So, this week I went to Jawdance. I had to go after Chris Syrus, and his poetry band. He was delivering a great message for some school children, and it sounded great combined with the musician, and the female singer had an amazing voice! I thought I bet I’m next. And I was. Still, it went okay and there were a couple of people who said they enjoyed my poem. I had been to Nando’s (again) with Hannah, but she had gone. I had got a sore throat after talking to my friend Natalie on Skype the day before (I’m not sure how big a part the conversation played) and I was starting to feel even worse. Although I couldn’t find any online material on her, Subi Shah was another highlight.
On Thursday, my boyfriend Matt (who isn’t picking up his phone grrr… hence I’m making use of the time by writing this and watching Stephen Fry on BBC Iplayer.) … where was I? Okay, so we went to Wetherspoons for some dinner and made it just in time to the Donald Hope Library, which I had never been to before. I’m not going to lie… I could have really done with the £25 prize, but the winner gave a great speech. Gutted that I didn’t even make the top 5, but there were some kind comments, and I’m happy to try again next time!
Kathryn Corrick was guest speaker for my MA course this week and we were set a task to create a story from one of two photos from her Feet on the Overground project. I attempted at a Twitter/Facebook story but it didn’t work, so as a back-up, I did a YouTube video. As I’m so busy, genius that I am, I dried my hair whilst filming the still photograph and created a kind of train movement/sound image, which I annotated on the website itself, with speech bubbles.
I got offered background work in a film, but being realistic about money, time, MA work, and wanting to see my boyfriend this week… I had to pull out. But it seems like MSFT is a great place to look out for opportunities like that. With this cold not getting any better, I am in deep need of a rest… and going up to Norwich for a few days is the closest I’ll get to a rest these days! Funnily enough, the next event I’m going to is a Speech Motion one! I’m hoping to feel better by then, but at the moment I’m powering through my last shift of the week at Sainsbury’s. I just hope UEA London have sorted the bloody heating system out, because if that room gets any colder I’m going to shrink away into a giant wooly scarf.
Also! Russell, who puts together Apples & Snakes London events, says I’m overdue for a guest spot at Jawdance! Watch this space!
Had a busy week! Tuesday I went out with my friend Laura and my ex-housemate Kirstie (who is travelling around India as of today!) Me and Laura had Nando’s (standard) before meeting Kirstie to go to the Camden Barfly for a gig. For only a fiver we got to see Supercute and the inspiring Miss Kate Nash in her side project The Receeders. It was definitely worth seeing and an interesting path for Kate Nash. Also spotted her boyf Ryan Jarman at the bar.
Last night, after a really stressful day trying to work out PDFs, trying to deal with too many DM boot bids on Ebay and a shift at Sainsbury’s (oh, and after walking in the wrong direction to the venue – typical) I found myself a haven at The Gallery Cafe for The Word House poetry event. I saw a friendly face in Captain of the Rant, (check out his event, there’s one this Friday I plan to go along to!) and after a quick chat and a rather unimportant embarrassing incident I found myself in, Christian Watson took to the stage. He was incredible! I don’t really know what else to say. It started on a high and that high just did not stop.
The open mic included the likes of Emma Jones who performed her winning set from this year’s Glam Slam (and myself, performing my winning poem from the ‘Loss’ category). John Berkavitch continued the features and was also amazing, and played with the audiences emotions with a poem that began with a cliché, went forward with comedy and ended with words to send shivers across your skin. He then told us to read The Empty Space, which is so cheap on Amazon I may have to add it to my huge pile of books to read. I’m currently reading Doris Lessing’s The Golden Notebook. It’s massive.
Last up before a dash for the tube (both him and me) was Inua Ellams. I have said before how lovely he comes across and he is so genuine. Not only that, but he has an amazing way with words, and also an amazing Graphic Artist. Jealous much. All in all, a wonderful evening, raising money for Oxfam, yay! And I even made it home for a late-night viewing of X-factor.
I’ve been working as usual, doing lots of useful and interesting MA stuff (including a gruelling day about accounting) and spent a couple of days with my boyfriend in Norwich, forcing him to come with me to a Feminist Society discussion group, and coming back to his only to watch a rom-com. Sorry love. Oh yeah! And we did Yoga. About 2 hours of it! It was really hardcore, seriously, my legs hurt a couple of days later and everything. Oh yeah, he’s starting up this Sketch Club – if you’re creative in any way, get involved! I also saw my Gran for dinner with my parents which was a welcome return from the coach journey from Norwich.
Matt made me these cool timetables that you can draw and wipe off. It’s really good because it gets your mind focused and you feel good ticking things off. I’ve missed a few things off but I think I’m doing pretty well! I wonder if I can count my Sainsbury’s work as exercise since it’s manual? Hmmm!
