Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer.
Burn After Reading / Kid Glove / Podium Poets. Writer for The Norwich Radical. Published by Nasty Little Press.
Bon Iver
The Wolves (Act I and II)
“And the story’s all over you
In the morning i’ll call you
Can’t you find a clue when your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue”
Skinny Love
“And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind
And now all your love is wasted?
And then who the hell was I?
And now I’m breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines”
Frightened Rabbit
Keep Yourself Warm
“Oh, you won’t find love in a,
Won’t find love in a hole.
It takes more than fucking someone to keep yourself warm.”
Quiet Company
How Many Times do you Want to be in Love? (no video but here’s the full lyrics)
“Your heartstrings all came undone
When she left you out in the sunWell, what did you think it would feel like to be in love?
And your heartaches have served you well
And if you’re anxious, I just can’t tellWell, how many times did you want to be in love?”
Laura Marling
My Manic and I
“I can’t control you, I don’t know you well
These are the reasons I think that you’re ill
And since last that we parted
Last that I saw him down by a river
Silent and hardened
Morning was mocking us, blood hit the sky
I was just happy, my manic and I
He couldn’t see me, the sun was in his eyes
And birds were singing to calm us down”
Jeff Buckley
Morning Theft
“I had to send it away to bring us back again.
Morning theft. Unpretender left, ungraceful.
True Self is what brought you here, to me.”
Damien Rice
Coconut Skins
“You can sit on chimneys
With some fire up your ass
No need to know what you’re doing or waiting for
But if ever anyone should askTell them, I’ve been licking coconut skins,
And we’ve been hanging out.
Tell them, God just dropped by to forgive our sins,
And relieve us our doubt.”
Daughter
Medicine
“You could still be,
What you want to,
What you said you were
When I met you.
You’ve got a warm heart,
You’ve got a beautiful brain”
Kate Nash
Merry Happy
“I can be alone, yeah
I can watch a sunset on my own
I can be alone, yeah
I can watch a sunset on my own
I can be alone
I can watch a sunset on my own”
Regina Spektor
How
“I guess you know by now
That we will meet again somehow”
A poem and a song are not one and the same, but I believe you can find poetry in music. I’m starting with a poet I’m seeing on Wednesday but I will be focusing on music, and in particular songs to do with relationships. I’ll be picking out key lyrics that have spoken to me recently. I’m not going to explain their personal significant to myself, but hope you enjoy the poetry of the lyrics.
Buddy Wakefield
Giant Saint Everything
“I should have told you before talking in terms of forever that any given day wears me out, works me sour; that there are nights when the sky is so clear, I stand obnoxious underneath it, begging for stars to shoot me just so I can feel at home”
Emmy the Great
24
“Man on the screen he has done more in a minute
Than you have achieved in your whole entire life
When you finally realise i was the best thing you had in it
We’ll be closing up your eyelids on the bed on which you die”
Bright eyes & Neva Dinova
I Know You
“We made quite a pair in the morning
We both tend to traffic in dreams
Seeing it now from the outside
You kept all your dark ones for me”
Scroobius Pip
Broken promise
“From anyone who ever let you down and went missing
Lovers, parents, best friends, and siblings
Sometimes life conspires to make liars of good men”
Noah and the Whale
First Day of Spring
“But I’ll come back to you in a year or so
And I’ll rebuild, be ready to become
Oh the person, you believed in
Oh the person, that you used to love”
Destiny’s Child
Emotion
“But if you don’t come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there’s nobody left in this world
to hold me tight”
Mumford and Sons
Little Lion Man
“Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems
That you made in your own headBut it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?”
White Blank Page
“But tell me now, where was my fault
In loving you with my whole heart”
Slow Club
Giving up on Love
“We’ve been over and over,
this thing we call love.
And I’ve been thinking about what my friends would say,
if I were to give it up.Cause I’ve been tired and hopeful (I’ve been hurting inside)
For far too long now (too long now).
So I’m giving it up, giving up, giving up on love.
Giving up on love.”
On Wednesday 22nd August I organised my first solo poetry event called ‘Carmina’s Poetry Tease’. Featuring alongside me were Catherine Woodward (the emerging artist) and Rosy Carrick (the inspirational professional). It all managed to run rather smoothly and I was very pleased with how it turned out.
