Month: April 2011

Spoonful of Poison at the Urban Bar

Poetry Gigs

I looked up Urban Bar online and wished I had someone to come with me, such delish looking food!

It was literally across the road from Whitechapel station and has a cool tiger print, but sadly wasn’t that busy.  Spoon, who runs the night, suggested it was because it doesn’t get the flow of Brick Lane but as someone who travels to East London rather than lives there, it doesn’t make much difference for me.  It was nice to be on the Overground line, reminded me of last summer’s internship.

Spoon didn’t recognise me at first because of my new haircut so I felt a bit awkward and shy.  I spoke to a woman called Jan who did some cool things with a drum machine, keyboard and voice… a bit PJ Harvey meets Bjork.  I felt more relaxed after Spoon spoke to me, and he was really nice – you can’t see it on the video I filmed, but he squeezed three round of applause out for me haha.

At some point they made jokes about PRS and I felt pretty smug with myself knowing what they were talking about, having gone to this crash course into the music industry thing.  There were some people at the back that talked through it all and one performer pointed it out and it was a bit awkward but it didn’t even stop them!

One guy came up to me to say well done, and he also asked ‘are you really a feminist?’ and he defos represented the predominant negative perception feminist have these days.  I told him I believed in equality, but he seemed to think it was a given, but the point is, it’s not!  That’s why we still need feminism, and I want to reclaim the word.  I feel like I should write a book on being a feminist. I’ve been reading The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir but I also have an urge to read more modern texts to see what other people of my generation are writing about.

Another thing I’ve been wanting to reclaim is patriotism.  I want to reclaim it from the racists because being proud of your country shouldn’t be about racism and that’s generally the association one gets… as seen from the reaction of when I drunkenly told my friend ‘I’m fiercely patriotic’.  I’m not sure where I stand on the whole Royal Wedding thing… as someone who fundamentally believes in equality, the notion of a monarchy doesn’t sit right with me, but I did watch a lot of it on TV and I thought it was lovely, and the speech by the priest was particularly touching, as the couple seem like nice people… so it was nice to celebrate the occasion, and seeing them laugh after the crowd cheered at their kiss on the balcony, the cute little girl covering her ears at the noise, the choir boy who was REALLY into it, the EMOTION in his eyes haha!, and that moment driving in the car saying ‘JU5T WED’ – classic with modern twists!  I wish I had gone to Battersea’s street party in a way, because it seemed like it would have a real sense of pride on being British, from a diverse range of cultures and backgrounds… because our democracy, our embracing of the different and the quirky, our freedom… it’s all something to be celebrated.

In going back to the poetry event.  I was tempted to wear jeans, but I always feel too dressed down.  I ended up going for one of my favourite dresses… it’s so versitle in terms of day/night.  It’s from Motel, one of my favourite brands.  It has a rose print at the bottom which is a a-line shaped, and plain black at the top, so it’s a really flattering shape.  I can offer a discount code for Motel dresses online, so drop me a line and I’ll let your know the code 😉

I dedicated my poem ‘To Be Loved’ to Ellie Glouding because I read that she thinks feminists would be turning in their graves to hear her songs and seems to suggest that you can’t be a feminist and express love or vulnerability.  But why can’t I be a feminist who is also patriotic, likes clothes, dislikes having body hair, and falls in love with the wrong people sometimes?