Last Tuesday I went back to Hammer & Tongue at The Victoria in Dalston Junction. I had just been to Nando’s with my friend Hannah and went to the slam on my own. I ordered a tap water, as I am on the “cabbage budget” as my course leader, Ian Chance, calls it. I settled into a comfy sofa at the front and watched the likes of Keith Jarrett and Henry Bowers, competing in the slam in between. I was the only woman competing and there were only a couple of women even at the event. And I came second place! Representing!! Only missed the top spot by 0.2 marks, so I’m progressing. After all these years, thank God. I spoke to a couple of people, including the host of the night, Steve Larkin, and even gave out a business card, though the guy hasn’t been in contact, I hope he will do because I wanted to tell him about my own Jack & Jill poem (though not nearly as good as the one he performed).
On National Poetry Day I went to Southbank and listened to loads of poets from 1pm-6pm. There were so many, but my favourites were Michael Rosen, Laura Dockrill, Richard O’Brien, Catherine Labiran, Lemn Sissay, and Simon Armitage. The Foyles Young Poets winners were there as well, which made me feel very inadequate and old. At only 22. I feel I am behind and trying to catch up with these youngsters.
I went to another slam and got a good score but was beaten by a couple of people. I was feeling a bit messed about by the host beforehand and it rang true that artists are taken advantage of by event runners etc. I calculated that with around 50 people showing up, charging a fiver-a-head, the artists themselves should really getting paid more than £10 for “travel”. There are plenty of venues that are free to hire, so it is something that really needs changing. I was asked… or rather, just told, that I would be the sacrificial poet and then as I accepted this and made my way towards the stage, I was made to look a fool by the host announcing into the microphone that I was actually going to compete in the slam after all and someone else was going up. I was also told that if I got one of the prizes that cost £5, to put it back… I thought wait a minute, why am I not entitled to get the prize? Because I asked to be on the guest list?! Come on, poets that compete in the slam shouldn’t even be paying anyway. I spoke to a couple of men, one of which I had met a couple of times before, and he has expressed the event is ‘for poets’ rather than ‘for everyone’ so maybe that’s part of the problem as to why the slammers also have to pay. Also! Some of the features hardly had five minutes! It should be 10 minutes minimum really, I reckon.
Anyway, this irritation made me reluctant to want to go back, which is why I’m leaving the event unnamed. I felt aggravated before I went on stage, and that’s just not how it should be. There were plenty of events to choose from that night, so I could have gone elsewhere but I didn’t. Maybe next time I will think about it harder.
Anyway, overall, it was a good week. I am getting used to working at Sainsbury’s (although I had a nightmare about uniform and turning up late and clocking in, last night) and my nerves are getting lesser. I am loving my MA course, although I stayed up doing work until 1am the night before it was due, only to find out half of it was actually due the week after, silly me! Things are looking up and I’m thinking of making this WordPress site into my website (part of my coursework) but there are things I need to think about. Life is busy, but it is good 🙂
The production of this show/book was kicking off whilst I was on my internship at Penned in the Margins and I’d be there if I could, so if you’re at the Fringe fest, go see it!
In other news, I had to pull out of my gig at The Tea Box the other week because I got an ulcer on the cornea of my left eye. It was horrible and swollen, and painful and depressing. I also lost my new job at B&Q because I had to miss my first day and couldn’t say when I was next available. Get more on the dole anyway. I’m hoping to get a really good job that’s actually related to my interests as well. Hopefully Royal Academy of the Arts! Fingers crossed! Or at least at a theatre or cinema.
I took these drops that made my pupil eat my iris. Scary.
My eye feels fine now but I’ve been told I can’t wear contact for a WHOLE month. I’ve got some BOGOF prescription sunglasses but I may opt for the one-contact look during my graduation next week. In New York I’ll be happy to wear my glasses… I’m actually getting more used to it. I also entered into the Specsaver’s ‘Spectacle Wearer’ competition to win a holiday and a modelling contract (ha!) so wish me luck!
Here’s the picture (very hard to get the whole outfit in, MySpace style):
I also got a 2:1 for my English Literature degree at UEA and so am officially on my Creative Entrepreneurship MA at UEA London – woop! I really need to get on with stuff so I have something to show for the summer. I’m so gutted about missing my last gig as I was looking forward to doing my whole 20-30min set by heart 😦
I have no idea when my next gig will be, so if anyone wants me, please let me know! Preferably paid 🙂
Before I get onto my first experience of Hammer & Tongue, I have some exciting neeeewss!! Me and Matty D are offishhh, like Facebook official, you get meee?!! We had an amazing weekend, and after posting this picture, I’ll try to remain focused and professional and just write about poetry and shizzle like that.