I had been building up my nerves all day, waiting in Craft Central with just a couple of people wanting to look in (to be fair the chairs were all laid out expectantly). I was there from about 10am, so by the time people started arriving, just before 7pm, it was all a bit surreal. The room ended up being packed out, with around 30 people, the 26 chairs ran out and people were forced to stand.
This was great but I felt incredibly overwhelmed by it all, and probably said ‘thank you’ a tad too much. Other than inevitably talking too fast when on stage (a small white ‘soapbox’) everything when just as I had imagined. It looked just how I had visualised (the power of the mind, eh?)
So, all in all, it was a great evening. I am currently uploading the video recording onto YouTube and will post that in a separate update.
As you can see from the pictures, there was a strong visual element to the event as well. I managed to sell a few things and get a bit of money from that and possibly by some donations as well. I obviously made a loss but I wanted to do this event as a kind of celebration for completing my poetry collection (the print of which has come in the 
post and I love it, need a publisher!)
Like I said at the event, I was once told by a history teacher at secondary school that I would never be the ‘life and soul’ of the party. Well, this was my party, and I hoped the audience could find both life and soul during their time there.
I wanted to showcase my work, but also present a poet who inspires me, as well as someone to represent the future of poetry as an example of those who are just starting out, like myself.
Another important aspect of the event was my desire to pay the artists, in order to show that I value their work. I’ve now launched a project called ‘Poetry & Paint’ where I hope to do more of the same on a much larger 
scale. I will need quite a bit of funding in order to do this, and most of the money would be going directly to artists that get involved; again these would be a mix of both new-comers and established artists. I have started up a funding page at We Fund to raise money.
xxx
Less than a week away now! I’m excited about the event and a little bit nervous. I think it should run smoothly but you never know. I’m probably more nervous about socialising and performing myself rather than all the other parts. My worries over audience have subsided slightly as I know a few people are coming but I would love for people I don’t actually know to turn up and enjoy the evening.
I’ll be at the venue from 10am trying to tempt people to come back for the evening. There will be a visual display so if you want more time to enjoy that aspect of the event then I’d recommend coming between 6.30pm and 7pm. Performances will start at 8pm sharp, allowing time at the beginning for drinks, nibbles and mingling. Performances are from Rosy Carrick and Catherine Woodward and I’m most looking forward to what they will be doing! After the poetry there should be some time for more of that, as well as buying anything – I’ve got badges, books, stickers, bookmarks, CD’s, t-shirts and paintings!
I’ll keep this update short and sweet as I’m at a crucial stage of my MA and have lots of work to do. I also noticed I haven’t updated July for artist of the month, let alone August!
xxx
Part of the Cultural Olympiad.
I’m going to begin this post by writing about my Gran’s 70th birthday, otherwise it might appear a little tame compared to the titled news. I went to Margate with my family and loved being near the sea, as well as the second-hand furniture shops and vintage stores. We stayed at the Walpole Bay Hotel which I would have liked to look more at as it is a living museum, giving it an eerie quality. Whilst in Margate I got to see Tracey Emin’s new work at the Turner gallery in ‘She Lay Down Deep Beneth the Sea.’ Emin tends to polarise people, but having seen her exhibition at the Hayward, I am ever the more passionate about her work. I feel that she is more of a writer than a visual artist, which some people may think is strange, but as she has said herself, she doesn’t care if she’s not the best visual artist in the world because ‘that isn’t my job.’ That’s not to say she’s not very skilled at the visual – she can make embroideries that look like paint! But, to me, it’s about more than just the visual, it’s about the story and the emotion.
The exhibition was free but I would urge anyone who sees it to spend the £2 for a headset so that you can really explore the work. What I found especially interesting, which you would be able to gather without the headset, is the inclusion of JMW Turner and Auguste Rodin alongside Emin’s work. Erotic nudes are displayed in a corridor-like room and seeing as the work shown was from the 1800s to the early 1900s, it makes me wonder what people find so crude and shocking about Emin’s work. There is a juxtaposition of gender here. I’m not sure I can offer any insight as to why Emin depicting her own body is so controversial. Perhaps people see it as self-indulgent, or cocky, but surely, writing and painting what you know best is the most natural thing to do? What I remember hearing Emin say through my headset, and what I believe also, is that although you are creating from yourself, once placed in public, the meaning transcends so that these bodies become not just Emin, but every woman.