A bit of a dampener on the other day, a discussion about drugs and alcohol escalated and I got upset about it, but I don’t want to go into those details, as it is personal.  The thing I have learnt about going to the feminist discussion group, is that we don’t have all the answers, things are not black and white.  That goes for drugs as well.  I don’t feel I can judge people to take illegal drugs whilst drinking alcohol… as there has been a lot of evidence to show that alcohol is equally, and, in some cases, more harmful, than some drugs.  I don’t advocate either as the best examples of what you should do with your life but I believe in freedom of choice.  I believe that it would help to decriminalize the use of drugs, because people who get addictions need help.  It can been seen in other countries that legalisation actually produces a decline in drug abuse, and whilst I don’t think that would initially help in the UK, I think it shows a positive example of what can be achieved.  I think it’s a complicated issue, and it needs addressing on so many different levels.  The drinking culture in the UK is problematic, as the focus is often on getting drunk and leads to bingeing.  In the past I have wanted to deny this is a problem, but I feel I have been the poster-girl for the problem more often than not, and I want to develop a more healthy relationship with drinking, because it is something I enjoy doing when I do it in the right way.  It’s about information and education from a young age, and in the right way, with honesty, not scare-mongering and moral panic in the media.  Anyway, before I start going on about my views on sex education and so on, I’m going to stop.

xxx

Easter Two-Nighter

Poetry Gigs

Right, because I’m at my London home and using the laptop I spilt water on that doesn’t have the letter ‘g’ (and it’s nearly 1am) I’m going to try to keep it short and sweet.  I’m writing it slightly annoyed because I wanted to say something and can’t remember and have been trying for ages to remember grrr!

Last night I SANG with my frex Will Gardiner who played the guitar for me.  It was for the Late Shift at UEA’s Sainsbury’s Centre.  After years of wanting to do this and being to scared to do it, it was actually not any scarier than reading poetry.  There were some other amazing performers and was really happy to be included in such a fantastic line-up.  Check all these people out: Jamnesty, Rachael Durrant, Vince Laws and David Osbiston.  And if you want to look at how it went for me, you can watch  the video on YouTube… though listening to it myself is a bit cringe and it seemed way better at the time haha.  Also, I was aware I messed up some of the words as I was doing it so that’s never nice to hear.

I continued the night with my friends Helen and Laura, and so it was a proper last night in Norwich.  I came home for the Farrago gig by train and it was long and I had a heavy suitcase, so pretty tiring.  My mum picked my up from Worcester Park station, and of course, when I walked past the traffic, a load of guys were being “ultimate lads” aka “ultimate tools” and shouted out at me ‘alright schweetheart, need a hand?’  I didn’t respond at all, even if I came up with a witty come-back, it would just be giving them what they wanted.  I was in a weird mood, maybe a delayed reaction from talking to a friend earlier about something that’s been frustrating me for a while, combined with nerves and disappointment that I didn’t think anyone was coming to watch me.

However, I was mostly in a positive frame of mind, just had a mini-stress-out.  I’m looking forward to tucking into the best Easter chocolate as well – dark chocolate egg and lots of creme eggs!

So, tonight I had a huge surprise coming out of Goodge Street tube station.  An old college friend, Janet Etuk, who was not only there… but there to see me!  And, even better, Anya Destiney came along too – the girl who you could say is responsible for everyone having to endure me read poetry!  Both girls are mighty-fine actresses as well so keep your eyes peeled!

The other features of the night were Charlie Dupre, Fran Landesman, Clair Whitefield, Sharnika Power, The Wizard of Skill, and AF Harrold.  Charlie, Clair, and Sharnika were all unfamiliar to me and they were incredible!  Espesh, Sharnika, at only 16, she was unbelievably good, so confident and intelligent.

I forgot my camera, which was a shame, since I actually had people to record it for me, and I think it went quite well… though it was cut really short.  Anyway, I thought I’d start posting more photos and stuff to make this more interesting and personal.  Part of that will be pictures of me haha, basically, I’m quite into style (I’m inclined to say style rather than fashion for obvious reasons) and any attempt to go to poetry readings in just a jeans and t-shirt combo never really happens… I like dressing up, and maybe coming from a “dance background” it makes me see it more as a performance with costume haha… that’s why the up-coming Glam Slam is exciting!

I’m wearing a yellow Passenger t-shirt (it was quite cheap at some shop, and I got my friend Natalie Cooper a similar design) with a standard red h&m cardi, and not shown in the picture, a high-waisted black skirt.  Note the badge from Russel J Turner, reading “all you pretty fuckers”.