Pouting Competition at Pride, London
I’ve been applying for loads of jobs and funding and stuff today, so am going to try to be as quick as possible about this and see if I can finish in under half an hour! Friday, me and Matt when to Future Vintage, with a jazz band and poet, Tiffany Anne Tondut. Matt had a bit of trouble working his way from Victoria to Waterloo, so we missed a bit, but it was good. Bumped into Tim Wells, who told me about this event, it’s gonna be snazzy. My Gran’s visiting from France for her birthday, so I can’t make it.
We went to the Tate Modern for a bit and chilled on the grass near Udderbelly, before going to Poejazzi’s Festival Tonic. Joshua Idehen was hosting and four amazing acts took the stage. First, Harry Baker, who I am hoping will be hosting my gig at The Tea Box this Friday (8th July). Next was Fiona Bevan, a singer who was probably my favourite performer of the day – a bit like Regina Spektor meets Shingai Shoniwa (The Noisettes) with a pinch of Ellie Golding. Next was Ray Antrobus, who I’ve now probably mentioned a few times – Matt could particularly relate to the sober-guy-at-the-party poem after his sober months. Lastly, another musical act Belle Moore-Benham with an incredibly powerful voice.
Oh yeah, and we saw this fox. Urban Fox. Pretty cool… if slightly scary.
Saturday, we went to see Sexing The Cherry, again, around Southbank. It sounded cool, as it combined spoken word, animation and music. At first I felt pretty tired and unimpressed, but towards the middle it picked up and there were some really good lines and ideas expressed, a great musical section, and beautiful acrobatics.
We went to Soho to check out Pride festivities… I was a terrible Londoner and couldn’t find Trafalgar Square so we missed some reality TV stars, but it was fun just walking around and I’m cracked open a couple of cans and we had a little dance and listened to some live music where we could find it. We didn’t see the parade so I defos wanna check it out next year. I saw Romy from The XX passing by in the opposite direction but it was pretty packed and we’re both pretty shy people, I guess, so we just moved with the crowd. I think it was the first time I’ve seen her since the band got all big as well, so it’s pretty weird after seeing loads of pictures everywhere and music everywhere.
Anyway, Monday, Matt went back to Norwich (long distance gaaah) and I went to Hammer & Tongue with my mate Elliot Snook… he’s putting on a clubnight, which I hope to go to, so YOU should defos go as well.
Angry Sam was hosting but he didn’t seem to remember me from Glam Slam – I guess he’s a busy man. Chester P and Mungo were the feature and they were on for about an hour. It was really interesting and very different form when I saw CP support Jamie T in Norwich. Some of it went a bit over my head, and then some of it made me unsure if it was bullshit or genius… there were probably a few too many drug references but ah well, do what you know and all that. The Slam was afterwards and I was on penultimatly which had my nerves going a bit, but I was pleased with how it went and I came third place, which I didn’t expect and it’s pretty cool to get a position even without winning. I can always try again. What was amazing was that, amongst a couple of compliments, one guy said I was his favourite of the night, and said the rhythm and delivery were particularly good. In hindsight, I should have given him my business card, but I feel a bit cringe doing it without actually being asked… a bit too pushy? Or am I being silly?
Peter Hayhoe won, who I saw at Tooting Market, and he was cool. Ahhh. Gonna have to wrap up, I’ve gone way overboard.
So, last night was the third Glam Slam in a row I’ve been too. It’s only on once a year but it is always so fun and I’m always partial to a theme, plus the host, Ernesto Sarezale is super-organised like myself. So, a good excuse to post pictures like the one below. My theme was ‘loss’ and I had to wear blue. I had a ‘San Francisco Loves You’ t-shirt that I got on holiday but I got make-up on it so had to change – gutted.
Shoes (seen in end picture): Vintage ‘Charles’ from Beyond Retro
Lipstick + Foundation: Estée Lauder
Mascara: Maybelline
Eyeliner: Collection 2000
Eye stars (can’t really see here): unknown
Nail Varnish: ‘Carrie’ SATC
Anyway, I met my friend Hannah after she finished work and went to Nando’s. The loyalty card was confusing me (mainly, because the staff seem to be confused) so I ended up with two chicken breasts. So much for loosing this weight I’ve put on). It was delicious as ever though and I enjoyed my extra big portion, though felt a bit of a pig). We went to The Book Club and I got a drink, before getting a seat downstairs early. Cat Brogan was on first and fabulous as ever. Marcus Reeves, on the timer, who was ‘challenging Annie Lennox’, remembered me from last time which was nice. He has a collection out called ‘Sighs Ten’ haha. When he said he remembered me I said ‘thank you’, afterwards realising that’s probably a strange thing to say.
Chris Young, last year’s winner also performed, who I couldn’t remember before he started taking off his clothes and doing last year’s poem, but he was good, check him out here. It just goes to show, it doesn’t matter about who you’re having sex with… anyone can understand the bliss of when someone likes your company and not just your cock/pussy. Emanuel Xavier was down from New York and he was amazing. At the time I was stressing about missing my train back and he was so good I forgot about it – and believe me, that says something! I would have liked to talk to him, especially as between acts he congratulated me. PLUS, I’m going to New York at the end of July so it would have been cool to know where to go.
