friends by Michael Pedersen, On Learning from the Patient by Patrick Casement, In Search of Lost Time by Marcel Proust (previously read most books but listening on audio).
Podcasts: Sleepy, Mooji
Music: Annie soundtrack
Again, if you’re able to share or donate to my crowdfund as I train to become an Art Psychotherapist, or buy some books, please do!
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 