“She used to run a night.”

When I lived in London I was working full-time, commuting about 3 hours a day, and on top of that I would, like clockwork, do something to do with my creative practise. Increasingly, this felt like I was doing more and more admin (such as things to do with running my night, She Grrrowls) and less actual writing.

Some people may think that since I’ve quit my job and moved to Spain to teach English, that I’m no longer pursuing these creative endeavours. Hell, they may have thought it before, since I was working full-time before, and just changed location. The difference is, I guess, at least I was connected to the world of poetry before; in Córdoba this just won’t be the same, and any poetry is likely to be in Spanish.

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However, as Paula Varjack explores in her show, ‘Show Me The Money’, a lot of writers have other means of income. Even if they’re not honest about it. There are many different ways to be a writer and a performer. That said, I’m not planning to stop any of what I’ve been doing. I took a teach and travel break, and now I’m making a change.

Moving to Spain is not something I would have thought about doing seriously until my partner planted the idea of living abroad. I had always wanted to learn Spanish, and it seemed to be a good way to do it. So, after exploring South East Asia, I came here. I also thought that a change of scenery would also be good for my mental health, as well as encouraging me to be more independent.

I couldn’t believe it had been five years since I had been to university, which means five years of living with my parents. That’s why, when I heard the expression “perpetual adolescence”, I thought ‘that’s me!’ At the age of twenty-seven I am now living completely on my own. I’ve already set an oven glove on fire, and cut myself with both a knife, and a pair of scissors.

So, this year I am shifting my priorities. I have decided I want to make a real effort to learn Spanish; that’s my number one priority. However, I have a theory that this focus might help me write more, as it will be what I do with my spare time, for fun. Even my Netflix-time will be a form of studying, and being in South East Asia, I still wrote a lot – both blogs, articles for The Norwich Radical, and poetry.

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I’ve been in my new apartment for just over a week at the time of writing, and without WiFi (which may also be an influence) I have prepared lots of blog posts, written some poetry and completed one short story. I’ve been enjoying it a lot, and I’ve been more in tune with when I need to take breaks.

One of my problems is that I also set myself too many goals. This is why I’m trying to focus on learning Spanish as a focus. I see writing as something that will naturally happen, and beyond trying to schedule some time to do it, it’s not something I need to stress out about. However, I do want to keep some other things ticking along. I still want to write journalism, and I still want to keep She Grrrowls going, albeit in a different form.

I’m planning to start up an online zine, where I will feature poems in print, and hopefully videos, and essays, rants, pictures and so on. This way, I can hopefully keep people in the loop about re-launching the event on my return to the UK. I’m also thinking of taking the event to Edinburgh Fringe Festival, inspired by going the previous year, as well as fellow Kid Glove member, Joel Auterson, taking his and Jake Wildhall’s night ‘Boomerang Club’ there this year.

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I do have a show I want to write (and the idea was Highly Commended by Ideas Tap when I got to the interview stage for the £30,000 fund). But I’m not going to rush the process, especially as I found out from Jack Rooke (another inspiration, with his show ‘Good Grief’) that Soho Theatre have opened up their writing project up to 30-year-olds, and obviously I will be 28 by the time I’m back!

So, the point I’m trying to make, is that I’m not going anywhere (to those people who put thumbs down on my YouTube videos). Obviously, something I need to work on is the fact that I still care what people think…

Anyway, so the plan is to be able to write poems in Spanish… then back to London, where funnily enough, my partner may be moving after all these years of long-distance. Let’s hope he likes it and wants to stay. I will then have enough experience to get some income from teaching English as a foreign language, and run some workshops. I want to apply for funding for She Grrrowls, which I would have to do in June in order to make a swift return after the Fringe! Ideally I can then make my show with Soho Theatre, and generally do more writing, performing and freelance stuff!

So, there you have it. That’s the plan. Working full-time before meant my old five year plan hasn’t really worked out. But as you can probably tell, I’m itching to write a new one, and even more excited about enjoying the process a bit more, trying to be more present in the moment and generally continue living life to the full, through both tears and laughter!

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New Year’s Eve: Resolution Time

I had a mini-meltdown last night after a syncing error deleted five notes and I could only remember two. However, I knew the most important one was the one about my goals – a refreshment from my five year plan, which I created back in 2012.

I achieved some of the things on it, such as getting published by Nasty Little Press, and performing at festivals like Latitude and Bestival. However, I have to say that working in the job I’ve been in the past three and a half years has kept me from achieving some of the things I might have done had I worked on a more part-time basis. Arguably, I could have made better use of holidays, but you can’t be productive all the time, and relationships need nurturing, holidays need to be had.

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I’ve made a detailed plan for what I want to achieve in the first half of the year:

  • Save £2,000 more
  • Start learning Spanish regularly (Duo Lingo, Rosetta Stone, Hive Meetings)
  • Volunteer to teach English at work and outside of work
  • Roundhouse project
  • Writing: more poems, novel and show
  • Prepare manuscripts for publication in 2017

In August/September I hope to apply for jobs in Spain. Some may argue that I should just keep plodding on, maybe ask to go part time, find a more suitable job in the creative industries, or just jump right in and go freelance. However, I’m still relatively young and have friends who have done similar things, or are doing similar things. I’ve always tried to push myself out of my comfort zone, and if I land somewhere like Madrid, maybe I could end up making my poetry more global. I may move more slowly than others, but that’s okay. In some ways the things I want to do go against my nature, but more than anything I need to enjoy the journey, appreciate the present and manage to keep the future in mind without that being my focus.

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I am a creature of habit, but new habits can be made and old ones can be broken. I’m thinking that my priorities for 2016 will look a little something like this (aside from the day job):

  1. Reading and writing
  2. Volunteer work (running clubs, EFL/EAL teaching)
  3. Physical and mental health
  4. Learn Spanish
  5. Performing/recording new poems

So, a Happy New Year to all!

I plan to have a quiet one with my boyfriend Matt, having a take-away and walking to a quiet patch to maybe have a drink on a picnic blanket if the weather is nice. I’ve also booked us tickets for ‘Christmas at Kew’ on New Year’s Day!