Angry Sam was first to compete in the ‘Loss’ category and after he finished I thought there was no way I was going to get through. I think I performed with him at Limehouse Church and thought he was good, and tonight I was sure he was going to win it. He did a poem about an ex from the point of view of her, and got the audience to join in with ‘you’re just a bastard’. I did ‘Space Station’ off by heart and did an intro that lead on from Sam’s. I felt it was the best I’d ever done (gutted my cam ran out of batt) it so it was really hurtful when the scores came… two 8s, one 7, and a 5. It wasn’t so much the scores, but the group of girls that picked the ‘5’ seemed to be laughing about it, and I wanted to cry. But I didn’t. I ended up winning the category with 28 points. Marcus said Sam’s name though (he got 27) and had to correct it, so when Sam came over with flyers it was a bit awkward. I was texting at the time, and stressing out about my train, so was in a bit of a fluster and stupidly said ‘oh, well done, by the way’ when I realised it was him. All he said was ‘so, you won it then?’ so I felt like I’d said the wrong thing. I looked at the flyer and said I was meaning to go anyway; it was for seeing Chester P, who I saw support Jamie T when I had this weird illness that was like Glandular Fever but they never found out what it was exactly. I thought it was a great gig so am hoping to go along with a friend I want to catch up with.
People came up to me in the break and both congratulated me and said how the girls that voted ‘5’ were dickheads and stuff. I couldn’t really stay down after that… though I guess I went from happy to stressed because my dad said I needed to get the train before 11 and I knew I wouldn’t make it out that early. I wish I’d checked the times myself now! So, at the end of the first couple of rounds, me and Emma Jones went to collect our trophies. I knew after seeing her that she would win the whole thing – she did an amazing costume change ‘Work’ poem which was literally 3mins on the dot: perfection. Her second poem was done in the accent of a lot of the girls I went to school with, as she is a drama teacher in South London (brap brap… do the kids still say that?) where she came up with many witty things in place of GCSE including much of the typical activities for these kinds of girls, such as going to the chicken shops after school (yes, there is a previous photo of me posing with a chicken box… you can take the girl out of…etc). She did a final poem on winning comically stating that if you see anyone from Clapham, the best thing to do it to ‘slap ’em’ haha! I did ‘Drama’ for my second poem and thought I did okay, but wished I’d put more thought into which poem I did).
Nothing better than a man between the legs: me and my trophy for Best Loss Poem
Alison Brumfitt won the ‘Lust’ category with her amazing poem about how, despite popular opinion, sex is better than chocolate. And she did it whilst throwing chocolate bars at the audience, and then dripping melted chocolate down her body. Oh yes, for this category, you had to wear lingerie/underwear or less! I was surprised to see Alain English bare all (both literally and metaphorically) in a poem about masturbation, and Keith Jarrett in nothing but a hat and Superman pants. By the by, he has an Action Man body to match those gorgeous brown eyes. And I mean that in a totally objective way. There was also a guy that did a poem in some old Mickey Mouse PJs, and he mentioned something about mental illness, and I think he was referring to anti-psychiatry, which I’ve been interested in since my dissertation (which I will post after I’ve graduated). However, his poem was about having sex with patients, which reminded me of David Cooper’s idea of ‘bed therapy’ which I believe to be possibly unethical due to the idea of consensus… though he claimed the person who the poem was based on would gain consent, this may not always be reliable in mental health patients. That said, if I was locked up in an institution and could never have sex, it is likely I’d be driven further into insanity.
Ray Antrobus won the ‘Wig’ category (and taking third place in the final round, beat me by a couple of points) and he told a poem about being the sober guy at a party, as he doesn’t drink. It made me of Matt and how I encourage him to drink, tsk tsk, bad Carmina. In the second round he did one about how your voice changes depending on who you’re talking to, which, loyal readers will know, is a subject I have a love/hate relationship with… in the vein of ‘yeah, I am from South London, and yeah, this is a South London accent, I’m just middle class, bitch.’ Carmina: South London, but a bit posh too innit.
It ended a bit before midnight. After congratulating Emma for winning I legged it to Liverpool Street, got the tube to Oxford Circus (shat myself cos I forgot I couldn’t change at bank as Waterloo & City line wouldn’t be running that late) and then got the tube to Vauxhall, where THANKFULLY I saw the train was coming. Some guys ahead of me started running, so I joined in and followed them up the wrong platform. Not only that, but I FELL FLAT ON MY FACE! I was around the corner so the guys didn’t see, and I managed to stand up by the time they turned around (I overheard it was platform 3) but I had grazed near my elbow and wrist, bruised/cut my finger and chipped a bit of my trophy. The train was delayed for 2 minutes, so I sat down for a bit and got my breath back. I had needed some water (and the toilet) for ages and so my throat was as if I’d just done a proper 30min run! I got the train safe and sound and was back home by 1am.