I recently bought these pictures and some footage (which I’m still awaiting) of my performance at Finger in the Pie. I realised that I had forgotten to mention that after my feature slot for IYAF and when one audience member stated he was ‘too critical’ to give an opinion, I pressed him for one. The first comment her made was that ‘it was very… feminine.’ He said a bit more and ended with something about being myself, but this comment stuck in my head. At the time I was a bit taken aback, but the more I thought about it the more it annoyed me. I reflected on the poems I had read, and a lot of them were autobiographical ones, or else ones about female characters ‘Cinderella’ and one quoting Sylvia Path with ‘the woman is perfected,’ plus another based on a Russian film called The Mirror. So, I can understand that someone would then make the comment that they were feminine.
However, the thing that annoyed me about this statement was that it was pitched as a negative. I am capable of writing poetry that is neutral or genderless and as I have written less of the autobiographical, this is more so the case, but there was an implication in the comment that feminine is the opposite of masculine. The context appeared to deal with those pesky binary oppositions that equate the masculine with right and the feminine with wrong. It begs the question, if my poetry is feminine, then what poetry is masculine? Or is masculine the elite poetry and feminine poetry just the Other? Can a man write feminine poetry? This idea was bothering me. However, much of the time I want my poetry to express my views, and some of what I write is as a Feminist, an activist, and… guess what? As a woman. So, if someone sees my poetry as ‘feminine’ I don’t mind. My problem, as I said before, is the assumption that ‘feminine’ equals ‘bad’.
I think it’s an incredibly loaded statement to describe someone’s writing is feminine. In some ways feminine writing has a lot to do with modernism, stream of consciousness and writers such as Virginia Woolf and Sylvia Plath. Some say that this style can also been seen to be adopted by James Joyce, a man. If I am counted alongside these writers, I won’t complain!
There are also writers such as Dorothy Parker who I love. But just because Parker writes as a woman, and as a feminist, does this mean her writing is feminine? Is feminine writing lady-like? Does it wear lipstick? A quote on the back of her collected works by Peter Ackroyd says ‘she managed to express her real feelings in stanzas which snap and glitter like a Chanel handbag,’ which I like. But this idea of emotional writing, as well as writing from the body, is synonymous with feminine writing.
In a discussion I wrote about during Poetry Parnassus, women writers discussed our place in literature today. The consensus seemed to be that women should do more than write from the body, especially as they pointed out, that some publishers (referencing Africa) will put a body on the cover of a book by a woman, even when unrelated. I agree that women can and should write about everything, but I don’t think that writing from the body should be excluded. If it feels natural for you to do so, then by ignoring that desire surely you are placating to a patriarchal idea that the feminine writing is ‘wrong’?
‘Oxymoronic writing: perhaps, but it’s reality that is oxymoronic.’
This criticism has made me want to rush through Hélène Cixous essays. Perhaps the critic at the event wanted my performance provide a more bisexual offering? But then, as a woman on stage, perhaps anything I could have said would have heralded me as ‘feminine’. As a Feminist, part of me would like to think I can write whatever way I chose. However, I also acknowledge that there is a difference, to write as a woman. And I would rather embrace it, play with and experiment with it, than ‘function within masculine thinking [and] restrict [myself] to the range of its logocentric vocalizations’ (Elmer G. Weins).
Moving on… Pussy Riot are a group of Feminist using art and music to protest against Putin. The group has over ten-members, anonymised through colourful balaclavas, and grabbing attention in miss-matched tights and dresses. I read about it on The Guardian website and found out that three members have been arrested and the rest are in hiding. One member, referred to as Squirrel, states Putin is ‘scared of girls’ which gives the article a punchy ending. However, these young women are incredibly brave and serve to remind us of why women around the world should be Feminists and support struggles such as those the population of Russia currently face. As Poetry Parnassus reminded us, free speech is often taken for granted in countries such as the UK. Maybe that’s why I’m not ashamed to be a ‘feminine’ writer – because we still have a reason to fight, and we have something to say about the feminine experience of the world.