Okay, that took just under an hour.  I have lots to occupy myself with tomorrow and will hopefully be swimming again, with my mum.  I went the other day in Norwich and it was really nice.  I kinda wanted to go to Tooting Bec Lido but my mum keeps changing her mind.  That reminds me, there’s poetry stuff going down in Tooting, which is where I spent most of my childhood.  If anyone is near 833 Garratt Lane, please ask for my Barbie dolls, I miss them.

xxx

Alphabet Soup

Poetry Gigs

Last night I read a whole collection of new poems from my creative writing coursework.  One I named after a Henry Holland patishe t-shirt I have called ‘Blow Bubbles Not Bombs’ and the whole set was based around love but that poem was probably the most personal and it wasn’t about relationships, and less moaning about guys is defos a good thing! I was really pleased with the collection so I hope I get a good mark.  My housemate Kirstie, and my friend Laura came to support me, which was cool as the crowd wasn’t as packed as usual!  Laura said even though I did a lot of ‘page’ poems I did them well and I seemed really professional, so yay!

I ended the set with a sneak preview of what me and my frex Will are gonna be doing at the Late Shift next Wednesday (20th April) at the Sainsbury’s Centre in Norwich.  It’s basically him on guitar as an “assisstant” as Hasina, the event organiser, called him haha!  I will be singing and doing poetry and luckily Laura said she’d come so that’ll be cool.  Anyway, we did ‘Drama’ and people thought it was cool!

Omg!  It’s suprising how much “poetry beef” (as The Ruby Kid has referred to it!) there is on the scene.  One of the poets who I know from uni did a poem about another one of my friend’s and even though it was funny and spot on and a brilliant poem, I feel a bit bad because I imagine he won’t take it so well.  She’s going to email it to him but I think if he was there when she read it, it may have provoked debate so may have a more negative consequence now.

Gossip gossip!  I was excited a while back to find out that Time Clare is going out with a girl from Bearsuit.  Most amazing couple or what?!

xxx

Poetry and Pole Dancing

Poetry Gigs

I entered the UEA MedSoc Charity Talent Show.  It was the first talent show I’ve entered since I started reading my poetry, which was at college, and I’m pretty sure the judges laughed at me.   Anyway, this time was much better, I knew the poem (Space Station) by heart and I didn’t forget any words, wahey!  I also did my pole dancing routine with Charlotte again.  I had been rushing about all day, on my period, and due a wax so was feeling a bit apprehensive about the massive crowd that was gathered.  Although I didn’t walk away with any prizes, it all seemed to go okay and the judges and audience were very complimentary.  All the other acts were musicians, and were really great, and it was a nice evening.  The winner sang Adele’s Someone Like You, which is such a meaningful song to me at the moment.

I’m not sure what else to say.  I’ve got to be up in 8 hours so should probably go to bed but I’m waiting for these YouTube videos to upload to put on this.  Ummm… I’ve finished with my alcohol counselling and I’m glad I’ve finished with a couple of good weeks and I’ve got from sometimes drinking 40-50 units a week to 10-20, so I’m quite pleased that although I’ve had some slip-ups I’m getting better at avoiding the binge and drinking in moderation.  It’s made me think that, as not all my problems have gone away, that it’s not really drinking that’s the problem, but that there’s a few issues I would like to discuss with someone other than friends and family.  I’m sure everyone could do with some sort of therapy personally, but a lot of the time it’s about doing the right things to make me feel good, rather than the things I know won’t help.  Ironically, being online (when it’s not productive) is one of the things that’s bad for me, but things like listening to music, reading, socializing… are obviously good.

xxx

It’s Who You Know

Poetry Gigs

I recently came back from Peterborough where I had been to the Poetry Rivals Slam.  It was a sunny day, which always helps, and overall it was fun, despite my stressing about getting the last train because I’d been given a late slot.  I was given a nice pack off stuff, including this certificate, where sadly my name was spelt wrong.