Things I hate:
Living in Worcester Park and not East London.
Saying I’ve been doing this poetry bizz for 5 years… can I lie and say a year?
Since Tuesday I’ve been out every night. For the first time I was able to go to Norwich Poetry Club at The Bicycle Shop. I was wearing small heels but inside was so dimly lit I had to be careful down the stairs and it took Hannah Walker a while to recognise me. She was the only person I spoke to as I was feeling shy for some reason. I also spoke to a woman briefly who I’d asked to sit next too. I noticed she left before the last act and Luke Wright sat next to me. He was hosting the show and although hosting is not a job that goes hand-in-hand with performance poetry (I am not so good at it!) he does it well. He read a lot of new poems and they reminded me of old poems I’d read as a kid, a kind of naughty children’s poetry, and I mean this as a good thing (I’ve studied Children’s Literature after all).
Hattie Grunewald was the first feature for the evening, and although I already know and like her poetry I learnt about her successes so far – she has been taught by Caroline Bird after winning awarded withe the prestige of being a Foyle Young Poet, and had her poetry on the Underground, and as you can see on the link I’ve placed on her name, she has published books out there! Slightly jealous if I’m honest. I get annoyed at myself for not remembering details so I made a note of a couple of expressions I liked – the idea of someone tasting like a newsagents and eyes that rust.
John Osborne was next, promoting his new book. Now, I’m far too promiscuous to state as Luke did, that he is my favourite poet, but he is up there. He told a poem about a surprise party his girlfriend had organised and nobody turned up, which I related too… until he said it wasn’t true and “I don’t have a girlfriend, so the joke’s on you”. This blend of fact and fiction inspired a poem I wrote that night, called Circumstances, which was also influenced by a poet called Tao Lin who I’ve been reading and I hoped for a kind of dry humour combined with a bleakness. Anyway, back to John, and other favourites from the night include a poem about a guy that didn’t pay his pound into a syndicate at work the week they won, called ‘that money would have turned you into a bastard anyway’, and a heart-warming poem about a break-up.
The headline was Thick Richard, but if I’m honest, he wasn’t my favourite part of the evening. He had a bit of a death theme, and I do like a theme, but still, I wasn’t impressed. The crowd seemed to like it though, laughing where I couldn’t muster a chuckle. The poem I most liked was something like ‘why don’t girls who like men like that like me?’ about seemingly nice girls going for bad guys. He’s a chef though so maybe he could win my heart through my stomach.
It ended a bit past 9pm so I got to pop to The Birdcage for Lucy Day and The Knights’ EP release! Inlay flaked out of supporting but the other acts, Blanche Ellis and Drew McDonnell were really great. Before Lucy came on, I noticed the girl next to me put out some burning paper, and I was like fuck! I smelt it and wondered what it was but didn’t even realise it was right next to me. I think she only put it out because I turned my head and saw it, weird!
The gig was amazing and I’m so glad I went along! I’ve listened to the collection of songs from Lucy a few times and had a few running around in my head. I loved Forsaken and the lyrics have made me think about my own pursuits. Sometimes I feel like I agree with the song, something does have to be forsaken. For me, I’m so sucky at relationships, at times I think it’s just not meant for me – the happily, or not-so-happily married with kids life. I could deal with the current patterns of my love life if only it meant I could be a success in other areas, namely my career. We get told we can have it all, but maybe we can’t always. I have this need and desire for love and for faithfulness and matrimony but I know the reality of this is near impossible, and that even if I did get married, it just may be a more serious example of how things end in tears. It can be frustrating to have this desire but I guess it’s as much a part of living, to go through those kinds of ups and downs, as all the other elements of life, and should be embraced as such. I think that since finishing my university work I feel a bit weird, like there’s so much I want to do that I don’t know where to start or if I have enough time.
Anyway, Wednesday I had a gig at The Birdcage myself. I wore this dress with birdcages on it from Topshop, and an hourglass necklace from Urban Outfitters. Oh! And these cute bird earrings from UO as well. I teamed it with green tights and my vintage Charles shoes.
My friends Helen and Laura came to watch and we went for a half-pint at spoons afterwards. I knew all of the performers so I didn’t much feel nervous or anything, though I was a little unprepared as I kept switching my mind about which poems to read, and I did the new one, ‘Circumstances’ though it probably needs a lot of work, and I don’t know if people got the humour, or if I delivered it right. The rest was okay, and I did a few by heart.