xxx
[trigger warning: sexual abuse]
I’ve called this post rainbows because of the mix of sunshine and rain both literally and metaphorically. I’ve just come back from Latitude and have so much to get on with I don’t know where to start, so I thought I’d begin here. Here’s a summary of what went down, in the form of a list:
Things I saw:
lots of random comedians eg. Chortle Student Awards
Lianne Le Havas
Laura Marling
Los Campesinos!
cabaret dance routine
Catherine Brogan
Intensi-T
Scroobius Pip
Bat For Lashes
Tom Deacon
Nick Helm & the Helmettes
Abandoman
Alabama Shakes
St Vincent
Glen Hansard
Rufus Wainwright
London Community Gospel Choir
a few random things I can’t remember
[actually all the above were amazing too but either I’ve seen them before or not seen enough or want to see again to see properly at their own gig]
Highlights:
Bon Iver
Bwani Junction
Tiny Dragons (hey, new fave band)
Don’t Flop (poets ftw!)
Shappi Khorsandi
Kate Tempest’s Brand New Ancients
Rosy Carrick
Janalle Monae
Josie Long
Michael Kiwanuka
Sabrina Mafouz
Katie Bonna & Richard Marsh
Benjamin Zephaniah
Hollie McNish
Jess Green
Sad to have missed:
Ben Howard
Lana Del Rey
Daughter
Slow Club
More I-Arena bands (such a trek there)
Metronomy
The Antlers
Chairlift
First Aid Kit
Sam Riviere, Hanna Silva, Gemma Seltzer & lots of poets I should have seen
John Peel’s Shed
Soko
Tall Ships
John Cooper Clarke – too packed out 😦
a play about the Diggers
Sbtrkt & Zola Jesus (major clashes)
Paul Weller
If you want to find out about it in more detail, you can read up on my article at the UEA Concrete website. In the article, I don’t mention that just before Latitude Rosy Carrick officially confirmed her performance at the event I’m organising. She’ll be representing the inspirational professional poet for the evening and I’m really excited to have her on board. I also had responses from a couple of other poets, so in order to thank them, here’s a little linkage to their websites: Hannah Silva and Sophia Blackwell. Hannah Silva is based in Devon at the moment therefore the gig payment would barely cover her costs (free travel for poets and musicians anyone?) When I got Sophia Blackwell’s email I had already accepted Rosy Carrick, but was tempted to put them both on… before I remembered I’m making quite a big loss on the event as it is. They’re all amazing poets anyway and I urge you to check them out.
Prior to Latitude I had a headline slot at the International Youth Arts Festival in Kingston, at The Cricketers pub. I had taken on some of the promotion and think I blew things out of proportion in terms of how successful they would be. Let’s remember, marketing is a full time job! I felt I did the best I could and spent a lot of time and money flyering, as well as getting it advertised on various online avenures. However, it’s made me rather shaky about the event I’m doing in August because there was a complete lack of audience. I don’t even know if one person came that wasn’t either one of the poets, came with the poets or was a member of the IYAF staff. I brought about 7 people along myself but I’m unsure anyone paid to get in. Although a few of the acts had actually pulled out last minute, the guy that filled in as host did such a rushed job of it that it came across quite disrespectful, even asking if we really wanted an interval and giving the impression he couldn’t wait to leave. I was bitterly disappointed with the turn out but everyone still gave a good show. I feel I have to take some responsibility for the lack of audience, but don’t know how I come improve on this for next time. Other reasons that were suggested were the location of the pub being residential, rather than in the centre of Kingston, and just the bad luck that was the rainy weather.