So, the Under 18s section was first, though it seemed I was one of the few people from the adult’s section that was there as the room disappeared afterwards.  It ranged from the cute to more impressive stuff.  I chatted to one of their grandad’s who seemed nice, and pretty cool, cool being he had an earring and rode motorbikes haha!

I went to eat at Ask where I had booked a table beforehand in case… being Saturday… it was busy.  It wasn’t.  The staff there were really friendly and I talked to them about what I was doing in Peterborough.  I managed to eat a whole garlic pizza bread and mushroom & chicken risotto, despite my paranoia that there may have been some cheese in it.

My favourite poets from Under 18s slam were Eddy Telford (the grandson) and Nicole Edwards.  Though I didn’t see them all because I went to eat dinner and wanted to make sure I was back for the adult slam.  My favourites in that were Thommie Gillow (who spoke to me and was lovely), Dorothy Beaumont (one of the older contestants who did a beautiful poem to her husband with great dancing imagery), Rochelle Logan-Rogers (who did a great performance of a piece written for Love Music Hate Racism) and Richard Castle (who though rather mumbley and mono-tone, I think I caught some really strong lines and ideas in his poems).  The winner was Stephen Watt, and I was surprised as I couldn’t remember his poem but asked my mum to read it from the book in London and it refreshed my memory and I thought was quite a nice idea with the rubix cube image.  I’m not sure I would have decided on him myself but it was really hard to judge, as the judges said, and I don’t know who I’d have picked.

It was disappointing not winning but I didn’t exactly expect to, and after my reading (which went okay, with one annoying slip up, and maybe a bit rushed and static) I didn’t feel I was going to at all.  I don’t feel ready anyway.  One of the things I want to concentrate on, after my dissertation hand-in in about 3 weeks, is poems for possible publication.

I get annoyed at not being accepted into magazines but I really need to do it constantly.  It’s just hard keeping track of all the dates of stuff, so I have a document trying to organise it but I’m still getting rejected loads, so how can I progress to a chapbook or proper collection?

I’m currently listening to the Gipsy Kings but there’s a few more things I was going to write before this blog post.  They’re not really relevent to poetry, but they are about my life, which some people might find more interesting than repetitive notes on poetry gigs!  I also didn’t record this performance so, no video.

Anyway, I’ve been busy dancing and attempting at drinking in moderation (going well since the cart-wheel incident) as well as doing my dissertation and creative writing work.  I’m also going to be UEA London Correspondent to the Feminist Society next year!  In relation to that, when I went out on Tuesday night someone pinched my bum, and then I later got talking to a guy who said he was gay.  These are things we’ve been talking about in the discussion group (it’s soon to be a society)… the idea that some men think it is acceptable to violate a woman in ways such as pinching bums (though we’ve been talking about more “cat-calling” in the street situations) and also things like The Game when it comes to relationships… pretending to be gay being one of these tactics.  The guy in question here called me “stunning” and then said “if I wasn’t gay…” and that I had even managed to “attract a gay guy”.  I don’t want to be cynical, he was very sweet and seemed to think I genuinely deserved to have a nice boyfriend… but the point I’m making is that because of these “games” it means women have to be wary to trust others, and also… if I am attractive… so what?  Why should I be defined on my physical appearance?  I can’t complain, because if that was the case, I’m clearly not defined by what I look like. I’m judged far more for being slightly unhinged, intense and too honest for my own good, hence coming across *shock horror* desperate.  Which, I’m not.  It takes a lot for me to like a guy but I usually end up ruining things when i actually do give a shit because I come across too keen.  It’s funny.  Anyway, these things are interesting to think about.

Which brings me to my last point.  I knew half the judges on the panel tonight.  But they thought Mr. Watt’s poetry was better, so he won.  We’re always being told “it’s who you know” but this proves… it’s not who you know.  Unless those particular people secretly hate me.

*Yawn* I’m ready for bed!

xxx