So, the list of performers… Bethan Williams, Jennifer Grey, Imogen Steinberg, Andy Bennet, Catherine Woodward, me and, headlining, John Osborne. Jenny said she was nervous… in fact, so did Catherine and Andy! Jenny always gives a confident reading though and was fine once she was up there. Andy’s was really interesting and amazing considering he’d written them in the past 48 hours! I knew why Catherine was nervous once she was up there, she gave a very different performance – all by heart and even including a cheeky lip-licking and winking! After that, I was scared to follow her but think it went okay.
Last night I was a volunteer at Hannah Rose Jone’s Independently Fashioned. I was on the door so met everyone and sorted out tickets (which turned out to be inking people’s hands) and all the stuff like that. It was stressful at times, but I got used to it and it was actually really refreshing how lovely everyone was. The only embarrassing thing was when one of the designers gave me £40 and I counted on my fingers to work out 40-25 to get her change. I get so stressed when doing the simplest mental maths that my mind just goes blank. I was to say ‘I’m not stupid, I got a B for GCSE maths, it’s just the pressure or something’ but I just end up looking a bit silly, oh well. I should have done my research about the designers because it was a bit embarrassing not knowing know they were.
I didn’t get to see much but it did look like a great show, plus there were musicians Jordan Jackson and Cielo – most people at the end were asking about the band! It was funny because one of the members asked to put some flyers on the table and said Jordan was good but that Cielo were a bit pretentious haha. I had a good night, and Hannah even gave me a free headband for it, which I put on straight away and shall be wearing properly tonight!
The other day I went to an event held by the poetry collective Dirty Hands, in Tooting of all places! I grew up in Tooting… well, slap bang in the middle of Tooting and Earlsfield. I walked down my old street (Garratt Lane) for a trip down memory lane. There was a new place called Mel’s Cafe Bar which said something about “vintage beats” and looked quite cool!
Although it was a bit strange to see Amy Acre and Keith Jarrett performing in the middle of Tooting market, it was lovely, and is a really positive thing. Much as I love East London, as I don’t live there (who actually does?!) it can be annoying having to trek there for anything creative and unique. Tooting is moving up in the world. And I want this badge really bad, because it says “Tooting is the Epicentre of the Universe’ and it reminds me of my childhood home. It’s nice to have that because my parents moved the year before I went to uni, and then I went to living in two places (i.e. my Norwich house) and I can’t complain, but it’s just not the same as your childhood home.
I was with my friend Chi-Chi, and we then went to Wimbledon because Tooting isn’t posh enough to have Waterstones or The Body Shop and I needed to buy my mum’s birthday present. I got her the cocoa butter she loves, and they gave a discount so even got an extra thing free and the whole lot was cheaper. I also got her some clear nail varnish and a book token.
I got the NME for the first time in aaaaaaaaages! I haven’t bought magazines in years. I’ve been quite excited that it came out so recently and on Tuesday there’s a playlist of a few new songs… I am so out of touch! I flicked through and saw a bad review for Sound of Rum, which I found really upsetting.
I haven’t heard it but it’s pretty ignorant of Noel Gardner to comment about her lyrics and ‘poetry slams’ when I’m pretty sure he hasn’t got a clue. Calling her accent ‘mockney’ is taking the piss, because that’s just her fucking accent!
Some people don’t seem to understand that there is no such thing as just one “Londonaccent” – the beauty of the city is the different sounds you hear, the diversity of accents that creates such a range of accents that stand for the city. It brings me back to Charlie Dupree’s poem from a couple of weeks ago that was just so fucking spot on! It’s something that pisses me off, because I don’t fit into a rigid category of what non-London people think of as a typical London accent, I don’t know, people can’t work it out? In Peterborough I spoke to a perfectly nice man, but it annoyed me that he said ‘you’ve lost your accent then!’ as though I had developed a Norwich accent in three years of living there! It’s quite insulting as I have grown up in London all my life (with a brief stint in Reading, perhaps before I could talk), I’ve loved living here and am proud of where I come from.
My accent is a product of growing up to a Northern working class mum who constantly tells me to put the T’s on the end of my words, and a middle class Londoner dad, who himself makes fun of my Gran’s loud, enthusiastic and “posh” voice. It is a product of having grown up in South London, going to local state schools, making friends with people from a great mix of backgrounds and cultures. It is a product of listening to the Spice Girls, and watching American imported TV (I say ‘like’ waaay too much) and having my dad play bands like Blur, Coldplay and The Beatles. It is a product of being shy and building the confidence to project and accentuate my words. And sometimes, it’s the product of drinking too much and getting a bit lary and slurry. And I hate to bang on about it but it riles me up! As I’ve stated before, a frex off mine from the “cockney” band The Ruskins makes fun of me being a ‘posh git’, yet another guy I know from the amazing band Grenouille has referred to me as ‘cockney’. The point is – I am neither of these things… my accent is just pretty normal and not strong in either direction, so there’s no need to put me in a box!