Another eventful occurrence before Latitude involved self-proclaimed Strident Feminist, Caitlin Moran and a little social media website called Twitter. For those who don’t know, Moran is the author of the book How to be a Woman, which I have reviewed here previously (although disagreeing upon some issues, I was extremely enthusiastic and fanatic about the book). Anyway, I had been linked the following convo via Facebook:
quantick: Just mistook a woman walking slowly down the platform for a train. caitlinmoran: @quantick this is the worse rape alibi ever quantick: @caitlinmoran I had a platform ticket I and a lot of people (mostly in the UEA
Feminist Society) were confused about this dialogue from the onset. Admittedly, I then received a lot of mixed views about the intentions here. On one big hand there is the simple fact that the initial comment had nothing to do with rape at all. This begs the question, why would a comedian (and a Feminist comedian at that) make it about rape? With the continuation of the joke, it makes an obvious comment on the excuses some rapists can make, along the lines of a woman “asking for it” because she’s perhaps allowed things to go as far as kissing or foreplay. Still, I was confused about the intention of the initiation of this dialogue, and thought it was problematic that someone hailed as a modern Feminist icon in Britain should be making light of rape whatever the intention. Someone from the UEA FemSoc group stated that “Jokes about rape culture – any oppressive system – can be used to mock and destabilise rape culture. Jokes at the expense of victims undermine VICTIMS” and this struck a chord with me – if that was Moran’s intention. I also saw this Twitter convo:
caitlinmoran: SohoGuy: @melissa1992 @caitlinmoran It’s not a joke about rape itself. If anything, it’s a joke about the absurdity of excuses of men who are rapists …. @SohoGuy Bless you for being bright xx
Okay, I can admit that I have come round to thinking that Moran’s intention was to mock and destabilise rape culture, however, what I am unhappy about is how the lady herself dealt with the whole situation. She immediately blocked anyone (including me) who called her out on the joke on Twitter. The only comments I saw were things like “I’m going to have to sit on this chair for a while, and feel sad. about the world.” They came across as really sarcastic and like she didn’t really give two shits. All I wanted (along with a lot of her fans) was for her to explain her intentions and defend her actions. Although I’m still not sure that making a joke about rape whatever the intention is the best thing to do for someone that many girls now see as an authority figure on Feminism, but I am willing to debate it as I can definitely see how it can help dismantle rape culture. However, the way Moran dealt with it was rude and immature, and just really disappointing for a lot of fans, who were willing to listen to what she had to say and would have liked her to use the opportunity to open a discussion on the subject. At the moment this is a crucial issue since the release of this statement about Daniel Tosh. It would have been great to get Moran’s opinion on rape jokes in the comedy scene. For the record, this is what I wrote on Twitter that got me blocked:
I also sent Moran this message on Facebook but have had no response:
Hi, Sorry to message you like this but I’m really disappointed about how you handled the reaction to the rape joke on twitter. A lot of us at UEA in the FemSoc really loved your book and just wanted an explanation/apology. As someone who has spoken out against rape jokes a lot of us were just confused about the whole thing. You have just blocked me rather than done this which just makes things worse. I understand you may not want the incident to reflect badly on you, but by ignoring the debate rather than engaging it’s not helping. I don’t think anything I said was offensive but I’m sorry if you took anything personally. I was confused and disappointed because you are someone that has made a lot of girls/women be like “yeah, I am a feminist”. So as someone who the public kind of take as an authority figure on the subject I just think a certain amount of responsibility should be taken with that. Given your posts about UniLad, this kind of thing just says to guys ‘hey, if she’s saying it’s okay then you must just have no sense of humour’. Please, don’t go down the Germaine Greer route. Note paragraph 5:http://www.squeamishbikini.com/2/post/2011/11/caitlin-moran-is-on-the-shelf.html. Also, we have 2 mutual friends so I hope you can take that to mean that I am cool and just wanting the best outcome. Thank you, Carmina x
Well, that’s quite enough of all that. Today I had a job interview at a school in Bethnal Green – how cool would it be to work around there? Very cool. I thought it went quite well but that I wasn’t as experienced or deserving of the job as others so didn’t expect to get it. I got a few phone-calls whilst on the tube on my way back from picking up my coursework and giving flyers to the Free Word Centre. I haven’t got the job just yet, but I’ve been asked to attend a session where I’ll be observed with a group of students. Scary stuff! Then I’m off to Margate for my Gran’s 70th birthday. Hopefully I’ll have time to make some meringues. I’ll be posting this a little after writing it as I’m waiting for my Latitude article to go up!
Edit: I’ve now found out I got the job! As of September I’ll be working as an English Mentor! Just need to sign the contract and hand in my notice to Sainsbury’s.
xxx
Poet on page and stage. Creator of She Grrrowls. Facilitator. Writer. 