Matt, from Grenouille also said something about a mix of strength and vulnerability. I really liked that, cause that’s what I’m about really, and that’s why I was saying earlier about my version of feminism. To be a feminist, you shouldn’t feel the pressure to be this perfect emblem of strength and womanhood – it’s about being yourself, whoever that may be, and finding the strength to show the world who you are, and having the support of your sisters (and feminist brothers) to grow in confidence and love for humankind. It’s why I’m inspired by the rawness and honesty and passion of people like Brody Dalle, Courtney Love, Alanis Morissette, Kathleen Hanna… and bringing me on to my next point… Kate Nash.
I already knew most of what the NME interview told me but I thought I’d mention it. Ironically, it was the frex I mentioned earlier that was really into Kate Nash, here’s a pic of us at her gig.
I think I’m actually a bigger fan of her than him! I loved her last album and, whilst the old one reminds me of when I went out with my friend, this second one has more positive associations for me as I can feel like it’s just for me, and I love the way she takes something negative and turns it into a message of hope… epitomized in the lyrics ‘take my life… to a higher plane’. Anyway, I think it’s really positive what she’s doing for young girls and I wish I had someone like that when I was younger. I’m a bit wary of writing too much about her, because I know she knows a lot of poets and if I ever bumped into her it’d be a bit cringe to come across as some major fangirl! But, I do have a lot of respect and admiration for her.
To end this post, a sad note. I’m listening to TV on the Radio atm. The bassist died of cancer last Wednesday. My dad had emailed me their new video whilst I was in Norwich so it was really shocking and I had no idea. RIP.
I looked up Urban Bar online and wished I had someone to come with me, such delish looking food!
It was literally across the road from Whitechapel station and has a cool tiger print, but sadly wasn’t that busy. Spoon, who runs the night, suggested it was because it doesn’t get the flow of Brick Lane but as someone who travels to East London rather than lives there, it doesn’t make much difference for me. It was nice to be on the Overground line, reminded me of last summer’s internship.
Spoon didn’t recognise me at first because of my new haircut so I felt a bit awkward and shy. I spoke to a woman called Jan who did some cool things with a drum machine, keyboard and voice… a bit PJ Harvey meets Bjork. I felt more relaxed after Spoon spoke to me, and he was really nice – you can’t see it on the video I filmed, but he squeezed three round of applause out for me haha.
At some point they made jokes about PRS and I felt pretty smug with myself knowing what they were talking about, having gone to this crash course into the music industry thing. There were some people at the back that talked through it all and one performer pointed it out and it was a bit awkward but it didn’t even stop them!
One guy came up to me to say well done, and he also asked ‘are you really a feminist?’ and he defos represented the predominant negative perception feminist have these days. I told him I believed in equality, but he seemed to think it was a given, but the point is, it’s not! That’s why we still need feminism, and I want to reclaim the word. I feel like I should write a book on being a feminist. I’ve been reading The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir but I also have an urge to read more modern texts to see what other people of my generation are writing about.
Another thing I’ve been wanting to reclaim is patriotism. I want to reclaim it from the racists because being proud of your country shouldn’t be about racism and that’s generally the association one gets… as seen from the reaction of when I drunkenly told my friend ‘I’m fiercely patriotic’. I’m not sure where I stand on the whole Royal Wedding thing… as someone who fundamentally believes in equality, the notion of a monarchy doesn’t sit right with me, but I did watch a lot of it on TV and I thought it was lovely, and the speech by the priest was particularly touching, as the couple seem like nice people… so it was nice to celebrate the occasion, and seeing them laugh after the crowd cheered at their kiss on the balcony, the cute little girl covering her ears at the noise, the choir boy who was REALLY into it, the EMOTION in his eyes haha!, and that moment driving in the car saying ‘JU5T WED’ – classic with modern twists! I wish I had gone to Battersea’s street party in a way, because it seemed like it would have a real sense of pride on being British, from a diverse range of cultures and backgrounds… because our democracy, our embracing of the different and the quirky, our freedom… it’s all something to be celebrated.
In going back to the poetry event. I was tempted to wear jeans, but I always feel too dressed down. I ended up going for one of my favourite dresses… it’s so versitle in terms of day/night. It’s from Motel, one of my favourite brands. It has a rose print at the bottom which is a a-line shaped, and plain black at the top, so it’s a really flattering shape. I can offer a discount code for Motel dresses online, so drop me a line and I’ll let your know the code 😉
I dedicated my poem ‘To Be Loved’ to Ellie Glouding because I read that she thinks feminists would be turning in their graves to hear her songs and seems to suggest that you can’t be a feminist and express love or vulnerability. But why can’t I be a feminist who is also patriotic, likes clothes, dislikes having body hair, and falls in love with the wrong people sometimes?
A bit of a dampener on the other day, a discussion about drugs and alcohol escalated and I got upset about it, but I don’t want to go into those details, as it is personal. The thing I have learnt about going to the feminist discussion group, is that we don’t have all the answers, things are not black and white. That goes for drugs as well. I don’t feel I can judge people to take illegal drugs whilst drinking alcohol… as there has been a lot of evidence to show that alcohol is equally, and, in some cases, more harmful, than some drugs. I don’t advocate either as the best examples of what you should do with your life but I believe in freedom of choice. I believe that it would help to decriminalize the use of drugs, because people who get addictions need help. It can been seen in other countries that legalisation actually produces a decline in drug abuse, and whilst I don’t think that would initially help in the UK, I think it shows a positive example of what can be achieved. I think it’s a complicated issue, and it needs addressing on so many different levels. The drinking culture in the UK is problematic, as the focus is often on getting drunk and leads to bingeing. In the past I have wanted to deny this is a problem, but I feel I have been the poster-girl for the problem more often than not, and I want to develop a more healthy relationship with drinking, because it is something I enjoy doing when I do it in the right way. It’s about information and education from a young age, and in the right way, with honesty, not scare-mongering and moral panic in the media. Anyway, before I start going on about my views on sex education and so on, I’m going to stop.
Right, because I’m at my London home and using the laptop I spilt water on that doesn’t have the letter ‘g’ (and it’s nearly 1am) I’m going to try to keep it short and sweet. I’m writing it slightly annoyed because I wanted to say something and can’t remember and have been trying for ages to remember grrr!
Last night I SANG with my frex Will Gardiner who played the guitar for me. It was for the Late Shift at UEA’s Sainsbury’s Centre. After years of wanting to do this and being to scared to do it, it was actually not any scarier than reading poetry. There were some other amazing performers and was really happy to be included in such a fantastic line-up. Check all these people out: Jamnesty, Rachael Durrant, Vince Laws and David Osbiston. And if you want to look at how it went for me, you can watch the video on YouTube… though listening to it myself is a bit cringe and it seemed way better at the time haha. Also, I was aware I messed up some of the words as I was doing it so that’s never nice to hear.
I continued the night with my friends Helen and Laura, and so it was a proper last night in Norwich. I came home for the Farrago gig by train and it was long and I had a heavy suitcase, so pretty tiring. My mum picked my up from Worcester Park station, and of course, when I walked past the traffic, a load of guys were being “ultimate lads” aka “ultimate tools” and shouted out at me ‘alright schweetheart, need a hand?’ I didn’t respond at all, even if I came up with a witty come-back, it would just be giving them what they wanted. I was in a weird mood, maybe a delayed reaction from talking to a friend earlier about something that’s been frustrating me for a while, combined with nerves and disappointment that I didn’t think anyone was coming to watch me.
However, I was mostly in a positive frame of mind, just had a mini-stress-out. I’m looking forward to tucking into the best Easter chocolate as well – dark chocolate egg and lots of creme eggs!
So, tonight I had a huge surprise coming out of Goodge Street tube station. An old college friend, Janet Etuk, who was not only there… but there to see me! And, even better, Anya Destiney came along too – the girl who you could say is responsible for everyone having to endure me read poetry! Both girls are mighty-fine actresses as well so keep your eyes peeled!
The other features of the night were Charlie Dupre, Fran Landesman, Clair Whitefield, Sharnika Power, The Wizard of Skill, and AF Harrold. Charlie, Clair, and Sharnika were all unfamiliar to me and they were incredible! Espesh, Sharnika, at only 16, she was unbelievably good, so confident and intelligent.
I forgot my camera, which was a shame, since I actually had people to record it for me, and I think it went quite well… though it was cut really short. Anyway, I thought I’d start posting more photos and stuff to make this more interesting and personal. Part of that will be pictures of me haha, basically, I’m quite into style (I’m inclined to say style rather than fashion for obvious reasons) and any attempt to go to poetry readings in just a jeans and t-shirt combo never really happens… I like dressing up, and maybe coming from a “dance background” it makes me see it more as a performance with costume haha… that’s why the up-coming Glam Slam is exciting!
I’m wearing a yellow Passenger t-shirt (it was quite cheap at some shop, and I got my friend Natalie Cooper a similar design) with a standard red h&m cardi, and not shown in the picture, a high-waisted black skirt. Note the badge from Russel J Turner, reading “all you pretty fuckers”.
Okay, that took just under an hour. I have lots to occupy myself with tomorrow and will hopefully be swimming again, with my mum. I went the other day in Norwich and it was really nice. I kinda wanted to go to Tooting Bec Lido but my mum keeps changing her mind. That reminds me, there’s poetry stuff going down in Tooting, which is where I spent most of my childhood. If anyone is near 833 Garratt Lane, please ask for my Barbie dolls, I miss them.
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 